Girl is obsessed with and I want to let her down without hurting her

[Miscer]

Here are the cliff notes:

She's abdicated her faculties of reason and gets edgy and antsy if she doesn't get to talk to me regularly

She currently lives hours away from me

I have zero interest in her, other than hanging out for fun and obliging her desires for sex

I told her I am not interested

She replied: "I know, but I can't let you go, I don't want to let go of the idea".

It's been months since I've seen her in person (owing to life circumstances), though she's continually emailing me and calling me.
I'm thinking of telling her I've started to see someone (sort of true, though it's mostly just a fling). I'll tell her it's serious. This may be a nail in the coffin of her delusions that I'll one day be open for a loving relationship with her.

Will this hurt her even more, or is it for the best?

I want to permanently close off any possibility in her mind of a relationship without being an asshole to her, because I'm fond of her and sincerely care about her feelings, and we shared some magic moments that I don't want to be retroactively spoiled

[by the way, this is not a "boasting" post, I am an anonymous spec of internet dust who will never meet any of you and I'm indifferent to how other anonymous random people view me, but I appreciate any insights you may have]

 

[ColonialBoy]

Chicks do this all the time, and her problems should not be yours.
There's even a word for it - "nexting" http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nexting


Tell her you are seeing somebody else, tell her you dont want to talk to her anymore. Block her phone & email.
Pandering to her is beta male behaviour, you dont want to do that. Have a look at some of the "pick up artist" sites who talk about this & reltated issues.

 

[mephistopheles]

Just tell her how it is.

You wanna be friends or never see her again or whatever.

As long as you are nice about the whole situation it shouldn't be too bad unless you've got a nutter chasing you, and if that is the case it will probably be bad no matter what.

I used to have to shoot down a lot of girls because I have always been more into boys than girls, the best way to do it is to be truthful; things may get worse at first, but they'll get better.

I used to use the excuse that I worked all the time, then I had girls showing up at my place of work when I wasn't there, feeling betrayed and hurt... After I told them why I lied it always made everything at least a little better.

You maybe not be able to keep her as a friend or whatever but just be truthful with the girl... would you want her lying to you if you were in her shoes? Of course not(maybe you wouldn't care, idk) getting lied to hurts, especially when it's someone you think you have feelings for.

Just remember she is going to be the one coming off of this, not you; so be considerate of her, if she finds out that you're lying then later she might get kind'a nut'so or whatever.

 

[Gillette]

If she's making you uncomfortable, tell her that.
If you think this is unhealthy for her, tell her that.

Whatever you tell her make it the truth and tell her that you are cutting communications with her. Block everything and don't answer numbers you don't recognize for quite some time.

 

[Miscer]

Tell her you are seeing somebody else, tell her you dont want to talk to her anymore. Block her phone & email.

Whoa, ease up a sec. Let's not go apeshit. "I don't want to talk to you anymore" - what am I, some kind of neanderthal asshole? I've known this girl for years, we've been through a lot, I care about her. I just want her to know that I am fond of her, and always will be, but there will never be any relationship between us.

As for the nexting thing, I agree.

"Nexting is a technique used to remove someone from your life in a clean, efficient manner that causes minimal to no drama. Tantrum whores, liars, users, schemers, drama queens, faggots and losers are typically the kinds of people who are subjected to nexting."

She is none of those things. I've nexted many girls before, even one I dated for 2 years, because they were retarded drama whores.

@ mephistopheles and gillette, thank you for the thoughtful replies.

 

[NoH8]

She's abdicated her faculties of reason and gets edgy and antsy if she doesn't get to talk to me regularly

She lost her mind when you first laid her out with that enormous tool of yours. No wonder she can't live without you. If you'd like an alibi any number of people here would be glad to stand in as your latest flame, in return for a small, (or not so small!), consideration. Tell her you joined a website about large penises and ever since you've been overcome by offers of hot, fiery, libidinous sex from males and females alike. Of course, being the gentleman that you are, you could hardly disappoint these amorous afficionados.

Unfortunately you have now developed a taste for frequent exotic sexual encounters with all-comers and unless she is prepared to meet you in your new dungeon in a pair of chaps wearing a large strap-on, then there just doesn't seem to be any point to continuing to contact each other.

That should do the trick.... Unless she already has a strap-on.

 

[Miscer]

^ Heh. Not so sure about that, but thanks anyway.

 

[NoH8]

But seriously, I think you should tel her that you have resolved to put the relationship with her behind you because you need to move on to a new phase in your life. You treasure her memories but you don't need to re-live them.

Wish her well and tell here that she would make you happier if she could move on with her own life and find someone who is seriously into her, someone willing to devote themselves completely to her. Tell her that you are not that person and never will be.

