GF struggling with girth?

[D_Marvin Meatthistle]

To cut a long story short, me and my girlfriend stopped using condoms as she said they made her feel uncomfortable. We thought this was down to a latex allergy (not even sure if she has one now!) and after discovering non-latex condoms we thought all was well. However, we are finding that she gets 'sore' after sex with latex and non-latex condoms and even without a condom while using lube. I said maybe we just need to use more lube but she feels that too much and she would lose most of the sensation which is fair enough. However, all this makes me think that the problem is simply that my girth is just a bit too much for her. I know it's a bit of a tight fit, but with plenty of foreplay and some lube things seemed ok, but evidently still caused her discomfort. I wouldn't class myself as huge compared to some of the guys on here (approx 6.75 x 5.5) but she says I'm far and away the biggest she's ever had. I know the easy answer is plenty of well lubed sex and allow her to adjust to my size, but we are in a long distance relationship and only see each other every 3 weeks or so. The fact that she gets sore after sex means that when we do see each other for the weekend, we only have sex once or perhaps twice (rather than the 50,000 time we both feel we want :wink and so don't get much chance for her to 'adjust'

Can anyone offer any advice to help us with this?

Irie

 

[crowdpleaser]

Did she ever have the problem with guys smaller than you?

 

[RoyalT]

Stretch her out. Get a smaller vibrator (Tiffany from Ann Summers is good). Then once she can fit that comfortably, maybe go up a little more in size or just put your dick in.

Stretching helps a lot.

 

[D_Marvin Meatthistle]

She had no problems with the 2 other boyfriends she slept with, apparently both had problems with condoms being a bit on the large side for them. As for toys, thats something I've thought about but she isn't interested as she doesnt ever fly solo. That being said, we recently used a vibrating cock ring (came free with a condom order) which she enjoyed and I think she may warm to the idea in future...

 

[Belly_Dancer]

She's saying she doesn't want to use condoms, so that she doesn't loose sensation, but if she's getting that sore, it sounds like there's too much sensation.

One very critical question (especially comes to mind since she doesn't 'fly solo') -- does she orgasm when you two have sex?

 

[OmahaBeef]

Well I still say she goes with a toy...

Is she your age? If she's a bit younger, then it will come in time...

...OB

 

[Love-it]

We still have a problem after 32 years, it took a long time to realize that girth is the problem, the only thing that we feel has a chance is for her to use gradually increasing diameter dildo's and vibrators so that she can gradually get used to the girth. And keep at it, if my wife skips a couple of days or has an emotional or physical event she is nearly back to square one. This has happened often enough in the 1 1/2 years that she has been dilating that she still can't take my 6.25" girth. But there is hope.

 

[Nitrofiend]

She's saying she doesn't want to use condoms, so that she doesn't loose sensation, but if she's getting that sore, it sounds like there's too much sensation.

One very critical question (especially comes to mind since she doesn't 'fly solo') -- does she orgasm when you two have sex?

I'm getting some weird deja vu here...

Does she orgasm? My girl had her first orgasms by herself, and then shortly afterward through sex with me. Being pretty close to your size I may understand what your problem is.

However why doesn't she ever "fly solo"? How is she supposed to know her own body without exploring it on her own? What kind of soreness is it? Is it inside her vagina, or external burning on the outer labia? What condoms do you use? What lube? Does she only have something sizeable in her vagina every 3 weeks? How long are your foreplay sessions? Is she tense or relaxed? Does she have problems getting and/or staying wet on her own? I need to hear more information because there are a lot of factors involved.

 

[zaza]

Being in a long distance relationship, where you get less sex than you both want,you will probably find my advice frustrating. I would recomend taking the pressure off having penatritive sex. Instead experiment with non penatrative sex. This will mean lots of sex, and less soreness. It might get your girlfriend to appreciate masturbation and have the drive to go solo making her more intune with her body and more into sex. It might also mean your girlfriend gets even more aroused, desparate for penetration, and more able to tolerate your dick without getting sore.

The other issue might be positioning. I know I find sex in some positions difficult, although this is more due to my boyfriends length than girth. The same may be true in your case, and worth a try.

 

[RoyalT]

She doesn't have to use the toy on her own. Incorporate it into foreplay. And she should explore her own body. Is she a bit repressed/shy about her body? Maybe she's not getting as wet as she should be or could be if she let herself go. Try playing with her clit and making her cum. Or fingering her and licking her out at the same time. Make her cum and she should be a lot more receptive.

