Sometimes I find myself just concentrating on my professional life and forgetting about what I need personally. I found that taking a weekend getaway always helps me clear my head.
Get a life!
- Thread starter curious_angel
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for me getting a life means shedding bits of my old life.
the drama i've held on to. limitations i put on myself.
obligations that are more masochistic than beneficial to anyone.
all the clutter and ill will.
is also a time to pull my head out my own rump.
kinda look at the world, what i am contributing to it.
changes i would like to be a part of.
for the first time in about a year i'll be getting back to my life.
i am all giddy with the thrill of it.
i have big dreams, and bold ideas.
and the hard-headedness to push for what i want.
the drama i've held on to. limitations i put on myself.
obligations that are more masochistic than beneficial to anyone.
all the clutter and ill will.
is also a time to pull my head out my own rump.
kinda look at the world, what i am contributing to it.
changes i would like to be a part of.
for the first time in about a year i'll be getting back to my life.
i am all giddy with the thrill of it.
i have big dreams, and bold ideas.
and the hard-headedness to push for what i want.
Drifterwood
Superior Member
To start, you have a life. So I would begin by analysing that. List things if you like, I don't on paper but do mentally. What do you like, don't like, can live with, want?
When I hit 40 a couple of years ago, I decided to have rolling five year plans. It sounds a bit Soviet, but I realised that in my own case, five years gave me the opportunity to start something, do it, enjoy it, be good at it and then if you want, move on. By 45 I will have extracted myself financially from the UK. Some have sneered at me for this, but frankly giving more than half away of what I can make would greatly prejudice my desire to move on. So I am now pretty much set up to do that. Touch wood, I won't have to work again, or rather, how i work will be my choice and from where I like.
Freedom to choose and financial independence are my personal goals for having a life.
The old advice of "know yourself" isn't a bad place to start.
When I hit 40 a couple of years ago, I decided to have rolling five year plans. It sounds a bit Soviet, but I realised that in my own case, five years gave me the opportunity to start something, do it, enjoy it, be good at it and then if you want, move on. By 45 I will have extracted myself financially from the UK. Some have sneered at me for this, but frankly giving more than half away of what I can make would greatly prejudice my desire to move on. So I am now pretty much set up to do that. Touch wood, I won't have to work again, or rather, how i work will be my choice and from where I like.
Freedom to choose and financial independence are my personal goals for having a life.
The old advice of "know yourself" isn't a bad place to start.
rbkwp
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When I hit 40 a couple of years ago, I decided to have rolling five year plans. It sounds a bit Soviet, but I realised
Freedom to choose and financial independence are my personal goals for having a life.
EXACTLY Drifter, my 5 year plans started with 5 years work in a Paper Mill, big $ etc, then 5 yesrs (overall) of travel etc etc from age 23 odd, so it can and does work
Never knew Mao had such plans, altho i must have adopted it from them have a feeling i got the idea from all the philosophy & religious books i could get my hands on, while i had heaps of time on shift work
.(have to admit i never understood most of it haaha but did get some valuable info from it i recall)
incl at the time special requests for Beardsleys erotic art, that was apparently locked up' in the main library in Wellington ha librarian must have thought i was......
Good to hear others have used similar.,can and does work huh, depends on where your mindset is at, or where you place your priorities at, perhaps
Thanks for reminding me of an important part of life..ha dumb me gave up a while back and forgot ha
enz
only bummer to that sort of now i think of it was the xtra 3 years my Gay partner and i tried to cling on with our then fckd up relationship .. ha
Sorry OP this may appear about me...but it is related to yor Q and i am honestly sharing in the hope that may be someone, in that part of there life may take something out of it that could be helpful to them.
Freedom to choose and financial independence are my personal goals for having a life.
