Gays Who Hate Gay Culture

earllogjam

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I don't do "trendy" or "fashionable." I don't like loud disco/techno/trance/house/dance music or Cher or Madonna or Donna Summer. I'm not a big fan of Judy Garland or Barbra Streisand or Liza Minelli or Marilyn Monroe. I don't enjoy shopping. I have no home decorating sense.

Does this qualify me as "hating gay culture?"

No, but you can be a victim on the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy show without anyone batting an eyelash. :smile:
 

04_on_22s

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Well, for one, I am happy that today it is easier to be "out" than say, 10 years ago. I can hold my husbands hand in public and not feel like a beer bottle is gonna come flying by my head. So I guess I can owe that to the gay culture. I don't go around in 300 dollar jeans and mesh tops and I don't have a lisp. It's sad to say that I do have some homophobia. I mean, I hate the sissy guys who try to be the loudest queen in the bars. I havent gone to a gay pride parade in years becuase all they do is have buff guys in thongs prancing around. Someone please put clothes on them! I think a man or woman can look exceptionally hot in good fitting clothes and not have to resort to bareing all. I am all full of contradictions too cuz I love going to titty bars!
I digress...In conclusion, I don't like the West Hollywood gay culture. So my hubby and I stay away from it and enjoy the things that we like within and out of the gay community. I belong to a billiard and dart tournament team. There are some guys in each that I know are gay, but we come together for a common interest and don't feel the need to segregate ourselves. I love hanging with my straight buds in straight bars. I love going to Dodger games and going to custom car/truck/motorcycle shows. To each there own. I am glad that the gay community has become much more visible. It is there to serve a purpose. Many people go thru the gay cycle. My hubby did. When he first came out he went to all the gay clubs, danced all night, hooked up with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, had every gay pride sticker on his car, and wore the newst fashions from Guess, Diesel, Paper and so on. He found it empowering to be out in the community with his peers. Now, he's gone totally away from it. He took what he needed from it to grow and moved on. So have I.
 

DiegoID

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I can vividly remember feeling the same way when I came out about 10 years ago. I hated the fact that the gay culture that I could easily access was the club/bar scene. Yes the clubbing/bar scene revolves around sex, but really get over it. Horny hot gay men want to have sex with other horny hot gay men, and being young sure helps. It is the way of the world, and instead of going "Woe is me", and "The gay cultue sucks" go volunteer at your local LBGT center. or do something positive in your life. There are loads of gay men in the gayborhood, but I'm thankfull that Hillcrest is becoming much more diversified (some say gentrified) It seems to me that people instinctively feel a need to put people into catagories. I was angry that I didn't fit into the gay sterotype, and that I wasn't sought out at the clubs. I felt like an outsider because I didn't have that gym body, or I didn't snort the Tina and dance all night. It was probably my prodestant upbringing that tought me that life shouldn't revolve around sex, and I got over it. ( I got over the Prodestantism as well, but that's a different story).
I now workout, but not to acheive the perfect body, now it's more about keeping my heart strong, and being healthy. (Loosing a few pounds is just the side benefit, but I'm still no where close enough to want to dance half necked with a bunch of drugged out gym bunnies) I'm certain that if you go interview 100 fags at at nightclub you'll find that everyone has the same insecurities. Start to meet these pretty boys, and you'll see that they are people just like everyone else. Often they've got less going on in their heads and have worse self-esteem issues than someone not trying desparately to fit into a slice of gay society that is uber-judgemental, and often backstabbing. Gay guys can be downright mean. It's when I finally gave up "fitting In" and just being myself that I found acceptance and a group of gay friends who are actually decent people.
 

Mulebear

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Lots of good reading here. Thanks guys.

I suppose I should clarify what I meant by "gay culture" - it is everything in the gay community that revolves around the pursuit of sex. It includes all the fashions, boutiques, attitudes, sexual cliques, bars, clubs, gyms, tanning salons, day spas, dance clubs, and gay newspapers and magazines all which feel off each other. Surprisingly it isn't very different from city to city or from country to country for that matter.