 

[D_Marvin Meatthistle]

She's saying she doesn't want to use condoms, so that she doesn't loose sensation, but if she's getting that sore, it sounds like there's too much sensation.

One very critical question (especially comes to mind since she doesn't 'fly solo') -- does she orgasm when you two have sex?

It not that she doesn't want to use condoms as she’s worried about loss of sensation, it’s that she worries too much lube with cause loss of sensation. I don't know if that would be the case or not, but we can only try. She does orgasm when we have sex, not every time as sometimes (more often then I would like!) I orgasm before she does which I think isn’t helped by the snug fit making it a bit hard to control myself :wink:

However why doesn't she ever "fly solo"? How is she supposed to know her own body without exploring it on her own? What kind of soreness is it? Is it inside her vagina, or external burning on the outer labia? What condoms do you use? What lube? Does she only have something sizeable in her vagina every 3 weeks? How long are your foreplay sessions? Is she tense or relaxed? Does she have problems getting and/or staying wet on her own? I need to hear more information because there are a lot of factors involved.

She doesn't masturbate as she never has done and she told me that the only time she has ever had orgasms is with me and she feels that masturbating would detract from that. She has described the soreness as just like a friction burn. As for condoms we have used fetherlite, avanti and supra and the problem occurred with all of them or without any condom at all. We have recently bought some lube (liquid silk) but haven't tried it yet as she only told me recently that she was in discomfort and we haven’t seen each other since then. Our foreplay varies but we always waits until she feels ready, but perhaps maybe longer foreplay and greater relaxation would help. She never seems tense and as far as her getting/keeping wet everything seems perfectly fine to me, but then I have no other experience to base that against.

Being in a long distance relationship, where you get less sex than you both want, you will probably find my advice frustrating. I would recommend taking the pressure off having penetrative sex. Instead experiment with non penetrative sex. This will mean lots of sex, and less soreness. It might get your girlfriend to appreciate masturbation and have the drive to go solo making her more intune with her body and more into sex. It might also mean your girlfriend gets even more aroused, desparate for penetration, and more able to tolerate your dick without getting sore.
The other issue might be positioning. I know I find sex in some positions difficult, although this is more due to my boyfriends length than girth. The same may be true in your case, and worth a try.

We have been doing that more often more recently as both of us have discovered a new love for non penetrative sex :smile: I don't know if it will encourage her to explore her own body, but I think various things are starting to make her entertain new ideas....As for positions, we stick to missionary and her on top pretty much as I have a back problem which can make any other position very uncomfortable!

She doesn't have to use the toy on her own. Incorporate it into foreplay. And she should explore her own body. Is she a bit repressed/shy about her body? Maybe she's not getting as wet as she should be or could be if she let herself go. Try playing with her clit and making her cum. Or fingering her and licking her out at the same time. Make her cum and she should be a lot more receptive.

It's something that at the moment she is just not interested in. However, I think she is coming around to the idea after we tried a vibrating cock ring (free gift when we bought some condoms!) and she enjoyed that so I think maybe she is gradually coming around to the idea of toys in future. As for how she feels about her body, she says she is totally fine though I know she has had issues about her weight in the past. I'm a bit sceptical as to how 'fine' she is at the moment (she was a bit worried I would fid her less attractive as she has put on weight despite me telling her that’s not the case) but we have talked and I don’t want to push the issue too much. I think we are both still discovering a lot about sex at this point as even thought we have been together for 2.5 years, we never had much time for sex. If we were lucky maybe once a week while we were at school and now a weekend together every 3 weeks we are at uni! Before we got together I was a virgin and so everything was (and much of it still is) new to me. She had had previous boyfriends and had slept with two of them, but I get the feeling that was simply going through the motions for her and so she never had a chance to really let herself go.

Thanks for the help so far, much appreciated :smile:

 

[hose 85]

My wife gets sore from a long sex session also, it limits us to sex only every other day or so. We have been together 10 years and married for 7 but she still gets sore after a long or rough session. She is very tight and most of our situation deals with initial penetration and friction during sex. Lube is a must for us, as far as the sorness she says it's part of dealing with a larger than average penis.

