girth issue fist time after 40 plus

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by hofman8x5, Sep 14, 2010.

  1. hofman8x5

    hofman8x5 New Member

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    Hi
    New member here. I stumbled along this site after googling girth avg.

    For the first time in my life and several lovers-50+ I ran into a situation about my girth. My new lover made comments about not being tight enough for me. After a few times of hearing that I made the mistake of saying "Why? What did you do in the past?"
    She at first mentioned it was because she had children but then made a comment that I am not exactly a pornstar. Went on to say she does not care about length and I am on the thinner side. She has only had 7 total lovers and said I am the thinnest she has had I found this strange as I am almost a real 8" in length (I have a slight curve) and true 5" girth in the middle

    Almost always women have said I was huge, made comments about it is too deep or worst case said I have a nice dick. Some have even made comments about my girth being nice.These comments were all made without me asking or saying anything and on the first encounter.

    I never thought in all of my years of experiences that I would be worried about my girth, but that is why I am here! I really like her, but I know when she says she is not tight enough for me what she really thinks-I am thin for her and SHE is not pleasured.

    It has been a month since this happened and I dropped it and have not said anything, but can't stop thinking about it and it really bothers me and makes me wonder about the relationship.

    A few weeks ago I bought a 8x2 wide dildo-approx 6 1/4" girth mainly for me to compare. I ended up asking her in the heat of things to try a dildo. It was dark and when I put it in she said it was too big and it hurt. I told her ok, stopped and I told her I would get rid of it. A week later I pulled it out again and she let me try it again even though she acted like I was fine and she said she did not want the dildo and I was what she wanted. At first getting it in she said it was way too thick and huge! Once it was in a little she kept telling me to be careful and not cram it in. After I lightly played with it being in for a bit just 3 inches or so as she was starting to moan a bit I put it in more and it just slid all the way in with ease.

    So, I guess I am on here to ask women and all peeps thoughts as I am not sure how to continue/if I can continue as for the first time in my life I do not feel large enough and know she is not satisfied even though she says I am fine now, but I have a hard time believing her after the comments and now all in my mind is wow-I am not thick enough and wonder how all of her partners-the few she has had can all be bigger than me and why I am hearing this now and never heard it ever before or no sign of this before in my life
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Personally I would NEVER say something like that to a man. Ever. I just think it's wrong to talk someone down and make them feel not good enough.

    Maybe she said it in the heat of the moment, but I still don't think it was appropriate. You're bigger than average, maybe she has had someone with a larger girth in the past. I'm not her so I can't speak for her, but the vagina stretches. Just because she took the big dildo doesn't mean that's the perfect size for her. Your length may also make you look thinner to her. If her partners have all been thicker than you she's found some really big guys.

    I'm just throwing random stuff out there, but in my opinion if your becoming self concious about it you shouldn't be.
     
  3. hofman8x5

    hofman8x5 New Member

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    to add to this-summarize what I am saying asking

    I know she would not lie to me about her opinion of my thickness, but I guess I am looking for support and comments about 5" girth and why this would appear to be thin as it seems at the lage avg size, but for her to shoot my girth down seems like it is a problem for her and I am not sure if I will ever feel like enough...any suggestions/comments about this and of continuing the relationship as I like her, but trying to forget about this but not sure if I can or how to stop thinking about this and if I talk to her about it she will most likely say everything is fine or cause a fight or make me look insecure-which I guess is how I feel for the first time in my life!

    Thanks
     
  4. Incocknito

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    List of problems:

    I'm not good looking enough
    I'm not tall enough
    I'm not Caucasian enough
    I'm not toned enough
    I'm not rich enough
    I'm not happy enough
    I stood in dog shit today

    ...

    1,000 items later:

    My penis isn't thick enough (boo hoo). Concentrate on your positive attributes.

    You shouldn't obsess or worry about it but likewise she shouldn't have made fun of it. Would you say to a girl 'your tits are small, I'm used to bigger'?

    Even if its true, you shouldn't say that. IMO I wouldn't stay with someone like that.
     
    #4 Incocknito, Sep 14, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2010
  5. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    If you're 8x5, you're plenty big. 5" is not off-the-scale thickness, but it ain't shabby, either.

