Girlfriend just told me I'm average

Tattooed Goddess

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 17, 2007
Posts
14,088
Media
70
Likes
20,563
Points
668
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Female
Everyone plays games to some extent some of the time in relationships - even if it's at an unconscious or reflexive level. Even the commonplace behavioiur of presenting the best of yourself at the beginning of a relationship is a game.

I personally don't believe that 100% honesty exists in any relationship of any kind.

100% honesty can exist in any form of relationship when two people are being honest with one another and they still like each other after the honesty begins.

I have a FB who is a little like you and he just wears me out because he is shadow boxing every time I make a move. Live and learn and find someone else who isn't as broken.
 

D_Aberchirder_Crustinuts

Account Disabled
Joined
Jan 16, 2012
Posts
619
Media
0
Likes
21
Points
53
I have a FB who is a little like you and he just wears me out because he is shadow boxing every time I make a move. Live and learn and find someone else who isn't as broken.
Meaning that Drabman, Shannon, or the FB is "broken", or do you mean the girl with the exceptionally high ratio of big dick experiences? :biggrin1:
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,866
Media
2
Likes
38,885
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
I have to disagree. I think the vast majority of people will say or do deliberately hurtful things to their partners at one time or another, even if they regret it later. No matter how wonderful this girl might be, I think it's entirely possible that her remark was calculated on some level. She might not have been acting in a deliberately spiteful way, but that doesn't preclude a bit of game-playing on her part. She might even have acted out of character for a second, but feel as though she can't recant without looking bad.

It doesn't exactly appear to be a rare phenomenon after all. I've read a significant number of posts from many men on various forums who claim to be well above average, but who say they have been told by a sexual partner that they are not. It's possible that some of these women might have had previous atypical partners that gave them a distorted idea of the truth, but not the great majority. Assuming these male posters are telling the truth, there does seem to be a significant proportion of women who do play games in this way (as there is of men who play games over other things). In fact there's a post somewhere on the women's forum by a female FM who says she gets so annoyed if a partner asks where he stands in the ranks of former lovers that she deliberately says he's only average even if he isn't.

The overall demeanour of a new partner is not a reliable indication that they won't play games - the argument that "she wouldn't play games - she's not, or doesn't seem to be, like that" is not a compelling one in my view. People and relationships are a lot more complex and subtle than that.

Of course it's possible that she might have been speaking honestly - she might have been remembering previous partners inaccurately, or may have genuinely believed Shannon is only average, although given that he's as big as most big-cock porn stars, I find that unlikely. However I find that very difficult to believe if Shannon is measuring correctly - and he doesn't seem the sort to exaggerate.

You may be quite right that people are game players; however, being familiar with Shannon's posts and what he has previously said about his girlfriend it seems out of character for her to deliberately say something mean to him.

I think she has either a skewed experience or is misremembering. I don't believe Shannon is exaggerating. But in no way should he start playing some kind of one upmanship game with her. That is so tenth grade and not the way healthy adults communicate or handle relationships.
 

petite

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Posts
7,199
Media
2
Likes
146
Points
208
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
Everyone plays games to some extent some of the time in relationships - even if it's at an unconscious or reflexive level. Even the commonplace behavioiur of presenting the best of yourself at the beginning of a relationship is a game.

I personally don't believe that 100% honesty exists in any relationship of any kind.

It doesn't matter to me how you choose to define "game," devising ways to manipulate the other person's emotions through carefully thought out backhanded compliments is a terrible way to treat someone if you claim to love and care about that person. That's treating your own girlfriend like she's your enemy. It's vindictive and mean-spirited and cold.

I'm friends first with my lover, not his nemesis. My guy is my best friend in the whole world. I tell him everything. EVERYTHING. I'm as honest with him as I am to myself. My inner monologue? He hears it. There is no "upper hand" between us. That kind of thinking will ruin your own happiness, and hers, too.

Wanting to be a better person for the person you love isn't a game. That's being inspired to be the best person you can be because you met someone who makes you want to be a better person. It's one of the best things about love, how it can actually inspire you to be a better person.
 
Last edited:

ShannonH

Cherished Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2011
Posts
1,324
Media
11
Likes
373
Points
228
Location
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
All I can say is feel free to jump into my nightmare, the water's warm.
Wow that's melodramatic. I'm not living a 'nightmare' here. I could be the size of my pinky finger, but as long as everything works I'd love my dick. With almost 10% of men suffering from impotence, you know things could really be a lot worse.

