Girlfriend's sexual past

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Apex381, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. Apex381

    Apex381 New Member

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    Hi!
    This I've been reading the forum a while but this is my first post. I'm 22, and while this is my first "serious" relationship, I had dated many girls before her but I always turned them down when it came to the point of sex or oral sex because I wanted to save it for somebody I really liked (I'm not super religous or anything).

    My girlfriend and I have been together for well over a year now. We've had our ups and downs but for the most part its been wonderful for both of us, we get along great and I've never met anyone that I've had more in common with. She's now talking more and more about marrige and theres only one thing that bothers me. I didnt lose my virginity until I met her and was 20 years old. She on the otherhand lost her virginity to the first guy she dated at 16 (he was 18) and she's been with 9-10 other guys sexually as far as I know. She's only had intercourse with 3 of them but included the others because they had oral sex ect. I've known this for about 8 months now and it still really bothers me. I feel like I dont know if she's the nice, loyal girl who loves me or the one who hooked up with those guys. I think about it daily and its to the point theres got to be some solution for my mental well being, or I break up with her. I dont really know anybody to ask about this sort of thing so I figured I'd try here. I cant talk to her about it because she starts crying and thinks that I think she's a slut, which I hate to say it but I kinda do, which is f'ed up.

    Yeah so thats about it. I know many girls/guys who have been with wayyyy more people, but it hits alot harder with my girlfriend.
     
  2. DC_DEEP

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    Apex, you say "I didn't have sex until I met her." Does that mean you have had sex with her? Even if you choose to break up now, you are no longer "pure."

    Her past is her past. If you think she is worth marrying, her past does not matter. It isn't like she cheated on you, and since you know about her past, it isn't like she lied to you. If marrying a virgin is important to you, you should break up with her and find a virgin - keeping in mind that it would be a little hypocritical at this point.

    Don't assume that since she had sexual partners prior to you, that she won't be faithful. If she is willing to be exclusive now that you two are together, that is what really matters, isn't it?
     
  3. Lordpendragon

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    Tough advice from me, but that won't harm you. This is part of growing up - people have a sexual history. It's not even that she has a remarkable one. I daren't say what I had done by that age, let alone any of my GF's. It doesn't mean that you can't develop a good loving and faithful relationship. Where it will go, no one knows, but if you knock it on the head because of your own prejudices, you will never know what could have been.

    So, chill a bit and go with it. If she turns out to be a rogue - well whatever - you live and learn.
     
  4. zaza

    zaza New Member

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    Your girlfriends past is of no consequence to you, your present and future is. You made your choices, she made hers, neither should be judged on it.
    I`m not surprised she gets upset with you, even if you don`t openly say you think she is a slut, you have said that is what you think and she obviously gets these vibes. How would you like it if she was critical about your decision not to have sex prior to meeting her? Especially as the bottom line is that neither of you can change your past.

    You say she talks of marriage, what about you. Is this really what you want? Is this niggling doubt really about her past, or is it just an excuse?
    If at the end of the day you can`t come to terms with this issue it would be better to say so, break up, and have done with it. She deservs better.

    Perhaps contemplating a future without her is the answer to finding out if you can put her past behind you!
     
  5. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    Yeah and I would bet dollars to donuts that she won't turn out to be a rogue. I agree, her past behavior, while important to know, doesn't matter as *much* as your ego will try to influence you. I'd be more concerned about your lack of experience with different women....I was almost a virgin (don't ask) when I married, and now wish I'd done more prior to that so I'd have more experience to draw from. But honestly if you're in a good relationship, and you're both enjoying each other in bed then for chrissakes, hold onto that :)
     
  6. Ethyl

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  7. Mr. Snakey

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    Everyone has a past. Think about the future............:cool: :smile:
     
  8. ruffboy

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    somewhat similar here Apex in that i lost my virginity to the woman i married, (though not because of a lack of wishing i coulda been with 500 women to that point, just crippling shyness precluded it) not even any high ground of self-discipline like you're stating.

    i don't believe she's a slut, but you do think that. there's your first clue in how you may want to handle this: the problem is yours, not hers. you can either find a way to adjust your mild opinion as to the moral character of your fellow human beings based on how many sexual partners they have (seems rather arbitrary and subjective doesn't it?) or you can release this girl from your world and go on to find someone else who meets your own definition of what you find acceptable and appropriate.

    if you're interested in moving on with her, one thing i found in my own experience that helped to fend off the feelings of jealousy at least is this: i LOVE this woman. i love her for who she is and what she does for and with me. and who this woman is, is an amalgamation of all of her life experiences to this date, and that includes people she's had sex with. those partners HELPED make her who she is, and as she is so perfect for me, i really should be shaking their hands that they helped create this woman i love.

    not that i still don't wanna punch 'em in the face every now and again, but that's just jealousy, and we all know that's wrong, right? ;-) tough road to hoe, but it can be done, and it happens when you start laying down tendencies to be judgemental.
     
