Give Head To Get Head

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Nov 30, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    thingsteal: Last night my wife and I were driving back from a Thanksgiving trip and the topic veered into the oral sex I gave to her a few nights before. She talked about how she has different levels of intensities for her orgasms via oral sex. We decided to adopt the rating for tornadoes as an example. F1 being a small orgasm and F5 being a mindblower.

    She said the other night I gave her two F4s and a lot of F1 to F2s. I was at it for almost an hour. It was a good evening.

    Oral sex is a huge treat for her. She wouldn't mind it every night, and occasionally I'll do it every night for a couple weeks up until she gets her period. I thoroughly enjoy doing it and reiterated this again last night while in the car. Lapping up her juices and feeling her pussy pulse on a nightly basis is like winning the lottery, and having a stiff neck the next day is a badge of honor for me. Quite often it will lead to sexual intercourse at her discretion, especially if she has had trouble achieving orgasm.

    The conversation then turned to her performing oral sex on me. She was honest and said that it's a chore that she doesn't enjoy because of my size, but that she does it somewhat out of guilt because I service her so often and usually for an hour each time.

    Me? I get oral sex to orgasm maybe 3 or 4 times a year. It can't last longer than about 10 minutes before her mouth gets tired. I can't cum in her mouth. If I do accidentally ;) get an initial shot in she turns the act into a handjob and spits out the cum.

    Her reasoning was that if she has a choice between oral sex and regular intercourse she'll choose intercourse every time. She'd rather have it in her pussy than her mouth.

    We talked about for quite a while. I said, "don't you think it's a bit unfair?" that I give and give and give but I rarely get the same thing in return even though I probably enjoy oral as much as she does? She replied that while I love to give her oral, she doesn't feel the same way about giving a blowjob to me.

    Now I'm not the kind of guy who would stop giving her oral just because she won't blow me, but it does bother me a bit. And there are many times when I'd rather have regular sex but she insists on having me give her oral sex instead. And if I had a choice between giving her oral sex and me not getting anything, I'd roll out the old tongue any day of the week.

    Ladies, do you think she's being a little too selfish? I think she might be. Any advice?
     
  2. Imported

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    wvalady1968: I'm sure you wouldn't want her to do anything she really didn't want to do. But, at the same time, it seems like it would be relatively easy for her to fulfill this desire you have more than 3-4X/yr.

    Perhaps she doesn't understand how important it is to you?

    I'm not suggesting that you try to guilt her into anything [much], but when she tells you how much SHE enjoys it, you could tell her you appreciate her whenever she reciprocates more than she'll ever know.

    Also, does she know that she does it well enough for you? How hot is it for you? Let her know that.

    Good luck!
     
  3. jdoe86

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    Same here on oral.. I would rather give than receive. I can count how many times I have cum from straight oral on one hand. I get more enjoyment if I am eating a girl out and she just plays with my cock. I know I am too big to fit in most girl mouths, so I don't ask. But, I do love to cum in a mouth.. I really do becasue it is something that happens so rarely.
     
  4. Imported

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    Tender: well i think that yes its unfair.
    it seems to me that one doesnt do oral because they like it.
    now mind you i love it.
    but the issue is, i do it for HIM not me.
    i want him to like it.
    i want him to want it.
    i want him to want it again.
    you get the idea.
    even if i didnt like doing it, i would do it to please him if he wanted me to.
    now i have a hard time doing it because of my jaw, and well sometimes i have the trophy badge as you said...

    maybe as was mentioned, she doesnt know how much it bothers you?
    it would bother me ALOT.
    enough to say it would affect our relationship if he refused to do it. and well it has in the past....

    Tender
     
  5. Imported

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    ruscular: I give head because my girth is rather large to jump into it. I need to get her relax as much, and I dont expect it in return. To be honest I never really had a good BJ. I pretty much fantasize that someone like Carly Simon gives me a BJ, or any other woman with a big wide mouth. I'll let them try, but I pretty much given up hoping for a great one.

    Ask yourself, would you want to give yourself head with your build?

    I cant remember what I found but I grab a empty wine bottle with aprox the same girth as my penis, and there was no way I could get my mouth over it for long.
     
  6. Imported

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    jessinathensga: ok this is a bit off subject but in my in my experience guys want to go down on me so I will go down on them...

