go back to restaurant to get waitress number??

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bigdog83, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    today, me and a group of friends went out to eat. the waitress was super cute........and instantly i felt she was attracted to me by her eye contact.....and that theory was backed up(i guess?)as as i was the go to guy for everyone......ready for drinks, ready to order? etc etc questions were asked to me with eye contact towards me. so i started to flirt, and she responded by flirting back.

    so, at the very end, once she left the check, i poped the question. if there was anyway i could get her number.

    she smiled, paused and hesitated......stuttered over a few words.....and told me, "you had to put me on the spot uh?".....paused again, and then in a low voice said, no, im sorry.......and i smiled and told her thats cool...as to not make her feel akward.......then her voice changed and got louder, and said........"well maybe.....how about this, im working all next weekend, stop by and then yes, you can have it".
    on the way out, we locked eyes again and i said ok see ya christina....and she responded by ok see ya soon with a big smile.

    i am posting this because.......im still learning with women and sometimes i fail and get walked on because i am easy manipulated. so right now i am confused and concerned, that if i do go back, she will think im a sucker and already have an image that im a chump.

    i am confused, that if she was interested, why wouldnt she just give me her number. yes, i did ask her in front of my friends........i did this to show her i had balls and wasnt scared, and also i did this because there was also 2 girls with me........and i wanted to show her that these girls were just friends, and i wasnt hiding anything if i went up to her 1on1.
    so maybe i did put her on the spot, and she wanted to but didnt want to come off as a slut??

    WOMEN????
    so, should i go back? and should i go myself, or bring a friend? im ok going myself........but again going back to my image problem, i dont want to seem like a desperate prick going myself.....then having her think im easy to control.
     
  2. woogexx

    woogexx New Member

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    you shoulda asked for her number when it was just you and her...and yes go back with a guy friend....and then tip her well....you going back doesnt make you look like anything besides a guy who is interested in her...not a chump not desperate....jus a guy that wants to go on a date wit her....if shes that self centered or egotistical to where she thinks you are being desperate for fulfilling on your word about coming back then shes not a cool chic anyway
     
  3. woogexx

    woogexx New Member

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    oh btw...if u go back and she doesnt give u her number voluntarily....dont ask for it again.....thats borderline desperate looking yes....you have planted the seed....its her turn to water it a little.
     
  4. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    ya, lol this crossed my mind too. but i was thinking what if she just isnt that type, and wont give it unless i ask again.
     
  5. barkerfan

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    I've worked in restaurants in some capacity most of my life. There are some things you need to keep in mind when it comes to these situations.
    1st. I'm not saying this is the case, because I don't think it is. You have to remember though that when it comes to tipped employees, you're their livelihood. In some cases that eye contact and flirting is all a part of getting that tip. Again, I think there was more to it in this case, but I wanted to put that out there.
    2nd. I'm torn on the asking one on one or in front of your friends thing. She probably would have been more comfortable with you asking her in private. She may have felt that you were just trying to show off in front of your friends. On the otherhand, had you asked in private, as soon as you left she probably would been talking about how some guy just asked for her phone number when he was just with another girl. If not talking about it, she would have definately been wondering. You'ld be suprised how often that happens.
    3rd. She probably hesitated because it was awkward in front of others as well as the fact that servers get this alot. An attractive female server gets hit on and recieves #'s alot. Sometimes the person may be genuine. Alot of times though, they're jerks. 1/2 of them don't even know how to act in a restaurant. Why would someone want to go on a date with a person tha they know doesn't know how to act appropriately. The best is the guy who approaches the server with their #, tells them to call him and leaves a shitty tip. Really?? What a joke. It happens though. Anyway, this is what they deal with on a regular basis, so don't take her hesitation personally. It's just the nature of the beast.
    4th. Some restaurants do have policies against that. It is possible that she could get in trouble for giving out her # and probable that she could get in trouble asking for yours. Sometimes the best thing to do, is give yours to her and hope she calls. Again not saying this is the case because she did offer it if you came back. It may have something to do with it though.
    If I were you, I would definately go back. Maybe bring 1 friend but I wouldn't bring the group again. Let her know that you are sincere and there because of her, through your actions. If you go with a group it just says "I'm insecure and have to prove something or have a way to hide.".
    I hope this helps and I wish you luck. Let us know how it turns out.
     
