Actually I have a good story that ties in with this and the very interesting "Ladder Theory" that was posted:
4 People are involved, names changed:
Aaron: My friend and roommate.
Sasha: A friend of a friend.
Ryan: Sasha' boyfriend. Not really my friend, but an acquaintance.
Myself
Sasha and Ryan had been dating for 4-5 years. Aaron and I have been friends for a long time. All four of us went to the same high school. Sasha and Ryan are two years younger than us. All four of us ended up living in the same city in college/after college.
Now, for me, unless a girl is making a strong play at me, I don't go after girls with boyfriends. It's just not my thing. I keep them as casual acquaintances, but I respect the relationships. I would never put myself in a compromising position with one.
Aaron is the opposite. He is the EXACT guy that annoys and angers a girl's boyfriend.
Anyway, when Sasha got into the same college as the two of us, we all started hanging out more. Soon, Aaron started calling Sasha to hang out "as a group" when Ryan wasn't available. She and a couple of her friends would come over and we'd all go out or stay in and party.
Whenever he was on campus, he would take her to lunch. He would visit her at work. Ryan began to get pissed, because it was obvious to him that Aaron was trying to make a move. I could see it as well, because that is his reputation and had seen the same story play out many times before.
Sasha REFUSED to believe this. She insisted constantly Aaron was just one of her closest friends. She confided in Aaron. Told him all sorts of things about her relationship with Ryan. Once I walked in on Aaron holding her while she was talking about her troubles. You know, because he was such a good friend.
Anyway, one day, Aaron takes Sasha out to lunch and grabs her hand and tells her how much he likes her. Says that he's liked her for the longest time and wants a relationship with her. She declines, saying they are just friends. After that, their friendship wanes.
A few months later, Sasha and Ryan begin to split. She no longer wants to be in a relationship with him as she feels he is too controlling. It is somewhat true, but then again, when you've got guys like Aaron around, you can see where the paranoia sets in. Suddenly Aaron is back to his old games. Talking her through the break-up. Taking her out to meals. Asking her to hang out. You know, because he was such a good friend.
Sasha and Ryan's relationship ends. This is where the ladder theory comes into play. Aaron thinks this is his big opportunity to fuck Sasha. We all go out one night. He is trying way to hard. She is clearly annoyed by him - because what girl wouldn't be annoyed by the vulture who was circling around her dying relationship? - and spends most of the night talking to other people. Eventually her and I get to talking. We had literally had maybe 2-3 conversations in our entire lives. The conversation turns sexual fairly quickly as we laugh and compare stories. Eventually she is sitting on my lap, making out with me in a booth. I call a cab, we go back to my place and spend the next few hours fucking with reckless abandon.
Aaron ends up getting pissed at me. I find out from my other roommate that he wanted to fuck Sasha and had been talking about it for months. I confront Aaron and lay down the facts of life: You can't just claim a girl because you want her, especially when she had a boyfriend for the duration of your friendship. Life goes on.
The points:
1. The Ladder Theory is in play. Aaron was clearly on the friend's ladder. I was clearly on the good ladder because I wasn't the Intellectual Whore passively attempting to sabotage her relationship.
2. Aaron, "the friend", wanted to fuck Sasha more than anything else in his involvement with her. That was his end goal.
3. Women in relationships can have guy friends. However, women are terrible at judging which of their guy friends will respect their relationship and which of their guy friends are trying to meddle.
4. Guys who attempt to hang out 1 on 1 with your girlfriend as just friends are never attempting to hang out as just friends.
4 People are involved, names changed:
Aaron: My friend and roommate.
Sasha: A friend of a friend.
Ryan: Sasha' boyfriend. Not really my friend, but an acquaintance.
Myself
Sasha and Ryan had been dating for 4-5 years. Aaron and I have been friends for a long time. All four of us went to the same high school. Sasha and Ryan are two years younger than us. All four of us ended up living in the same city in college/after college.
Now, for me, unless a girl is making a strong play at me, I don't go after girls with boyfriends. It's just not my thing. I keep them as casual acquaintances, but I respect the relationships. I would never put myself in a compromising position with one.
Aaron is the opposite. He is the EXACT guy that annoys and angers a girl's boyfriend.
Anyway, when Sasha got into the same college as the two of us, we all started hanging out more. Soon, Aaron started calling Sasha to hang out "as a group" when Ryan wasn't available. She and a couple of her friends would come over and we'd all go out or stay in and party.
Whenever he was on campus, he would take her to lunch. He would visit her at work. Ryan began to get pissed, because it was obvious to him that Aaron was trying to make a move. I could see it as well, because that is his reputation and had seen the same story play out many times before.
Sasha REFUSED to believe this. She insisted constantly Aaron was just one of her closest friends. She confided in Aaron. Told him all sorts of things about her relationship with Ryan. Once I walked in on Aaron holding her while she was talking about her troubles. You know, because he was such a good friend.
Anyway, one day, Aaron takes Sasha out to lunch and grabs her hand and tells her how much he likes her. Says that he's liked her for the longest time and wants a relationship with her. She declines, saying they are just friends. After that, their friendship wanes.
A few months later, Sasha and Ryan begin to split. She no longer wants to be in a relationship with him as she feels he is too controlling. It is somewhat true, but then again, when you've got guys like Aaron around, you can see where the paranoia sets in. Suddenly Aaron is back to his old games. Talking her through the break-up. Taking her out to meals. Asking her to hang out. You know, because he was such a good friend.
Sasha and Ryan's relationship ends. This is where the ladder theory comes into play. Aaron thinks this is his big opportunity to fuck Sasha. We all go out one night. He is trying way to hard. She is clearly annoyed by him - because what girl wouldn't be annoyed by the vulture who was circling around her dying relationship? - and spends most of the night talking to other people. Eventually her and I get to talking. We had literally had maybe 2-3 conversations in our entire lives. The conversation turns sexual fairly quickly as we laugh and compare stories. Eventually she is sitting on my lap, making out with me in a booth. I call a cab, we go back to my place and spend the next few hours fucking with reckless abandon.
Aaron ends up getting pissed at me. I find out from my other roommate that he wanted to fuck Sasha and had been talking about it for months. I confront Aaron and lay down the facts of life: You can't just claim a girl because you want her, especially when she had a boyfriend for the duration of your friendship. Life goes on.
The points:
1. The Ladder Theory is in play. Aaron was clearly on the friend's ladder. I was clearly on the good ladder because I wasn't the Intellectual Whore passively attempting to sabotage her relationship.
2. Aaron, "the friend", wanted to fuck Sasha more than anything else in his involvement with her. That was his end goal.
3. Women in relationships can have guy friends. However, women are terrible at judging which of their guy friends will respect their relationship and which of their guy friends are trying to meddle.
4. Guys who attempt to hang out 1 on 1 with your girlfriend as just friends are never attempting to hang out as just friends.
