Giving up...need advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_John Quicky Adams, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. D_John Quicky Adams

    D_John Quicky Adams Account Disabled

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    Hey everybody. I'm a 23 year old black male and i'm on the verge of giving up on love, relationships, and people in general. I'm bi but I haven't had any luck with either gender. I not a great looking guy so women wont even look my way or even talk to me no matter how hard I try. The men are like 10 times worse and it pisses me off. I've been to clubs,bars,and even dating sites and I haven't had any success. Even being in the army hasn't helped me I dating people. It seems like everybody my age is having all this sex but me. I don't have any friends either so I guess that doesn't help matters either. I'm really starting to come to the conclusion that I'm meant to be alone. I'm starting to isolate myself from people because I feel people in general cant be trusted. Does anybody have advice or something because I'm on the verge of saying fuck life in general and I don't want to be like this.
     
  2. D_Sam Rockswell

    D_Sam Rockswell New Member

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    I know how you feel. Well a little bit. I'm not bi or anything but i do feel your pain. Feels like there really wouldn't be any reason not to isolate yourself because you already are with your belief system. My first instinct is to say not to give up on love. That there's someone out there for everyone. Honestly though, i can't. Its up to us to decide whether we really want to keep searching for love. Some people decide not to and take large breaks from dating and relationships. Some keep trying. Maybe you just need a bit of a dating break.
     
  3. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    I'm a 29 year old black male in exactly the same situation. I will comment further when the sun rises in this part of the world!
     
  4. D_Rufus_D_Dufus

    D_Rufus_D_Dufus Account Disabled

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    I think secluding yourself would just make things worse. As Puckit said there is someone out there for everyone. I know it can be hard, many people I know have been in that type of place before. All you can do is be positive about it no matter how hard that seems.
     
  5. Owl

    Owl Member

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    keep your heart open and it will come to you :)
     
  6. D_Ariva_Derci

    D_Ariva_Derci Account Disabled

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    I've been feeling the same way for 10 years hun. I feel like giving up a lot of times, but I think there's just something inside of us that keeps pushing forward. And as for the sex, it could be worse... Hell, its been 2 years for me.... Just try to stay positive and focus on the good in your life. Dwelling on the negative only sets you up for failure. Best of luck
    C
     
  7. Gecko4lif

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    Lower your standards. The more success you have the more you can raise them.
     
  8. D_Sam Rockswell

    D_Sam Rockswell New Member

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    You could also try something different. Like maybe a different dating area or style. Or you could look for friendship first.
     
  9. D_John Quicky Adams

    D_John Quicky Adams Account Disabled

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    I appreciate the advice people and Puckit I think I might try that if I can just get over the mistrust of people
     
  10. D_Sam Rockswell

    D_Sam Rockswell New Member

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    You an me both. Though i will say that i've gotten better with the trust issues over the years. Most times the problem was me wanting a person to be something they weren't instead of accepting them for who they are. Also helps to be positive like Ceuros said. Cause things do change, you just might need to change your perception of them.
     
  11. rbkwp

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    4 years and then expressing yourself as you have on this site.. can only be a POSITIVE thing matey
    Keep at it, something may well come a long as it often does, if not then its quite possible it was not meant to be

    I am sure by the way you have written it you are in as good a situation as many (even better perhaps) so dont let any feelings of being neglected or unloved come to the fore.
    It will or may well happen, when you least expect it
    enz
     
  12. avatarng

    avatarng Member

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    Why are you and every single man and woman is in such a hurry to find love and relationship? When I was single, I never go out and put ads out to find love. Why can't we just letting love and relationship find its way to you. My partner and I have been together now for 25 years and still going strong. The thing is neither one of us went out and try to find love or relationship. It just happen by itself. I have a friend who desperately looking for love 5 years ago and just like you he can't seem to find someone. I told him to stop looking and just let it go. He did and sure enough he found the man he love and they have been together for 5 years now. They bought a house together and seem to adored each other.
    STOP LOOKING, MAY BE LOVE WILL FIND YOU.
     
  13. 9incherz

    9incherz New Member

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    uhm i think love or connections come when you're not looking for them :p I think a simple way of going about it is stop searching for a while and focus on yourself. You can become a gym bunny and get a great body to make up for your looks. I read on the internet somewhere that women are most attracted to position and power. So focus on your life goals and fitness level and I'm sure you can get a female ;).
     
  14. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    Try downloading "The Book of Pook". Even if it's not relevant to you immediate needs, there are some good things in there.
     
  15. Mr.Stout

    Mr.Stout Member

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    I know how you feel. As many have already said stop trying so hard. I had been in a relationship for four years. I thought we would make it. After we split I became very depressed and isolated. I gave up. Then when I was not trying and not looking for love it hit me. We have been married now for 13 years and six children.

    So my advice is to never give up the hope of finding someone but perhaps stop trying so hard.
     
  16. Rikter8

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    It's where we live man. Michigan anywhere Detroit North is basically dead when it comes to the gay lifestyle. It's Easier if your straight for sure.
    Socializing is a huge part of it. I know....I don't socialize either and it hurts me as well. There's a lot of fucks out there - to be honest. Need to keep your head up and keep moving - with or without them.

    I'm north of you by about 45 minutes. Hit me up sometime and we can go out and chat for eats and drinks. I love coming down to the area for meeting with friends. Can't come at the drop of a hat, but we can plan something if you like.

    Having friends or at least a support group helps wonders.
    If I could get the LPSG Michigan Bitches together it would be even more fun.....
     
    #16 Rikter8, Aug 21, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2011
  17. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    I did not find the real Mr. Right until I was headed towards my later 40's. I had a wild time and had enjoyed a great deal of sex, but the more I got the more empty it became. All my friends gave me advice and tried to help. Some said I set my standards too high, but when I lowered my standards that didn't work either. I just met more people that were really not compatible. Before my current relationship I had enjoyed two others. In both cases we were separated not by problems with each other, but more by changing lives. I would still be the best of friends with both of these men to this day.

    One of the things I finally did was to ignore sex and go for a relationship from the beginning. If I could find the right relationship where we were friends, companions, partners and lovers all at the same time I would win. My other half had endured similar experiences and had endured several failed relationships that damaged his life. I did not have any kind of sex with my prospective other half until I knew that there was at least a chance of it working. I did not even then go for everything at once, I wanted to see where the romance was and see if that was going to work first. Before I met my life-partner I became really impossible and raised my standards. It turned out that raising my standards is what worked for me. I knew that lowering them might get me something in bed, but that it was definitely not going to get me anything that was going to be in my bed permanently. I wanted permanently and not temporarily. I never had problems with temporarily. It may seem like attitude, but, I started thinking that if it was not going to be something that would last, it would be a waste of time for not only myself, but it would be a waste of time for the other guy too Neither one of us would get what we wanted. That thinking paid off and I met and started corresponding with a person who normally would not have been my normal "physical type". I would not have normally been his "type" either, but we had both had enough of empty sex that never leads to anything so we started really communicating before we met via e-mail.

    The communication is what paid off for both of us and when the time came and we met everything was right. That was over a decade ago and we are still going strong. We have our moments, but no disagreements means no communication. Communication is everything.
     
  18. Frnkd213

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    Some one eluded to this but I will say it cause it has helped me. I don't know what you do, job wise, but you did mentioned that you had joined the military. Guess from your age, you must have right out of high school? and now is out. Again guessing.
    Here what I suggestion based on assumptions.
    1) if you are out of the military go back to school with the gi bill. If you are out and working go back to school with the gi bill. Community college is a nice place to meet people.
    2) go to or join a gym, you can control what your body look like. By the way you can control what you think you look like. If you think your unattractive, as you stated, well change that perception. Do you want someone to like you because no one else will? Thats a pity party not to many "beautiful" peoe want to go to.
    3) stand up tall when you walk, you probably slouch. Be proud of yourself and who you are.
    4) read this LPSG members blog name is "comically" excellent stories of his bi life as well as his own past. Found him yesterday and couldn't stop reading
    5)please, please, please keep us in touch of your life by starting a blog. Journal what your challenges and victories as you experience them. You will get a ton of support. LPSG seem to be a place where an unlikely number of people exist that you did not think do. Because on the nature of an uninhibited site like this people are straight up.
    You are capable, young , and a worth while human being who by the way have some cock, lol. Just threw that in to get a smile or two.

