Getting Back In Touch

Tight_N_Juicy

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Have you ever had a really, *really* good friend and lost touch with them for years and years then suddenly find yourself talking to them for the first time in a decade or more?

If so, I can relate.

How did it go? Did/do you still get along? Did they stay the same as always or develop into someone new?
 

Player_01

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Yeah late in 2019 a good friend from when I was little found me on Facebook. He's married with kids. We talked for a few days about who's since died from when we were young and what our school got turned into.

And that ended up being that.
 
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PostPhobos

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I've been in this situation. Talked with someone for a long time when we were both younger and coming of age. The person I knew back then was timid and proper. However, I noticed they had developed into something entirely different when we reconnected. They were still very sweet and sensitive but what was expressed at the surface was something much less stagnant. We were able to talk though it was nothing like when we were younger, the sentiment was the same but the context and character of 'us' had become very different.

What people express, the persona they wear, that changes more readily than the person they are at their core. I think in adult life only profound suffering fundamentally changes who you are underneath.
 
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rbkwp

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had at least 3 very close frinds,at the time,younger days
dont think we can/will ever recapture those days

similarly those who have remai ed in touch,and i with them,loyalty/friendship remains consrant,as time allows

more disturbing to me
are the several,maybea dozen odd,if my memory allowed me

missed friendships' i call them
never maintai ned/allowed to develop

like the american 20 sdomething,who saved my life in holland,by draggi g me out of the iselmeer

or
the young man from broome/au,i met on my travelsam sure he wasd reachjingh out to me in ernest
he white...me colored
what i have since learnt of the colourted pearl divers in broome

aaahh,lifes lost opportunitys
 
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rbkwp

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Have you ever had a really, *really* good friend and lost touch with them for years and years then suddenly find yourself talking to them for the first time in a decade or more?

If so, I can relate.

How did it go? Did/do you still get along? Did they stay the same as always or develop into someone new?


thanks tnj
brilliant thread to contribute to
incl those of ml

yes
we all haver a purpose in life
even if its lpsg,smile
 
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Lookinginconshy

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Yeah. Way back when I was in college (70’s) and very straight, I had a gf for 10 years. We lived together, split and didn’t contact for years. Warp speed 30 years later in 2000, I was at a large picnic a long time friend hosted in Cape Town.

Walking around I saw a blonde that kept catching my eye. I just couldn’t place her and didn’t recognize her but felt some pull.. I finally though fuck it and went up to her. When I got to her , she was facing away from me talking to some people, I spoke introducing myself. She turned around real quick and hugged me so fast I didn’t really see her face. I though who the hell is this woman. Then she said I didn’t have to introduce myself as she knew who I was. I then knew right away it was her. It was a shock that we would run into each other completely on another continent so many years later.

Wow she had changed so much. She always had ass length thick blonde hair, looked like a young Bridget Bardot but now her hair is blonde mixed with gray and cropped short. Her looks were tired but still beautiful. My emotions and memories were flashing a mile a second. We found a quiet place under some trees with a hammock. We just automatically got in the hammock and caught up for the rest of the day. I am married to someone else now who was with me at the picnic but cool with me catching up with my ex and suggest we go and talk. It was nice catching up and hearing about each other’s life.

God it was so odd seeing her after all those years. I definitely had no twinge of love or lust for her anymore but those 10 years we were together I was so deep in love with her. At the end, I had broken it off as I was no longer the “hippie” and wanted to settle down and I had grown up. She didn’t. Strangely later somehow she did too and is a successful psychologist with offices in Ny and LA. She never married but lived with some guy for 15. That fell apart and now she was fucking her neighbor guy but just as fuck buddies. She said she was sorry we never married. I am not. At that time she was too independent . I grew up, she didn’t.

I am happy for her but more happy with the person I ended up marrying and love. I’m very fluid flipping from straight to bi to gay which my wife knows. I told my long lost friend while we were in the hammock and she said she thought that was typical me and ok.

21 years later, I haven’t heard or run into her since. Ahhh memories.
 
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twoton

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Yes. One of my best friends from college emailed me a couple years ago after I hadn't heard from him for 20+ years. We exchanged a couple emails and then he disappeared again.

