First thing I thought of when I started reading this thread was that if you took the sex out of
gay culture then what you're left with is simply
culture.
Robert Mapplethorpe caught a lot of shit over his photographs of gay sexuality. He was also a magnificent still life photographer and portraitist. I consider his work in these areas as among the best in the world. This is the work of a gay man not focusing on gay subject matter and the work becomes something that anyone would admire in a museum.
Gay culture is a facet of the many cultures in which we exist simultaneously. I live in a straight culture, a gay culture, an American culture, a New York culture, a preppy culture, a male culture, a business culture, and some can add to that other ethnic, artistic, or religious cultures. No single culture adequately describes us. I don't think any of them on their own completely describe who we are. Nor are any one of them completely satisfying to our needs in and of themselves.
Gay culture, by its definition, focuses on the sexual component of our lives. Problems arise when any one person forsakes all of his or her other cultures to the exclusion of one.
I know little of gay culture except what I've learned from media and my own
very limited experiences. Much of what I'm learning about myself is assisted by the mere existence of a gay culture. I now have an urge to be around other gay men and women, to associate and speak freely, and act without fear of reprisal. To me, gay culture is very useful because I'm still in the stage of life where I'm getting something useful from it. I find it fulfills, at least in some instances, what I need to express and accept about myself. I'd love it if I could move to a gay ghetto tomorrow. I don't expect I'd live exclusively within its confines because I'm not just my sexuality. Maybe you live someplace where gays are so mainstreamed that the need for a separate place has passed. It isn't here, liberal as New York is, and it isn't in most of America. Here in my corner of the sticks gay culture is like a beacon, offering safety, reassurance, acceptance, and promise where it otherwise doesn't exist for people like me. While no single culture defines me, it's comforting to have one for something as publicly controversial as my sexuality. I'm not so naive to believe that gay culture will become the be and end all of my existence, but it is helpful for the one aspect of my life. Some parts of it I will reject, others I may accept. At least I'll be able to explore it because it's even there to begin with.
I don't wonder Earl, if you find gay culture empty because you're focusing on the negative aspects you experience.
Sometimes I think you worry too much about being perceived as a straight man who happens to have sex with other straight men. You appear to resent that the vain twinks and flamer bois out there are the popular image of gay culture because their frequently unflattering interpretation of gay sexuality will somehow reflect on you.
You are your own expression of
your sexuality. It's no less (and no more) valid than all the other forms of gay sexuality. You're gay so it's not just a culture floating around out there somewhere. It's part of you. You're a card-carrying member of gay culture even if you feel you don't fit in with it. The other queers can't revoke your membership. You may not feel like most of the other members, but that doesn't mean you don't have something to offer. Do charity work, volunteer time or skills, publish a blog or write for a newsletter. Add your essence to that culture to make it more fulfilling for you and other men and women like you. You do make a difference. You're articulate, write well, and I know that when sparked you do precisely what you set your mind to accomplish; particularly when you're challenged. Don't let others define your gayness, don't let others tell you what you cannot do, and take pride in yourself as a gay man even if your sexuality doesn't fit the stereotype
33:I wonder who taught me that?).
The only way you'll escape gay culture is to not be gay and I don't think that's happening any time soon. All you can do is add your interpretation to that culture in a positive way even if it means walking down the streets of the gay section of town being just you. That's a worthwhile statement in itself.