    #5 barkerfan, Sep 29, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2008
  6. barkerfan

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    By the way, I do agree that she has an interest or she wouldn't have told you she'd give it to you if you came back. She would have just said she couldn't and left it at that or said she has a boyfriend or something.
     
  7. ManlyBanisters

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    This isn't a women's issue - it is your issue. But I'm going to give you a break and answer the question anyway.

    Let me preface this with two facts. I am a woman (leastways last time I checked) and I worked in a tip based job in the service industry for over 4 years.

    You asked her for her number before you left the tip, didn't you? ("at the very end, once she left the check") - Bad idea. You have muddied the waters considerably there.

    The very fact that she stated you had put her on the spot and then that she said sorry no suggests to me that she is not that interested and was, as barkerfan suggested was possible, 'tip flirting'.

    Of course I don't know that for certain - I just think it is far more likely - You asked her, she said no but thought she may have fucked up her chance at a big tip and changed her answer. OR it is possible she is seeing someone (did you ask her? did she answer?) and said no for that reason - though that wouldn't explain to me why she then changed her answer.

    There is no harm in going back when she said she is working - but I predict that she will make sure she is not assigned to your table and will be too busy to come over and give you her number. I could be wrong, which is why there is no harm going back - but in my experience a girl is either interested and will give you her number or she isn't and she won't. Whether the 'not giving' is direct (no, I don't want to give you my number) or indirect (game playing - you can't have my number yet but...) is kinda beside the point.

    A final thought. If she is interested but is playing some kind of game by making you come back - is that not a bad thing? Do you want to date somebody who can't be direct with you and tell you what she wants? Do you want to date someone who plays games like that? If you do, then go for it - play the game, just be aware you have no idea what the rules are.
     
  8. SpeedoMike

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    no harm in going back. I can see why she doesn't hand out her number indiscriminately. if you do go back, she can decide if she wants to go out. even then, you might have to go out a time or two before she gives you the number.

    it's funny I'm giving "advice". I doubt i could have gone that far...
     
  9. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    thanks for the response.........trust me, i know when girls are wanting tips........i do alot of driving for work, which means alot of eating out solo. girls will milk me for tips........but i always based it on service. lol, one day i was at friendlys and i was seated right near the waiting area for waitress.
    this girl was extra nice to me, eye contact etc.......i told myself, lol man she wants a tip....sure enough i hear her telling her friends, she wants to buy new pants for 90$ and hope she does good today.
    i did leave her a nice tip, because the service was good, cheerfull and also i just got out of college, so i left a few extra $$ for her pants, lol. but normally i dont ever base tip on personailty, just how fast they keep the refills coming and me waiting for the check etc.

    i am pretty sure this wasnt the case,er if it was then she is really good........as soon as she looked at me it was like someone hit me to wake me up that she was looking AT me in that way. another big hint i looked at, is she always came to me, like i owned the table......and stood closer to me etc.
    i useally have a sixth sense for things like this, and it went off today.

    but your whole post points to one thing..........she prob does get hit on, and should have a canned response for this. but she didnt.......and she paused, and stuttered, and thought, and her body language said she wasnt in control of the situation..........

    this reminds me of my boss telling me he use to know waitresses that wore rings just so they wouldnt get hit on.

    once the deed was done, she ran over to tell the bartender(girl) and they both looked over, i noticed she kept looking over a few more times too.......sometimes looking away when i looked over and sometimes holding it. maybe this was to check the drinks.....i dont know.......but at this point the meal was already paid for.
     
  10. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    1)ya but, as a tip based job.......if she wanted a tip........why not just leave a fake number? and enjoy the momment.

