good looking people

pleasureboy

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I knew a guy once. He was fat, flaming as all hell, and not really beautiful in anyway. But, this guy exuded sexy like nothing else. Everywhere he went he dressed to the nines and had this confidence that was ridiculous. I can't say I ever wanted to fuck him, but I was definitely attracted to him.
 

goodwood

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What to do?
1) look for someone who is not an 18 year old model
2) don't insult women like me who are pretty, non-psyco, ex-models with non-vacuous brains!

Okay here - when I was dating models, I was in my twenties, as were they.
I had no intentions of insulting you and would not since I have never met you. That was clearly not my intent. It has simply been my experience that they seem wonderful at first and only into the relationship dothey exhibit qualities which I find unattractive. I never have said "Ooo - she seems vacuous and psycho, I should date her!".
 

36DD

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What to do?
1) look for someone who is not an 18 year old model
2) don't insult women like me who are pretty, non-psyco, ex-models with non-vacuous brains!

Okay here - when I was dating models, I was in my twenties, as were they.
I had no intentions of insulting you and would not since I have never met you. That was clearly not my intent. It has simply been my experience that they seem wonderful at first and only into the relationship dothey exhibit qualities which I find unattractive. I never have said "Ooo - she seems vacuous and psycho, I should date her!".

I know you didn't intend that...just came off as insulting. BTW, I 'm glad you have never said that, or I would seriously be concerned!:biggrin1:
 

goodwood

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Inferred insulting aside, I was simply relating my experiences of women I have dated (who happened to be models with those personality/character traits). I was thrilled to find out when they were single, but after breaking up with them I can understand why they were single to begin with.
 

earllogjam

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I have been accused of being good looking but I hesitate to write on this thread because I don't see myself as such - reminants of being an ugly, chubby, geeky kid and teenager who was teased and pummeled because how I looked. I've fought my whole life to escape that version of myself. I never realized how damaging that abuse was and have only within the last few years come to see myself as "attractive" *cringe*.

Some people just look better as they mature and I guess I'm one of them but I still harbor a lot of the negative self image from my youth so when people do compliment me on my attractiveness there is always a part of me that thinks they are being disingenuous simply because I don't see myself that way.

It makes for a very odd dynamic because I am usually quite private and reserved in real life which is often taken from people who are attracted to my looks as being aloof, stuck-up, and conceited all without me uttering a single word. The biggest change happened when I ditched my glasses, started lifting weights and lost some weight. I think deep down I worked hard on building up my body as a defense from being pummeled. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable handling the attention as I never experienced anything like it before. Girls would actually dance with me instead of saying "No I'm tired, I think I'll sit this one out."

As a teen and young adult I never developed the social skills or acumen to deal with people coming on to me or courting people because I never was a player. I still am pretty awkward at this so I often don't know if people are just being nice or coming on to me and when I find out it is the latter I usually recoil a bit because I don't like hurting people emotionally who want something more than friendship from me. So my looks often get in the way of making and keeping real friends both gay men and women. That uneasy sexual aspect gets in the way, which I have never been able to deal with comfortably. I have had better luck with making friends with straight guys because of this. I often downplay my looks because people will utimately see the geeky guy I really am anyways.

Contrary to what some people might think not everyone is attracted to me and I get my share of rejection and hurt. I have had times of extreme lonliness and dateless Saturday nights so I think we are all in the same boat here. In the end your looks will fade and it really is quite inconsequential to building any worthy relationships. Your looks may get you to the front door but whether you are invited in or not depends on your personality and charm. And whether you get to stay depends ultimately on who you are as a person.
 

goodwood

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Earl -
Great post. Of course you are hot. Shame on anyone who says otherwise.
Correct. Looks do fade. It does matter who one is as a person. In the end there is nothing else. And in my experience, attractive people are frequently not: very nice, good, level headed, common sense, sensitive, kind, thoughtful,considerate, good humored people.
I know that while I was in my twenties with plenty of money at my disposal (which I did nothing to earn) I jetted back and forth between New York, Boston, Philadelphia and Los Angeles and took for granted everything I had. The person I was then - young, affluent and beautiful - is a person I would cringe to talk with today.
Age, life experience and a severe reversal of fortune has a way of altering one's perspective - in a good way, I might add.
When remembering the string of beautiful women I was with, I understand why we got together - hot, young, with money, horny and socially fabulous together. But those are also the reasons we never worked out. Spoiled children behaving badly. We never had good, solid examples of how to be.
So when you see a beautiful person who is alone, perhaps consider their background and hope they realize that no matter what they look like, they know it doesn't matter.
 

naughty

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I have been accused of being good looking but I hesitate to write on this thread because I don't see myself as such - reminants of being an ugly, chubby, geeky kid and teenager who was teased and pummeled because how I looked. I've fought my whole life to escape that version of myself. I never realized how damaging that abuse was and have only within the last few years come to see myself as "attractive" *cringe*.

Some people just look better as they mature and I guess I'm one of them but I still harbor a lot of the negative self image from my youth so when people do compliment me on my attractiveness there is always a part of me that thinks they are being disingenuous simply because I don't see myself that way.

