Girlfriend ran back to Ex out-of-the-blue

[Viper73]

Yesterday, about 9am my phone rings. On the other end it's my girlfriend. First words out of her mouth were "Please sit down, I need to tell you something?"

I'm like... 'ok' (Thinking someone died or something)

She then goes on to tell me that she just found out that her ex-husband (they've been divorced 4 years and her and we had been seeing each other for the last 3) has transferred back (they used to work together) and now OUR relationship is over!

I was like 'wtf'.... She basically kicked me to the curb (not even in person but over the phone). Like the three years we were together hadn't even existed.

I told her I'd like a better reason than that. Her response was that Greg (the Ex) and her were 'more compatible'.... WTF is that supposed to mean?

In all the time we'd been dating we only had one significant issue... That being that made me feel like a sex toy most of the time and I was just there to please her. She wanted to cum 3-4 times, but didn't want to reciprocate. She let me cum once and she'd be done for the night. (I can cum more than once on most occassions with very little refractory period inbetween). BJ's mad her feel like a slut, handjobs and even precum are gross.... Ugggghhh! All were flat out-of-the-question.

I was getting frustraited but came to accept that that was just one of her hangups and that I had to deal with it one way or another. I dropped the subject entirely. A buddy of mine and I found a solution to that problem since he was having the same thing at home so it was pretty much not going to be an issue any longer.

We rarely argued, had the same likes/dislikes, etc. I just can't figure out where things went so very wrong

I feel like I was just in her life as a commercial until she could get back to the main program! I'm beginning to wonder if she was just bat shit crazy to begin with -- seemed sane -- and I either didn't see it or didn't want to see it.

Needless to say I broke three picture frames, burned an entire photo album, changed my locks and downed about a half bottle of Jack and am finally starting to feel better -- sans the headache.

Thoughts? Comments? I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and pickup the pieces and figure out where to go from here.

 

[Coolhunter]

Hard news, bro ! I hope you find someone that really love you !
CH

 

[open501s]

You might have it right there.

In all the time we'd been dating we only had one significant issue... That being that made me feel like a sex toy most of the time and I was just there to please her.

 

[Viper73]

Thanks... I'm just at a loss trying to figure this entire thing out. I mean all of the traditional 'Danger! Will Robinson" warning signs that you typically see when your relationship is about to implode weren't there. There was NOTHING I can think of that even remotely indicated that a) there was a problem or b) she was checking out of the relationship.

I've had relationships blow up (most of us have), but I've never seen ANYTHING like how this happened.

 

[Viper73]

You might have it right there.

Open501s,

I thought about that, but she was more than sexually happy herself or it sure looked that way... She'd typically cum 3-5 times before the main event. And usually once or twice more during stroking, but after I came, she was done for the night.

I even considered the possibility that she was faking it but she was so wet, her breathing, contractions, etc. It was too much to fake and she appeared in absolute pleasure.

 

[Luvs2Squirt]

Viper, she sounds like a rather selfish woman! Not only in the bedroom, but when it comes to your feelings as well! You deserve much better!!
Not that I guess it makes any difference now but, do you know if she stayed in contact with the ex while you were seeing each other???
I am sorry she hurt you! I've been dumped once (he left me for his ex) without any warning signs, and yes it does leave you wondering what did I do wrong???
But realize this, sometimes it really is nothing that "you" did or did not do, it's just simply that they never quite got over their ex. Or they feel they have unfinished business.
Keep your chin up!! I'm just a PM away if you need to vent! HUGS!!!

 

[Viper73]

Luvs2squirt,

I thought about that as well... To the best of my knowledge, after he transferred from Cincinnati to Dallas they hadn't spoken. They had no kids, she didn't want any - ever - so there wasn't really any direct attachment. They split 50/50 and each went their separate ways.

Kicker in the whole thing is that Liz left him because he got caught fucking one of her co workers on the company security camera. Made quite an HR nightmare.

He was a high profile manager who was very good at his job, so rather than firing him (as they should have) instead told him he was being demoted and transferrred to Dallas or optionally unemployed.

Liz was pissed, filed for divorce the next day. He was swept under the company rug a week later to Dallas and has been there for 4 years.

Now, for some unknown reason (or lack of history), the current management approved his request to transfer back.

 

[ConstantComment]

I would be interested in exploring your sitch further. As the other poster asked, do you have any idea whether they were in touch. E-mails, texts, Facebook antics? YOu should check and see if they are FB friends. Mutual friends? I am intrgued by the emotional affair.

