Getting revenge on an ex

[petite]

Many people "get on with their lives" without having to publicly "forgive" others, consciously or subconsciously. Perhaps the other person who offended first should "forgive" them for whatever motivated the offending person to be so offensive in the first place.

You have to do whatever is best for you! You're personality is probably different from mine, and so maybe you feel that your anger protects you, or gives you strength, or provides you with something else that you need.

I'm unable to sustain the feeling of anger because it's a feeling that makes me feel deeply uneasy inside. I dislike it intensely, so I feel that it's something I need to rid myself of whenever I feel it. I feel that being unforgiving does harm me. It makes me feel unhappy.

I don't agree with you about judging others so harshly for forgiving others easily. Most of the people I know who forgive easily are wonderful people and kind, so I don't think that's an accurate interpretation of the character of a person who forgives easily or urges others to forgive. I don't think it means that those people are careless with the feelings of others. I personally consider it an admirable trait.

 

[Wish-4-8]

what guy likes to admit he is wrong? what guy likes to admit how childish he used to be?

A MAN does. Why, because he is mature enough to realize his mistakes and grows from them to be a better person and, not hide behind them.

I want to embarass/humiliate my ex somehow. Russ has a four-inch dick and treated me poorly.

Has anyone done anything to an ex to get a little revenge? Stories?

What exactly did he do? Lets assume revenge is OK. What punishment would fit his crime?

Disclaimer: I agree with all who said that its best let it go and move on with your life. I am opening this up because the OP wants to vent and I think we can help her through this process of whatever she went through. Better she do it here, in internet fantasyland, than in real life.

Maybe talking about it here will be enough to make her understand that real revenge in life simply is not worth it. But she has to get it off her chest.

 

[Countryguy63]

Has anyone ever had someone hurt you in ways that you just cannot forgive,even years later?

 

[HiddenLacey]

Has anyone ever had someone hurt you in ways that you just cannot forgive,even years later?

Yes and no. I've tried to forgive him, and I would like to think that I forgive him, I've even prayed for him. Unfortunately deep inside I know I still have horrible thoughts about him sometimes. But I'm really trying. I think I've forgiven him as much as I'm ever going to be able to.

 

[Countryguy63]

"Sometimes" I sincerely wish that I could. It would be SO much better for my girls. Then she does something else that reminds me why

 

[ConstantComment]

**** Has anyone ever had someone hurt you in ways that you just cannot forgive,even years later? ****

Hurt or pissed me off sufficiently that there is no possibility for a friendship in the future. This link gives you example of someone who crossed that line with me.
http://www.lpsg.org/181924-another-friendship-thread.html

The other occasion is the guy I dated for two years who then told me that my hallway smelled like sex. I ended the relationship that day and two years later he came around again hoping that "we could see each other again as friends." I declined the offer.

There are a couple of other people whom I have excised from my life who have made overtures to want to get back into it and there is just no way possible.

I've raised my standards as to what I will put up with from others and I have moved on. And I don't see what difference, operationally or otherwise, it would make if I got my lips to form the words or my fingers to tap them out in a message that I forgive this person. Imagine the possible response from the other person ie "As if I cared."

It's best to move on before further exposing oneself.

 

[ConstantComment]

****Disclaimer: I agree with all who said that its best let it go and move on with your life. I am opening this up because the OP wants to vent and I think we can help her through this process of whatever she went through. Better she do it here, in internet fantasyland, than in real life. ****

I agree with this. OP if you start talking you may see some interesting things about your relationship that may help you to move on.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

My ex was a total bitch so I waited to see her at a big group function and paid my cousin to walk up to her and yank down her tube top in front of her paster and young adults group a few months later she moved outta town lol

no offense but the world could really benefit from you being removed from the gene pool

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

ok so me admitting i felt like crap makes me low and a toddler huh at least when im wrong i can admit it atleast im not sitting here being an ass to some1 that made a mistake when they were younger! at least im adult enough not to put ppl down just cuz i dont like what they did yrs ago!!

jesus christ type like a grown up

 

[Indelicate]

Many times, the forgiveness is for the benefit of the forgiver.
Many people are often idiots, and most true idiots remain as such for their lifetimes.
The person doesn't have to be TOLD they are forgiven.
You do it so that the hatred no longer affects YOUR life.
Otherwise, it's as if that person still has the ability to make you miserable, long after they are gone.
Do you want that idiot to continue to affect the way you think and the decisions you make in your life?
The only way to do it is to forgive them and let it go.
Then they can't hurt you any more.
You will be free again.

from the gospel according to St. Indy.