It makes for a very odd dynamic because I am usually quite private and reserved in real life which is often taken from people who are attracted to my looks as being aloof, stuck-up, and conceited all without me uttering a single word. The biggest change happened when I ditched my glasses, started lifting weights and lost some weight. I think deep down I worked hard on building up my body as a defense from being pummeled. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable handling the attention as I never experienced anything like it before. Girls would actually dance with me instead of saying "No I'm tired, I think I'll sit this one out."

As a teen and young adult I never developed the social skills or acumen to deal with people coming on to me or courting people because I never was a player. I still am pretty awkward at this so I often don't know if people are just being nice or coming on to me and when I find out it is the latter I usually recoil a bit because I don't like hurting people emotionally who want something more than friendship from me. So my looks often get in the way of making and keeping real friends both gay men and women. That uneasy sexual aspect gets in the way, which I have never been able to deal with comfortably. I have had better luck with making friends with straight guys because of this. I often downplay my looks because people will utimately see the geeky guy I really am anyways.

Contrary to what some people might think not everyone is attracted to me and I get my share of rejection and hurt. I have had times of extreme lonliness and dateless Saturday nights so I think we are all in the same boat here. In the end your looks will fade and it really is quite inconsequential to building any worthy relationships. Your looks may get you to the front door but whether you are invited in or not depends on your personality and charm. And whether you get to stay depends ultimately on who you are as a person.

Earl you sound like two friends of mine one who used to be a member here. They grew up chubby and introverted. One of them thought that if he were only thin things would change in his life. He found that when he became a swan he had all sort of other issues to deal with in terms of the way people dealt with him. HE was so disturbed he intentionally began stuffing to get the poundage back on. The other has lost over 100 lbs in the past two years but is still having a very hard time accepting himself and other's reactions to the new him. It makes him angry that women approach him now who previously saw him as invisible. Personally I have been telling him that he is gorgeous inside and out so he has a head start on many people who never had to develop their personalities.
 

earllogjam

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So when you see a beautiful person who is alone, perhaps consider their background and hope they realize that no matter what they look like, they know it doesn't matter.

Yeah, I think people should think twice before they go about envying good looking people.
There is always a deeper reason why people strive to be attractive at any cost. It was for me a desperate desire to be accepted as a human being, to be loved. Sounds corny and pathetic but that is what I believed when I was younger since my looks was the source of most of my misery - psychological and physical. It took me a while to understand that being accepted for who you really are is by far more satisfying than being accepted and trying to fit in by looking a certain way.

Earl you sound like two friends of mine one who used to be a member here. They grew up chubby and introverted. One of them thought that if he were only thin things would change in his life. He found that when he became a swan he had all sort of other issues to deal with in terms of the way people dealt with him. HE was so disturbed he intentionally began stuffing to get the poundage back on. The other has lost over 100 lbs in the past two years but is still having a very hard time accepting himself and other's reactions to the new him. It makes him angry that women approach him now who previously saw him as invisible. Personally I have been telling him that he is gorgeous inside and out so he has a head start on many people who never had to develop their personalities.

Naughty,

Yes, I can relate to your friends. I've had similar experiences.

I went to a high school reunion and I guess you can say I was a hit with many of the divorcees and single women there, women who back then wouldn't even give me the time of day. It was surreal having these ladies shamelessly hit on me. I didn't have any anger towards them though but I can't deny having a secret pleasure in telling them I was gay after they propositioned me.

As far as sabotaging myself by gaining weight so I didn't have to deal with all the extra attention - I have done that in the past but I don't do that any longer for health reasons but I still am subconciously more comfortable hiding myself in non-flattering baggy clothing or athletic wear.

I keep up my appearance now for me. It's a manifestation of me taking care of myself and keeping my energy and health more than pleasing or being accepted by others. Growing into middle age I like the way I look now and intend to age as gracefully as I can.
 

Male Bonding etc

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Some quick random thoughts because I'm short on time, but I don't want to lose this train of thought:
1. "Spirit" is the word I use for that energy people have that animates them and takes them beyond whatever looks nature graced them with originally.
2. "Chemistry" is for me when spirits find each other and people see each other as beautiful.
3. Naturally beautiful people may be plenty smart and deep, but others who are attracted primarily to their beauty may discount or fail to understand their "spirit" because there is no "chemistry."
 

ZOS23xy

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I refer my memory to a woman I dated who was one of those girls who had parents who made her try to enter beauty pagents.

She was nice looking.She was well shaped. She looked hot. I settle about with her, to talk of movies, and art, perhaps the national news and a novel I had just obtained, and she went on and on about how she spent an hour doing her hair, her nails, her face.

Sorry lady, no second date.
 

Male Bonding etc

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Then again, someone may have the potential to be smart, but life experiences have derailed that direction in their lives. Hey, when one gets used to hearing how beautiful he or she is, one can easily become deluded into thinking that is all others care about.

I like looking good, and I like it when others look good, but I sure don't enjoy conversations (real time) about only that.