Neither are you her counsellor, since the memories are too fresh, you are not free to be her shoulder to cry on. She should choose someone else for that, not the object of her attentions. Request that she respect your privacy as you will respect hers, so that someone new may come into both your lives without the spectre of a past relationship spoiling any future prospects.

Good luck.

 

[Miscer]

Thank you NoH8, I appreciate that

 

[NoH8]

You're welcome sir, just remember me if you ever need that alibi.

 

[SR_Daniel Dangler]

disregard women , acquire currency.

lol jks.

Was in a similar situation with a girl not long ago, i kinda just purposely friend zoned myself, didnt flirt at all, talked to her like a sister almost, and stuff like that and it seemed to work.

Mabye the best way would just be to be completely honest and tell her you think she is really nice but your not interested as she isnt your type or something or u think of her as a sister or something?

Orrr Tell her you have herpes.

 

[Gillette]

"I don't want to let go of the idea".

This is the biggest obstacle. Fantasies can be much more difficult to let go of than realities.

Is there any way that you can make yourself less attractive to her? Think of what qualities she loathes in people and maybe tell her about situations where you exhibit those qualities.

I still think that going cold turkey is the simplest way but if you can find a way for her to not want you that might work even better. (cold turkey sometimes just inspires creative stalking)

I wish you luck with it.

 

[LaFemme]

I hate these situations, but be kind and absolutely firm with her that there is no possibility of a relationship ever and then cut off contact until she's had time to move on.

I hate to admit this, but years ago, I used to be one of those women who couldn't "let go of the idea". The truth and ending contact was the best thing that a man could do for me. I'm not like that anymore (thank goodness!), but I do know from experience that lying or maintaining even the most innocuous of contacts will just feed her imagination.

Good luck!

 

[xX_Sarah_Xx]

I hate these situations, but be kind and absolutely firm with her that there is no possibility of a relationship ever and then cut off contact until she's had time to move on. ...

This.

Let me add that bringing another girl in the picture is possibly not the best idea. Then you just press her nose down the fact that you pick some other girl over her and it won't do much good for her selfesteem. Trying to make her see she just isn't for you is already hard enough on her. And if you care about her as a friend you don't want that.

Just tell her how it is. And then give her the room and time to get used to the idea, as Gilette said. Fantasy can be a dangerous thing. She'll thank you for handling it in such a no-bullshit way later.

Leave her be for about half a year. Sounds like a lot but in the beginning, every time she hears from you will not help the cause. It might be hard and/or weird and you might miss her as a friend, but it would be best for her I think.

Lastly, decide for yourself what to do with all this. You know her better than any of us. Good luck... messy situations like that are always hard. Both on her and on you.

 

[D_Crystallized Ginger]

is she the girl who is blowing your dick in your pics? btw I think you have to let her down without caring too much beacuse she has falle nin love with you because you are well endowed and an handsome boy..ahve you ever heard of a girl such "sticky" with below average men and ugly men???? hope my english is understandable...

 

[Gamm]

No matter what you do or tell her, she will be hurt. Best thing is to explain your feelings one more time and then STOP communication. One day she'll move on.

 

[Miscer]

@Mystic wolf, nah, that's not her. Those are the blurriest pics I have - that chick also happens to like me, but she's not a nutter, she just enjoys the flirtation (we don't live near each other and don't talk much).

@La Femme and Sarah, thank you for the good replies, I'll take all that on board.

 

[saphire]

Telling her you seeing someone else is only going to hurt her more! Do not do that! Tell her you just need to get your life in order and you need some space for now.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I have to agree with everyone that said "just tell her the truth." Seriously, that's always better than lying. Some people feel the need for closure, you don't want a scene later.

You said you've known this girl for along time, you've had sex with her,etc. I'm going to take a guess and say there's a good possibility that she might be in love with you/ in love with the idea of being with you and she's hoping that one day you will reciprocate her feelings. I think by reading your post you are going to have to hurt her feelings to make her understand.

I also disagree with blocking her unless she's super crazy stalker chick. Maybe she's not getting the point because you keep giving her the contact and attention that she needs. If you two are talking, texting, emailing ALL the time she's not going to let it go. She wants you to be interested.

Lay it out there that while she is a good friend you will never be in a relationship with her because you don't feel that way about her and you're not going to change your mind. Having constant interaction with her might be giving her hope even after you tell her this. You might have to distance yourself from her until she realises that you are serious.

 

[D_Crystallized Ginger]

what I meant is no girl seems to stalk a 4 inches and/or ugly man... this is why I think she (and the other stalkers like her) doesn't deserves all that care...