 

[petite]

St. Indy, I share your sentiments.

Many people hold onto anger because they feel that as long as they hold on to their anger then that punishes the other person. The problem is that it doesn't, it just keeps the pain you feel inside fresh and alive. You're actually just hurting yourself and letting that person continue to hurt you.

I have no difficulty with forgiveness of typical human weaknesses, the intangible crimes of the heart that end friendships and relationships. That doesn't mean that I'll still have someone in my daily life or that I'll extend my trust to them, but I try not to hold on to too much anger, and if I should run into them in public, I'm genuinely glad to see them and I want to catch up and I hope that their lives are going well.

When I think of things that are truly difficult to forgive, I think of my friend whose mother was killed by an intruder when he was a child. He grew up with an unbelievable amount of anger and being exceptionally intelligent, he put forth his efforts towards trying to find justice for victims by advocating for the death penalty. But something happened to him along the way, the more he read and the more he thought about the issue, he realized that he was on the wrong side, and that process of discovering the wrongness of the death penalty helped him forgive his mother's killer. He now advocates for the elimination of the death penalty. Now he organizes protests and gives speeches at universities on the subject of human rights and the injustice of the death penalty. I don't know if I'd have the moral strength to do such a thing, and I consider him to be a real life hero.

His experience and his example makes most of the things that I feel angry about petty by comparison, and that's good. Most of the things that anger me are actually petty. I'm more at peace when I realize that and I just let it go.

 

[Enid]

I agree with all who said moving on is the best thing to do. I don't have much interest in revenge I guess, I've felt anger after breakups but it dissipates before it ever gets to a "I want to hurt you" place.

Has anyone ever had someone hurt you in ways that you just cannot forgive, even years later?

Yes I have. But for me it hasn't been about not forgiving that person or holding a bunch of anger regarding their behavior. It's more like, "Well, this person did hurt me quite a bit and they seem very toxic, or toxic around me anyway, and so I shall remove myself from this poison."

I forgive when it's appropriate and I'm not making inappropriate sacrifices in doing so. But I very much have the ability to cut someone out of my life completely if need be, and in that sense I am rigid and unforgiving if I think a line has been crossed.

 

[ConstantComment]

****Many people hold onto anger because they feel that as long as they hold on to their anger then that punishes the other person. ****

It's not anger that I feel but a feeling of empowerment that I don't have to put up with that nonsense (or worse) and that as I go over the situation, I start identifying points at which I should have taken another path. When I was younger and felt that I idn't have that many social options, I used to put up with that stuff and, yes, "forgive." In this case, that did entail re-engaging with that person. Only to get kicked in the teeth again.

To be honest, anyone with whom I have parted ways, I don't care whether they have "forgiven" me either. I am only going to be concerned if they are actively acting against me. This is one reason why I am fascinated by that woman who screwed me over a concert ticket (among other things) because I can't tell if she is putting our mutual friend up to brokering a restart of the friendship or if the mutual friend is acting on her own (and, of so, then why).

Eight years ago I pissed off someone in one of my social circles and even though we have friends in common she still does not speak to me when I see her at club meetings or private parties. Do you think she has forgiven me?

 

[Indelicate]

****Many people hold onto anger because they feel that as long as they hold on to their anger then that punishes the other person. ****

It's not anger that I feel but a feeling of empowerment that I don't have to put up with that nonsense (or worse) and that as I go over the situation, I start identifying points at which I should have taken another path. When I was younger and felt that I idn't have that many social options, I used to put up with that stuff and, yes, "forgive." In this case, that did entail re-engaging with that person. Only to get kicked in the teeth again.