She has told me a few times she has got turned on by the sorness because it makes her think of what got her that way, it turned me on too.

Just give her time to get used to your size and I am sure she will grow to love it.

Just my 2 cents, J.

 

[Bonanza65]

be very very wide 7+ in circumference, i can say i have seen both type of women who can accomodate it or not.

i dated and asian girl 20yrs 95 lbs 5'7 boobs b size and her pussy was very small (from top of clit to bottom it was 3 inches just laying on her back) yet she was able to take all my width and 9 inches length no problem AFTER she became wet and excited.

i also date another asian girl 22 with the exact same build and pussy slightly bigger (3.5 inches) yet she could never take me in length fucking hard or even medium penetration and there are hundreds of other guys with 9" or more. But more painful for her was the width, no matter how wet or lubed and foreplay she had it always hurt her it seemed in her facial expression and her pelvic pulling away. there have been times i had my cock head only inside her with my hand rotating it around her opening until she brought herself to climax, and seeing the goose bumps on her skin and she said fuck me, but even then i could still tell she still couldnt take it all. but with a 3some with my best friend she had no problem with him as he was much normal in size.

this has happened with all types of women. so i would say if your gf cant take yours, unfortunately your plumbing is paired for her. another girl would handle fine

 

[Gisella]

To cut a long story short, me and my girlfriend stopped using condoms as she said they made her feel uncomfortable. We thought this was down to a latex allergy (not even sure if she has one now!) and after discovering non-latex condoms we thought all was well. However, we are finding that she gets 'sore' after sex with latex and non-latex condoms and even without a condom while using lube. I said maybe we just need to use more lube but she feels that too much and she would lose most of the sensation which is fair enough. However, all this makes me think that the problem is simply that my girth is just a bit too much for her. I know it's a bit of a tight fit, but with plenty of foreplay and some lube things seemed ok, but evidently still caused her discomfort. I wouldn't class myself as huge compared to some of the guys on here (approx 6.75 x 5.5) but she says I'm far and away the biggest she's ever had. I know the easy answer is plenty of well lubed sex and allow her to adjust to my size, but we are in a long distance relationship and only see each other every 3 weeks or so. The fact that she gets sore after sex means that when we do see each other for the weekend, we only have sex once or perhaps twice (rather than the 50,000 time we both feel we want :wink and so don't get much chance for her to 'adjust'

Can anyone offer any advice to help us with this?

Irie

Hmmm...I had allergies to latex condons a lot and worse allergies with condons with lub or spermicide on it...and that "warm" lubes I bought by mistake to use with my device is horrible and was trashed.

A 5.5 is a good girth that some women may have problem...but to me no way is problematic in the right conditions as woman is aroused and wet to receive it.

Had she gone to her gynecologyst just to check everything out and ask questions and etc? Just find a cool doctor or RNP, they trully can give suggestions and facts too, at least in my experience.:wink:

As I understoo right you have back problems and is not good some positions..and about side, slow motion positions ?

But I do think she still learning about her body likes and dislikes, plus been apart and not having sex much it is taking longer to get the rytmic "right" plus you two have are busy and lots of student responsability as studies goes etc. Seems build up the missing while apart but is too rush rush and even tension because things not going smooth as desire a lot of sex and ends up with 1,2...

Dont know but why not next time you meet..you just dont have sex and let build up up more sexual tension? Just meet spend fun time together and relax on a weekend of your stress, tensions whatever. Touch and be there but do not give for her...:biggrin1: :wink: ..let her desire you a lot inside and drip. And by the next weekend you meet do very very slow etc. You just are open new situations out of "routine' to be explore, and sometimes routines prevent us to relax..and in her case the predictable antecipated soreness, even with lub help, even with this and that..still.

Good luck and keep trying and learning as we all are.:smile:

 

[D_Merringtonne Meathead]

Unfortunately despite all the good advice, occasionally it does not work. Although I'm tall and have a reasonably big cock I love fucking petite women so it happens probably more often to me than some others. I have had a couple of younger women who just could not accommodate my girth - and it's not that huge - despite long foreplay and lube. Just had to give up and settle for a bj. Sorry to be discouraging but some things just will not happen.

 

[D_Marvin Meatthistle]

Thanks for th advice, I think plenty of lube, more foreplay and a trip to the docs is in order :smile: