Going Straight? (HELP)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by splitface, Nov 20, 2008.

  1. splitface

    splitface New Member

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    No doubt I am going to draw some fire from this, but I want to be, or at the very least, ACT straight.

    When I discovered masturbation at age 13, I quickly discovered pornography. However, I soon learned that I preferred to see FFM threesomes. Then MMF threesomes. Somewhere along the line, i just began hitting the GAY button instead of the STRAIGHT one a Xtube.

    Yesterday, my friend Em (nickname) pretty much came out of the closet to me. She told me about all the hot girls she has been checking out. When I was talking to my brother today, he told me that she probably came out to me because she knew I was gay.

    Now I am worried. I do not want people thinking i am gay. I am fine with BEING gay, but not with people I know/don't know knowing about it. In fact, I wish I were straight.

    Any tips form people in similar situations dealing with hiding homosexuality from parents (Mom is a devout, outspoken anti gay christian, while i am an atheist), sibling, friends, and extended family?

    Any tips are much appreciated.



    BTW: My spell check is NOT working.
     
  2. OCMuscleJock

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    umm wow...now seriously. People can tell you what THEY would do here...but sometime you need to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Do you constantly want to be hiding the true you from the people you care about? I know it's not easy when your Parents are anti gay...but they are still your parents. They will love you reguardless, may not be too happy with your decision and throw the bible at you a few times, however they will eventually deal with it in their own way.

    I grew up southern babtist with one older sister that is gay/bi. She had it VERY hard with the family and it took months for some to come around to the realization that she is still their daugher/sister *depending on who had the problem here*, and that ultimately they want her to be happy. I think it is GREAT that your friend came out to you, that is ultimate trust and a true friend. Just because you are gay, doesn't mean the world knows it. HOWEVER, the people closest to you know, or probably suspect it only because they truely know you.

    People do not choose to be gay. Seriously, why would ANYONE want to choose a lifestyle that is going to be a rough road. We dont choose. We just are. I say make the most of the situation. Be there for your friend and she'll be there for you. You should never have to hide from family/firends or anyone. I wish you the best of luck with the situation and hope that you are true to yourself and your heart in this situation. It won't be easy, but always better to get it out of the way so you can live your life more openly. *hug*
     
  3. splitface

    splitface New Member

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    you're right, I cant control it, but I hate wearing a rainbow on my forehead. I think I know that at least 5 people picked it uo almost immediately after meeting me...

    I guess i don't want to not be gay, but i don't want to be flamboyant. I aim for a manly gay, but hidden so that not everyone can see it
     
    #3 splitface, Nov 20, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2008
  4. dannymawg

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    Dude, this one statement will fuck with your head for life. Speaking from experience here.

    Seek professional help. Open the dialog in your head with yourself to cope with it. Find a gay outreach program and get with others in the same shoes. Doesn't have to be in the open for now, but you will be so far off the better for it in the future. I promise.
     
  5. MH07

    MH07 Member

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    Well, I don't walk around with a rainbow on my head or float along on little lavendar clouds; I don't ask and don't tell.

    Let them think what they want to think, as long as you're true to yourself.
     
  6. glex3

    glex3 New Member

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    I drank way too much for way too long worry about the very same thing. When I got sober, I realized that if they ain't paying my bills, it does not matter what other people think. I cannot control what other people think. I'm still the good son/brother/employee that I was before.
     
  7. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    Dear Split,

    The one thing that you need to learn is to love and accept yourself for the great person that you are. I would never give you any "flack" for wanting to improve yourself, but make certain that what you are doing is in fact improvement.

    If you classify yourself as being "effeminate" in your mannerisms or in some way that you feel may be a problem then video tape yourself and over a period of time play it back and analyze what you think it is that needs changing. Get a good friend to come over to your place and simply ignore the camera. Have a good conversation with your friend and expect to spend at least 2 hours doing so. Initially if you are camera conscious you may inadvertently change your mannerisms in such a manner as to prove confusing. In time you will probably forget the camera and be yourself. This is what you really want.

    Making that kind of change is difficult and it amounts to breaking habits which is not an easy task. If you find that your worst fears are real, then you can begin to assess what you need to do, if you do not, you may find that change may not be as necessary as you think it is.

    Personally, I think that living where you do where acceptance is at least said to be better than here in the States that you are working for something that may be unnecessary.

    Either Way, the best of wishes in your self improvement project!

     
  8. splitface

    splitface New Member

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    Wouldn't that be a sight.

    Thank you all for you input, but it really is mostly just a pronlem with my own
    non manliness.
     
  9. amygdala

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    Man, you can either A) spend the rest of your life worrying about how others perceive you, trying to change your behavior in varying ways to appease everyone around you and pretending to be someone you're not; or B) be happy.

    In my experience, you can't do both.
     
