Getting back to the real thing (that is, sex with a woman, not with porn)

[ConstantComment]

Things are progressing with me and my guy. We've been spending time in bed exploring each other's body. He thinks mine is hot and I find his sexy, which I have told him. But....he is 40 years old and is having trouble staying hard. I should also add he's not the most athletic. I can and do like my men chubby since personality is the deciding factor for me for sexiness.

He's blamed it on not having sex with a woman "in a while" and getting off a lot with porn.

Given this bckground, is there something I can do to help him along. He once mentioned Viagra, I told him he's too young for that.

Help me out here.

 

[rabbit12345]

He should focus on foreplay. Learn to pull out when too excited and concentrate on you untill "that" feeling passes over.

practise ballooning and edging

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Who says he's too young for Viagra or Cialis? They can be used for exactly what you're describing, helping a chap to feel confident and assured of an erection when he's feeling kinda pressured (not by you I'm sure, but by himself you can be sure) and helping readjust to having a partner rather than just jerking off. He doesn't have to be on it forever, just as long as it takes for his nerves and instincts to sort themselves out.

Cialis is perfect because by working over a longer period (a couple of days normally) it takes the pressure of having to take a pill and get the best use out of it quickly which is the downside with Viagra.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Aw, he could be nervous too. I bet that might kill his erection as well. I agree with Hilaire. He just needs to get his "groove" back, however he needs to. Doesn't mean he has to keep taking the stuff. He could talk to his Dr and just try it out.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

He once mentioned Viagra, I told him he's too young for that.

Way to go on making him feel bad about thinking he might need it!

Go you!

 

[Shackleford]

This may not be the kind of thing you're looking for, but if he's been "conditioned" to porn as he hypothesizes, why not watch some with him? If there are particular porn scenarios that do it for him, act them out. Better yet, watch yourselves in a mirror or hook up a camera to a TV set so he's in his own porn with you.

 

[ConstantComment]

Way to go on making him feel bad about thinking he might need it!

Go you!

He's the one who suggested it, not me. Where did you get the idea tht it was my suggestion?

 

[BigRedMatt]

i totally agree with what everyone is saying
my only suggestion is not to get too hooked on whichever it may be, watching porn together or taking enhancers.
you dont want to end up only being able to have sex that way.
sure get his confidence back but make sure you guys can do it normally eventually

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

He's the one who suggested it, not me. Where did you get the idea tht it was my suggestion?

Though MB is more than able to explain herself, I think what she's saying is that when you told him he was too young for Viagra the implication was that if he felt he might need something like Viagra you would see him as an old codger.

Of course that's not what you meant, but put it this way, if you found you had some kind of sexual problem and some kind of hormone therapy might give you a boost and you mentioned it to him, and he said "Oh you're too young for that" it might make you feel like your problem was a problem of an old woman....

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Pretty much - saying 'you're too young to think about taking Viagra' is like saying 'you're too young to have ED'. Now I know you meant that in a nice way but blokes are to ED what many women are to weight gain - i.e. paranoid as all fuck about it.

So if he thinks he has a form of ED and you're saying he's too young to have ED he could easily take that to mean things are even worse than he thought.

 

[petite]

This may not be the kind of thing you're looking for, but if he's been "conditioned" to porn as he hypothesizes, why not watch some with him? If there are particular porn scenarios that do it for him, act them out. Better yet, watch yourselves in a mirror or hook up a camera to a TV set so he's in his own porn with you.

Depending on his perception of his body, this might be dangerous. I made the mistake of suggesting doing this with a previous boyfriend who was a little bit chubby. He wasn't fat, but he wasn't muscular or toned and could lose just a few pounds. I didn't realize how sensitive he was about his body until I suggested that we make a video of us having sex and then we watched it, when it became obvious that he wasn't turned on, he was embarrassed and uncomfortable and his reaction was pretty much awful and not hot or sexy at all. I regretted suggesting the entire thing.

 

[helgaleena]

My suggestion is to worship him, in return for his worship. Nothing boosts my self confidence in the bedroom (or wherever) like being worshiped. We all contain a component of divinity in us, unless of course we are dead already. It is the source of our true beauty.

Help him dwell upon his god nature and remind him also of your goddess nature and I am certain both of you will feel magnified.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Or you just go with sucking his cock more.

 

[badgirl22]

There are a ton of reasons for having a hard time getting or staying hard. Sometimes it can be other medications he may be taking, or he's just too tired, or stressed about something else, purely just psyching himself out...or, maybe he just needs a little boost like viagra. I've known guys who have no problem but take it to last a wicked long time - age is irrelevent.

Maybe he needs to just get a little more physically active and get that heart pumping more blood around the body more efficiently?

There are lots of ways he can please you that don't involve his hard cock such as fingers and mouth :wink: - let him use those and make sure he knows how turned on that makes you. Might just give him some confidence if confidence is his underlying issue. Course, if he really has a physical problem causing the ED it won't help...

Also, maybe some play together involving some toys???

Good luck with this. Hope the two of you can figure it out and have a happy healthy sex life together.

 

[Stretch]

Just my opinion...there is no definitive answer to your question. Not only is every individual unique, but a relationship on every level is, not necessarily, but in most cases, so multi-dimentional on every level, that there isn't a "one size fits all" answer.

Just a few of the dynamics that come into play on both sides: Job satisfaction and stress, family relationships-with his and yours, childhood issues, life experience (this is where I'll say age has nothing to do with it), which leads to...health (ED is a health issue-mental as well as physical), overall happiness, the personal dynamics between both of you, the issues you don't, or are still not aware of, etc.

I understand you're looking for answers, but as always, when you do find yours, it will be through communication, trust and acceptance of and with him and only him.

 

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

Things are progressing with me and my guy. We've been spending time in bed exploring each other's body. He thinks mine is hot and I find his sexy, which I have told him. But....he is 40 years old and is having trouble staying hard. I should also add he's not the most athletic. I can and do like my men chubby since personality is the deciding factor for me for sexiness.

He's blamed it on not having sex with a woman "in a while" and getting off a lot with porn.

Given this bckground, is there something I can do to help him along. He once mentioned Viagra, I told him he's too young for that.

Help me out here.

porn rots the mind

it wrecks the "visual stimulation"

 

[helgaleena]

Or you just go with sucking his cock more.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Ablutions and garlands too! :hail:

 

[petite]

I just ran across this article. I don't know if your boyfriend's porn watching is related to his erectile problems, but according to this article, it could be.

As Porn Goes Up, Performance Goes Down? | Psychology Today

 

[Patchos]

porn rots the mind

it wrecks the "visual stimulation"

Agreed. Tell him not to watch porn for a month.

 

[RawDog]

I should also add he's not the most athletic. I can and do like my men chubby since personality is the deciding factor for me for sexiness.

Everyone's given good advice so far, but I'd like to address the physical aspect. I live at an altitude of 4,500 feet and over the weekend went out of town to an altitude of close to 9,000 feet.

Very humbling. I thought I was in good shape prior to this... not now. I noticed that at the point of exhaustion when I asked my wife to "take the reigns", the exhaustion itself made me go flaccid pretty quickly when we changed to cowgirl.

I'd suggest when you two are going at it, don't do what porn actors do. They are in phenomenal shape and can put a lot of us MMA guys to shame as far as "ground and pound" is concerned. Go at half speed with the slamming and make sure you stay hydrated and take a lot of "deep kisses while he's inside you" breaks. Most importantly never get to the point of exhaustion. It's an erection killer for sure.

Work on a lot of cowgirl. Doggy isn't so strenuous for the guy too, Here are a couple more:

Worm Sex Position

and

Scissors Sex Position