    I will also say that I am one of the few women that kinda enjoy it, but not because of the action. Its the thought of the control and the power. I enjoy the feeling of it in as much as it lets me know how much pleasure i am providing...
     
  7. Imported

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    wvalady1968: [quote author=jessinathensga link=board=women;num=1070246010;start=0#5 date=12/17/03 at 23:10:56] Its the thought of the control and the power. I enjoy the feeling of it in as much as it lets me know how much pleasure i am providing...
    [/quote]

    Girl, that's it exactly!

    Allie
     
  8. Imported

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    Tender: ditto!!

    :)
    Tender
     
  9. Imported

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    palladen: Give as good as you get, but remember a lady gets to come first (and last) :)
     
  10. Imported

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    nursejudy: If a guy's too big to comfortably suck, I do alot of noisy kissing & slurping on it & he thinks he's getting the world's best bj... ;D
     
  11. Imported

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    thingsteal: Followup: There's been basically no change. Lots of head for her. Lots of orgasms for her. Hardly anything in return. Certainly no oral on me.

    Last night, after an hour of oral sex on her during which she came at least 3 or 4 times, she begrudgingly gave in to my gentle request for sex and got on top. I swear we were just a couple minutes into it when she said, "Can you hurry up and cum?" It's difficult to enjoy it after that's been said because it's clear she isn't into it.

    I don't know. I think this is kind of fucked up.

    We've talked about it. She admits she's selfish about having me perform oral sex on her. I said I don't mind giving, but I'd like to get a little in return and when we do occasionally have sex afterwards I don't want to feel in a hurry or like it's a chore for her. She said she'd try to be better.

    It hasn't always been this way. Maybe the past 4 or 5 months. It seems like it's turning into a domination/submission thing. You know, I submit to oral sex on her and maybe - just maybe - I get something in return, and if I do I don't get to enjoy it.

    What do you think, ladies?
     
  12. Imported

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    Tender: well i always get in trouble by opening my big mouth first lol!
    so here goes...
    id think seriously about staying with her.
    if it were my guy, and it continued without much sincere effort on his part to fix things, id leave.

    Tender
     
  13. Imported

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    gicast: OK, here's my two cents!

    First off, don't leave her!!! Marriages are too important to lose because of a lack of BJ!!

    Maybe you should lesson up on the oral, just give her regular sex. (a little punishment?) You have already discussed it, she still isn't trying to help you out.  Show her what it feels like to not have what you want. Then after a few days, tell her how much you enjoyed oral but you feel cheated. Tell her you don't expect her to fit the darned thing to the hilt!

    Wait! Maybe she doesn't know exactly what you like, tell her to play around and do what SHE likes. (meanwhile, really get into whatever she's doing and she can see for herself THE POWER!) I remember when I was learning how do to this and I had to be instructed, but I loved it!

    Anyway, I think she should be trying to please you equally. I think I understand a little, my husband doesn't give as much as I give, complains about his tongue for goodness sake! Anyway, I have TMJ and My jaw pops like crazy and I get an awful headache after, but I do it willingly!!!! Even eagerly. So She can do her duty as a wife should. Now I need to ask you if you do anything that makes her feel demeaned while she performs this BJ? Don't push on her head or anything. ....
     
  14. jonb

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    I prefer 69, personally. 'Tis better to give than to receive, but she should enjoy giving too.
     
  15. Imported

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    roedhunt: For a second thingsteal, I would have sworn you were my brother-in-law.... But you're not.. whew...
    My oldest sister has been married for 20+ years to him, and oral sex comes up frequently - no pun intended - Me personally, I absolutely LOVE giving blow jobs! I love everything about it. The control, the feel, the responses and the taste.. although some men have actually tasted disgusting. Men who eat pineapples makes it taste sweet (hint hint). Anyway, she cannot stand giving oral sex, but loves receiving it. I have had many many discussions with her about how unfair that is, and that she should at least do it for him. But, she finds it repulsive and unthinkable. Just to get her dander up, I love to go into details of giving blow jobs.. heh heh.. aint I a stinker? I think it may lie in her past... Perhaps she was raped when she was young and was forced to do it... If thats the case, maybe a sex therapist would help.. I have thought about asking my sis if that is the case with her....
     
  16. Imported

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    wvalady1968: TS, I agree with gicast. Why are you letting your wife treat you badly? Why do you continue to pleasure her when she's so selfish?

