GF doesn't like giving oral.

[audiilike]

Hello,

I know this is a weird question to ask here, but it might be better suited if I get a females point of view. My GF is great, we have a pretty good sex life, but there is one problem; she doesn't like to give head. I always go down on her, because I like it, and I never tell her to do it to me as a result.

What are the reasons chicks don't like giving head? Is there something I can do to get her to like it?

She has mentioned that she feels it's degrading and disrespectful to women, and I think that was probably part of her "old school" up bringing.

Have any of you been liek this, and eventually changed your opinion?
How can can I bring up the subject without sounding like a jerk?

Thanks

 

[Intrigue]

Perhaps share your honest and true feelings. If her not going down on you makes you feel as though she doesn't feel as strongly for you tell her. Another way would be to broach the subject ina playful way, like just having mutual masturbation sessions where you both got each other off individually, then each other and then maybe progress to something more along the lines of what you would like. There are many different reasons why a woman either doesn't want to or can't. Perhaps ask her those reasons? I know that being open with my wife has allowed me to talk about subjects that normally would make her very uncomfortable. But above all else you should take it slow and respect her feelings. Now I'm saying this from a mans point of view trying to understand a woman. I may be entirely wrong or my logic may be flawed. I can only tell you what has worked for me and the women in my past. So good luck to you and I hope you and your partner find the enjoyment you are both seeking.

(If I have said anything here that could be misconstrued as sexist or rude please please correct me and I will endeavor to make sure it never happens again, we are all human, all flawed)

 

[Intrigue]

One quick note, when I said to ask her reasons I meant "Why does she find it degrading? The answer may be something simple or who knows. But the issue of it being degrading is, i think, a product of the pornography present and how it showcases women as holes to be dumped into.

 

[audiilike]

Thanks Intrigue.

Porno is exactly the main reason why she finds it degrading. I don't blame her for thinking that tho, it's hard to tell her it's not when all you see is bukake videos and deep throat stuff...

 

[Intrigue]

Thanks Intrigue.

Porno is exactly the main reason why she finds it degrading. I don't blame her for thinking that tho, it's hard to tell her it's not when all you see is bukake videos and deep throat stuff...

I went though this EXACT thing with a former gf. How I approached the subject was first to find a very loving and tasteful film in which the woman makes "love" to the penis not just suck the hell out of it. When she sees that it can be an act of love and adoration instead of a way to empty your balls then maybe she will warm up to the idea. But again I caution take it slow and never get angry if she says no or stops and is uncomfortable. That could be the worst thing to do. Just make it about sensuality and caring and less about dropping your load into her mouth and maybe just maybe she will see it as something sexy, not vulgar. Good luck my friend.

 

[hud01]

I have to ask one question does she think your going down on her is degrading? If not she has real issues.

 

[blacklegend]

I used to have a EX-GF who wouldn't give head.
If you are happy to get married, stay faithful and NEVER get head EVER again then she's the girl for you!
Good Luck.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

Intrigue offered some good advice, might I add:

The brain is the most sensuos part of our makeup. In my opinion, you will have to start with changing the way she pereceives oral sex. And you may never get more than "I'll do it because you want me to" deal. But I'm not sure you can fully get her to come around.

Girls are like guys... Some do and some don't. I know that sounds hopeless to you, but if she has this porn image in her mind, not sure what you can do to shake that.

Maybe some suggestions:
1. Stop watching porn where the girls are 'just empty holes waiting to be filled.'
2. Understand the woman's need to talk and begin conversations... or allow them to evolve around her feelings about sex in general. Ask her how she feels when she looks at you naked (if it is arousing to her....there's great hope.)
3. Share with her your feelings (I feel like....., or it makes me feel....) about cunnilingus and fellatio. Let her know the emotions you feel when you are going down on her. (This will probably give her great insight into what turns you on.)
4. Most importantly, if she is not comfortable with you cumming in her mouth, let her know that there are other ways to 'finish' the job that would satisfy you as well. Choose your words carefully. Things like "dropping a load", "bustin' a nut", etc. not sensual at all....