I think another thing that colors peoples perceptions regarding penis size is that there are some seriously huge "outliers" around. Although statistically rare, they may be up 4 inches or more longer than whatever is average. If you happen to have seen one, then nothing else looks "big" in comparison even if it is at the 90th percentile of size.
Makes sense, especially when you consider those with a smaller sample set. Without exception, the very experienced I've been with have earnestly thought I was pretty big. If someone grew up on a desert island with 3 other people, two who were 5'8" and one who was 6'1", then a 7'0" guy got stranded there for a few years, the 6'1" guy would start to look fairly average. Take those same people in to a city where you see hundreds of people a day, and the 6'1" guy looks taller again as you get more aware of what the true average is.

Meaning that Drabman, Shannon, or the FB is "broken", or do you mean the girl with the exceptionally high ratio of big dick experiences? :biggrin1:
I won't stick words in to other people's mouths, but I think she was referring to Drabman there. I don't think 'broken' would fit either me or my gf in this case.

I think she has either a skewed experience or is misremembering. I don't believe Shannon is exaggerating. But in no way should he start playing some kind of one upmanship game with her. That is so tenth grade and not the way healthy adults communicate or handle relationships.
Yep don't worry, I'm smart enough to know bad advice when I see it :)
If I felt like I was in a relationship where we were constantly trying to 'get back at each other' or something like that, that's when I'd end it. We're two happy, healthy people who realized after getting together that we're even happier as a couple. I want me and her to be happy and I'm sure she wants the same.
 

magnus_heydoc

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 12, 2011
Posts
8
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
36
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Shannon,
Don't get me wrong here, we're aprox. the same size and up until now I've been tickled with what I have. The trouble is every man wants to be his girl's everything. Now we both know in at least one way we might not be. I'd hate to think that at one point or another our girls might secretly be wanting what they had before. We'll of course never know the answer to that. So my girl and I are working on lot's of positive re-enforcement and she's asking me to believe her that she didn't mean what she said the way it came out. I have to work on trusting that she's being honest. She wants my trust which wavers at times so she's to believe I trust that she's being honest and I have to trust she's being truthful and is into me and is not a closet size queen. Loggerheads at this point but hopefully over time our actions and comments can get us solid again.
 

Singleman8

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2007
Posts
115
Media
3
Likes
30
Points
113
Location
la
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I wouldn't worry what the girlfriend told you. You definately have enough and moe than most guys....Im sure theyre a lot of gals out there that would love to have you........Just keep bring a paycheck home,,,she will come around.....ha ha
 

_Riker_

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 4, 2012
Posts
44
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Don't let her tell you you're average, you aren't. I'M average with my 5" - 5" 1/2 and it really does suck. I recently experienced something horrendous, I found a text message with my girlfriend telling her friend that she didn't feel anything when we both had sex the first time (we were both virgins), it's really embarrassing.
 

nolbaby

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Dec 20, 2008
Posts
346
Media
8
Likes
530
Points
423
Location
united states
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
i think this story may put something rarely mentioned in to focus- you are in the 95% isle of ALL MEN. your girlfriend wouldn't have sex with ALL MEN. she has likely only had sex with men who were sexually confident enough to approach her sexually. if you think about that, it probably knocks the bottom 1/3 of men out of the statistic. and, of course i don't know her, but i'll add possibilities to it: maybe she is attracted to athletic, larger men, most of whom will have bigger penises that overweight, small men majority of the time. that probably knocks out another big chunk of ALL MEN. you are in the 95% isle of ALL MEN, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you are in the 95% isle of men that your girlfriend has been with.
(everybody always replies to my comments with critiques of what i said because they take it personally, so I need to add, again, that i don't know the girlfriend. i don't know what kind of men she has dated. i could be totally wrong. i'm just throwing some examples out there to try to give a possible explanation for this guy's concerns. to say "dude, you're above average" would be pointless because he clearly already knows that)
 

ShannonH

Cherished Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2011
Posts
1,324
Media
11
Likes
373
Points
228
Location
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
i think this story may put something rarely mentioned in to focus- you are in the 95% isle of ALL MEN. your girlfriend wouldn't have sex with ALL MEN. she has likely only had sex with men who were sexually confident enough to approach her sexually. if you think about that, it probably knocks the bottom 1/3 of men out of the statistic. and, of course i don't know her, but i'll add possibilities to it: maybe she is attracted to athletic, larger men, most of whom will have bigger penises that overweight, small men majority of the time. that probably knocks out another big chunk of ALL MEN. you are in the 95% isle of ALL MEN, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you are in the 95% isle of men that your girlfriend has been with.
(everybody always replies to my comments with critiques of what i said because they take it personally, so I need to add, again, that i don't know the girlfriend. i don't know what kind of men she has dated. i could be totally wrong. i'm just throwing some examples out there to try to give a possible explanation for this guy's concerns. to say "dude, you're above average" would be pointless because he clearly already knows that)

