Girls that want to have sex right away ...

[PatriotSam]

Over the past several days I've spent my time walking along beach and lounging around in a multi-million dollar beach house with my best friend and 3 attractive girls. Not really a bad way to spend your time!

Now, to setup the back story, I've never really had sex or a real relationship (the reasons for this are not important to this conversation) but I'm a pretty good looking guy and a good person so getting women isn't really a hard thing for me. (Finding the right one is more of a challenge though!)

The first night ended with one of the girls wanting to have sex with me because she "thought we had a thing". (My talkativeness and friendliness is often mistaken for "a thing" with women.) But i turned her down because i wasn't really attracted to her and I'm not going to break a lifetime of abstinence for a girl who wants to do me after knowing me for about 12 hours.

the next day that girl left to visit other friends which ipened up a door for the next one.

That evening, the remaining two girls, my best friend and i had a big "truth or dare" session and and after a long conversation and a few beers, it became apparent that i was again free game and the innuendo started. One of the remaining girls had a thing for me and wanted to have sex.

I know that morals and standards are lacking in todays world but how the hell do you develop a relationship with a woman when all they want to do is have sex with you without establishing any sort of relationship?

Furthermore, how soon in a healthy relationship should you be having sex?

I have my opinions about these questions, but I'd like to get some from all of you.

 

[D_Joe Munchin]

I know that morals and standards are lacking in todays world but how the hell do you develop a relationship with a woman when all they want to do is have sex with you without establishing any sort of relationship?

How long have you know them?

Furthermore, how soon in a healthy relationship should you be having sex?

Depends on the relationship, you and your partner. It might be the second date, the third month or a year.

 

[D_Tailforth Teabag]

I think that it really depends on you and the person youre with. For me, I had a "thing with a guy" we never had sex but i did feel we moved a little fast for not being in a real relationship. I ended up feeling guilty when ever we would do things that I felt I wasn't ready for or more precisely, do things that I didn't feel we knew each other well enough to be doing.

I guess if you want a healthy relationship, from what I would imagine, you would both have to respect each other's wishes, no matter how much you both wanted to have sex. I guess a lot of people in general would think about or even want to have sex right away because we're human. but if you want a healthy relationship, you'd actually have to get to know each other more. relationships take time and work, you can't expect it to be good right away. if they truly want to form a relationship with you, then saying no to sex right away shouldn't be a problem, if that is all they want then it's gonna be a problem. Not all people that express that they want sex right away are "not relationship" worthy. it just depends on the person... I dont know if this helped...anyways best of luck! and merry christmas!

 

[PatriotSam]

I've known the girls for a grand total of 4 days now ... bt we've all gone back to our respective states.

 

[Enid]

Furthermore, how soon in a healthy relationship should you be having sex?

I have my opinions about these questions, but I'd like to get some from all of you.

In my opinion, having sex after a few months of dating is generally appropriate. I'm not really comfortable with it taking place sooner (but could wait longer if need be). That's just my style and what fits me best.

 

[Jovial]

People don't want to get to know you, then find out you are bad in bed or have a small dick. Then they'll look shallow if they dump you at that point.

And women usually decide when the sex will happen. If you want to wait and she is ready, she'll just move onto someone else. It sucks, but that's what seems to happen. She will interpret your hesitation as you not liking her.

 

[vince]

Man, there are hundreds of guys on this site that would love to have your problem. But they'd probably deal with it in a more healthy way.

12 hours isn't too long to determine if you want have sex with someone. Sex is an important part of a relationship and many people want to sample the goods before getting too seriously involved. Also, sex is fun and it feels great, so why be so hung up about it? It's quite a normal thing for one human to want to have sex with another and if you are safe about it, what's the problem?

Sex isn't some sacred gift you have to save for the right person or time. It's a normal bodily need that you'd do well to stop repressing. If you don't want it or your not attracted to her, fine. But stop judging girls just because they want sex.

 

[B_horribleperson]

she just wants to have sex with you
thats all nothing more nothing less

 

[PatriotSam]

Man, there are hundreds of guys on this site that would love to have your problem. But they'd probably deal with it in a more healthy way.

12 hours isn't too long to determine if you want have sex with someone. Sex is an important part of a relationship and many people want to sample the goods before getting too seriously involved. Also, sex is fun and it feels great, so why be so hung up about it? It's quite a normal thing for one human to want to have sex with another and if you are safe about it, what's the problem?

Sex isn't some sacred gift you have to save for the right person or time. It's a normal bodily need that you'd do well to stop repressing. If you don't want it or your not attracted to her, fine. But stop judging girls just because they want sex.

Deal with it in a healthy way?

What's more healthy than taking a step back and assessing the situation before taking serious action.

