Gays' Big Contribution to Homophobia

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fmhbta, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. fmhbta

    fmhbta New Member

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    I really hate when so many gay people insist that a person who claims to be straight is actually a closeted gay. It contributes to homophobia and resentment towards gays. It is rude, offensive, hateful, and hurtful for anyone to impose any sexual identity/preference onto another human being. And when gays do it, then it also becomes hypocritical, because such insistence on a particular sexual identity has always been a homophobic attempt to coerce gays into being straight.

    A person's sexuality is nobody else's business but that of himself or herself and his or her significant other.

    It is especially horrendous when people insist that a person is gay, even after that person has identified himself or herself as being straight! If somebody already identified himself/herself as straight, then why does anyone else need to speculate any further or, even worse, INSIST that he/she "might" or "could" be gay? It is ridiculous and unacceptable to make such speculation or insistence.

    As a proud gay man, nothing offends me more than when homophobes insist or speculate that I am really straight, but just "confused" about my sexuality! Or, that I am actually straight, but I "choose" to be gay and so I could easily just choose to be straight again if I really wanted to! Or, that I am straight but just "experimenting" or "going through a phase"! I really hate all of that. Such insistence is dehumanizing.

    I am sure that almost every gay man and lesbian has had to deal with this type of intolerant ignorance.

    So why are so many gays so often so quick to impose their homosexuality onto someone who identifies himself/herself as straight? This happens most often to straight men who are considered to be attractive and/or who exercise, especially if he is pro-gay rights or "gay for pay". It is very rude and offensive. Also, it sustains and contributes to homophobia because it makes straight men afraid to support gay rights. A heterosexual man who is pro-gay rights will always get labeled as being gay by homophobes (and many other non-homophobic straight people.) He SHOULD NOT get it as well from the gay community, which he is supporting! But unfortunately he most likely will, especially if he is deemed physically attractive. As a volunteer at a local gay rights organization, I cannot even count how many enthusiastically pro-gay heterosexuals whom I witnessed being driven away from supporting the gay community as a result of such unacceptable and inexcusable imposition of sexual identity.

    It is degrading and shameful to force any sexual identity onto another human being. I know firsthand how insulting and painful it feels to have people insist that I am somebody who I am not. I am sure that most other gays know firsthand too. So I hope that members of the gay community will soon finally reflect on their own negative experiences with offensive impositions and, as a result, will stop inflicting the same pain and offense onto others. Only then can we attain true equality for all people, and defeat homophobia once and for all.
     
  2. bigdicksarebest

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  3. marleyisalegend

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    VERY well said. i think that some gay people succumb to wishful thinking and just want to believe that a homophobe is a closeted gay. some people just genuinely hate us and i'm glad you brought up the point that it feeds into homophobia because i can imagine nothing's worse for a straight person already uncomfortable with homosexuality to have the label tacked on him just because he's uncomfortable or spiteful towards it
     
  4. bstexas

    bstexas Member

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    Glad u got THAT off ur chest, damn. You might have had a heart attack (from one gay man to another).
     
  5. ballsaplenty2156

    ballsaplenty2156 New Member

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    I concur 100%.
     
  6. midlifebear

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    Well said, but on a tangential rant: no gay man ever told me the myth about Richard Gere and gerbils wrapped in duct tape with their fingernails cut off. EVERY time I heard that piece of crap was from a self-proclaimed 100% male heterosexual.
     
  7. yurkon

    yurkon New Member

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    As a straight guy, I've been asked many times if I'm gay or been told that I am. It bothered me for years until an 20 y/o intern asked me why. I told him because it's not true! He said look at it this way, this is why people think you are gay, "You're not married, you're extroverted, you take care of yourself, you're in great shape, you dress well, you're funny and you aren't effeminate. Yeah those are stereo types that people go by, but look at the list! I wish I was all of those things! You got it goin' on. Just tell them you're not and take it as a compliment."

    So I did. Now when I'm asked or told that I'm gay, I smile and say no. Some will ask if I'm smirking more than smiling and I'll say "I'll take it as a compliment though"!

