Girlfriend and Room mate

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by wellhung9, May 15, 2010.

  1. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    i need some help deciding on what to do with my girlfriend:

    My room mate who I was kind of friends with(more friends through friends but both needed room mates) has been telling people he had sex with my girlfriend last month when they were both really drunk and I was out of town. I have moved out to get away from him and broke up with my girlfriend.

    here's the twist: she says it never happened, and that she was asleep and woke up with him trying to hook up with her and she stopped him. They were both good friends. But if she's telling the truth, she should have called me immediately after it happened. She said she didn't want to ruin their friendship and he apologized, and didn't want there to be a big scene because we were room mates. She once cheated on me(not sex, but made out with a guy) and i had to hear from one of her friends, so her honesty is in question. I gave her a 2nd chance like an idiot. She is known to go overboard with drinking, which makes me think she might of been blacked out while her and my room mate had sex, but it still happened in my mind.

    So at this point my girlfriend looks guilty. But to be fair, my room mate is also known to make things up. he lied about having sex with a girl we knew, and she denies it ever happened. He is also known for having a small penis(dated this girl who constantly made fun of him publicy for it, and once said it was rediculous how much bigger I was then him. I had sex with her way before they even knew each other. I was the one who introduced them) and when he wears basketball shorts you can tell how small it is so there might have been some kind of jealousy thing going on there with him and me. Even so, i don't understand why he would make up something so serious like this just because he wants to sound cool, and put me in my place. I have always been really nice to him too, and never made fun of him for having a small penis, or for already having had sex with his girlfriend before him.

    She has promised to get help with her drinking and has begged me to take her back to a point where it's getting rediculous. I don't think I want to though. She either cheated, or is gonna have cheated on me in everone's mind, so it's kind of ruined for me. maybe she did cheat, but didn't remember it. I just dont think I'll ever know for sure what really happened.

    Any thoughts would be very appreciated
     
  2. Coolhunter

    Coolhunter <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    if you can't live with those thoughts, end it.
     
  3. osiris851

    osiris851 New Member

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    Maybe it never happened...she would like you to think so because it would keep your relationship somewhat intact. But both of them have given doubts as to their integrity; not placing high enough value on you as a friend and as a companion...or a lover.

    You did the right thing....put both of them on the edge. If it didn't happen the two of them will realize your need for the truth. They will try to make it known to you, especially if they value your friendship. If your suspicions turn out to be valid take one of the fifty ways to leave your lover....and don't look back. Good riddance.

    A three way relationship makes the situation worse...it would never work because you would never feel comfortable with each other. The two males have obvious differences and she would definitely have a preference....don't look back.
     
  4. dolfette

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    end it, because you don't trust her.

    but i think her story is totally believable.
    the kind of skanky, low class prat who would go around telling everyone what girls he shagged is the kind of skanky, low class prat who would lie about it.

    i mean what is his motivation?
    had he really slept with her wouldn't he either keep quiet or come clean with a private apology?
    this spreading of nasty rumours says to me that he's throwing a bitter tantrum at her because she rejected him, so he wants her to lose you.

    women often don't tell guys when their mates make idiotic, drunken passes because it happens so damn often, and usually it's best just forgotten. we don't like causing shit between friends, and we don't like being blamed for perhaps leading him on, so we say nothing and put it down to a silly mistake.

    you say she cheated in the past? did she lie about it when confronted? or did she learn her lesson and decide never to make the same mistake again?

    but if the relationship's broken it's a moot point.
     
    #4 dolfette, May 15, 2010
    Last edited: May 15, 2010
  5. Not_Punny

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    I'd believe her, not him.

    BUT, I don't know if it's a good relationship -- drunks are a pain in the rear to have around, especially if you're thinking about having children at some point.

    So how do you feel about her OTHER than these two incidents? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Have babies with her?
     
  6. hsarge

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    What do you want: To believe him; or be in love with her? Your choice.
     
  7. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Thanks for the thoughtful responses so far. Some really good advice. To answer you question Dolfette, she did not deny making out, but she also knew I heard from her friend so it would be hard to deny.

    It's just tough when you have two people telling you something, and one is lying. Honestly I can't make up my mind on who is telling the truth. They both seem like they're telling the truth, very strange.

    And I completely agree about how alcoholics are terrible for relationships. She has promised to quit drinking completely, but I don't think that's enough. As for the whole marriage thing, I do not see myself marrying her, but at the same time I am still young and not really ready to get married for a long time. She's just really started to break me down by constantly pleading with me over phone calls to give her another shot. I'm not really happy with the way I handled the whole situation either. When I confronted my room mate about what he had been telling everybody I sort of hit him in the face a few times, which is really out of character for me. I also, slept with my girl friends friend sort of as a revenge thing, but that didn't make me feel better either.
     