Did you ever stop to think that giving it up immediately may be far less healthy than the action that I'm currently taking? How "natural" and "healthy" it may be has nothing to do with it ... it's a simple matter of self respect and respect for the other person.

What's the problem?

I won't devalue who i am simply because parts of society think that giving it up immediately is OK. It's difficult to judge what path to take when popular culture is constantly saying that your body and your emotions are essentially worthless.

I'm not saying that I've got to get married before i have sex with a woman, i just demand a little exclusivity and dedication before I'll open myself up completely.

Just as the rarity of a diamond makes it valuable, the sexual exclusivity that i live by increases my value. Maybe that's why i have the "problem" that i have ... women like what they see ... but if they're not willing to work for it, they're not going to get it.

 

[PatriotSam]

People don't want to get to know you, then find out you are bad in bed or have a small dick. Then they'll look shallow if they dump you at that point.

And women usually decide when the sex will happen. If you want to wait and she is ready, she'll just move onto someone else. It sucks, but that's what seems to happen. She will interpret your hesitation as you not liking her.

OK, my goal here is not to have a random hookup, it's to find a wife. The size of my penis is large enough to where i don't have to worry about that ... but if a woman only cared about size, i wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. That's like saying that guys only care about how big a womans breasts are ... which is a ridiculous qualification in a life long relationship.

When you're with a new person you're never going to be totally smooth when it comes to sex. Different people have different bodies, different likes and dislikes ... but hey, learning all that stuff is half the fun! Eventually you'll learn eachother and the sex will be the best it's ever been.

If i want to wait and she bolts ... that's cool ... her prerogative and i don't want her at that point anyway.

Again, I'm in it for the long haul, not a single night.

 

[JMeister]

how the hell do you develop a relationship with a woman when all they want to do is have sex with you without establishing any sort of relationship?
You don't. Look for a woman who feels the same way as you do with regard to sex and relationships.

Furthermore, how soon in a healthy relationship should you be having sex?
It depends on the two people involved, but based on the data you have provided I would say no sooner than three months after the two of you are in an exclusive relationship with you seeing her at least twice a week and talking to her daily.

Anything sooner than this and you'll risk feeling used for your dick if the relationship doesn't work out.

 

[Yeah321]

i don't mind getting used for my dick.
haha

 

[Jovial]

... but if a woman only cared about size, i wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I never said that's all she cares about.

If i want to wait and she bolts ... that's cool ... her prerogative and i don't want her at that point anyway.

Yes, and this will always give you a reason to not like someone. You just make them wait long enough and then they eventually give up on you. Then you have a reason to not like them.

Furthermore, how soon in a healthy relationship should you be having sex?
It depends on the two people involved, but based on the data you have provided I would say no sooner than three months after the two of you are in an exclusive relationship with you seeing her at least twice a week and talking to her daily.

How do you define sex? Is that three months until any genital contact that produces orgasm?

Anything sooner than this and you'll risk feeling used for your dick if the relationship doesn't work out.

Is it better to be used for your personality? What are legitimate reasons to use someone? And if you aren't using them to get something then why be in a relationship with them?

 

[B_mylipswet]

Deal with it in a healthy way?

What's more healthy than taking a step back and assessing the situation before taking serious action.

Did you ever stop to think that giving it up immediately may be far less healthy than the action that I'm currently taking? How "natural" and "healthy" it may be has nothing to do with it ... it's a simple matter of self respect and respect for the other person.

What's the problem?

I won't devalue who i am simply because parts of society think that giving it up immediately is OK. It's difficult to judge what path to take when popular culture is constantly saying that your body and your emotions are essentially worthless.

I'm not saying that I've got to get married before i have sex with a woman, i just demand a little exclusivity and dedication before I'll open myself up completely.

Just as the rarity of a diamond makes it valuable, the sexual exclusivity that i live by increases my value. Maybe that's why i have the "problem" that i have ... women like what they see ... but if they're not willing to work for it, they're not going to get it.

When your serious, your usually more selective. Making love is more then having sex right away. I prefer reaching a deeper level of intimacy. I want a man to demand exclusivity and dedication before he'll open up completely .
I love a man with high standards There's nothing more attractive then watching a man as he rises to those standards as a woman who loves him enough to say "take it slow let it grow" do it fast it won't last. There is a greater value in that love by both partners and all that hard work is worth every moment of it. When your in it for the long haul.

 

[upone]

And women usually decide when the sex will happen. If you want to wait and she is ready, she'll just move onto someone else. It sucks, but that's what seems to happen. She will interpret your hesitation as you not liking her.

Why is it guys have so much trouble with that idea? You're absoulutely right, Jovial. One of the most intense relationships I ever had was with a woman I'd known for a couple of years. She invited me over "for dinner". She opened the door stark naked, dropped to her knees, and gave me three slow, soft blowjobs. She was really clear about her interests...