It is a culture based solely on sex and the pursuit of sex. So naturally it creates and perpetuates its own value system based on superficial things like looks, age, race, dick size...etc. It tends to exclude straight people and divides gay men into meat types, twinkmeat, bearmeat, musclemeat, blackmeat, asianmeat, leathermeat..etc. So it is not at all inclusive or generous. It is a culture that's held together by sexual attraction. Ironically that glue that holds us together is the same glue that keeps us apart.

Strange. You just described Heterosexual Culture.

And Black Culture.

And White Culture.

And Hispanic Culture.

And Southern Culture.

And Jewish Culture.

And (Cont. on page 42)

There are a lot of gay people that you do not identify as being gay because they do not fit your narrow stereotype of what it means to be gay. If you open your eyes a little more you will find that there is no one "gay culture". There are many.
 

earllogjam

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Strange. You just described Heterosexual Culture.

And Black Culture.

And White Culture.

And Hispanic Culture.

And Southern Culture.

And Jewish Culture.

And (Cont. on page 42)

There are a lot of gay people that you do not identify as being gay because they do not fit your narrow stereotype of what it means to be gay. If you open your eyes a little more you will find that there is no one "gay culture". There are many.

Do you live under a rock?
 

davidjh7

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I do not enjoy participating in the apsects of "gay culture" that:
1) Place style over substance
2) Excuse bad behavior because a guy is pretty, young, buff, hung or all of the above
3) Focus on living in the clubs
4) Allow, and encourage, even, extreme nastiness within the culture of one gay man to another (Bitchy queen syndrome)
5) Expect me to fit a particular stereotype
6) Are extreme exacerbations of "straight" culture, especially when said aspects are not applicable
7) Demand I place image over comfort or practicality
8) Say that I shouldn;t enjoy power tools, working with my hands, and my old pickup truck.:biggrin1:
 

Freddie53

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I do not enjoy participating in the apsects of "gay culture" that:
1) Place style over substance
2) Excuse bad behavior because a guy is pretty, young, buff, hung or all of the above
3) Focus on living in the clubs
4) Allow, and encourage, even, extreme nastiness within the culture of one gay man to another (Bitchy queen syndrome)
5) Expect me to fit a particular stereotype
6) Are extreme exacerbations of "straight" culture, especially when said aspects are not applicable
7) Demand I place image over comfort or practicality
8) Say that I shouldn;t enjoy power tools, working with my hands, and my old pickup truck.:biggrin1:
WHAT:eek: Gay guys working on old pickup trucks? You have got to be kidding.:biggrin1: When will David ever learn that all queers look like 12 year old boys and give blow jobs to the jocks who incidentally aren't gay.:eek: They just like blow jobs from gay men. Queers do it better than women.:cool:

I know I am right. That is what the kids at the junior and senior high told me and they are NEVER wrong.:biggrin1: :biggrin1: :biggrin1:
 

Lex

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Strange. You just described Heterosexual Culture.

And Black Culture.

And White Culture.

And Hispanic Culture.

And Southern Culture.

And Jewish Culture.

And (Cont. on page 42)

There are a lot of gay people that you do not identify as being gay because they do not fit your narrow stereotype of what it means to be gay. If you open your eyes a little more you will find that there is no one "gay culture". There are many.

Well said.

Do you live under a rock?

Do you? I'm still waiting for you to define "Gay Culture." All you did was describe the behavior of sex-obssessed, superficial men. Gay men are not the only men to behave in that manner.
 

Cntrlfrk

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I have never been in the closet to anyone, my parents knew before I did. Which allowed me to be myself and not a pretend version and then bolt out of the closet and surround myself with the "gay culture" never to open myself to everything else life has to offer. Don't get me wrong, I do realize that my situation was the exception and I'm grateful, it cannot be easy to decide to come out. But I beleive I am more than just gay. When I 've gone to gay bars I have been asked numerous times if I knew "what kind of bar" I was in. If that happened to a gay person in a straight bar, everyone would have a fit. I always leave the bar immediately and tell them yes I do know what kind of bar it is. SO I don't care for the gay barfly culture or the gay permiscuous culture. I'm just me.
 

