headbang8 said:
Almost all the Fundies I know suffered this kind of sick background.
I was interested to read that the writer tells us Phelps lost his mother at an early age--and his stepmother when an adolescent--and that his father was absent or distant. If that happened to you, wouldn't you believe in an angry god?
I have done a lot of Al-anon and ACoA work with dysfunctional families. There are some families which seek to control and abuse their children, and others where the children are neglected or abandoned. In my observation, the ones which fare worse are those who suffer the confusion of neglect or abandonment. If your dad's beating you, in some twisted way, he's giving you some attention. Maybe Phelps' kids will be better human beings.
Sorcerer, do I detect that this post and the post about your ex-girlfriend might be related? I remember you saying she had an Electra complex. An ex-colleague of mine did the same slut-to-saint switch, and was an Electra extraordinaire.
I've been in AA for 10 years. I too have family issues. My father is a functioning drunk and my mother a screaming Al-Anon. On the outside there's the big house and all the "stuff" but it's all very hollow. Perceptive outsiders always notice how contrived it all is. My "punishing God" issues were simply from the God I'd been taught existed. In AA I learned that I could have a Higher Power of my own choosing. The idea had never occurred to me. My house was a Godless house, my religious education came from my grandparents and from my own rebellious stint in church as a teen. That's right, I went to church to piss off my father. I went to Protestant churches. My father is ex-Catholic and carries the appropriate baggage. My father beat me semi-regularly whenever his temper snapped. I never saw it as attention. I never wanted any from him, I just wanted him to leave me alone. My grandfather was my dad in every sense of the word. He was the kindest, gentlest man I've ever met. He passed when I was 16, shortly after that my trouble started. I quit church for good at 17. Draw your own conclusions. In the real world many perceive me as being hard and cold. It's my defense mechanism and was necessary growing up. I showed no emotion and thus gave him no satisfaction. It took a loving, patient man, years of therapy and years of AA to get to where I am today. In my own slut years, I wondered why I did it and in retrospect it seemed like a drug.
Now my ex-girlfriend: she came from a Godless house too. Hers was worse, they were Atheists. Her father was German but I believe 1st generation and didn't show emotion. Her mother always seemed somehow very fragile. I think she did feel neglected. She fucked her way into lots of attention. As I said before, I think the biggest part of it was that she just loved to fuck. I've had arguments over this but she was the most sexual person I've ever met, even moreso than my porn star friend (who does it because she enjoys it). Her brother seemed to mastrubate all day in his room on the weekends. Those two were a couple of horny kids! The one thing I never liked about her was her cynicism. She seemed much older that way. Now it's disturbing because her sharp wit seems to be gone. We're not speaking, it took exactly 3 e-mails to determine that we had absolutely nothing in common. I still get her stupid Christian humor forwards. Years later as I was taking my college courses for counseling, I thought of her level of sexuality as we studied sexual abuse...which was a good chunk of my schooling. The driven sexuality fit but nothing else did. So we're left with a cold but generous father, an infantile mother and ??? BTW her mother always helped her get her slutty outfit, hair and makeup right before her dates. Ahhh, those long legs. But I digress...is there such a thing as a slut for slut's sake? I don't know. Is it because of her family? Could be. Maybe she's found a new family in her church and that makes her happy. I don't know but I'll tell you one thing: I don't believe she's changed as much as she'd like us to believe.
My ex's home was somewhat cold. Her father seemed to care more about work and building his hot rods. Maybe that's your answer.