Girlfriend Wants Unprotected Sex

Stu311

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Hey,

I am a 26 year-old IT professional and I’ve been living with my 25-year old girlfriend for over three years now (and dating for double that). I suppose we are essentially like a married couple, but busy fast-paced careers and the fact that we are both nonconformists within our families (and also take things quite pragmatically) have resulted in us not tying the knot yet. We are not looking at having any kids until at least our early 30s either as we still want to enjoy our freedom and focus our efforts on work and having fun together without the immense responsibility that raising a child brings. I am sure the time will come for both marriage and kids.

Anyway, to get to the point, we have been having sex more frequently with the lockdown situation, as we both now have more time with each other. Not spending 1.5 hours a day commuting or weeks on far-away projects does help. Many times the sex has been rather spontaneous. The one thing that seems to sometimes get in the way is that I insist on putting on a condom for PIV sex, which dampens the mood a bit. My girlfriend has had a copper IUD for a while now and she keeps telling me that I really do not need the condom and it is fine to rely on the IUD to do its job. I know rationally that the chances of getting her impregnated are tiny with a copper IUD, but there’s something in my head that prevents me from comfortably ejaculating in her without any other form of protection - I’ve tried it, it felt good physically, it was nice not to have to reach for the condom, but it still felt a bit stressful afterwards.

Now don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t be armageddon for us should worst come to worst. We are luckily in a solid financial position, have very supportive families, and barring the current crisis turning into a long-term global catastrophe, we would be able to step up and face that responsibility. However, there is still something in my head that the cost of putting that condom on is not that high for the peace of mind it brings.

Am I being unreasonable, or would you see it as a selfish act as I am in a way denying my girlfriend the thrill of truly spontaneous uninterrupted sex? I am aware that from a rational perspective reducing the risk from 0.01% to 0.001% is essentially insignificant for an individual couple, but I accept that I am not fully rational and regardless of what I tell myself, if ejaculating in her comes with a hint of dread and anxiety, then I cannot just ignore my problem, irrational as it might be.
 

MickeyLee

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Birth control/reproductive autonomy is never selfish. She has chosen an IUD, you have opted for condoms. As you respect her choice she needs to respect yours.

If you get peace of mind and are able to enjoy yourself more fully, where is the harm?

Not many dudes are so proactive with pregnancy prevention kudos to you.
 

LaFemme

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I agree with Mickeylee. You respect her choice of birth control, and she needs to respect yours. That being said, if I was in her position, I might also want condomless sex. If there’s no risk of disease, and an unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t be a problem, I can see how she might prefer being totally fluid bonded with you. Still it’s something I’d have to get over. You want to wear a condom, you get to wear a condom. It’s just the way it is.
 
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deleted924715

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Birth control/reproductive autonomy is never selfish. She has chosen an IUD, you have opted for condoms. As you respect her choice she needs to respect yours.

If you get peace of mind and are able to enjoy yourself more fully, where is the harm?

Not many dudes are so proactive with pregnancy prevention kudos to you.

This
 

Silmende

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Personally, I don't like the feel of a condom, so I understand her not wanting to use it while also using other forms of birth control, icw being in a steady relationship and thus there not being a high risk of diseases. An IUD is considered as safe as sterilization of the woman.
If you are not comfortable without though, I don't think you should leave it off. A (translated) quote on the topic of birth control/abortion from elsewhere: "a man's choice ends the moment he puts his **** in a woman."

Secondly, if you're together for such a long time and other factors (job, house, ...) are good, you may not want to wait too long before having children. The number of couples who cannot have them without some form of medical assistance is rising, and age is an important factor in that. Just some food for thought if you do want children together.
(The other half and I were one of those couples, took us 6 years to conceive for the oldest - pregnancy during the waiting period before another test in the hospital - and 3,5 years later we had our youngest with some medical assistance, b/c he had lesser quality sperm and I seldom ovulate).