Lex

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Oh, ok, thanks Lex. Yawn.

The show has faded, but I thought is was clever and inventive. It simulataneouly reinforced and challenged many "gay" sterotypes by having these five gay men, some fem and some butch, help guys do things that made them better boyfriends and husbands: cook, groom, dress, act romantic, etc.

The guys always pushed (or tried to push) the buttons of the "Straight Guy" in a way that always ended with the straight guy having an better prespective on himself, gay men and women in general.

I like to think that this was a helpful show.
 

DC_DEEP

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I have never been in the closet to anyone, my parents knew before I did. Which allowed me to be myself and not a pretend version and then bolt out of the closet and surround myself with the "gay culture" never to open myself to everything else life has to offer. Don't get me wrong, I do realize that my situation was the exception and I'm grateful, it cannot be easy to decide to come out. But I beleive I am more than just gay. When I 've gone to gay bars I have been asked numerous times if I knew "what kind of bar" I was in. If that happened to a gay person in a straight bar, everyone would have a fit. I always leave the bar immediately and tell them yes I do know what kind of bar it is. SO I don't care for the gay barfly culture or the gay permiscuous culture. I'm just me.
Most of that was just plain confusing.:confused:

The show has faded, but I thought is was clever and inventive. It simulataneouly reinforced and challenged many "gay" sterotypes by having these five gay men, some fem and some butch, help guys do things that made them better boyfriends and husbands: cook, groom, dress, act romantic, etc.

The guys always pushed (or tried to push) the buttons of the "Straight Guy" in a way that always ended with the straight guy having an better prespective on himself, gay men and women in general.

I like to think that this was a helpful show.
Ah, I understand. Not quite the impression I got from their website. Still, not one that would have been a favorite show of mine. I'll stick with The Simpsons and Family Guy.
 

earllogjam

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I am glad that the gay community has become much more visible. It is there to serve a purpose. Many people go thru the gay cycle. My hubby did. He took what he needed from it to grow and moved on. So have I.

Same here. Took what I needed and moved on. Funny -never thought about it being a gay cycle as if there were common stages to gay men lives - wash, rinse, spin, dry, but our experiences are similar.
 

CPearl

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It's like the black non-smoking gays vs. the elderly biker lesbians. It gets too ridiculous. We're all human beans people. Got it?

LOL! And in New York there is a separate bar for each group! Where I grew up, we ALL had to share the same gay bar, and we had a great time.

I feel the pendulum beginning to swing the other way (as it always does) and there seems to be a bit more mixing. If it doesn't look like a Benneton ad, I'm not happy... Bring on the non-smoking elderly biker lesbian vegans!

There are plenty of 'regular guy' type gay men who would love to hang out with Earllogjam...

I love both flaming AND masculine gay men - they are all my brothers.
 

earllogjam

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What's gay culture? What's American culture? What is hetrosexual culture? No one definition I'm afraid but the one I'm putting out for discussion is the gay sex-obsessed culture.
 

earllogjam

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LOL! And in New York there is a separate bar for each group! Where I grew up, we ALL had to share the same gay bar, and we had a great time.

I feel the pendulum beginning to swing the other way (as it always does) and there seems to be a bit more mixing. If it doesn't look like a Benneton ad, I'm not happy... Bring on the non-smoking elderly biker lesbian vegans!

There are plenty of 'regular guy' type gay men who would love to hang out with Earllogjam...

I love both flaming AND masculine gay men - they are all my brothers.

You're my kind of pearl, CPearl. :smile: Drag Queens and Leathermen unite.
 

Lex

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What's gay culture? What's American culture? What is hetrosexual culture? No one definition I'm afraid but the one I'm putting out for discussion is the gay sex-obsessed culture.

Again, I challenge you that obsession with sex is a mostly MALE dynamic (and an expressly overall American one due to our own repressive culture).

I don't get whatever "it" is that is inherently "gay" about a guy wanting to fuck. Men think about sex, regardless of orientation.

I think that what you are pointing out are examples of MALE behavior that you tend to experience expressly within the confines of the GBLT community.

If you spent time around straight men (I have and do) you will notice that there are far more similarities than differences.