To be honest, anyone with whom I have parted ways, I don't care whether they have "forgiven" me either. I am only going to be concerned if they are actively acting against me. This is one reason why I am fascinated by that woman who screwed me over a concert ticket (among other things) because I can't tell if she is putting our mutual friend up to brokering a restart of the friendship or if the mutual friend is acting on her own (and, of so, then why).

Eight years ago I pissed off someone in one of my social circles and even though we have friends in common she still does not speak to me when I see her at club meetings or private parties. Do you think she has forgiven me?

One cannot be concerned with the activity going on between the ears of others who have issues with us.

The act of forgiveness, is internal. It is not important at first to let someone know they have been forgiven for the awful wrong they did to you. One can TELL someone they are forgiven, but if mentally that person hasn't been forgiven, it is an empty act. Most outward acts of forgiveness are anti-climactic.

In order for an individual to fully heal and move on to optimum happiness in their life, finding an internal resolution, whether one calls it "forgiveness" or not, it the goal.

The anger from hurt does more to our psyche than the actual act that hurt us in the first place.

Sometimes it is easier, as Enid said, to realize that a person and their actions are toxic, then remove ourselves from their ability to hurt us. As we would forgive an ignorant person for unknowingly hurting us, we forgive stupidity, hate, vengeance, as well as a host of mental disorders which make people dysfunctional, even the poor choices those individuals make.

Once we come to this realization and remove that pain from our being, we can insulate against specific individuals so that they cannot hurt us again. We just have to be certain not to insulate ourselves from those who genuinely care about us in the process.

This process is does not occur overnight, but must be diligently applied over time. Just as we strive for a personal goal externally, such as more exercise or quitting smoking, we have to be determined that that pain will get resolved and the pain to be extricated from our minds.

 

[lopo2000]

I agree with the advice that suggests you to improve yourself rather than trying your hard to get back at your ex. Looking at you being very happy is actually making your ex feel so sorry of themselves. Or if not, at least you're in a great place. I was a revengeful and bitter person before, and it made me feel so exhausted. When I gradually tried to forgive and move on, it's actually making me feel so serene and happy than I thought.

 

[ConstantComment]

****In order for an individual to fully heal and move on to optimum happiness in their life, finding an internal resolution, whether one calls it "forgiveness" or not, it the goal.*****

I agree with part of this. But I choose to withhold forgiveness when I feel like it. In the two examples that I gave, I will never forgive those two people and I will never forgive those actions and the doers of those actions should someone else visit one of them upon me again. I feel stronger for it. As I said, the fact that I feel stronger is because I recognise that I have many options and don't need to put up with it. That realisation is the most empowering of all.

Maybe here it's a matter of semantics and people like using the word "forgive" even though it seems to be implemented in different ways. I had put the friend situation up on a message board on ivillage. I am amazed at how I was accsued of holding a grudge and that being stiffed GBP45 is not a lot of money. The only possible reason I can think of for this kind of response is that possibly those responding are contemplating how they screwed someone in a similar situation and are angry that there were consequences for it that they didn't like.

 

[WillDaBeast]

you ppl just dont know how to drop a subject do you? fyi the way i type isnt any of ur concern btw i dont want any of ur forgiveness nethier would i even need any i got forgave by her and thats all i need. yall say you dont like revenge but u wont shut up about it. you all say its better just to get over things but you people cant even get over this thread wow drama feeds your soul i guess w.e petty petty bullshit

 

[dolfette]

you ppl just dont know how to drop a subject do you? fyi the way i type isnt any of ur concern btw i dont want any of ur forgiveness nethier would i even need any i got forgave by her and thats all i need. yall say you dont like revenge but u wont shut up about it. you all say its better just to get over things but you people cant even get over this thread wow drama feeds your soul i guess w.e petty petty bullshit

you bumped this after 13 hours.
the entire last page is a conversation that doesn't involve you at all.
i think you just WANT us to talk about and to you.

this thread isn't about you.
grow up.

 

[WillDaBeast]

lmao nice one "grow up" haha ive been offline for 2 days to come back to u guys still going off bout this stupid shit and I need to grow up? think not

 

[dolfette]

yes you do.

it's a discussion board. we discuss things.
the morality of revenge is a far more interesting topic than your paranoid ego.