    My experience is that, generally, most women are clueless when it comes to cock size. Even if they're more turned on by the sight or feel of a large penis than a small one, they don't know what they're talking about when you get down to inches.

    Plus, their physical experience can be different from one time to another. One day, she might need to relax or use a little lube to take you; other days, you might slip in and feel like you have more room to move than usual. I've had that experience with more than one female friend.

    If you like her and everything else has been fine, my advice (which you didn't really ask for) is to tell your brain to STFU and realize that ... aside from one bad day ... she's happy with the sex you guys are having, which to her is probably a lot more than the girth of your cock. What she said sounded to me more like she felt bad about herself than that she felt bad about you!
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    If your brain won't let it go, you can google male kegel. Kegel exercise is good for you, and as a bonus, it made my husband's cock thicker. He'd been insecure about his girth as well.
     
  7. hofman8x5

    hofman8x5 New Member

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    Thanks to all so far.
    NEVER thought I would feel this way-but all else is going so good and having a hard time dealing with this and trying not to feel like crap about girth. I just found it so odd that she only had a few lovers and she thinks I am thin.

    I know my other lovers in the past have probably experienced longer and/or thicker once in a while, but never an issue or discussion about it. She seems to not be satistfied with the girth as she was with her last BF for years and to be categorized as thin freaks me out.

    I know it sounds easy to say see you later-but I guess I am hoping I will stop freaking out and just forget about the issue and all will be fine-or trying to figure out if I should bail but do not see the point in running away as at this point my confidence is shot and will probably have this in my mind
     
  8. Pandora77

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    Sorry if I missed this in your post, but have you actually had sex with her?
    How did it feel? Did she feel "big" or "loose".
    As others have suggested she could try Kegel exercises.
    Plus: Somehow I doubt that she has always only been with huge guys, since we all know really big dicks are not THAT easy to find (except for maybe on this site :biggrin1: ) and telling you that you are too thin for her wasn't very nice of her.
     
  9. hofman8x5

    hofman8x5 New Member

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    Yes, have been with her 7 months and sex often.
    She said "I don't think I am tight enough for you" translation-you are not girthy enough for me

    She did not tease my girth, but her saying this a few times made me think, and when I asked her why she said it was because she had kids. When I asked her about how she dealt with that in the past she then told me that I was not exactly a porn star and that all of the other were thicker and I am on the thin side-hence my shock and mind is spinning. I dropped it with her, but it has been on my mind since and have been trying to snap out of this and get advise etc as again running away from her at this point would not help me as now even though I have had tons and nothing but positive comments would make me worry on the next one, plus all else is going well and really like her. I do not think it was menat to be mean, she is just being honest and she really thinks that I am thin in comparison and she must have had massive girth luck with the other 7 in her life-which makes me wonder, worry and can;t get it out of my head. But I do think she is being honest as I think she had the impression that I have heard that before somehow

    she is not tight, but I not loose either in my opinion. I did not really think about it but once the 8x6 1/4 dildo went in and once it went in a bit and then once warmed up and slid in it kind of freaked me out and made me think even more. I asked her if she wanted to stop using it because it hurt or she was worried about being stretched out she said both-which again translates to me as she was worried more about me not pleasuring her after going to a big girth-again

    I know it boils down to me either running away and forget her, but again all else is great and this will be in my mind for the next partner. I am just trying to find a way to deal with this and be confident and happy again without running away from her and my confidence but know that if I try and talk with her about it she will either lie as she does know that this freaked me out and she will just act like everything is fine-even if she is not pleasured or we will argue about it and she will walk away like I am not secure-which again right now I am not so much
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think 5 inches would be big enough for most women - it certainly would be for me - which is a large part of why you haven't heard it from anyone else. So please don't develop a complex over this. :smile:

    The important question at the moment though, is 'Is it big enough for her?' To be honest, I think that if it wasn't a good size for her at some point, it will come back to haunt your sex life again later, even if she says that it is satisfying now. Just my opinion though . . .
     
  11. straightdave10

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    just going to chime in here.

    As the adage goes" you cant work with a resource you don't have" and the resource im referring to is co-operation. The big C-Word. I agree with most of the sentiments voiced. The other C-Words i would emphasize are Care, Compassion and Consideration.

    If the sum total is the result of the combined effort of the two parties then who's contributing what, by definition it must be equitable. I understand easy to say hard to do....but we have to start somewhere. Great topic...and...dont give yourself a hard time, unless you really insist. As it has been mentione and and alluded to, self acceptance is a key factor and i agree. Self acceptance for some isnt easy or natural, in general its also easier to get someone else to like us....then we dont have to do it for ourselves.

    Last time i checked, Men don't have an absolute monopoly on being selfish.

    To thine own self be true.
     
  12. straightdave10

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    Sorry couldn't help myself.

    "I know it boils down to me either running away and forget her, but again all else is great..."

    When i hear myself saying something like this...my friends usually go quiet...raise their eyebrows and say " can you hear what you just said?"

    That's why i need friends............
     
    #12 straightdave10, Sep 15, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2010
  13. hofman8x5

    hofman8x5 New Member

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    Thanks to all! So, as I thought, 5" girth is not bad-not a problem for most and this is just a case or a "bad case" where girth is important to her to the point that 5" is thin for her and she must have been lucky with her past lovers and is used to that abd prefers that. I do feel like it will be a problem for the future for our relationship and I need to decide what to do about it-bail, stay and deal with it and if she really can enjoy me and really cares about me.

    Thank you again to all of the comments and support. It is so strange after all of my experience to feel like I am not worthy in the girth after all of the opposite comments and situations I have experienced!
     
  14. D_Enorma Scupcakes

    D_Enorma Scupcakes New Member

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    If it's stimulation of the first couple of inches of vagina that she likes (which is usually what larger girth can accomplish), try a different approach. Try F-ing her at the most extreme angles you can. Have lay on her side with one leg up. Then get on your knees straddling the leg on the bed. Have her move her leg (and therefore you) as much toward her chest as she can while still giving you the ability to thrust inside her. Also try the opposite extreme, with you as far around toward her back as possible. It's amazing what you can accomplish just with positions and technique. :)
     
  15. AlteredEgo

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    I was suggesting HE try them. He's the one who is worried. (Though the exercise is really good for anyone!)
    Not every woman has a hard time finding men with really big dicks. When I was single, I had no problems finding mostly well endowed men, and I certainly wasn't discriminating based on cock size.
    Put yourself in her shoes. He already admits in his first post that he really stuck his foot in his mouth. So perhaps she lashed back. And maybe, just maybe they don't really fit, and he really isn't physically right for her. Should she lie about that? I'm not saying it's okay for her to put it in such an unkind way, even if she perceived him as being unkind to her, but it is understandable.
     
  16. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    I have a similar issue with my fiance. She reaches a point of arousal where she gets both extremely wet and she physically expands( tenting?). On one hand its really good because she just swallows me whole, and the feeling is incredible. On the other, there are moments when things get a bit too slippity-slide, and I have to be careful not to slide out. At that point she starts saying things like 'too wet' or 'let me close my legs so that it feels tighter'. A few times she's even asked me ' do you feel it when I'm like that?' which leads me to believe SHE may not feel much from her end. I'm 7 1/2 by 5, so pretty close to you in size.
     
  17. petite

    petite New Member

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    I seriously doubt that all of her previous lovers were bigger than you. It's just not realistic. So there has to be another explanation.


    My vagina has become stretchier now due to my pregnancy and I had issues with my PC muscles becoming weak, also due to my pregnancy. Now TheBF is the largest man I've ever been with and the entire reason why I ended up here at LPSG is because of the "support" part of the website. His cock was just too large, but when my vagina became stretchier due to the pregnancy and my PC muscles became weak, during sex it literally felt like his penis had shrunk in size, which for me, was a very good thing. His penis obviously didn't shrink in just a few weeks, I had gotten more accommodating. It's feasible that she does need to do her Kegels and her perception of size is skewed because she isn't as tight as she used to be before she had children, causing her to believe that previous lovers were better endowed than they really were.

    This is one possibility.

    When she said that she wasn't tight enough, it's possible that she was fishing for compliments and you didn't take the bait. Maybe she had expected you to disagree with her and reassure her that she's tight enough? And when you didn't she decided to blame it on you because you made her feel really bad about herself?

    This is another possibility.
     
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