Thanks for listening. These are indeed complex issues. In my naivety I had thought gay men might often be understanding of these issues. But contrary to my expectations, most gay men have no conflicts about their gender; they are just dealing with the bigotry they face as a result of their orientation.
It's actually been a bit of a struggle for me. In part, it's been a struggle because this topic is one that makes both gay men and straight men uneasy. The concept of hating one's own gender, of being uncomfortable in one's own male body, is unsettling for both gay men and straight men. But it's what I have experienced most of my life.
One thing I love about this site is that it is extremely therapeutic for me to be able to compliment other males. It's extremely therapeutic for me to see beauty in the experience and state of being male, and to be able to tell other men -- both straight and gay (or whatever) -- that they represent that beauty to me. This is a very, very different issue from wanting to actually have a sexual encounter with another male. If I wanted a sexual encounter with another male, I could have it at the drop of a hat. I just don't want it. What I want is to feel that I belong to a gender that is beautiful and beneficial to the life of the planet; and I want it to be okay for me to be able to feel this way about my own gender and to express these feelings about my own gender.
In my first post in this thread I mentioned a guy I knew who had a sex change only to become a lesbian. So, the issue for him was not sexual orientation but gender identity. He himself also struggled with the issues I have. He was raised among abusive men and he could not, and did not want to, identify with the models of masculinity they had shown him. So, he opted out of the gender entirely.
One reason I chose the name "Ganymede" is because my own conflicts about my gender set in during my youth, right around the time I entered puberty. I have always loved women. I have been attracted to women since I was three years old. But as I entered puberty I was sickened to see that my body was turning into one of "those" abusive people known as "men." I didn't want to be like them. I remember seeing my body change shape, my penis and testicals change, and just being sickened to think that I had most likely embarked on a journey that would end in me becoming one of the abusive, blight on humanity idiots known as "men" that I had grown up around.
Now, as a male in my early 30s, I look back on myself in my early teens as I was going through puberty and I realize that I was actually a handsome young man, and the process of becoming a man is beautiful, because the experience of being a man is beautiful. Maleness is beautiful. Now, in my "Zues" form (an older male comfortable in my own masculinity) I look back at the "Ganymede" that I was -- and I love him. Earlier, some had questioned how a straight male could use the name "Ganymede," because Ganymede was part of a Greek myth wherein Zues became attracted to Ganymede (a young male). The answer is that I, a self-identified straight male, am now attracted to the process of maleness within myself.
This is all extremely complex and heavy and most likely gibberish for most who aren't interested in psychology or Greek mythology. But if people want to understand transgender people and the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, then I think this is a brief intro to it. Not all transgendered men (male to female) deal with these issues, but most I have seen have dealt with conflicts about masculinity and wanting to get away from it -- as a result of having seen maleness as a negative thing.
I remember seeing a documentary about The Lady Chablis where she said, "I felt uncomfortable being dressed as a male. I am not a beer guzzler. I am not a sperm donor." She (he) most likely had very negative experiences with males and therefore felt uncomfortable with the idea of being one of them.
The Lady Chablis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I'm glad to report I myself have made a full recovery from these issues. I now love being male. I think men are beautiful. I think being male is beautiful. This forum has played a large part in my recovery, actually. So, thank you everyone for listening. (Even the occasional smart-ass guys who only make wise cracks. There's a masculine beauty in that sort of stuff as well.)
Good post--complex issues. I always imagine a continuum between who you are inside (your identity), your inbuilt talent for being engaged by people in your depths (your orientation), and the kinds of things you choose (your preferences or tendencies).
I do think sexual orientation is a little bit like musical or athletic talent. It is an innate capacity you can develop or supress. What you can't change is how deeply it affects you, how quickly or instantaneously. Your dick or pussy is hard wired to your brain, and orientation involves a complex ability to react to some people instantly, with your whole body. You can't fake that, and you can't simply will it to happen.
All of these things, identity, orientation, tendencies, preferences are different, but each of them requires knowlege or abilities in very deep, primal areas that you typically can't control very much on the surface. You can only express or repress what your body does or wants to say.
People who think that posting a picture or doing x, y or z "makes you gay" are just silly or stupid. If you think or read even a little about sex, or gender, or orientation, or about the brain & body for that matter, you will see the fundamental difference between capacities and choices.
I can choose to be intelligent. But a lifetime of doing that is not going to have much effect on my IQ. Being realistic about my IQ, on the other hand, will definitely have an impact on how intelligent I behave.