    2)or why have me come back to sit at her section again to only get denied her number, that wouldnt be a good tip. although i would leave a tip based on the service not the situation.

    3)to avoid any issues she could of said sorry, i am flattered and would but i have a bf

    4)could of asked for my number to fake it.
     
  11. barkerfan

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    No problem. Like I said, I dothink there's an interest and that belief has increased since you mentioned she kept looking over at you. I wish you the best, man.
     
  12. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    lol, now i am scared as hell. i was like 100% fuck ya before........even one of the girls was like you better come next week if u want that number. but now everyone has me thinking. lol
     
  13. ManlyBanisters

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    You asked for people's take on this - specifically for a woman's opinion - I give my take and you deny all my points are possible.

    Fine - why did you bother asking if you only wanted your ego boosted with 'I really think she likes you'? Just from the info you've given I don't think she likes you.

    Look - you asked for opinions - that is mine - you don't have to agree with it, but there's no point trying to argue me out of it. You are, after all, really only trying to convince yourself. You already know what you should do - and I agree with you - you should go back and see what is what. I just think you are a bit foolish to try and talk yourself into the idea that she wasn't brushing you off. If you go back with the idea it is in the bag you are potentially in for a disapointment. If you go back with the attitude that probably nothing is going to happen then you may get a pleasant surprise.

    Let us know what happens. :smile:
     
  14. Sleven

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    I could not agree more with you!!!:biggrin1:
     
  15. CaptainChaos

    CaptainChaos New Member

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    You can't take any signals of interest seriously from women in the service industry. This is why they are there. They get hit on all the time probably by many just like you. Unless you stood out somehow, its likely she told you to come back because shes hooked you.

    If u go back, do not overtip, tip the normal 15%.
    Giving her extra money is like paying her for her time. It comes off as low status. And it will lump you in the same category as every other chump hitting on her. If you're set on impressing her, continue the same dominant behavior, controlling conversation when she is there, order drinks for friends etc etc.

    You need to seperate her from "server mode", (sometimes as easy as saying it) Then you can talk to "her" and not her desire for tips.

    my 2 cents...
     
  16. woogexx

    woogexx New Member

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    A womens opinion is relevant in this instance very much so, however it is not the most important answer just because shes a women.. Myself being a gay male living with nothing but females for the last 25 years of my life......yea I know a thing or two....to say the least

    Just go back, be cool, play it by ear. If she likes you she will give you her number. Its that simple.
     
    #16 woogexx, Sep 29, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2008
  17. Pitbull

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    A few thoughts

    You could give her your number.

    Tell her you know it might be awkward for her to give you her number but you would really like for her to give you a call.

    Tipping - if you are trying to make an impression not 15% - 20% is good because you are more generous than the average person but not looking like you are only doing it to impress.

    Going back. Yes. If you get a different waiter or waitress - Tip 20%. Be friendly. Make conversation - liked it last time when "X" was my waitress. Now I get to make a new friend.
    Get her coworkers to like you.
    When you make your move she might ask for their opinion. Nice if you got yourself preapproved by being nice to them and tipping them well
     
  18. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    You only live once, how will you ever know if you never try?
     
  19. Jovial

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    Chalk it up to experience. I vote for go back and ask for her number. I'm not sure if you should apologize or anything for putting her on the spot. I know if you make a big deal out of asking for her number, like you seem to be doing, then it will be awkward when you go back and ask. Like I said, chalk it up to experience, and next time the situation comes up, don't ask in front of your friends.
     
  20. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    just wanted to update this.........she wasnt even there :(

    well, i was running late getting off work......wasnt even going to go since they close at 11, but i said fuck it i waited all week. i showered and got there about 10:15, only the bartender and manager was there, not even customers lol. i dunno, maybe she really was there but went home because no one was there......oh well im just going to take this as a lost.

    next time, i think im going to be like "fuck no".....if they tell me to come back.
     
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