No that makes absolute, total perfect sense. I think it's even more likely than the way you described it that this happens; attraction's a two-way street, and there's a set of qualities she's attracted to and a set of qualities that men who are attracted to her tend to have. Losing someone sucks, but I like to think that every person we date before the ones we're with now helps us learn more about ourselves and who we like. We're not kids anymore so it's not surprising that over time, the people you date start to converge on a point representing your ideal. I mention it a lot because one of the 'big' qualities she has that would attract a certain kind of man is her huge, amazing butt. Not kidding at all, but just from behind she's pretty close to Nicki Minaj. It's hard to be objective when you're wearing love goggles, but I'm not ashamed to admit it's one of the reasons I went after her in the first place :) She loves to take it from behind, and at our age, if you knew you had an average to shorter dick there's no way you'd go after her.

Oh and responding to anyone who's saying "I should be more than enough for her", I appreciate the sentiment but: Based on what I know about her 'equipment' from all our time together, I think a shorter dick, perhaps skinnier too might even have an edge on mine. She is one of those rare + wonderful women who really likes the pain - when I finger-fuck her, I pretty much ram directly in to her cervix full-force repeatedly and she loves it. I've known a couple girls who like to be fucked near the cervix, and many who leap off as soon as you get that deep, but nobody even close to her. She's directly told me that she likes the 'feeling of getting punched repeatedly in there'. She really likes the feeling of pushing in to her before she gets wet enough too, but I usually have to wait a while for her to open up before we even fit. Oh and I especially don't need anyone to tell me I need to be mean to her in any way, as I'm certain having a big dick is something I care about 1 billion times more than she does. Being 'more than enough' is more of a male obsession. The women I've known are way more concerned about being between enough and too much. Anywhere in there is good.

I know one thing she'd probably like more of sex-wise is to just get rougher and rougher with her. I've been with professional submissives, and I can tell you that nobody can take it as hard as my girl does. No kidding - I can ram my middle finger full-force directly on her cervix as hard as I can. I still haven't gotten as rough with her as I can go (had a really traumatizing experience where a woman I loved just never used our safe word, and convinced me I was capable of raping her even though that's something I could never do) but that's a topic for another thread.
Maybe I'll just tie her up and give her a spanking tonight..
 
Last edited:

Drifterwood

Superior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2007
Posts
18,677
Media
0
Likes
2,811
Points
333
Location
Greece
I think you pissed her off with your comment about other women liking the taste of your cum. Clearly from your reaction, she scored more points.

Personally I don't like people who go around point scoring.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Giovanni

drabman

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Posts
509
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
78
Location
UK
Gender
Male
...To other points you've brought up, I really don't believe at all that she was trying to be hurtful or make a power play...

Fair enough. Of course I don't know her, so I can only make assumptions. My suspicions are aroused for a number of reasons.

First of all, is the fact that you are in no way average. Different people might disagree about the particular merits of this or that survey, but there is sufficient data from different surveys out there that are consistent enough to conclude with reasonable confidence that 7" NBP is far from average in the general population.

Second is the fact that it's an incredibly tactless thing to say in the early part of a relationship. I agree that many men obsess over penis size far more than women do and have a skewed conception of the importance women place upon it. However I find it difficult to believe that any woman who has not spent her entire life being raised by a pack of wolves far from human civilisation is not aware of how important it is to many men - and especially not if she's been posed a direct question.

I'm therefore puzzled as to why any woman would not show some tact in a situation where any sensible person would realise the subtext of the conversation, even if she genuinely believed you were average.

If your version of the conversation is accurate, then it seems that you gave your girlfriend a compliment (in a particularly vulnerable situation) and then related a compliment you yourself had received from a previous partner. Her response was not to agree with that compliment and boost your confidence, but to subtly undermine it's credibility ("oh, all women say that" or somesuch). However it didn't end there. You asked a question in a manner and a context in which anyone with any sensitivity would realise was likely to be have been posed for a certain amount of reassurance (the male version of "does my bum look big in this" writ large essentially) and again she undermined you.

Now I can't say whether or not she intended to deliberately undermine you, but I still can't understand why anyone would say something like that in that situation. If you'd been together for a long time and she knew for sure you were a man who placed no importance on the size of his penis, that would be one thing. However that doesn't seem to be the case, unless you had prior conversations and deliberately misled her into believing that you couldn't care less about penis size.

It's not as if mine is an outlandish theory. As I say, many men claim to have had partners who try to undermine them in an identical way - women on this forum have even admitted to doing so.