 

[deleted356736]

I have sometimes had sex with women within an hour of first meeting. It was just sex, and often quite enjoyable. Women get a lot of enjoyment and pleasure out of sex, so why not partake? In my country, Australia, casual sex was very, very common when I was younger, and even more common today.

It is a sign of liberation and equality when women are happy to want sex with someone who interests them.

 

[visceraltuning]

I know that morals and standards are lacking in todays world but how the hell do you develop a relationship with a woman when all they want to do is have sex with you without establishing any sort of relationship?

It is quite possible that these girls did not want to establish a relationship. Your qualities might have stimulated their sexual appetites, and so they wanted to have sex with you. To many people, the adventure leading up to sex is fun and the activity feels good, and it can be no more complicated than that. While sex is part of a pair bonding relationship, sex does not necessarily lead to pair bonding.

Establishing a relationship without having sex can be difficult because many people think that mutual attraction on a physical level is very important, and if the mutual attraction is present then it is worth investing time to get to know the other person's values and lifestyle to confirm compatibility. This is backwards from the morals of the past because it used to be that sex would often lead to the birth of a child, which is not necessarily the case with the availability of reliable birth control. Women can now afford to take a test drive.

Furthermore, how soon in a healthy relationship should you be having sex?

I have my opinions about these questions, but I'd like to get some from all of you.

Many of my college friends and I think that sex can happen before or after the development of a healthy relationship. There is not necessarily an order.

Some of my friends had sex with a girl a year or two before they began dating, then developed a relationship later on. This happened because they were in the same social circle or went to the same party as the girl, had sex, then had a renewed serious interest later on.

Others asked a girl out, had a date(s), then had sex.

However, most agree that date(s) where you set time aside to get to know the girl's personality indicate to the girl (even if you just want to fuck) that you are interested in a pair bonding relationship. In this scenario, I think that if no making out has happened within 3 dates then there is not enough attraction to keep things going.

Also, if a girl wants to have sex on the first date with the intention of developing a serious relationship then she probably has low self-esteem, thinks that the only thing of value that she possesses is her vagina, and has been fucked by a lot of different guys. If a girl wants to have sex on the first date without the intention of developing a serious relationship then it is just that. If a girl does not want to have sex on the first date then she wants a serious relationship where other qualities are just as important as sex. In all scenarios, you can't fault a guy for trying to get some sex.

 

[visceraltuning]

What's the problem?

I won't devalue who i am simply because parts of society think that giving it up immediately is OK. It's difficult to judge what path to take when popular culture is constantly saying that your body and your emotions are essentially worthless.

I'm not saying that I've got to get married before i have sex with a woman, i just demand a little exclusivity and dedication before I'll open myself up completely.

Just as the rarity of a diamond makes it valuable, the sexual exclusivity that i live by increases my value. Maybe that's why i have the "problem" that i have ... women like what they see ... but if they're not willing to work for it, they're not going to get it.

I think that you do not realize it, but "upstanding gentlemen" in the eyes of society in the past tried very hard to have sex with the girls that they were courting, and it was seen as the responsibility of the girl to say "no". That was why girls that were not raped and had a child outside of marriage were called sluts.

Also, fathers would not let their daughters go out unaccompanied with a man unless the couple was officially engaged and the father approved because then the father could hold the man to the engagement after the couple had sex, which was assumed that the man would attempt after getting engaged.

As far as you viewing your intimate self as precious, I respect that but it is not a very common perspective. Many people view male virginity as something easily maintained, and girls think that if a guy does not indicate sexual interest then it is a sign that no relationship will develop. I think that the typical model is:

1. Guy indicates that he want to have sex (Initiator)
2. Girl indicates yes or no (Approver)
3. Sex happens or it does not (Transaction)

Kind of like:

1. Guy indicates her wants cash by putting an ATM Card in an ATM Machine
2. ATM indicates it will accept the ATM Card and give cash
3. Cash is given.

Nobody thinks that the ATM Card is valuable in and of itself, just the cash that is able to be obtained by it.

 

[Jovial]

@visceraltuning
That all makes sense and is explained well. The changing times explain a lot of this. Thanks for posting.

Why is it guys have so much trouble with that idea? You're absoulutely right, Jovial. One of the most intense relationships I ever had was with a woman I'd known for a couple of years. She invited me over "for dinner". She opened the door stark naked, dropped to her knees, and gave me three slow, soft blowjobs. She was really clear about her interests...

Three blowjobs? Wow, how long did that take, given that they were slow?

 

[D_Brecock Evileye]

This is the only kind of relationship I seem to promote. I would love to meet a girl and have a real relationship. I love sex, dont get me wrong, but I wonder what it is like to have someone realy care for me not just want sex.