Sassy, I do see whre you are coming from, and I do understand your point.
On the other hand, sometimes it's just not about you. Sometimes it's simply a persons own decision to put behind them what is behind them. There are things that have happened to one which one will never bring up in discussion, because they are not presently relevant for onself.
I have never told my boyfriend about the time my mother came to school to bring me my gym uniform, and how the other children reacted to me viciously when they found out she was using a wheelchair. I have never told him how my mother walked into the classroom to silence them, for me, when she heard them laying into me after she'd rolled out into the hallway. I never mentioned to her, or to my boyfriend that I wished she'd never have done that, how I felt embarassed, how I would have preferred to simply take the abuse like I usually did back then. I'll probably never tell him about it, because I'm not that person anymore, I try not to think about certain parts of my past, it bears little (if any) relevance either to the present or to him, and generally, I don't feel like talking about some things. Do I trust that if I went into details about my state of mind during certain things that happened back then he'd be understanding? I do. Still, I'm not going to say anything. As it is, I had to dig deep to come up with something I had gotten over, put behind me, and don't want to talk about.
He has a lot of information about my sexual history that I'd have kept to myself if I'd intended to be his girlfriend. I have a lot of experience. Lots. And that experience has taught me enough about the male ego to know how much information is too much for whom. In the context of relationships, I have had to bust my ass to "prove myself" to men who have known too much about my sexual history, my work in phone sex, and my voracious sexual appetite. It is naive to pretend that the prejudices don't exist in even the most wonderful and spiritually beautiful of people. The knee-jerk reactions are out there. People who know I am a phone sex operator treat me like a novelty, and talk to me like a whore. I frequently have to humiliate these people publicly. I have found this to be the best way to correct them through trial and error. Anyway, for this reason, my boyfriend knows that I am a phone sex operator, but he doesn't know what my calls are like. He's never heard one, and never will, particularly since I specialize in niches which would inflame his specific insecurities.
Do I keep secrets from people? Big ones? Dark ones? Yes I do. And so do most people. Secrets are secret for a reason. Sometimes people cannot get past their past if they have to share the knowledge of it with peopel in their daily lives. Every bit of information we have about each other colors our experiences together. When someone doesn't tell you something, sometimes it's because they do not trust you. Sure. But sometimes, they just don't want to deal with it anymore. It's their secret. They can bury as deep as they like. You have no right to the information whatsoever.