Flip it around for a second. You're lying in bed with a girl you've known for much less than a year. She starts a conversation by offering you an unsolicited, reassuring compliment about something that many men are unsure about, in the same way that it's claimed many women worry about how they taste "down there"

"wow you've got a big dick".


"I prefer p***y (ha ha)".


"I've been told my p***y feels fantastic".


"all men say that - it's a bit like saying "you're really hot", or "you've got a particularly gorgeous body
"


"Wait, don't you think I've got a particularly gorgeous body?"


"No, it's just average in my experience"


Good luck with that, is all I'll say.

I'm afraid I still have a hard time believeing that she could have been totally oblivious to the potential consequences of her words, unless, as I say, you deliberately misled her into believing that your penis size never even crosses your mind.

Again - it's possible that she believed your penis is average. For one thing people are notoriously bad at accurately recalling things they aren't particularly focussed on (which is why uncorroborated eye-witness evidence is often unreliable) so she might have an exaggerated memory of the size of her former partners. I still don't understand why she would say something like that though - it's just as insensitive as the tongue-in-cheek comment I made that clearly uspet Melbourne girl.

It's also possible that her comments were totally innocent. However you yourself admit to having "love goggles" on at the moment. It doesn't hurt to be a little careful for a while.
 
Last edited:

drabman

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Posts
509
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
78
Location
UK
Gender
Male
100% honesty can exist in any form of relationship when two people are being honest with one another and they still like each other after the honesty begins...

Oh come off it MR. You cannot be seriously suggesting that every part of your psyche and motivations are simple and perfectly transparent and that every part of your innermost being is laid bare to ANYONE - even your partner? I'm afraid that is totally unrealistic.

Every human being plays games and engages in subconscious power and submission rituals in all their social relationships, romantic or otherwise. Indeed, all social animals do the same - even social insects.

I have a FB who is a little like you and he just wears me out because he is shadow boxing every time I make a move. Live and learn and find someone else who isn't as broken.
And you are entirely missing the point, which is that I'm not specifically referring to, or endorsing, overt and mendacious manipulation when I talk about the impossibility of complete and transparent honesty in all relationships, romantic or otherwise - although that kind of vindictive behaviour self-evidently exists.

I'm also referring to the less vindictive ways in which we ALL have hidden thoughts and feelings, along with the way in which our subconscious will and our reflexive behaviour interact in complex ways in ALL social situations. The profession of psychology would not exist were human beings the simple creatures you seem to believe we are. Live and learn and find someone else to insult, thanks very much.
 
Last edited:

drabman

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Posts
509
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
78
Location
UK
Gender
Male
I think another thing that colors peoples perceptions regarding penis size is that there are some seriously huge "outliers" around. Although statistically rare, they may be up 4 inches or more longer than whatever is average. If you happen to have seen one, then nothing else looks "big" in comparison even if it is at the 90th percentile of size.

But Shannon is much more than 90th percentile - that's my point.

There are going to be outliers in any statistical population, but by definition they are extremely rare. Assuming his girlfriend has had a reasonable number of partners she is essentially saying that she has come across a significant number of men who are noticeably bigger than he is.

I would assume "noticeable" means in the region of an inch or more. If I'm correct, that means she claims to have encountered more than one 8" NBP penis and several 7"NBP penises in her relatively young life (given that she is of a similar age to Shannon). While theoretically possible, this seems highly unlikely to me, even if I accept the "bigger cocks = more confidence, ergo more partners" theory (although personally I find it rests on a non-sequitur mishmash of false assumption and unsupported assertion).
 
Last edited:

magnus_heydoc

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 12, 2011
Posts
8
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
36
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Drab,

I told my girl the same statistical improbability you point out when she claimed I was average in her view. She replied that she simply has been attracted to and has dated bigger physical guys, ie tall etc. in her life implying that she's had a skewed sample of huge dicks in her experience. That was her rational anyway. Maybe it's true, either way it didn't help to smooth over her comment. Her cavalier treatment of the topic seems to imply she hasn't cared about size in any significant way besides her partners being at least 'big enough'. This is her stance on the topic. She's claimed to have even had good sex with smaller dicks but suggested it may have been a problem if the relationship had gone on for a longer period.
 

ShannonH

Cherished Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2011
Posts
1,324
Media
11
Likes
373
Points
228
Location
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
Just came back from a vacation with my girlfriend, and can say with certainty now that this all really comes down to one major truth: men care a lot more about the size of their dicks than women do. It's not even close.

I hadn't really brought up the subject since she made the comment, but over the first couple mornings, she commented as I went about the hotel room naked getting ready in my morning how I'm bigger soft than most guys are hard. I know half the guys here seem to think that all women invariably are trying to score points or something, but a big part of why I love this woman so much is that she's extremely open and honest with me about everything.