    It's funny that someone 12 years younger than me had a much better attitude about this when he was asked or accused.
     
  8. Gillette

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    Beautifully expressed, fmhbta.

    Welcome to LPSG!
     
  9. wadiwadi

    wadiwadi New Member

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    well! you obviously have yer sexuality button pushed hard-as with that issue <smiles> hopefully! you will get a good nights sleep now <smirkz>

    I identify as 'pansexual' a lover of multiple sexual practices ... for myself its about enjoying & partaking in 'pleasure' with another human being .... I find gender is not an issue & moreso! know that sexuality politics has never been an issue with myself ... I know what it is yet <smiles> but it doesnt press my button<s>

    I believe that no one <1> group 'owns' any sexual practice & that those who require 'membership' of any one group do so more for 'acceptance' &/or peer support than realising the classic sexuality research undertaken by Masters & Johnson & later the "Kinsey Report'.

    sexuality is 'fluid' that means that because u may have done something once or always doesnt mean that you are 'locked in'

    I was @ a pub in sydney a few weeks ago & found myself talking to four other guys ... we'd been talking for nearly two hours ... none of us had met before! well a guy in his late twenties (age = late 20's) asked to join us <those very words> & the second thing that came from his mouth was "Id just like to let you guys know that Im straight' ... <laughter ensued from the gathering> ... So! I mentioned when the laughter died down "you know mate! we've been talking for nearly two hours & sexuality hasnt been mentioned either as an issue or requirement for identification" than one by one, we identified: two straight guys, one bisexual guy, a gay guy who cohabitated with a lesbian who was the mother of his children <a relationship of convenience as they both needed to become parents!> & than myself a pansexual who had not long arrived from a swingers party!

    you know! sometimes more people than less need to learn a gr8! life lesson & that might be 'you cant judge a book by its cover' & also sometimes! 'who reallly cares about some ones sexuality or his/her sexuality politics?'

    <have a gr8! day/night>
     
  10. Phil Ayesho

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    Well said... and an important point.

    Stop TAKING offense, and it stops hurting.

    I wish all suffering was so easy to eliminate.
     
  11. DC_DEEP

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    I would offer my opinion that the OP doesn't represent the single biggest contribution, but rather the second biggest. The way I see it, the biggest contribution to homophobia is the claim, "I'm straight, I just like to suck a nice fat cock a few times a month" or any of the other self-loathing rationalizations that are so often used. And with those kinds of sentiment so pervasive, don't you think it's understandable that some guys don't believe it when someone says, "I'm straight"?

    Their claims to the contrary notwithstanding, any man who enjoys having sexual contact with another man is not straight. He is either gay or bisexual. Rationalize or deny all you want, but if a man seeks out and enjoys sex with men on a regular basis, he just simply is not straight. I'm not talking about youthful experimentation, either. If he tries it, decides he doesn't like it, and doesn't try it again, he's straight.
     
  12. Hellboy0

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    Yes, yes, and yes!!!

    Not that there is anything wrong with it...
     
  13. Rugbypup

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    Spoken like a straight man pretending to be gay, lol.
     
  14. alex8.5

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    I have found in my experiences that the more judgemental / discrimanatory people towards gay's are actually other gay's.
     
  15. Phil Ayesho

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    The same is true of the Black community.
    Of women, as a group.

    People are always harder on their own than on strangers.


    Because everyone imagines they have some right to hold their own to their own personal standards and expectations.



    But on another level... as previously discussed... human beings can not stop stereotyping because it is a critical function of the human brain without which we would be overwhelmed by details.

    The important lesson we need to learn is to not take our brain's habit of grouping similar things together so seriously that it rises to the level of discrimination.

    Like so many things... its when we invest something that is merely an idea with some conviction of being absolute truth that we create suffering for ourselves and others.

    More laughter... less obsession with making other people act the way we demand.
     
  16. marleyisalegend

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    AMEN. i love hearing the "i'm not straight i just like playing with other dudes' balls" or "i'm not straight i just like riding a big fat cock from time to time". i agree that if you're straight, you don't enjoy sexual contact or activity with other men AT ALL. guys who do are atleast bi if not gay
     
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