Girl said I was gay after I was unable to perform

novice_btm

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I'm with VeeP and Davey. "Fuck me and prove you're not gay" ??? Um, that statement alone, is beyond "bitch", but I don't like to randomly throw around the Big "C". What kinda bullshit is THAT? Your "connection," is called "self-loathing". For some reason, you think this is all you're worthy of, from the sounds of things. Trust me, that's messed up. You sound like a decent guy, and there's no reason that anyone should put up with that, and especially not your first time. If it's possible to turn someone gay by conditioning, chicks like that would be the ones to do it. RUN!
 

invisibleman

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Any woman that would call you gay because of precoital impotence...is an Ann Coulter. You don't want to have your first sexual intercourse to be with a woman with Tourettes calling you "Faggot", "Manilow", and "Mary" because your penis has gone south for the winter.
 

B_Hung Jon

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This is a recent situation I want to get off my chest.
I know I said I was gay once before, but I started to think about it and I couldn't picture myself getting off with a guy. I think about girls a bit.
So I hooked up with this girl like 3 nights ago.
I went down on her and enjoyed it, but my dick stayed soft. It was my first time going down on a girl.
She reaches down and feels my limp dick and says "something's missing"
Which was a follow up to her asking "what isn't gay about you?" after she had been grinding on me for a bit and I had "passed up like 10000 oppurtunities to just fuck her"
There were various reasons I didn't. I had been aroused at first, but didn't know what to do next. Also I had some performance anxiety.
And then she was really aggressive. She started grinding on me. I was caught off guard by how hard she bit my lip.
I felt strange that I wasn't the one making the moves.
Well anyway, I'm just wondering if she would have made insinuations about my sexuality had I not told her I was a virgin and that I was unsure of my sexuality.
Could her accusations be because she is insecure about herself?
She is really hot, and I still want to have sex with her, I was just not as ready as I thought.
That said, I can't stop thinking about the things she said, and am worried that if I see her again this could be a vicious cycle.


To me the most important thing about being intimate sexually with someone is that she and YOU really want to do it. Otherwise it's just going through the motions with no spark or life to it. Also you are a human being and worthy of respect and care. I think too many guys get hung up on what girls think about them. It's more important what you think of yourself. Take good care of you, bro. :biggrin1:
 

jason_els

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Indeed. Your penis knew something you didn't. Listen to it. Pat it on the back and take it out for a few drinks. Pals like that are rare.

Any woman that would call you gay because of precoital impotence...is an Ann Coulter. You don't want to have your first sexual intercourse to be with a woman with Tourettes calling you "Faggot", "Manilow", and "Mary" because your penis has gone south for the winter.
 

MovingForward

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My first time with a girl the same thing almost happened. I went down on her, hoping I would get hard. I stayed down there forever which she thought was great, but I could not get hard. So I gave up and told her , I needed to go to sleep because I had to be up early the next morning. So I just gave up and tried to go to sleep, and all of a sudden I got hard for no reason. I was lucky becuase she grabbed me when I was hard, and said something about " thankful it was more than a handfull" and that was the first and only time I had sex with a girl.
 

B_blackkid

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OK, first of all if a guy's mere inability to perform means he's gay, we'd be one big planet full of queers.

Actually that would work for me. Condemn her logical failures and how they don't actually assert themselves in this reality! D<
 

Nrets

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Our connection is that we both have sort of screwed up parents that make us not really like ourselves deep down. But yeah. I think I should stay away. I think maybe my penis was responding to some subconcious memory of her maybe being amongst those who made fun of me when I was in elementary school.

It sucks. She is a man hater. I'm fuzzy on the memory as I drank a bit, but there were points where she seemed to be putting unncessesary pressure on my chest. Almost like she wanted to choke me.
And she sort of put her knee towards my balls in a slow but kind of threatening way. I wasn't tripping. I just figured she was kinky. But I guess she is virtually a dominatrix. I was lying face down at one point and she started humping me. I think she is a stripper. She moved in a way that most girls don't usually...

The more I think about this, the more I want to meet up with her and just be really aggressive. Not because I necessarily like her, but because she deserves a violent fucking...but yeah, if I froze up, that would be disastrous. So no.

Another thing I was thinking about is that maybe I shouldn't be trying to hook up with girls at all. Like they are not for me, because the day after I had a physically beautiful woman in my bed, I had to really work at it to jerk off. I should be all turned on. I realize now that it is because she totally emasculated me.

I want to add that it isn't that I didn't know what to do, It was that I was not sure how to make the transition from making out to making sure she is ready and then putting a condom on and then having sex.

In a past experience, someone told me I should have moved slower to explain why some girl wasn't responsive when I immediately went for her crotch. I figured I had to warm this girl up. I didn't realize she was ready to go. She was dripping wet...

But I didn't get it and she just started saying shit, and then I wasn't ready to go at all anymore. So I went down on her. I wanted to watch her get off.

It seems everyone is saying she was totally fucking with me. Which she was, but I feel on some level she felt something emotional in her twisted head. Why would she call me at 3 in the morning and talk for an hour after I told her she has to call me if she wants to see me again.

I'm not saying she isn't a bitch. I'm just saying that had I been more prepared for what she was going to do, I would have thrown her down on the couch and had my way with her right after she got on me.

When she said "why haven't you fucked me yet?," that opened a pandora's box of erection killing insecurity

I'm not going to let her do that again...and I shouldn't even talk to her again. But I probably will. She is interesting for some reason. Its probably because my Mom is pretty nuts.
 

Nrets

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I just realized how incredibly fucked she is. So never mind. I'm taking people's advice and avoiding her. Thanks, everybody.
 

Principessa

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I just realized how incredibly fucked she is. So never mind. I'm taking people's advice and avoiding her. Thanks, everybody.

Thank God, I was praying you would reach that conclusion! You seem like a nice guy and you deserve way better than her.
 

Jovial

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Nrets, I disagree with what others have said in that I don't blame her for what happened. She may have just learned to do things a certain way. Maybe she thought saying prove that you're not gay would turn you on, so maybe in her heart she didn't realize it was hurtful.

It seems like each of you have your own idea of how sex is supposed to go because of your past experiences. It won't work if you are each trying to do your own thing. Maybe in her past experiences, the guys moved fast and she got used to that. Forget about the "violent fucking" she "deserves". I know how you feel, but I don't think that attitude will work for you. You really just need to talk to her and tell her how you felt, just like you wrote here. Most girls like guys that are willing to express their feelings.

Next time take things slower and communicate...with this girl or the next. Once one partner starts going faster than the other, the sex will usually be pretty bad.

Some other advice would be to read some websites or books about love making technique. Then think about and imagine yourself doing it. This can boost your confidence and let you relax a little more next time. You may be too worried that you are not doing things right and can't relax and get into it. I guess that's called anxiety.
 

darkone

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She reaches down and feels my limp dick and says "something's missing"
Which was a follow up to her asking "what isn't gay about you?"

With a women saying that too you I'm not too surprised about lets say the lack of performance. That was very rude of her to say and she doesn't sound like someone you should be with.