    Good luck and remember you are still very young!
     
  19. D_John Quicky Adams

    D_John Quicky Adams Account Disabled

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    @Rikter8 Man that is so true about Michigan and if I was still Flint I would hit you up to hang out but right now I'm trapped in bumfuck Arkansas and there is most definitely no action going on here haha.

    @Frnkd213 Both of your guesses about me are true. I do plan on going to college with the GI Bill but it seems like everytime I have a plan it doesn't work out plus its like everybody I go to for help fucks me over including my own fucking mother. I do exercise and watch what I eat too. I'll check out your friends blog too.

    @avatarng That is incredible that you and your partner have stayed together so long

    @ORCABOMBER I'll check out the book

    And thanks again everybody I appreciate the advice and comments
     
  20. Frnkd213

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    "@Frnkd213 Both of your guesses about me are true. I do plan on going to college with the GI Bill but it seems like everytime I have a plan it doesn't work out plus its like everybody I go to for help fucks me over including my own fucking mother. I do exercise and watch what I eat too. I'll check out your friends blog too. "

    Well I'm glad that I can be of some help.
    I'm going to be philosophical now as I see a moment that I can not past up, I hope you take it positively. I had to take my keyboard out for this one.
    Here goes, first of all lets change some mind set.
    "everybody I go to for help" When you find validation of yourself in the response that you get from people including mother and it's with a preconceived answer it's really difficult to here any other message that may be helpful to you. Yes I am not aware of the circumstances but again with the information I have I am responding.
    What is validation- it can be "yeah I'm cool," " or "See I am a fucking jerk", "see people are fucked up because that's what they to to me"
    We find validation in the way we feel about our selves by looking at those around us, or our circumstances etc. Those that create validity- who we perceive as successful- see positive results as validation. Failures or negativity drives them to even be more determined. To prove themselves, to fulfill a goal, dream, or whatever. Standing on you own two feet firmly planted on your dreams and goals create success.

    In spite what others say, or not say, if your are determined to succeed change your perception of who you see yourself, assertiveness not aggressiveness see positive results.

    The golden rule "do on to others etc." well the problem with that is you may see it as "because they did it to me thats why I did it" it could mean because they fucked me up that why I am the way I am, blaming will get you nowhere. let me tell you.

    I used to say, well still say, to my son, if you can not accept the answer don't ask. Otherwise you'll blame me for the results.

    This is but a small piece of advice I can give you. I do reccomment that you seek counseling it will do you a whole lot of good. Its for you not anyone else.
    When everything is said and done, everyone who you feel fucked you over (and probably doesn't even know it) will be way along their life's path. What's yours? I would like to know that your path was made by you with the help of your friends family and strangers you meet, people like me, or others here on LPSG, wherever, otherwise if you don't see as YOU having made it again its so easy to excuse it an blame.

    Get off the train of blame, guilt, remorse, and regret. You are still very young, and do have goals, how you achieve it is up to you. But until you come to the conclusion and ask yourself what do I want in life (a good fuck really is not very future oriented, you can buy one if you get that desperate) you will end up on that train for life.

    There I said it. Now go for it, today is a new day, the economy is still shit but that's okay, mother is still %^&*&%% ing me up but thats okay, I can't get a fucking fuck but that's okay (my right had is alway there for me).
    Now is when you yell a ho-rah or whatever the army yells. take a deep breath a go for it .:You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon:
     
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