To be honest, I wasn't surprised that he didn't keep up the conversation, so I guess he sort of stayed the same as he was.
 
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LaFemme

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It’s happened a few times. It’s weird, but with a couple of friends that popped up after 20 years or so, it was like no time had passed. We had both changed, but in similar ways. They’re still in my life. A couple others? Not so much. I found myself really working to maintain a conversation.

One former friend used to be a co-worker. I trained him. We lost touch. 25 years later he helped me get my current job, purely based on who I was all those years ago. Working together again? It was like no time had passed. We remain close even though he moved away.
 
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Cooper72

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Yes, a very good friend from college. We tried dating back then but ended up being very close friends and nothing ever happened between us. We lost contact with each other around 1996 and reconnected through Facebook around 2009. It was like we picked up the conversation from where it stopped the last time we saw each other. We still stay in frequent contact.
 
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palakaorion

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Occasionally it's like we just saw each other yesterday. But usually it's apparent pretty quickly why we drifted apart in the first place.

I had a really, really great friend in HS and college. He was best man at my wedding. He never married and wife and I sorta added him to our family, like a brother in law. We vacationed together, the whole enchilada.

Over the years he got deeper and deeper into debt, and tax trouble, and poor decisions, while wife and I had our shit together and were moving in a different direction. He started listening to predatory politicians who told him that "others" were responsible for his woes, and if he supported their campaigns, they would turn things around for all the hardworking folks. His poor decisions led him to an incurable disease for which he must medicate the rest of his life. He career path has led down a spiral of longer hours and lower pay.

We just don't have that much to talk about anymore. He came around a little bit in the weeks after my wife passed away, but quickly drifted away again.

I miss my friend.
 
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Scarletbegonia

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My bestie from nursery school found me on FB.
We swap comments, but really she stayed and became what was expected of girls then.
I fled to anywhere else.
Weirdly, we both work with similar populations.

I have friends a who can go silent for months, years and a conversation is just like yesterday, but I’m open to momentary mental intimacy, and I don’t try to hold on.

Most disturbing was my GF from the 80s...she suddenly reached out, was coming through and wanted to get coffee.
I said yes, found a coffee shop near a park (this was mask mandate time, and in CO, outdoors was mask optional).
It was horrible. She’d converted to some weird church, and as her conversion therapy had to come tell me I was going to hell, but some dude named Jesus loved me.
Oh, and I needed to support our supreme leader, I mean the Orange Menace.

yeahhhhhhhh...NO


For the record, I’m Jewish, lefty liberal (although I think centrists get more done), hetero romantic, demisexual.
 
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EllieP

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I have a dear friend who was a classmate of mine in high school. We tend to reunite every five years or so, and it's always like nothing has happened. We just pick up where we left off.

We were both divorced around the same time when we were around 20 years old. But we didn't see each other for another couple of years. We worked it into the conversation just like my daughter. Then a few years later we came across each other and she had a baby with her. And it's "oh, you had a baby! That's nice." And we begin talking about babies.

Then later we begin talking about toddlers. And on and on.

We just saw each other a couple of years ago when she took her family to Disney. And sure enough, we hug and just continue the conversation!
 
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Great topic.

This actually happens a lot to the military folks. You move every 3 years. You make good friends. You or they move and you don't see them for a year, 3, 5, 10, and 20+; so each experience is different (and how you knew them). There's the shock of seeing a friend you haven't seen in 10 years, especially when it's in some random place like a combat outpost in Afghanistan.

You reminisce and catch up, and laugh as hard as you did when you were together. It's like no time passed in a way and you just pick up where you left off.

I retired recently and moved back to the area I consider "home". I run into people I haven't seen since high school. There are of course the ones who you really missed (you realize), and there are some that you really wish you hadn't run into again. I'm still processing that shit when it happens. We all know the phrase about knowing "who your friends really are", and this is a weird spin on it. I'm not at a combat outpost for an hour reminiscing and will not see you again for a long time (if ever). These are people who live in 30 minutes of me now, and I run into on a regular basis. You like who some people have become. Others have changed so much (or you have) that there's just nothing in common and it's awkward.