As far as the sex was between you two, you may have complained too much and she checked out.

Let us know more when you think of it. And sorry about the break up.

 

[dolfette]

I was getting frustraited but came to accept that that was just one of her hangups and that I had to deal with it one way or another. I dropped the subject entirely. A buddy of mine and I found a solution to that problem since he was having the same thing at home so it was pretty much not going to be an issue any longer.

clarify this?
you made it sound like you were fucking your bud.

 

[Viper73]

As far as the sex was between you two, you may have complained too much and she checked out.

I actually quit complaining entirely about a week or so ago when my buddy and I decided to take care of that problem ourselves to get it out of the relationship and off the table.

 

[ConstantComment]

I actually quit complaining entirely about a week or so ago when my buddy and I decided to take care of that problem ourselves to get it out of the relationship and off the table.

So you were complaining for practically 3 years about the same thing regarding the sex between you.

 

[B_jasonbig]

lucky escape, grand scheme of things 3years isnt long, long enough for a face2face break up thou, if i was you i would be sad but be glad and move on, oh and pitty the exhusband

 

[Viper73]

So you were complaining for practically 3 years about the same thing regarding the sex between you.

Not constantly.... Don't want to give the wrong impression. I'd just bring it up when I was extra horny and on special occasions like my birthday or our first date anniversary.

It wasn't brought to the table even monthly, maybe 1-3 times a year.

 

[kscird]

it is possible that you were Mr. Right Now, while she figured out her feelings...people do that you know, and unfortunately this happened to you. its a tough break.

 

[umami_tsunami]

Yesterday, about 9am my phone rings. On the other end it's my girlfriend. First words out of her mouth were "Please sit down, I need to tell you something?"

I'm like... 'ok' (Thinking someone died or something)

She then goes on to tell me that she just found out that her ex-husband (they've been divorced 4 years and her and we had been seeing each other for the last 3) has transferred back (they used to work together) and now OUR relationship is over!

I was like 'wtf'.... She basically kicked me to the curb (not even in person but over the phone). Like the three years we were together hadn't even existed.

I told her I'd like a better reason than that. Her response was that Greg (the Ex) and her were 'more compatible'.... WTF is that supposed to mean?

In all the time we'd been dating we only had one significant issue... That being that made me feel like a sex toy most of the time and I was just there to please her. She wanted to cum 3-4 times, but didn't want to reciprocate. She let me cum once and she'd be done for the night. (I can cum more than once on most occassions with very little refractory period inbetween). BJ's made her feel like a slut, handjobs and even precum are gross.... Ugggghhh! All were flat out-of-the-question.

I was getting frustraited but came to accept that that was just one of her hangups and that I had to deal with it one way or another. I dropped the subject entirely. A buddy of mine and I found a solution to that problem since he was having the same thing at home so it was pretty much not going to be an issue any longer.

We rarely argued, had the same likes/dislikes, etc. I just can't figure out where things went so very wrong

I feel like I was just in her life as a commercial until she could get back to the main program! I'm beginning to wonder if she was just bat shit crazy to begin with -- seemed sane -- and I either didn't see it or didn't want to see it.

Needless to say I broke three picture frames, burned an entire photo album, changed my locks and downed about a half bottle of Jack and am finally starting to feel better -- sans the headache.

Thoughts? Comments? I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and pickup the pieces and figure out where to go from here.

Step 1)
Read the highlighted portion of your post.

Step 2)
Don't break anything else or drink more whiskey

Step 3)
Eliminate or avoid connections like FB or mutual friends for a while.

Step 4)
Find new girlfriend.

Sorry, man. It sucks, but you are not alone. Everyone has been through some version of it. Time will make it better.

 

[Viper73]

One thing that's really puzzling me is that I have almost a 'primal' urge...

I have an overwhelming desire to have a round of fuck till you shoot blanks and hurt and pass out exhausted sex.

Not probably the most therapeutic thing given my emotional state but I think it would really help.

My buddy and I discussed it at length over lunch and I'm trying to talk him into a j/o, BJ, 69 marathon session for the two of us this weekend. Since we're both for the most part straight he's a little reluctant to indulge me to this extent, but I honestly think that's the best thing I can do to put her out of my mind. It's almost like I need to do this at some almost animalistic level to feel like a man again.

