getting over someone

lucidbass

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The key to getting over someone isn't to try to forget them and beat yourself up over not being over them, it's to accept that you're not over them.

Just accept that you're missing them and find peace with the fact that it'll hurt for a while and there's nothing wrong with that.

I've never felt more pathetic than when I lost someone I love, who hurt me a lot and treated me like shit pretty often and broke all contact with me and I missed her so much for a year and I hated myself for it. 'Why can't I just get over her? What's wrong with me? Other people get over it so much quickly" But naw, they don't. They just don't beat themselves up over it.

So after a while it isn't about 'missing someone' as much as it is about 'getting over something' and the more value you attach to 'getting over something' the more emotional weight it will carry, in turn making it a bigger deal and much harder to let go.

..know what I mean?

What I'm saying is. Don't worry. You'll at one point get over it and you won't even notice it when it happens. Don't count the days and don't force it. Be glad that you can miss someone that much because you only do because you've loved someone so much and that in itself is something to be happy about.
 

Thirdlegproduction

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For me what helps is trying to confront myself with pain, as in these special places you used to hang out with her or that special food or song just whatever the connection is use it.

People tend to avoid these things as they hurt but I try and give a new meaning to them so every time I visit that place or hear that song I'm not reminded of her again or at least the feeling is not so strong that I want to avoid it anymore.

Other then that it's like a book you have to sit out till the end, in time though the book turns into a magazine and somewhat after that it turns into a simple flyer.
It gets easier, all you have to do is give yourself a new purpose in life.
 

hrdhatdad

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Soon you will thank her for cutting off all contact. I had an X that still wanted to remain friends and insisted on talking often. I was too proud to let on that I could not handle it (stupid pride) and it made it so much worse. I was finally the one that cut off all contact. It's the only way to move on.
 

titan1968

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Hi Henry! I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. There's been a lot of good advice here so far. Don't worry, you'll get through it and you'll find someone who truly loves you and cares for you.

Like Crunch-Hardtack, I also ended a long distance relationship in 2007. It was extremely hard because it ended abruptly and no reason was ever given. I had given up a job and moved just to be close to my special someone. As long as I was there, there was hope but upon my return home my hope turned to rage and despair. Fortunately, I had good friends and family to help me through it. Every now and then, a special song will remind of this person whom I loved so very much. Although I do cherish the good times I had with this person, I have let go. I have forgiven and moved on.

P.S.: Here's a great big hug for all the members who've had a rough time lately.
:grouphug:

Henry,

It probably isn't much consolation, but I'm dealing with almost the same thing myself. Ended a long distance relationship a little over two months back. Can't say it was for 'no reason', but there was next to nothing given or explained when contact stopped. It went from "I'm giving you some time" to "OK, where the fuck did she go". It definitely leaves a lot of stuff unanswered and leaves you sort of incomplete. It changed my image of her and killed a lot of the good memories I had of her. I'd much rather have left as friends who still talked and been given some answers about stuff.

I'll second Hud and Hand_Solo's advice. Time heals all. We'll live.

Take Care
 

VernalTiger

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Thankyou for the replies everyone.We wern't actually together, we met on a certain site, spoke basically every day for 2 months, i lost my virginity to her.She said she didnt want a relationship, but we were still very close thats why its all so hard to understand for me, i just wish i hadnt ever got attached.

Had you met in person before you had sex? Or again afterwards? If not, then I hate to play Devil's advocate, but maybe she thought the sex was bad, or she didn't like the real-life you, or maybe she's just not that into you.

I'm sorry for your heartache.
 

D_Aberchirder_Crustinuts

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I can relate to what several are saying here about it often being necessary to make a clean abrupt break and that he/she may be hurting as well and it's too painful for them to remain in contact. I know that's most of the reason in my case as well. However, I also feel that when your plan becomes "to move on" and get over the person, ultimately looking for someone else or whatever, it's only fair to let them know that they are expected to do the same. They have no way to know what your intentions are by cutting off contact, and may think that you're trying to take a break to bring you guys closer or work some things out on your own. This is even worse in a long distance relationship or one where you don't see or know any of the same crowd. Even if you're mad at them or hurting and don't want to have a long talk explaining every little thing, one last call or two letting them know that you're not planning to return is probably only right.

Also, you guys talking about how you should get out and spend time with friends to keep your mind off of it should appreciate that you have that to fall back on. In my case I don't. At any time, I only really keep a couple people that I'm close to. It has dwindled way down over the years as my friends got older and settled down. For the past two years, she was it. Her and I are pretty much polar opposites socially. She knows about fifty thousand people, and is pretty close with at least twenty that she hangs out regularly with. She had a whole pile of friends there for support and can pretty much walk up and talk to or meet anybody. So I'm left with no explanation, no girlfriend (took two months to figure that one out), and nobody to fall back on or hang out with, and she was well aware of that. I'm not blaming anyone for my own situation, it's more or less something I chose and am usually OK with. Just saying to look on the bright side if your social environment is more "normal", or you're a bit younger as in Henry's case.

@Titan1968- You sound like things eventually got better. That's good news for the rest of us I guess. - you and me are the same age BTW

Good luck to all of us. Sounds like a bunch in here Henry.

Crunch
 

henry8888

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Had you met in person before you had sex? Or again afterwards? If not, then I hate to play Devil's advocate, but maybe she thought the sex was bad, or she didn't like the real-life you, or maybe she's just not that into you.

I'm sorry for your heartache.

Yes we met before we had sex.And yes we did meet up other times after the first time.Im sure i wasnt amazing as it was new to me but i dont think i was bad either.And speaking everyday for 2 months would be odd for someone that wasnt that into you.
:(
 
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