EXACTLY Drifter, my 5 year plans started with 5 years work in a Paper Mill, big $ etc, then 5 yesrs (overall) of travel etc etc from age 23 odd, so it can and does work
Never knew Mao had such plans, altho i must have adopted it from them have a feeling i got the idea from all the philosophy & religious books i could get my hands on, while i had heaps of time on shift work
.(have to admit i never understood most of it haaha but did get some valuable info from it i recall)
incl at the time special requests for Beardsleys erotic art, that was apparently locked up' in the main library in Wellington ha librarian must have thought i was......
Good to hear others have used similar.,can and does work huh, depends on where your mindset is at, or where you place your priorities at, perhaps
Thanks for reminding me of an important part of life..ha dumb me gave up a while back and forgot ha
enz
only bummer to that sort of now i think of it was the xtra 3 years my Gay partner and i tried to cling on with our then fckd up relationship .. ha
Sorry OP this may appear about me...but it is related to yor Q and i am honestly sharing in the hope that may be someone, in that part of there life may take something out of it that could be helpful to them.
nudeyorker
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That is so nice of you to say and yet I was only recently thinking that you and I only scratched the surface with each others lives when we met; I hope we have a chance to get to know each other better sometime soon.
But in terms of the "Lists" I treat them as action plans and guidelines and reminders of who, what, when, where and why and it helps me get things done in a more organized manner. Sometimes my life is complicated and writing everything down and having goals and timelines helps me keep everything straight in my head.
Drifterwood
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nudeyorker
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I agree that it's not so much "get a life", it's more about expanding the one we already have. I think Nudey's sig quote is very wise- It takes time to become a person and be grateful for the past. Because it has given us the present. (or words to that effect!)For me it's not really so much a quest to "get a life". It's more about making changes. The catalyst being a change in circumstances I have no control over.
Does anyone else have similar moments where the fog clears on complex issues and things suddenly fall into place? Have you had success in making positive changes to your life as a result?
Or maybe you're one of the people I've previously suggested should "get a life!", and now you'd like to take the opportunity to advise me on the best way to go fuck myself.:smile:
It seems to me, or it's been my experience, that the hardest thing about change is overcoming the fear of failure and the negative thought pattern of "I can't". Actually I can, and once I start it is so much easier than I thought it would be. Even if it is impossibly difficult.
Getting on the train is really easy. Getting up the nerve to toss life up in the air and buy the ticket is the difficult bit.
As you said, its not so much "getting a life" as you obviously have a life, but you are just looking for change...maybe a reboot. Your life patterns are easy to change, but don't change just for the sake of change...like a bull in a china shop. Why not start small, insert yourself into some new situations or environments, and see where that leads. Say yes to one of those things that you always say no to. I have done this a few times...and though I wasn't happy with all of the results...at least I tried.
So curious_angel...is there something you usually say no to that you might take a different tact?
I debated whether to start this thread, knowing that I'd be unwilling to share the specifics of my situation. I'm glad I did. Thanks for all the comments and inspiration.
Although a lack of illumination can have advantages. *hits the light switch and gropes Bb*
rbkwp, I was hoping that people would share and lend examples to others. :smile:
Debauchery in Claridges with sexy hilaire? My Prada is packed. :biggrin1:
It's being in a situation I have no control over, and total darkness that frightens me.
Although a lack of illumination can have advantages. *hits the light switch and gropes Bb*
Financial independence is a goal we share. Doesn't the financial independence enable the freedom to choose?
Good luck, genderette :smile: Do you know what the changes are? If not, how will you decide?
How did you overcome the fear of failure, vince?
This has really got me thinking, exwhyzee.
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Drifterwood
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Not necessarily. Contentment, happiness in your own skin and with your life doesn't have to involve financial wealth at all. Personally. I am happier sat by a tent on a beach than I am in a suite that costs the local annual salary per night.
But then, for me, having been sucked into the system, I have decided to get out with my pockets full. It is not because I like ephemeral things that cost money; these things are a distraction to actually being happy imo. You can just dump it all of course and take that blind dive into the unknown. I was like that until I was around 35; now I like a plan B and C.
I have a different take on this to Drifter, I agree with him that money doesn't buy happiness, in fact any emotional benefits associated with having money are illusory. However being financially secure can and does (in my case at least) offer one a two things- options and a safety net.
