Getting Hookups But No Regular / Bf?

lostinspace94

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Anyone can provide reasons for being able to 'score' (hot guys too) via Grindr but never having a FWB / BF / anything more or even physically meeting for a date?

Location? Living in a city makes it worse i.e. too many other options?
Not being vers? Being top only or bottom only makes it more difficult?

Or this is just how it is in the gay community?

(You don't talk enough during the hookup for them to judge your personality hence left that off).
 

briacon429

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Anyone can provide reasons for being able to 'score' (hot guys too) via Grindr but never having a FWB / BF / anything more or even physically meeting for a date?

Location? Living in a city makes it worse i.e. too many other options?
Not being vers? Being top only or bottom only makes it more difficult?

Or this is just how it is in the gay community?

(You don't talk enough during the hookup for them to judge your personality hence left that off).

I’d need to know more about your situation to give a specific answer. But I do think you can meet guys on Grindr for more than just a hookup, if that’s what you want. If that’s not working for you, have you tried other ways of meeting guys?
 

lostinspace94

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I’d need to know more about your situation to give a specific answer. But I do think you can meet guys on Grindr for more than just a hookup, if that’s what you want. If that’s not working for you, have you tried other ways of meeting guys?

Agreed. I know plenty of guys who met through Grindr and kept hooking up and became BF's. I'm not locked to one avenue / way of thinking to meet someone. I use other online apps (e.g. Tinder, Scruff) but also I'm part of my company LGBT network, I also used to go to 2 LGBT sports clubs and sometimes bar's/clubs/saunas. However over the years I've relied on online meets mostly because no one will also "date" me i.e. coffee etc, its always just a hookup. My concern is I'm fine with a hookup, but almost no one comes back (several will keep in touch via WhatsApp etc but it will fizzle within days now). I am not sure what is going on. I have also been to therapy / sex therapy / every therapy to check if there is something about "me" and I'm always discharged within 1-2 sessions being told I'm fine.
 

briacon429

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Agreed. I know plenty of guys who met through Grindr and kept hooking up and became BF's. I'm not locked to one avenue / way of thinking to meet someone. I use other online apps (e.g. Tinder, Scruff) but also I'm part of my company LGBT network, I also used to go to 2 LGBT sports clubs and sometimes bar's/clubs/saunas. However over the years I've relied on online meets mostly because no one will also "date" me i.e. coffee etc, its always just a hookup. My concern is I'm fine with a hookup, but almost no one comes back (several will keep in touch via WhatsApp etc but it will fizzle within days now). I am not sure what is going on. I have also been to therapy / sex therapy / every therapy to check if there is something about "me" and I'm always discharged within 1-2 sessions being told I'm fine.

Hmmm… sorry to hear you’re having so much trouble!

You mentioned your company’s LGBT network— how big is that network? That can actually be a great way to meet people. I’m not saying you should date a co-worker but you can definitely make connections!

What about your city in general? Does it have a decent-sized gay community?
 

cantaloupe

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Honestly hooking up frequently and on a first date doesn't help. Put some nice pictures in that profile, delete all sexual details, write something about yourself and what you'd like to find. Make it clear to the world that you are boyfriend material or even husband material if they don't know it yet. Make the guys wait, just a little bit is enough.

It has worked for me. When I display myself as a piece of meat, I'll be treated as such. So if you want to move on from that, do it.
 

lostinspace94

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Honestly hooking up frequently and on a first date doesn't help. Put some nice pictures in that profile, delete all sexual details, write something about yourself and what you'd like to find. Make it clear to the world that you are boyfriend material or even husband material if they don't know it yet. Make the guys wait, just a little bit is enough.

It has worked for me. When I display myself as a piece of meat, I'll be treated as such. So if you want to move on from that, do it.

Yup I tried that, especially on the Tinder etc apps. Many matches, no physical meets (for a date) for 5+ years.
 

lostinspace94

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Hmmm… sorry to hear you’re having so much trouble!

You mentioned your company’s LGBT network— how big is that network? That can actually be a great way to meet people. I’m not saying you should date a co-worker but you can definitely make connections!

What about your city in general? Does it have a decent-sized gay community?

The network is large (I work for a large company). Most people though have bf's/partners already to be completely honest.
Yes, my city has a large LGBT network, which is how I'm managing so many hookups too. Just dating seems non-existent.
 

cantaloupe

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Where do you live and how would you describe yourself? Is there anything you think would make it hard to get dates?

When I did this I had 2-3 dates per week, at least twice as many guys interested - met about 40 guys over half a year... I could've kept going I guess. I was 24 back then, now 28. Very confident, smart, twink looks. I lived in a very open liberal German city (population about 300 000 people) back then with a big university so lots of like minded people. I think all this helped, age, location and then some personality traits and looks.
 

lostinspace94

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Where do you live and how would you describe yourself? Is there anything you think would make it hard to get dates?

When I did this I had 2-3 dates per week, at least twice as many guys interested - met about 40 guys over half a year... I could've kept going I guess. I was 24 back then, now 28. Very confident, smart, twink looks. I lived in a very open liberal German city (population about 300 000 people) back then with a big university so lots of like minded people. I think all this helped, age, location and then some personality traits and looks.

What is confusing is why I can seem to land hookups but not dates. So 'physically' I seem to tick the boxes per say as I land very hot guys in bed. But rarely do I get any sort of repeat. I have a jock look.
On Tinder, for example, I have a 'non sexual' profile. I get matches (10+ a week), they mostly respond too (i.e. are not random matches) but we will never physically meet up and I don't know why.
I have lived in large gay cities (the typical ones in "the list") and its the same story across them. That said, the US guys at least try and give you the full experience.