belcurv: [quote author=joe22xxx link=board=relationships;num=1066934345;start=0#16 date=11/03/03 at 23:45:03]I'd like to ask another question in this same thread. Is it possible that a straight guy can fall in love with another guy? This doesn't make sense to me. [/quote]
I hate this need to compartmentalize people into labelled boxes. "Straight" and "gay" are figments, fictions, fabrications, syntheses of modernism. They are conceptual blips which will be looked back on in a century or less as aberrations in history.
I've been through this mill several times in my life.
The first time it was with a man who was ending a relationship with a woman he had lived with for a year. I met his angst with a kind of lighthearted buddha-like sense of humor. We had a great relationship for a few months, then he decided he had to be totally "gay" and couldn't accept my being with a woman at the same time as him. I had to be "gay", too, which I was an am not.
Another time it was a straight friend I developed a total crush on. I had bumped into him at gay bars and he was constantly teasing me but insisting he was "straight." His body language and words were at odds. I finally told him I loved him and his reaction was to deny that we could ever have sex but he started calling me very frequently, which was like torture.
He kept prodding, "Do you love me or are you IN LOVE with me?" His tactics for rebuffing my honesty were maddening.
When I told him he was my ultimate idea of male beauty and mentioned my ideal cocksize (at that time--it's now bigger) was 7.75", by this time starting to hope he would back off because it was unlikely he was that big, he came over the next day with a tape measure and pulled it out to that point and showed it to me (only the tape, unfortunately, not his cock) and said: "This is exactly how big I am!" I wanted to knock his teeth out.
I finally just ended the friendship. It was just too much bullshit to stand.
And you know what? I was glad I did.
But every situation is different. There are some friends you can have sex with and laugh about it when it doesn't work out, and have an even better friendship after getting over the illusion of attraction.
There are some friends you can start having sex with all of a sudden and it works out great. But these are rare.
There are some people who start out as lovers, and when it doesn't work out, you can "remain" friends. There are others you want to murder... and you continue to feel this way decades after you break up!
There's a good chance what you are experiencing is ROMANTIC feelings. The very basis of "romance" is that you "can't have" the object of your affection. All great romantic stories, from Romeo and Juliet to Cyrano are based on this unattainability.
To me, the whole basis of the "crisis" atmosphere is the neanderthal notion that we MUST define ourselves in terms of straight, gay or bi or... whatever. The fact that you can lose a friend over it shows how stupid it is. It adds nothing to your life but layers of anxiety and repression. I'm telling you, in 100 years it will be considered as ridiculous to accept those kinds of labels as it will to call people by racist epithets.
You should show him this board and have some really good, long, heart to heart talks with each other and discover your own sexualities, OUTSIDE of any "straight" or "gay" or "bi" conceptual prisons. Explore, talk, explore, talk, explore, relate, laugh, keep a sense of humor, talk, talk, talk. I bet you end up being best friends forever. And if that involves some kind of physical expression, or if it does not, so be it. Just think it through together. One possible outcome is if you really don't want to and he really does want to (have sex), lots of talking will show him it would never work out because you wouldn't be able to get into it. Another is you will see that it isn't such a bad idea to give it a try.
