Girls? Guys? What's the deal?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by kjguy, Nov 25, 2007.

  1. kjguy

    kjguy Well-Known Member

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    I've been trying to decide where I lie in terms of sexuality for a long time, and to be honest I'm not completey sure I fit within any category. One's view and method of finding a clear answer to this would have to depend on one's definition of what makes sexual orientation. Is it who you want to have sex with, or who you fall in love with, or a combination of both? I think we all have to remember not to classify orientation with just one of these attributes. Who we want to have sex with is usually what people use to distinguish sexuality, but is that really accurate? Many times it can be, but it's still the wrong judge in my opinion, because there's so much more.

    I like women. I like to have sex with women. I fall in love with women. That should make me straight. On the other hand I can appreciate a good looking guy when I see one. I won't fall in love with one. Could I j/o with a guy and still be straight? I think so. But what if it goes a little further than that, would I still be straight? Probably not. Although since I can't fall in love with a guy and I refuse to penetrate or even kiss a guy, it doesn't fullfill each attribute, so I can't be bisexual. My ability to be with and enjoy women is superior. Am I just an open mnded straight guy? Where does that leave me? Somewhere in middle, right!?

    Which is why I don't like to acknowledge sexuality at all, at least in my case. Calling me bisexual would be the easy way out, and inaccurate according to my philosophy. With these labels, I just don't see the point.

    I'm starting to think another reason that made me question myself is the amount of attention I get from men. There are tons of men who become interested in me, and I receive comments from very few women. Maybe I'm just giving in to the pressures? Or maybe I'm just rationalizing again! But I think things through detail, that's just the way I am. I'm complicated, and I just prefer to rid myself of orientation labels altogether. I think I'll be happier in life being confident with how I feel and what I'm comfortable with doing. That's all that matters!
     
  2. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    Why must you put yourself in a catergory?
    Are you asking so, you'll have some way to describe yourself to others?
    Sexuality is fluid, and no one should care about your sexuality, but you.
    I never understand why we feel we must be 50% this or 20% that. It's irrelevant to who you really are. Let me ask you, why the need to label yourself? W hy not be happy that guy's, pay attention to you? So what if women don't find you attractive at this juncture. I'm sure one will like you someday,perhaps it has to do with the way you present yourself, I don't know. You are pretty young tho',and my experience has been,most young guys arent,and weren't attractive to me. They had nothing to offer.
    I'm also not sure why you catergorize yourself as "open-minded"
    either,in light of your views.
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Your over analyzing this to much but imo to simplify.

    If your attracted to men and consider it more then just friendship then your part gay. Only you could decide how far you'd be willing to go thus how gay you are if your looking for a %

    If your ONLY attracted to women and would never consider any kind of physical contact/involvement with a man then your straight.

    If you are getting attention take it as a compliment regardless if its from men or women
     
  4. kjguy

    kjguy Well-Known Member

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    I concluded that I didn't have to label myself in the end. But if that was my idea all along, then why did I even have to start this thread? Maybe it's a way or organize my thoughts, and how I'd explain it to the typical society. God, why am I so over analytical! Stupid brain! Generally, I do keep an open mind about everything. I don't like to think something is this or that. I think this was just a way to describe myself. And there are plenty of girls who like me, it's just the men are the majority. But I have a girlfriend and I'm happy, so maybe I'm just ranting.
     
  5. _avg_

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    Easy: you're bi. :)

    HTH
     
  6. CJR

    CJR
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    This is something I've thought about as well. I put it into a thread that didn't really get much attention. I am married for 23 years now to a great woman who provides me with the right amount of time to keep our relationship happy and satisfied. Secretly, I've always admired women with muscles for many years. Something about it that turns me on. My wife is not like that at all, complete opposite. I mentioned it once to a past friend and he said that I was secretly gay because only guys should be muscular. I also find it interesting and amazing to watch guys with huge endowments to masturbate or have sex with women. I joined this site out of curiousity to see others, or maybe to admirer others. I'm of average build but still enjoy hearing that someone likes my size and shape. So I've asked myself the same questions. I marked myself as 100% straight because I am married, have children, never wanted to be with a man... but there is that what if scenario. As the joke says, if you are in a dark closet with two other people, one male, one female... and you are getting a blowjob, would you care?
     
  7. sbeBen

    sbeBen New Member

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    Cigarbabe you are very wise.:wink:

    Kjguy, I think that when you put pressure on yourself to find a "suitable label" you will never feel comfortable with anything. Just be relaxed and don't feel you have to be anything just for the purpose of society. Society is so wrong any way:wink: Think how many people are in the same boat as you!!!!!! I reckon there's loads. Me included.:biggrin1:

    Take care,

    Ben
     
  8. headbang8

    Gold Member

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    Kjguy,

    Love is the key.