    #7 wellhung9, May 15, 2010
    Last edited: May 15, 2010
  8. TheRob

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    you have a girlfriend and a roommate you can't trust
    you don't need that many people in your life that you can't trust
    simple as that
     
  9. osiris851

    osiris851 New Member

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    You have a girl friend and a roommate you cant trust....you can't even trust your own instincts if you have to fuck HER friend to get even. A few punches to the face of a roomy...for what? Give it some space and time...move on and in the interim build some friendships you can rely on with people you can learn to trust. Get in better touch with your self. When you take a little alcohol, a little animal instinct, add a pinch of the rats away, lets play you have a recipe common among cheats. Move on and learn from the experience of being young.
     
  10. ladygaga1977

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    forgive her and try to help her
     
  11. dolfette

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    why?

    he's not obligated to deal with someone else's problems.
    and drinkers need to get professional help for themselves.
     
  12. Keleios

    Keleios New Member

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    Extra quoting.
    Personally, I'd say get shot of the pair of them. Fuck being put in a situation that's stressing you out and leading you into behaviour and actions that aren't like you and that you're uncomfortable with.
    Your room mate sounds like a twat and your girlfriend hasn't been honest with you. Seems like if you hadn't heard about her making out with someone else from a friend, she wouldn't have volunteered that information herself. Admitting guilt because you know you've been found out isn't exactly honesty and neither does it inspire trust for the future.

    Unless this girl really pulls herself together and is able to quit drinking, move on or you run the risk of ending up in similar or worse situations in the future. Where alcohol or other people will be blamed and you'll be left wondering about the truth again. Giving someone a chance or even two, to prove themselves is nice and it's more than fair but don't carry on doing it in the hope that other people will change out of gratitude or respect for your compassion.

    Also if she's pleading over phone calls, block her number for a while. Take some time out and away from her to really think about what you'd need to do if you wanted to continue and how you're going to feel about doing it.
    Then pick up or call her when you've cleared your head, are calmer and able to really listen to what she says and consider who she's really saying it for.
     
  13. hungthickone

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    u have no obligations and seem young enough and adept enough to find plenty of better candidates for friends and lovers.
    She will do it again, and the longer your in the relationship when it happens, the harder it will be for you.
     
  14. ManlyBanisters

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    I think you sound just as fucked up and immature as them.

    You're not actually sure whether they fucked with consent and yet you punched him in the face.
    You're not sure if they fucked at all and yet you dumped her and fucked her friend.
    You think it is possible he raped her while she was passed out and yet you dumped her and fucked her friend.

    She's possibly a bitch.
    He's almost certainly an asshole.
    You are without a shadow of a doubt a self-absorbed douche.

    You've already gone ahead and dumped both of them, live with it.
     
  15. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Again I would like to thank those who took the time to post a thoughtful reply. The consensus seems to be that whether you guys believe her or him, that I should not give her another chance. I kind of came to this conclusion myself as well. I don't want to have a relationship with someone that is an alcoholic, and at this time I still believe she is. Also, i don't want to be in a relationship where there would always be some doubt. I want a girlfriend who I don't have to worry about.

    As for the last person that posted, I already said I did not handle the situation well. I am not the type of guy to fight, and have actually been hit in the face a few times and never fought back. In my defense, I was really pissed at him. He was an asshole, whether he did it or not, and I just got really angry when we talked about it. He was the first person I've ever hit, and he will probably be the last. And yes, I did sleep with her friend, which was a douche move. At that time I thought she had slept with him, and she had already cheated on me before. I guess I thought it would make me feel better, but it really didn't.
     
  16. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Also ManlyBanisters the obsession with the muppetts is a little strange. Atleast I have relationships with people, and not dolls.
     
  17. dolfette

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    i think it's cool that you've learnt something from this and seen fault in your own behaviour,

    BUT...

    never, NEVER diss miss piggy!! :mad:
    muppets are cool shit. end of.
     
  18. ManlyBanisters

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    So in essence you agree with me.

    You have presented this situation and you agree, at least partly, with how I see you in the light in which you have presented yourself. On the other hand, you know nothing about me. Go read my post history (if you have a few months :rolleyes:) or shut the fuck up with the ad hominem attacks. It's just childish.
     
  19. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Escalation!
     
  20. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    I agree completely. Muppets are cool as shit, especially the old guys from the balcony, Statler and Waldorf. But there's something about seeing Kermit and Piggy being used as sex puppets/muppets that rubs me the wrong way :eek:
     
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