My husband and I have a third. He was one of the first people I met when we started looking for our extra guy, although not the first one we 'tried out'. There was a long time of 'busy schedule' and other things that kept it to alot of chat time. A friendship developed between him and I. Cool with my hubby as long as no lines were crossed. He is a Dom also, but it was made clear from the beginning my husband is my only Dom (and we don't do 24/7) and that I was not to be his sub, this was purely threesome. There has not been much talk of D/s other than him joking now and then I need my ass spanked for this or that. So, we talk, alot, but it's hit and miss, and I've learned that over time I let myself (being submissive, and having alot of stress right now) slip into giving over control of the relationship to him. He chats when he wants, calls the shots, what have you. He pulls out my emotional baggage, and also does tend to yank my power out from under me in our conversations. We've just reached the point where he has made some outright comments about that fact, that he keeps me where I need to be, etc. Made it very clear he knows he is in charge, I don't have the reigns, and outright asked me to trust him and 'let me take this where it needs to be, and I'll make sure you don't get out of control with it'. So, question is; I'm naturally submissive, I do enjoy the control but when does it become negative? I'm thinking at this point, he's serving himself and not my needs. Any women who are subs / men who are Doms, is this type of situation destructive? I find myself still drawn to it, yet disturbed over my mistrust and the whole push pull between us. Since he's not my Dom I have not been 'asked' to give control (and I think I'm answering my own question here) so there's no contract, no tangible or confirmed power exchange, it's just happening naturally, and it's purely emotional nothing physical whatsoever in that sense. Our only physical contact is sexual, plain and simple and no BDSM has ever taken place. Is this a common situation? Where someone like him worms their way into control? My experience with the D/s relationship so far is limited. I'd like to hear opinions or stories of anyone who has had simliar experiences. I'm thinking this is him, playing a game, not necessarily responding to my needs.