Good sex vs. bad sex, a cause for emotional involvment

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by W/In 1 Stand Dev, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    Okay women!

    Let me see if I can adequately express my thoughts on this and get my point and/or questions across.

    Let's say you had a FWB situation and the sex was good, does that or will that start to stir up some emotions (lovey dovey, kinda) towards or for that "partner"?

    Will most women answer "yes" to that question?

    Are those feelings going to be automatic?

    Granted it's a hypothetical FWB situation and you're both are there for the sex and of course, you both probably want to have good sex, but do you think some women in that situation kinda hope that the sex is not that good because they are worried about an emotional attachment?

    Said another way, I suppose, it is more socially acceptable for men to detach sex from emotions/relationships.... are women incapable of separating the two?

    Okay, now for the inverse: does having bad sex with a man squelch any emotions that might have otherwise been stirred up?

    Does a woman give the man a second, third, or fourth chance at sex?

    Or does that all depend on how bad the sex was the first time around?

    I just did a search here on my posts and the very first thread I started here was about inept lovers. One female poster said that she had two husbands that were lousy in bed.

    It just got me wondering and waxing all philosphic like about why a woman would stay with a man who was so bad at sex.

    Does having bad sex in a relationship like that lead to feelings of resentment towards the husband?

    What say you, women?!
     
  2. Principessa

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    How are we defining bad sex? Are we talking overly exuberant pounding and acrobatics? Or are we talking no orgasm, or orgasm very rarely.
     
  3. goodwood

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    As a man - I have had bad sex with a woman. She was hot, blonde, green eyes, smart, an engineer, a tri-athelete, socially fantastic. In bed: bad. DONE. I am not a man of bad sex is better than no sex. So I would think that women would think the same.
     
  4. SpoiledPrincess

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    FWB aren't for me, when I was a teen my friends and I used to call women who'd settle for this 'after the pub fucks', it might work for some but if I wasn't good enough to be someone's gf he can go and fuck someone else.
     
  5. str82fcuk

    str82fcuk Member

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  6. ManlyBanisters

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    FWB is 'friend with benefits'.

    Bad sex with FWBs means I don't go back for seconds.

    Good sex with FWBs means I (probably) do go back for seconds, thirds etc. but emotional involvement depends mostly on other factors.

    Bad sex in a relationship doesn't spoil a relationship, it just gives me a project to work on. I've had several lovers with whom the sex was not great at the outset, but it was by the time we broke up. IOW bad sex can be fixed.

    And for the record, I've known as many men as women who have an issue separating sex and emotion.
     
  7. Principessa

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    BRAVO! SpoiledPrincess I quite agree. :smile:


    What constitutes bad sex for a man?:confused: What did she do or not do? (njqt466 feels she should take notes in case she visits Michigan any time soon.) :wink:
     
  8. str82fcuk

    str82fcuk Member

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    Thank you. So now what is IOW ?

    I've only ever had one FWB except the F part kinda disappeared pretty quickly while the B remained for several years. We were both trying to be not emotionally involved and we superficially succeeded but beneath the surface there was a lot of angst on both sides ...

    In general I'm pretty good at separating Sex and Emotion ... maybe one day I won't have to ... but I'm beginning to think that wud require a healthy emotional relationship prior to any sex ?! which wud be a double first for me ...

    incidentally one of the main reasons I've not taken up offers of sex from potential female FWBs is that they were already way too emotional and I could not trust them to stay cool .... (maybe also I was scared off by some of my intense emotional non-sexual long relationships with overemotional women)

    my longest realtionship with a guy (3 yrs) started out well but then the sex got mostly bad and it totally ruined the emotional part ....

    anyway I'm interested to here about all you guys' experiences
     
  9. Ethyl

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    I've had FWB's and the sex was great. There was no deep intimacy or emotional involvement because I always entertained FWB's when I wasn't ready or searching for a deeply involved relationship. I made sure my partners knew about my preference and my honesty prevented problems most of the time. One partner had difficulty letting go of his control issues and I was forced to point them out and tell him to drop them or forget our arrangement. I've had a couple FWB's who displayed some territorial/jealous behaviour after finding out I was in an intimate relationship later.

    Sex alone does not equal love, trust, and intimacy for me. Sex coupled with the engagement of my mind, heart, and soul is another matter if i've decided I can offer myself to others as well as receive. Everyone's different but that's how I operate.
     
  10. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    well, this latest relationship went down the tubes.

    I don't know so much if the sex was the CAUSE or if it was another SYMPTOM that the relationship was going to end soon.

    I guess I started to like her, but she was/is in the middle of a divorce and the custody issue with her one kid got her all stressed out.

    I wouldn't be surprised if she called right before Christmas or in the middle of January looking for a "bootie call".

    She was the first GF I have ever had that I couldn't get off, to orgasm. I tried my fingers, my mouth, and my penis. Nothing.

    She always had to use her toy.

    I think in the first two weeks we started going out she orgasmed twice with me. She was on top and used her toy on her clit.

    I thought of it as compliment when she said "In the whole five years of marriage, I only came once with my husband. I've been with you for two weeks and I've already cum twice."

    The toy thing got to be annoying. It reminded me of a scene in the movie Rules of Attraction where James Van Der Beek said something along the lines of "Orgasm? I wouldn't want to be with a woman who did NOT orgasm."

    I guess I shouldn't be too critical of her. She was abused sexually when she was younger. I think that had something to do with it.

    Anyway.... I'm chalking that up as a life lesson:

    1. Don't get involved with a woman who has a kid (s)

    2. If they seem to have problems orgasming, move on.

    Yeah, I know ladies, seems kinda childish of me. I guess there's just somethings in life you can compromise on and then there's others that are "show stoppers".

    Meanwhile, the other X-GF has been sniffing around. Hmmmn...:cool:
     
  11. Linda Sue

    Linda Sue New Member

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    Really great sex always deepens my emotional attachment to a man, and, yes, bad sex or no sex will cause detachment or crisis. I'm not sure it's a woman/man thing, as much as it has to do with the sensual and emotional makeup of the person.
     
  12. 36DD

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    I've never had a FWB situation, and probably never will because to me sex without emotional attachment just isn't worth having...call me weird, just the way I am...I cannot seperate the two.
     
  13. D_Cliebert_Chodechoker

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    I would say that depends a lot on what the guy has experienced. For me it would be a lazy uneducated partner. I like my body language being read just like my partner. i do my best so i expect her to do the same, and it will end wonderful. for both partners. I find it appropriate to take all the necessary steps to turn her on throughout the nigt and before we get into bed i would expect the same from her.

    Just my feelings njqt :biggrin1:
     
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