I come from a dirt poor background, so I know exactly how oppressive having no options because you have no money can be, and I now the sense of imminent crisis living hand to mouth can create. Neither of these things is good for your mental wellbeing in the long run.
Having money isn't an end in itself, and working in a job you don't enjoy just to make money is in the long run soul destroying, but if you can combine doing something you love and making enough money to feel like you have options and some level of security is in fact incredibly rewarding and satisying.
I'm not Vince, but fear of failure is something I've had to attempt to conquer on a few occassions, with varying levels of success. In professional terms fear of failure wasn't an unjustified or irrational feeling for me for a very long time, back when I had to wait tables and work as a shop assistant to pay bills before I started to achieve any success I was pretty much certain that in common with most art college graduates I was going to live on the breadline and be unrecognised for life.
When things rather suddenly changed for me and I had the opportunity to take my career to the next level I was half elated and half terrified. The half of me that was terrified was pretty much full of self doubt, convinced that I wasn't worthy to succeed and that I would inevitably flop. I nearly pulled out of my first big contract twice because I just felt completely unconfident in what I was doing.
I went to dinner and drinks one night with my old friends from the last waiting job I'd had and that night I just felt the feeling I'd been living with for years but not really recognised. All the frustration and inner sadness that had accumulated from feeling like I would never be a successful artist, the actual feeling of being a failure, came rushing back to me.
I went back to work on my contract with a vengeance. I was still kinda frightened of what would happen, and that feeling remained with me for another couple of years before I finally became confident in my work. But that night with my old waiting friends just showed me that if I failed at trying to succeed I wouldn't feel any worse than I had when I was just failing. So my reasoning was I may as well just throw myself into the attempt to do something which at least had the possibility of making my life better because I couldn't feel any worse than I had when I just thought I was a talentless art college poseur who'd end up having to re-skill and take a different path in life completely.
Fear of failure is only crippling (in my experience) when the consequences of failure seem to be worse than the consequences of never having attempted to achieve anything in the first place.
TBH in my case thinking about what a desparate and sad fucker I would have been had I not taken my opportunities and ignored my fear of failure is a fear that keeps me from caring about the consequences of failure even now. I don't want to be that person, so I'd rather be the person who puts myself out there and risks making a total tit of myself instead.
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nudeyorker
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curious_angel here are my thoughts on failure...
Other people's failures are other peoples failures not yours and mine. If other people can't market their goods or services is has nothing to do with you and I. If they can't build a team it's their failure not ours. If other people can't earn more than what they spend it's their issue not ours. The point I'm trying to make is that so many people try to tell others that something is risky and your chances of succeeding at ___________ are slim to none.
I have never listened to any of these people and I have done things that others only dream about. If you have a dream to do something and someone can succeed at it then so can you.
Other people's failures are other peoples failures not yours and mine. If other people can't market their goods or services is has nothing to do with you and I. If they can't build a team it's their failure not ours. If other people can't earn more than what they spend it's their issue not ours. The point I'm trying to make is that so many people try to tell others that something is risky and your chances of succeeding at ___________ are slim to none.
I have never listened to any of these people and I have done things that others only dream about. If you have a dream to do something and someone can succeed at it then so can you.
The key to life is to live. The fact that your even questioning your life and analyzing it is a part of, what I think, is doing the "right" thing. What I mean to say is that your already doing what you need to do... Living. Your deciding that what your doing isn't working for you and your willing and ready, atleast I think so, to make that change. I often get stuck in the beginning phases of starting a project. What I do that works for me is I ask myself, "Self? What the heck are you waiting for?" most of the time I just laugh at myself and get going! These other wise ladies and gents have the right idea. Dream and never stop. Nudeyorker took his dreams and lived them. I'm sure he has had certain things that didnt go to plan, we all do, but those experiences only served to enrich the experience I'm sure. Just saying that life isn't that scary when ya think about it. (Not sure how much of this I'm saying to you or to myself... :smile: )
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