And remember, Love is a crazy thing...and rarely is there ever a 'perfect' woman out there who has everything all together. As a matter of fact...can't think of a single one. Absolute perfection only exists in our imaginations.

I'm sure there are other ladies on this site that may have better insight than me, since I've never really been in your girl's shoes.

 

[audiilike]

I have to ask one question does she think your going down on her is degrading? If not she has real issues.

She doesn't like that too much either, she's more about the sex that the foreplay.

 

[audiilike]

^ Thanks Fancy pants, great advice! Things change quite a bit if we've been out that night, and get home after a night partying. She's much more open to it.

 

[cgttown]

I looked at this post because I've been married over 20 years and my wife will not do oral on me at all. She's pretty reluctant to talk sex details in the first place and was raised very conservatively. Over the years I've helped her relax and enjoy sex, which she definitely does. She's all for my orally pleasuring her and all that, but she is EXTREMELY hesitant to take much of an active role when we have sex. I have tried talking to her about it, but it just makes her uncomfortable, and I stopped trying to have that conversation years ago as a result.

All that to say to the original OP, this aspect of sexual compatibility is one that can impact a long term relationship on levels that you may not even understand. My wife and I have a great relationship on many, many levels, but, honestly, I sometimes feel like I have to "work" when it comes to sex. I'm all about giving my partner the attention, but I could use some too, and if you have a partner who is uncomfortable with that...well, you're in a tough spot. Actually, that's one of the hot things about getting a blow job is that you are the one getting the attention and you can sort of lie back and enjoy.

So while this might not be a major problem in your relationship, and while it CAN be something that you decide to live with because you love her, understand that you could come to be dissatisfied with an otherwise satisfying sex life. Just two cents from someone who has been there.

 

[whabb]

Black Legend (See post # 7 in this thread) said:

"I used to have a EX-GF who wouldn't give head.
If you are happy to get married, stay faithful and NEVER get head EVER again then she's the girl for you!
Good Luck. "

PAY ATTENTION TO THIS MAN. HE SPEAKS THE TRUTH!

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

^ Thanks Fancy pants, great advice! Things change quite a bit if we've been out that night, and get home after a night partying. She's much more open to it.

Ohh I envision a 'nightcap' (strong and 2 or 3) every now and again.... it's funny how alcohol loosens our inhibitions....we let down all barriers. Just make sure its you and her.... hehehe

 

[AlteredEgo]

I have to ask one question does she think your going down on her is degrading? If not she has real issues.

That's what I was wondering.

 

[molotovmuffin]

I dated a guy for a few months that would never go down on me. It was ok for him to get bj's, hand jobs and fuck silly...but no pussy licking. The last time I broached the subject, I said...how would like it if I never gave you another bj or hand job...we broke up about two days later.

If it's ok for her to receive but not give...something is wrong.

 

[ConstantComment]

I dated a guy who didn't like going down on me. We went round and round with his excuses. The next time I encounter a guy like that, I know not to even bother.

 

[The Dragon]

I can fully understand where she is coming from with her upbringing..she see's it as degrading and the porn she has watched hasn't helped her overcome those ideas.

My advice is, to expand on what has already been said, is to have a few night caps and make the mood soft, sensual with absolutely no pressure.

I can't speak highly enough about this range of beautifully crafted Blow Job videos.
The Art of Blowjob Sensual Videos

Look I know that might sound like a contradiction in terms but these movies were created by a woman with a woman's point of view in mind.
They are soft, sensual, playful.
It's not degrading mainstream porn.
It just depicts the beauty of the act.
Maybe after those few night caps you can watch it together, cuddle and kiss on the couch and discuss the movies..it might help her see the act in a better light.

I hope it helps.

 

[audiilike]

^ Thanks Dragonfly!

 

[Intrigue]

Wow Ms. Dragon! I don't even have a problem at home and I'm still going too use those to set a nice mood with the missus. Thanks! Tasteful porn... Who knew?

 

[The Dragon]

Thanks guys....glad to help.
And on a personal note - without any false modesty I consider myself quite skilled in the art and even I learnt new techniques from watching her.