We went shopping during the day and I picked up a set of nice new short-legged boxer shorts from H&M, to replace my stretched-out saggy old pairs. That night I was going to try on some of the clothes we'd bought during the day. She was on the bed while I went to the mirror and put on the new boxers -- they have once of those pockets for your junk and I think I looked pretty damn good in them. She sits up and yells "Oh my god - look at that bulge! Are you even hard right now?" to which I sheepishly reply "no" (I wasn't, but that comment started to get me there.) I walk over and start to kiss her a little, she guides my hand down and I feel that she's already gone from totally non-sexual (she was organizing clothes in to bags) to very wet within a couple minutes. She starts to suck my dick, then I pull up her knees, slowly build up, then end up fucking her hard. Harder than I have in months. I feel her start to shudder, then come with such intensity that she throws me off of her. She takes a moment to recover, while I still want to keep going, and tells me she's way too raw there now to go in the from the front again. I flip her over, start to slowly push in to her from behind, but quickly says "Ow! Nope, not going to work." I pull out, and she goes down on me in an almost-69, while I like her pussy and play with her big beautiful butt. It takes me a while to get there (basically got edged by her repeatedly after starting with oral, getting pushed out when she came, then pushed out again) but when I do, I come enough to cover her whole face. Really awesome night... starting to think that might have been the best sex of my life.

The next morning, she goes to take a shower while I sleep in. I wake up when she comes out of the shower and go to give her a hug, but can't get too close when she bumps in to my morning wood (and doesn't want to get dirty again..), so she leans her shoulders and we hug like men do (hips well back.) She says "I can't believe I thought that this was average. Look, I can get two hands around it and still have plenty on the end to play with."

Overall, my girlfriend doesn't have a great memory when it comes to details, and I think like redbear was saying it's just that plenty of women just don't pay too much attention to that. Even those that notice don't necessarily make a big deal out of it: He related a story where a woman came back with large-sized condoms, but didn't ever do the whole 'oh my god you're the biggest I ever had, it's so huge and amazing etc etc' thing that you always see in porn. Just having a big dick isn't a good reason to expect every woman to just fall over themselves.

Unless something draws attention to it then apart from extreme cases I think a sizable percentage of women won't really even notice or care. I'll admit that I might have had some doubts that were fed by the cynics here, but no I'm sure that she wasn't trying to score any points when she said I was 'average', and wasn't trying to placate me either by saying how big I am. She's made a lot of comments in the past about me being big and I think she meant those too, but since it's not something she thinks about a lot it just doesn't stay in her memory. The 'average' comment came at the end of a few weeks I had where I was suffering from some pretty awful depression, and the only sex I'd had during those times I was going in way under my max EQ, so that could explain her opinion at that time. She was there for me and supporting me during that bout of depression, which is what really matters and the main reason I don't think she'd be trying to 'score points'.

Oh and drabman, I think you've applied a lot of sound logical steps to an extremely faulty premise to end up somewhere that appears rational but isn't. Saying a woman doesn't have a 'gorgeous body' isn't equivalent to saying a man doesn't have a 'big dick'. A man will always feel he wants a woman with a gorgeous (to him) body, but not every woman desires a big dick (you won't have to look long to find a woman who specifically doesn't want a well-endowed partner.) Even on this site, we see time and again in 'Women's Issues' men who come on here and say "all girls just want big cocks!" and then get a bunch of replies from real women who say things like "I like them big, but not too big" or "what you can do with it is way, way more important". I mean, these aren't even a representative cross-sampling of most women: these are people who explicitly sign up for a forum called the 'large penis support group' - you'd expect them to be the most big-dick-loving women in the world, and by and large they're nowhere near as dick-size-obsessed as your average straight man. Strangely enough, these same men often write back telling those women that they don't actually believe what they're saying and are just lying to them, and the man knows how a bigger dick is always a better dick and the #1 most important quality they look for. It's downright offensive, and it's warping the perception of other men by presenting your humiliation fantasy as reality.

So in summary, my gf think's I'm hot, I feel sexy as hell around her, we have amazing sex, we love each other a lot and treat each other very well. I need to identify myself less by what's between my legs, and identify more as a good man who deserves a good woman, and we'll continue to make each other very happy and build a life together. That's an identity that real confidence comes from.
 
Last edited:

mako shark

Superior Member
Joined
May 8, 2009
Posts
4,277
Media
2
Likes
2,748
Points
358
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Good news! When you guys break up she will tell everyone that you are the smallest dick she ever had ;)