    Why shouldn't you find men attractive? What's not to like? A well built body is sexually charged, and you can pick up on that erotic energy no matter what your orientation.

    But you love women. That's it. End of story. You're straight. Straight but flexible, as they say.

    In the past, I've enjoyed quite a bit of sexual pleasure with women. And I ain't complaining. Again, what's not to like?

    But when it gets down to brass tacks, I can only really love a man. Women? Close, but no cigar.

    You know these things in your heart, if you listen to it. So if I were you I'd explore a "little further" male experience if it presents itself. You'll soon know if it works for you or not.

    Naturally, you should put that big old analytical brain of yours on the back burner while you're in the throes of the act. Forget about whether what you're doing makes you gay, and and work out whether what you're doing, seeing and feeling gives you pleasure.

    I know that when I first saw two men kissing passionately, I was embarassed and disgusted. The analytical brain was kicking in. When I just accepted it for what it was...well, the rest is history.

    I'm not suggesting that you're (gasp!) gay. But I think you ought to relax and enjoy your body with any other body you fancy that comes along. You'll work it out.

    As for guys finding you mroe attractive than girls--like, get that great big analytical brain into gear! Men tend to be more sexually forward than women. I think you'll find that a poultice of women are standing back waiting for you to make the first move. Maybe you're just not picking up on their subtle flirtations--a man is supposed to know these things, even though no woman on earth will tell him. That's one of the many reasons I'm so fucking glad I'm gay!

    HB8

    P.S. Remember to play safe, with both sexes. Safe sex is actually quite simple, when you work it out. You can relax and enjoy yourself as easily with a man as with a woman.
     
  9. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    sexuality is about how you identify, and you identify as straight, and if you want to have the occasional foray into a different scene that doesn't make you gay of even bi, it makes you a scorpio!

    be open and honest and considerate with your lovers and you'll do just fine. it won't matter if they're men women or anywhere in between, and we only start getting our knickers in a twist about issues like this when things go wrong, not when they're feel right.

    other people may be keen to categorise you, because that's what we humans like to do, it makes life neater if everything fits neatly into it's box, but you CAN just be who you are and not worry about that.

    incidentally, I think you get a lot more attention from guys on here than girls simply because there's a lot more of us, probably 10 times more guys than girls.

    However don't let that get you down...BTW you look awesome, amazing body great dick and if you ever want to have one of those rare 'guy-on-guy' moments you mentioned, I'm always available :)
     
  10. vindicator

    vindicator Member

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    Personally, i don't think doing an act will make you gay. If you wanted to jerk off with other guys that doesn't make you gay either. If you took it further and didn't like it... I would say you're not gay. You tried it and it didn't suit you. I would say you're just and open and curious straight guy. But if you did like you experience and wanted to explore it further, you might consider yourself bi. I believe it has more to do with enjoying and getting off on the act.

    But WTF cares dood! I think you have the right attitude... you don't need a label. And i think the only one who can label you is you. Fek whatever other people think.
     
  11. headbang8

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    Sometimes labels are as much for one's own peace of mind, as they are for the rest of the world. I actually found the label "gay" rather helpful, personally. It made me feel less like a sexual oddball or a freak. I'm gay? Is it as simple as that? Gosh, that was easier than I thought.
     
  12. B_ajaxgayguy7

    B_ajaxgayguy7 New Member

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    OOO good, another confused bi, just what the gay world needs. How do you know you wont fall in love with a guy or even kiss or penetrate a guy? My guess is you have only experimented a couple times, if that, with a guy. You will now what you are when it happens. Im gay, always knew it.
     
  13. speshk

    speshk New Member

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    As a Scorpio, you're ruled by your genitals. As a bisexual, you're in luck! :tongue:
     
  14. yongdo

    yongdo New Member

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    Most of us are different in one way or another (or many). I know I am.

    You just don't need to explain yourself to others (or even yourself).
     
  15. kjguy

    kjguy Well-Known Member

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    I really enjoyed reading all the posts and advice. Most of what was said I knew or thought about at one point or another. It's just I often forget. I'll keep this thread close, whenever I feel confused or tense by the subject.

    For the record, I've never done anything with a guy before, so I'm still curious. I'm not going to seek it out, but if it happens, it happens. I know my limits and what I'm willing to do. I doubt anything will happen with a guy anytime soon.
     
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