Girl is obsessed with and I want to let her down without hurting her

mitc3117

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Truth, is the focal point of this in my opinion.

She needs to know how you feel, know what you think about the relationship. Hopefully with your honest thoughts out there she will see that you really still want to be her friend. I think maybe what the guys above may have meant when they meant blocking her and stuff is that you need to make sure she gets some space, because she will probably want to keep things going the way they are.

Instead of blocking and not answering I would just swiftly reiterate that you aren't interested in that sort of relationshpi if/when it comes up.
 

unzipped

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I had a similar situation a few years back... she was obsessed with my dick and sex skills...... I knew later it was a mistake to screw her so many times... but young and dumb and full of cum and all.......anyhow, just had to finally tell her straight. I have no romantic feelings for her and no future together... Hope we can be friends and moved on. I heard she got married and has a toddler now...... so people do adjust.......
good luck buddy... just keep the true 8 inches out of her face / mouth / and pussy....
 

bigsby112

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My suggestion, just be honest. You don't have to be mean about it. Just be honest. That is all you can truely offer her. She will have to decide how she uses that. You can't control that.
 

D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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But seriously, I think you should tel her that you have resolved to put the relationship with her behind you because you need to move on to a new phase in your life. You treasure her memories but you don't need to re-live them.

Wish her well and tell here that she would make you happier if she could move on with her own life and find someone who is seriously into her, someone willing to devote themselves completely to her. Tell her that you are not that person and never will be.

Neither are you her counsellor, since the memories are too fresh, you are not free to be her shoulder to cry on. She should choose someone else for that, not the object of her attentions. Request that she respect your privacy as you will respect hers, so that someone new may come into both your lives without the spectre of a past relationship spoiling any future prospects.

Good luck.

THIS (period.) Nailed it NoH8:smile:
 

helgaleena

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I think the most important point which has not been emphasized sufficiently is STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER. Unless you are giving her money for it, it is an act of intimacy and if she reads into it more than you mean by it, you are being misunderstood at a level over which she has little control of her reactions. Sex strikes everyone at deep levels.
 

_Jonesy

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She will get hurt either way, no escaping that. If you need to get rid, make sure you do it with her interests at heart. No sense in hurting her any more than you already have to, so just be as sympathetic as possible.
 

Charles Finn

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just continue to be honest with her
you want to be her friend but you are not going to be lovers you just don't see her like that and cut off the sex
it will only lead her on
best of luck to you
always be honest about how you feel.
no one can fault you for being honest about how you feel
 

iluvbigheads

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I wouldn't think you have zero interest in her, I mean you carry on some degree of relationship type things like texting and phone calls and apparently had sex so it sounds like you may have caused her to fall in love with you. You can see how one can be mislead by this, yet I don't think it would proper to cut off communication and all this nonsense . And who knows, as time goes on, you might just have a change of heart after you realize it's not good to play around with people's emotions.
Meanwhile, you say "zero" interest. Well, how are you going to feel when a girl does this to you? I mean the girl you think you might like to spend your life with telling you right out, nah, I have zero interest in you...it's a shitty thing to say when there are other ways to express this, "look, I like you and you like me, but the cards aren't falling that way, you should date other men" or "I'm not right for you because...." and so on. Too much emphasis on "me" always winds up with you looking overrated.
I guess what I'm saying is put yourself in her shoes and imagine a girl saying the things you said here about you. It would feel shitty. With that in mind, let things just go naturally. All this "I'm not interested" stuff will sort out in the end, but it need not be so spelled out and direct, if you care so much about her.
 

B_JasonX87

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Yup, just do it. There will be no way not to hurt her. Really...if she isn't hurt, she will stay obsessed with you and not move on always thinking there is some kind of chance to get back with you.
 

B_Bjen2848

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Here are the cliff notes:

She's abdicated her faculties of reason and gets edgy and antsy if she doesn't get to talk to me regularly

She currently lives hours away from me

I have zero interest in her, other than hanging out for fun and obliging her desires for sex

I told her I am not interested

She replied: "I know, but I can't let you go, I don't want to let go of the idea".

It's been months since I've seen her in person (owing to life circumstances), though she's continually emailing me and calling me.
I'm thinking of telling her I've started to see someone (sort of true, though it's mostly just a fling). I'll tell her it's serious. This may be a nail in the coffin of her delusions that I'll one day be open for a loving relationship with her.

Will this hurt her even more, or is it for the best?

I want to permanently close off any possibility in her mind of a relationship without being an asshole to her, because I'm fond of her and sincerely care about her feelings, and we shared some magic moments that I don't want to be retroactively spoiled

[by the way, this is not a "boasting" post, I am an anonymous spec of internet dust who will never meet any of you and I'm indifferent to how other anonymous random people view me, but I appreciate any insights you may have]


well if you told her that you dont want to be with her and she still is clinging on to you there is only 1 way to deal with clingers before they "get it" because telling them in a mature, reasonable style hardly ever works

1. save her number in your phone as "don't respond" or "don't answer"
2. make her emails go to your "junk" folder
3. block her from facebook
4. vanish from her life. personally, i can't be friends with an ex, but nobody can be friends if they are clingers because they will always view the friendship as something that could evolve into something more

she should get the hint

i agree with the other posters that you should NOT tell her there is someone else because cheating is never, EVER good (even though you two are not together, she could spread the rumor that you are a cheater because in her eyes, you two are "together" and that is not good for your reputation with future relationships)

good luck
 

Guardian100

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She's going to get hurt what ever you do, all you can do is apologise for using her heart as a play thing. She's needs to find her self a man that loves her, and if you have any compassion for this girl at all you will help to make this happen, but you won't if your post is anything to go off of, you'll make an half ass effort and stop trying when it doesn't happen.


Everyone has an itch that needs scratching now and again, but this one of the reasons why sex should be tied to some sort of commitment even it's only some sort of guaranteed commitment of your time. Most men can empty their balls and feel zero emotional attachment, for most women it's the complete opposite.