    Huh?

    Allie
     
  17. Imported

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    kinmie: I do soooooooo understand the fustration. :mad: My hubby has only gone down on me ONCE in 16yrs.... :-/
    I have since gave up trying to get him to perform orally on me, as I tried to do the "If I don't get it, niether will you" It didn't work. And as I LOVE giving head, He makes up for it in other ways. I know I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
    Good Luck :)
     
  18. Imported

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    thingsteal: Here's some more followup. It's long and graphic, but oh well. It's therapy for me.

    I think we're finally getting over the problem. My wife admitted that it's her fault. She gets jealous that she can't cum often via oral sex on her and that I can cum whenever she gives head or we have sex.

    I said, "Why are you jealous?" and "Why is this a competition?" and asked her why she can't just relax and enjoy the ride? She said she is worried if I'm comfortable, if I'm enjoying it, and is concerned that I might stop unexpectedly. I said all of those excuses are bullshit. It's not like she doesn't know me or I haven't stated my attitude about this before.

    It doesn't help that she grew up Catholic. She admits it. I think the Catholic Church and some of the fundementalist Protestant religions have fucked up a lot of people sexually because of their teachings and attitudes about sex. I'm still trying to de-program her.

    Her attitude has changed in the past week and I think for the better. She told me that she's going to stop thinking about all this bullshit and the phony worrying and is just going to enjoy it. Life's too short.

    What does that mean? I got a fantastic and enthusiastic blowjob the other night. Totally unexpected. First one since September, I think. Shot the first pulse in her mouth, which she willingly swallowed, and jerked the rest out of me. There was a ton of cum.

    Then last night I gave her head for over an hour. Early on I got 4 fingers in her up to my knuckles while licking her clit. At the widest point, my fingers were 7 1/2 inches in circumference, much thicker than my dick. She was going crazy and had at least 8 moderate-sized orgasms. I felt them all while inside her. She'd cum and get all relaxed inside her vagina, then there would be these waves. After the orgasm she'd tighten up a bit until the next one hit.

    Following the 8th orgasm she took a little while longer and I knew she was going to have another one. We had a good rhythm going with my fingers and licking her clit. All of a sudden she had "the big one" and had me pull my fingers out and stop with the head because everything was too sensitive.

    She loves the moderate orgasms, but she says she's always trying for that "big one". Maybe that's part of her problem in the past. The "big one" goes up her thighs, through her vagina, and into her chest. I don't know how we do it. I told her it's her brain that does it and that the brain is the biggest sexual organ in the body. She wants to have that "big one" so she's able to get her brain around it and just do it.

    After about 15 or 20 minutes of rest and fun she climbs on top and we had sex until I dropped a big load in her. It was great since she was all stretched out, but I still have to be careful not to go too far every now and then.

    I had to followup on this. Her attitude has changed. All this stuff in her mind was just mental bullshit. She cleared it out and look what happened... she had 9 orgasms including "the big one"! I want to throw a fucking parade!
     
  19. Imported

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    wvalady1968: TS, that's great news!! I'm so happy for both of you!!

    BTW, don't blame religion for some of the prudish behavior that abounded early in the 20th century, at least, not any more than we blame medicine for advocating the mutilization of baby boys. People caused the problems, not the institutions.

    Congrats and have a great time teaching her more!! And I'd like to add that she's a VERY lucky lady!!

    Allie
     
  20. Imported

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    thingsteal: wvalady1968, thanks for the note.

    I should probably clarify my remarks about religion. They're actually my wife's. Her parents were Catholic and she went to Catholic school, so I'll take her at her word. She also blames her parents for a weird attitude about sex. Her dad had affairs in the 1970s and had to move out for a while, so that fucked everybody up for a long time. He moved back in, but it was always Tension City until he died. Then, when my wife was a teenager, her mother explained sex this way: "The man gets very excited and has his fun, but the woman doesn't really get anything out of it." Can you believe that shit? How depressing is that? Her mom was a virgin when she got married in the 1950s and with an attitude like that I'm betting she never had an orgasm her entire life. That's not a good thing to pass along to your children, but it's probably all she knew. My wife, in retrospect, rejects everything which was taught to her as a child. She now thinks priests should be able to marry and get some since it has done her a world of good.
     
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