I don't know why but I have this overwhelming feeling within me that I just need to completely 'unload'. It's really hard to explain in any rational way that makes sense. I've never felt this before when a relationships blown apart.

 

[helgaleena]

She's not able to be truly loving and you were just a bedroom appliance. You deserve more and she had three years to learn to love and failed. You are very lucky she cut you loose because she realized with clear eyes that she wasn't being fair to you and let you down as gently as she could. Granted that isn't very gently, but now your rage is partly at yourself for being such a patsy.

Forgive yourself and keep your heart open. Look for someone who treats you as the portion of divine creation that you truly are. Set your sights higher than simply pleasing another. Learn joy on your own so that when you find the real thing you will know it.

 

[helgaleena]

One thing that's really puzzling me is that I have almost a 'primal' urge...

I have an overwhelming desire to have a round of fuck till you shoot blanks and hurt and pass out exhausted sex.

Not probably the most therapeutic thing given my emotional state but I think it would really help.

My buddy and I discussed it at length over lunch and I'm trying to talk him into a j/o, BJ, 69 marathon session for the two of us this weekend. Since we're both for the most part straight he's a little reluctant to indulge me to this extent, but I honestly think that's the best thing I can do to put her out of my mind. It's almost like I need to do this at some almost animalistic level to feel like a man again.

I don't know why but I have this overwhelming feeling within me that I just need to completely 'unload'. It's really hard to explain in any rational way that makes sense. I've never felt this before when a relationships blown apart.

Yes, you need to experience true satisfaction. You have been living too long with a starvation diet of satisfaction. But it need not be only sexual. Indulge in some sort of self-coddling, spa sort of self treatment.

 

[HorsemanUK]

Yesterday, about 9am my phone rings. On the other end it's my girlfriend. First words out of her mouth were "Please sit down, I need to tell you something?"

I'm like... 'ok' (Thinking someone died or something)

She then goes on to tell me that she just found out that her ex-husband (they've been divorced 4 years and her and we had been seeing each other for the last 3) has transferred back (they used to work together) and now OUR relationship is over!

I was like 'wtf'.... She basically kicked me to the curb (not even in person but over the phone). Like the three years we were together hadn't even existed.

I told her I'd like a better reason than that. Her response was that Greg (the Ex) and her were 'more compatible'.... WTF is that supposed to mean?

In all the time we'd been dating we only had one significant issue... That being that made me feel like a sex toy most of the time and I was just there to please her. She wanted to cum 3-4 times, but didn't want to reciprocate. She let me cum once and she'd be done for the night. (I can cum more than once on most occassions with very little refractory period inbetween). BJ's mad her feel like a slut, handjobs and even precum are gross.... Ugggghhh! All were flat out-of-the-question.

I was getting frustraited but came to accept that that was just one of her hangups and that I had to deal with it one way or another. I dropped the subject entirely. A buddy of mine and I found a solution to that problem since he was having the same thing at home so it was pretty much not going to be an issue any longer.

We rarely argued, had the same likes/dislikes, etc. I just can't figure out where things went so very wrong

I feel like I was just in her life as a commercial until she could get back to the main program! I'm beginning to wonder if she was just bat shit crazy to begin with -- seemed sane -- and I either didn't see it or didn't want to see it.

Needless to say I broke three picture frames, burned an entire photo album, changed my locks and downed about a half bottle of Jack and am finally starting to feel better -- sans the headache.

Thoughts? Comments? I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and pickup the pieces and figure out where to go from here.

She sounds like a selfish worthless bitch. Your better off without her. Theres plenty of better women out there. You probably deluded from the fact she was no good earlier in the realtionship. It sounded very one sided.

 

[Viper73]

Yes, you need to experience true satisfaction. You have been living too long with a starvation diet of satisfaction. But it need not be only sexual. Indulge in some sort of self-coddling, spa sort of self treatment.

It makes sense but I've never experienced anything like this feeling.... It's like blue balls and super horny x 1000000. It beyond anything I've ever felt before.

It's not like I have any sexual attraction for my buddy or really anyone else right now... It like bodys doing this all by itself just to prove it can or something. It like I have to constantly remember I am civilized or I'd fuck the first human that walks by as hard and long as I can. It's actually kind of a frightening feeling that I'm honestly not 100% comfortable I can control.

I was going out after work but came home instead because I'm kind of scaring myself.

I wonder if this is why rape happens? It's really disconcerting.