  10. bigbull29

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    Don't expect the world to understand you. And someday, you'll seee that it really doesn't matter what the world thinks. Even coming out to your dearest loved ones is a personal choice. Some never do as it's just not a done thing, but you can still be true to yourself without coming out to everyone (hard to explain).

    Advice: Make a good gay friend or two. Find support groups out there, online and offline. Learn NOT to be ashamed of who you are, despite your minority status. Know that there's a huge gay community out there full of people just LIKE YOU

    I wanted to be a monk at one time.:biggrin1: Most people think that's really weird. Everything I've ever done is different from the majority in life. It makes me me. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.:wink:

    You are special just as you are, buddy:smile:. Take good care.
     
  11. Symphonic

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    The best way to hide anything is not to try.
     
  12. plumbr

    plumbr Member

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    The key word in your sentence is ACT. You can't act straight if that is the person you are not. Even if you do things that are visibly straight, the first reaction in your head is, "I don't want do to this but I have to show I am straight-acting." Maybe it'll work perfectly in front of your friends but it'll never work for yourself because you know the truth and nothing but the truth. Eventually, you'll exhaust your own mind because you are TRYING to become someone who you are NOT. You'll never learn to become to act straight but only to see a hypocritical self become more hypocritical with each and every straight-acting action you do.

    I think you are conflicting yourself with an identity you're not. So what if you're flamboyant? So what if you're "straight-acting?" What is important is to be your true self. "I wish" is the word that gives it all out, man. You can't be someone who you are not. Even if you become that someone it is not becomming "you."
     
  13. swoletommyboy

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    Thanks. Great post. I'm in a similar situation as the original poster. Some guys have different circumstances. But I think in time everything will work out.
     
  14. killerb

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    you gotta be who you are...

    if you can't even accept yourself for who you are, you have no hope of ever being happy...

    there's nothing wrong with you...

    start with that thought...

    once you believe it, you can move on...
     
  15. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    Imagination is a great thing and so is fantasy; but, until you have allowed yourself to bond deeply with another person you will be confused. I always thought of myself as a pretty regular guy, but by what I now view as a very happy coincidence I bonded in frienship with the new guy in town who was 15 years old as was I. By the time we had finished high school, thanks to a zone of privacy which we had, we had learned a lot about ourselves and a lot about a side of our sexuality which we had not even considered before. We were uninhibited in that we allowed ourselves to learn by doing and we experienced great sex and the deepening of our friendship and love.

    When our relationship ended we went on to college and eventually we both married. We have been loving and faithful husbands for many years. Two years of homosexual activity did not make us gay; those two years did make us wiser men with regard to human sexuality. That part of our sexual journey hurt no one. I firmly believe that one has to give oneself permission to follow the path of friendship and love and our experience was that the sex when it happened seemed so very natural and right. Perhaps you are one of those fortunate persons who cqn be content in a loving and fully sexual relationship with either a man or a woman. Just don't try to have both kinds of relationships going at the same time. And do not feel that you need to declare yourself and acquire a label. The public is entitled to what they can see and if you follow the rule of keeping what happens in your sex life personal and private you will find that folks are generally smart enough not to pry.
     
  16. OCMuscleJock

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    NP... just trying to help the best I can. :) Most of us have been thru it in one way or another. :)
     
  17. sexplease

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  18. klaybourn

    klaybourn New Member

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    sexplease,

    zietgiest is BULLSHIT. total New World Order Crap. plus where is the evidence?


    ------------------------------------------------------
    splitface,

    be yourself! i personally think being gay is a choice, but its YOUR choice. if you dig guys the you dig guys. maybe you'll eventually dig chick? or not? I did. once i had sex with a woman, in never went back. i was gay for a while. it was toatl fun. but not like with my ex. wow. she was great.

    so do what you feel like doing. if you feel like doin a guy then, well, do him. :)



    love, peace and axel grease

    viva la revoulition. down with the natiolaist socialist goverment that has hijacked ameica
     
  19. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    While my experience was relatively easy.

    I have friends for whom the experience was terribly hard, some even fear the confrontation with "religious" parents that they remain closested.

    What it comes down to is knowing who you are, meeting like-minded people, and once you are in "context", the process of self-acceptance becomes much easier. You have to have accepted yourself - body and soul - before you can possibly accept or expect it from others.

    The whole 'straight-acting' thing shits me up the wall - because it presumes a proscribed way that straight men, and through that gay men should act. I know people who are 'flamboyant', but straight as an arrow.

    It seems to be that your concern is about being 'found out' rather than how you Act.

    Basically it's up to you - but I've seen cases of people who tried so hard to force their behaviour to fit with that they believe is appropriate, but they can't change who they are. The inability to accept who you are (including your external persona) leads people to dangerous places.

    btw - I don't believe you HAVE to do or be anything, that's kinda the beauty.
     
  20. Stephenmass

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    I've seen many men with masculine qualities that are FAR REMOVED from being a man splitface. And I've seen many in your words "non manly" men that are far better men. It's what's inside that counts guy and how you stand your own ground.
     
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