Girlz Night Out

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_werfghj, Apr 2, 2005.

  1. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    Hello all, just wanted to take a second and put up some thoughts on "girls night out" and also "guys night out" weather you are gay or straight im sure you will have something to say about this.
    My wife and I have been married about 3 years, and we are not the most social of people, ( we both work a lot ) - I sell meat, - no really, im not kidding.. thats not a dick joke, and she runs a surf shop.
    Last nite she and her co-worker, ( a single female ) went out on the town,
    after about a hour of " you're sure you are NOT going to be upset if I go out discussions" I managed to get her out the door, wich is fine, I had to go to a recording studio to do some session work, and knew It would be no fun for her to sit at home all nite by herself, so I gave her a kiss on the cheek and pushed her out the door...
    She got home I suppose around 3am, and I returned around 4am, wow, what a work day...
    anywho.. this morning on waking up, this was the conversation.
    " did you have fun last nite?"
    and here is what happened.
    her and her gal pal went to west hollywood, for thoes of you who dont know, wich im sure are very few of you, that is a gay community in los angeles, they went to the abby, a coffee house, then to mickys, a gay male strip club.
    I have no problem with this whatsoever, and I was laughing about her being a woman who LOVES gay men... doesn't everyone?

    the point of this post is this:

    is it ok for spouses of signifigant others to.
    1. go out with single people, to "meet markets"
    2. find themselves in a sexually charged atmosphere with out thier spouse/bf/gf
    3. be out all nite?

    I told her my only concern was that she NOT drink and drive, that is just good policy, and to NOT do anything stupid.
    -accept drinks from anyone she doesn't know.

    I have been rather paranoid latley, my good friends wife was reciently killed by a drunk driver, and now he is left with a 2 year old and a 5 year old.

    I dont think it is a issue of trust, for you NEVER can control anything that anyone does, and once you accept that you are powerless over someone elses actions, it makes life a lot easyer.. no?

    chime in please, and let me know some of your experiences.
    Danny ;)
     
  2. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    I want to hear from the gals espically on this one. :)
     
  3. Dr Rock

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    golden rule of relationship queries:

    if it's okay with you, it's okay. if it isn't, find someone else who won't do it.

    personally I've never felt the need to tell anyone, least of all someone I'm close to and care about, stuff like what they can or can't do with their time, or with whom they can or can't have sex. it's not my call, period - and for the same reason I would (and do) get exceptionally resentful when someone tries to do the same thing to me.
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
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    My wife and I both have "Nights Out." We both have married and single friends. I don't much care as I feel that all individuals need their space, time, etc.

    As Dr. said--if its okay with you and her--that should be all that matters.

    A wise man once told me that you can't miss what you can't measure.
     
  5. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    I told her my only concern was that she NOT drink and drive, that is just good policy, and to NOT do anything stupid.
    -accept drinks from anyone she doesn't know.

    I have been rather paranoid latley, my good friends wife was reciently killed by a drunk driver, and now he is left with a 2 year old and a 5 year old.

    I dont think it is a issue of trust, for you NEVER can control anything that anyone does, and once you accept that you are powerless over someone elses actions, it makes life a lot easyer.. no?

    -- great, keep it coming guys!
    werfghj
     
    #5 B_werfghj, Apr 2, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2010
  6. madame_zora

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    I think it's not only okay, but necessary to a person's well being that they not rely completely on one person for companionship. Friends don't compete with your relationship, they actually add to it by giving each of you another outlet for love and support, as well as allow you to have other experiences so you'll have something new to talk about once in a while. Having a night out rarely means getting laid, no reason to jump to conclusions. People who have room to breathe and feel respected are generally happier in their relationships. I believe it is more often the ones who feel smothered who are most likely to cheat. If monogamy is an element in your relationship, it would be a shame to push your partner into the arms of someone else by being a controlling arse. I'd rather get a 4am call from a drunk s/o asking for a ride home than getting a call from the police or worse. You're right- drinking and driving must be avoided at all cost, which means you have to make a plan before the evening begins!
     
  7. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    I knew I could count on ZOra to give her two cents, you are much wiser then your years my dear,
    PLEASE DONT GET ME WRONG, I AM NOT JEALOUS, I BASICALLY PUSHED HER OUT THE DOOR TO GO OUT!!!
    I just wanted to bring it up in forums, and see what everyones opion is here, cause I repsect it :)
    Dan
     
  8. faceking

    faceking Well-Known Member

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    Wait... I always thought it was "meat markets"...