  9. drumstyck

    drumstyck New Member

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    go watch "Chasing Amy"
     
  10. Big Del

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    If ou love her it really doesnt matter that she had sex before you arrived on the scene - doesnt sound like she was a bad girl
     
  11. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Do yourself and all future girlfriends of yours a favor, bust the "mint-in-box" seal on your cherry, and go out and fuck a few dozen girls. Then you can stop obsessing about whether or not the women you date are as pure as you are or not.
     
  12. zaza

    zaza New Member

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    If you go for that option she`ll probably dump you. One way to solve your problem!!
     
  13. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

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    My girl has sucked well over a dozen dicks, lost her virginity at age 14, and has fucked 15 guys including myself (and has been ganged up on by a few of them at once). She is constantly leered at and hit on by other guys around her and hey, I don't blame them :wink:. But she's with me now. We've been together for over a year and three months. We're very happy together, and her past means dick so long as she's clean and free of STD's.

    She's matured over the course of our relationship and so have I. The issue of her being a former slut was never really a problem. If she hurts me, it's her loss as far as I'm concerned -- and she knows it :cool:. Besides, she's not my pet (much as I tease her about that) and who am I to keep a leash on her? A lot of guys tend to think that their girlfriends are cock/looks/cash-seeking wild animals with no conscientious thought. And that's not usually true. If you've been cuckolded by a mature woman, chances are that you, not her,were in the wrong.

    Here's a challenge. Show me another teenage guy who's been with a teenage girl with a history as extensive, or even more so, as my girlfriend's history. 'Got one?

    Alright, now show me one who's as blithe about it as I am, and has been with her for any near as long.

    As far as I know, I've got everyone in my age group beat in the "Girlfriend's Sexual Past" department. Fuck it. Don't make her feel like shit about it, just forget it. You can't change the past, but you can change the present, and the future.
     
  14. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    ::raises hand::
     
  15. SpoiledPrincess

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    it's the past but aren't you a judgmental little thing. You made your decision to stay 'pure' she made hers to have a little fun, and her sexual history is fairly normal for a young woman. I'd say she'd be better off without you unless you can grow up and realise that how she is with you is what matters. She didn't do anything wrong.
     
  16. Apex381

    Apex381 New Member

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    wow, kinda hostile?
    I'll bet you wouldnt like being referred to as "inexperienced" like being a virgin was a bad thing, or her telling you stories of lovers past. She's got a bad habit of sharing things I dont want to know. Like how many times she's had to take the morning after pill. She's got to leave some stuff in the past too. I didnt mention this stuff because this thing is mostly MY problem. I tried not to sound like I was putting it on her.

    and I never asked her how many dudes she had been with, I didnt want to know
     
  17. Earls3

    Earls3 New Member

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    hey don't worry my girlfriend in the two years before we got together while she was sexually active had slept with 20+ people (she was 15 when she lost her virginity, and we got together when she was 17.) 20 people in two years while a teenager, I can't get her to give me head because some other guy blew in her face, so she thinks that I'm going to as well. same with many other things that she has told me she has done in the past that she wont share in the same experiance with me, it bothers me everyday and I hate it when she brings her past up about already doing that act in the past so she doesn't want to with me... but I love her to death and would do anything for her. So even though it bothers me I life with it because I know she is the one I will marry...
     
  18. socoken

    socoken New Member

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    ::raises hand::

    And boy, was she fun.

    As for the OP, think of it this way. Her sexual past will probably make up about 1/40th of her life, and you have the chance to take part in thirty times as much as that. Which weighs more?
     
  19. Ethyl

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    Let me guess....you haven't asked her to stop talking about it. Maybe she's being brutally honest with you because she doesn't want to keep secrets from you. Would you want her to lie to you?

    If you asked her to stop talking about it, she hasn't, and you feel she's being mean about it, then she's not someone you want to spend time with anyway. If you haven't asked already, then do so. Just know that she'll be more likely to keep things from you after this because she'll be afraid of hurting your feelings. Are you sure you want that?
     
  20. Apex381

    Apex381 New Member

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    it just comes up in snippets every now and then. I guess I just need to ignore it and not be a bitch. I do want her to be honest, your right.
     
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