    [Niavity Redux]
     
    #8 faceking, Apr 2, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2010
  9. madame_zora

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    Dan, I gathered from your post that you encouraged her to go- I think that's great.
    Have you ever noticed that when someone trusts you, you WANT to do your best? It seems you know this already, thanks for the topic.
     
    #9 madame_zora, Apr 3, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2010
  10. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I'm glad to hear that you and your s/o can have those conversations in the first place, Dan. I'm sure there are quite a few men out there who would worry more for their girl's fidelity than their ultimate safety. At the same time, I credit people who admit that they are a little concerned when the other comes home really late, especially if a little more intoxicated than they are comfortable.

    Meat markets are eyebrow-raising environments anyway.

    It's just hard to... share... that with somebody, you know -- trying to lay down "ground rules" about spending time with people outside of the relationship. Some people need other-validated intimacy so badly that they can't bear the thought of being away from their partners any more than absolutely necessary. And I know that I'm a fairly independent spirit anyway who needs... nay, demands... time for people outside of the relationship. I get smothered too quickly otherwise.

    Anyway, kudos to you for doing the right thing, man.
     
  11. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    I am loving this, keep it cumming people, thanks zora and dee!\
     
  12. Imported

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    Goon: Ahhh, Mickeys! The memories I have of that place. One involves the smallest penis I've ever seen but that's another post :eek: This thread made me think. My last relationship was with someone I didn't trust. He liked to go out without me. For some reason I'd go looking for him and would find him WAAAY too comfortable engrossed in conversation or dancing with someone cute. Usually I'd find phone numbers as well. He turned out to be a Sociopath, batterer and sex addict so it was good riddens. Anyway, I ended that! My situation now is totally different. I trust my partner implicitly and fortunately that's a two way street. I've had him look a little droopy-eyed before when I was going out with friends but I found out it wasn't jealousy, it was him feeling left out.

    My point? Trust and comfort level, plain and simple. Also, we have a saying in AA "if you go to the barber shop, you're going to get a haircut".
     
  13. madame_zora

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    I always loved that saying- another friend of Bill Wilson here.
     
  14. Imported

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    orionsword57:
    I found barbershop singing, which gave me a great outlet, and my wife did work with young parolees.
     
  15. jonb

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    I have to agree with Jana. In fact, most strip clubs have a "look but don't touch" rule.
     
  16. madame_zora

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    Oh, you agree with me on something, do ya? That tickling must have done the trick!

    Seriously, most clubs have big guys watching to make sure you don't touch the girls or you'll get thrown out. It's just a tease, I really can't understand why any guy would pay for that. As for women, going to a male strip show is absolutely hilarious fun, but almost NEVER overtly sexual. They giggle and shove dollars into g-strings, but lets' face it, the male anatomy is revealed far less often in our society, so it's the whole body they're interested in seeing, and they know there's almost a 0% chance of the hot guy going home with you, it's just a fun show.

    Usually, on a guys/girls night out, it has nothing to do with the sex industry and more to do with same sex (gender) bonding, which is important for everyone. I would never want to have a relationship with a guy who had no friends, I'd think there was something wrong with him!
     
  17. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    wow, is everyone here are friend of Bill W?
    - i know I am :)
    you peeps just keep getting cooler and cooler :)
     
  18. madame_zora

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    There are quite a few of us, there's a thread in Etc. about teetotalers, you might want to find it. Of course we're cool, that's why YOU came in!
     
  19. B_werfghj

    B_werfghj New Member

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    Thanks Z, I have been looking at the site for awhile now, and I find you all great,
    I showed my wife the post, ( she STILL thought I was mad about her going out )
    wich I found amusing, I wasn't bothered in the slightest, and always encourage her to go out with her 'girls'
    as a matter of fact, two days after she went out, I went into her work, and saw her gal pal, lets call her... 'Star' I said " star, lissy had a great time the other nite, you have to take her out more often!', her jaw pretty much hit the floor!
    later that day, she told my wife how 'cool' I am, and how most guys are 'insecure' about girls going out, hahaha funny, she is young, 21- and I can imagine that most of the 'men' she goes out with are jealous all the time.
    I think all the trouble came from when my wife called me when she was out and I was short with her on the phone, not rude, but I was in the middle of a recording session, and tracking vocal tracks with cell phone wriging tends to piss off producers, so 'Star' thougth I was all grumpy, but thats all cleared up...
    thanks for the advice, my wife thinks yer coo!!!
    take care!
    Danny
     
  20. madame_zora

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    Aww, shucks, tell her to post if she feels like it, I'd love to say hi. And "star" was right, you ARE cool.
     
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