Good women friends

[Bigbailey12]

I have always had more women friends than guy friends but two different friends have said they love me.. Ive grown up in a a conservative household, not really expressing my feelings. Everyone is in relationship, so it caught me off guard and didn’t really know how to respond. Thoughts?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I am very not conservative and grew up in a very open, free to express feelings of whatever sort kind of household. So I can't really relate to being caught off guard by this sort of confrontation.

This is a very vague description of what happened, I don't know how to reply without more details. Also, I can only share my perspective, keep in mind I'm not likely anything like your friends. It may be hard to give advice, for me anyway.

 

[693987]

I love only one person on this planet. My partner. I feel concern for the well being and a sense of obligation for my family members. I care about and am protective of my friends and family. I'm an odd one, though. I feel bad about not feeling bad when my mother died. I am very selectively empathetic or sympathetic. That's just me, though.

Edited to add: I am not conservative/reserved with friends. My family can be jerks and we have little in common, so they and my co-workers see a more edited version of myself. I don't say I love you to a person or about a person casually. I say it often to my sweetie, though. I mean it every single time, too.

 

[MickeyLee]

How did they mean "I love you"?

Like, "gimme your babies" or "I value you as very good friend and person"

I love heaps of people. I say I love you heaps. If you are not comfortable or feeling an "I love you, too" you can say "thank you" and how much for their affections means to you.

My family is very affectionate. We're huggers and smoochers. Even if we're mad at each other we don't not say I love you.

 

[Bigbailey12]

I am very not conservative and grew up in a very open, free to express feelings of whatever sort kind of household. So I can't really relate to being caught off guard by this sort of confrontation.

This is a very vague description of what happened, I don't know how to reply without more details. Also, I can only share my perspective, keep in mind I'm not likely anything like your friends. It may be hard to give advice, for me anyway.

I would appreciate your point of view. One friend I have worked with for the past six years and have grown close to. She has had an abusive husband, not physically but mentally, always putiing her down and the husband is an acoholic, She is tough mentally and physically. She confides in me and we drink socially after work. When she drinks Debbie gets more touchy feely. The other week we were at a party she had a couple drinks and out of the blue says “ I love you, after six years. The moment past and I wasn’t sure how to respond. I think I hugged her but I don’t want to be a jerk.

 

[Bigbailey12]

During that time we have talked about everything and there have been times when it’s been awkward because we are would stay late after work grab a drink and talk for hours.

How did they mean "I love you"?

Like, "gimme your babies" or "I value you as very good friend and person"

I love heaps of people. I say I love you heaps. If you are not comfortable or feeling an "I love you, too" you can say "thank you" and how much for their affections means to you.

My family is very affectionate. We're huggers and smoochers. Even if we're mad at each other we don't not say I love you.

That’s awesome to have an affectionate family. The part that has thrown me off is we have never discussed our feelings although there definitely has been little touchy feely things, more so when she drinks.

 

[LaFemme]

I love everybody. I’m a hugger, a kisser, a keeper of secrets. My family is bat crap crazy, but we hug, kiss and love each other in a fierce way.

For me to tell a male friend that I love him means I love him in a non-sexual I got your back kind of way. Same as for women. Hit on me and I’ll smack you into next week.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I'm not trying to fuck or partner up with everyone who hears and knows I love him. I'd like to think I make it pretty clear when the love is not platonic.

 

[Bigbailey12]

I'm not trying to fuck or partner up with everyone who hears and knows I love him. I'd like to think I make it pretty clear when the love is not platonic.

It’s really not about hooking up. It was just a pretty random thing to say after 6 years of never discussing our feelings for each other.

 

[286798]

I'm closer to ML and LaFemme... I say it more to my girlfriends than guyfriends until he's been around enough to see that I say it to people I'm not trying to bed. Had a few bad experiences where guys have taken it as sexual interest, so I reserve it until I feel confident that he'll understand my platonic intent.

My gut says it's either an acknowledgement of how much she values your being a confidant... OR she's the type that needs to be in a relationship, is considering ending her abusive relationship and is testing the waters to see if you could be next. The former is an awesome thing. The latter, um, not so much.

My question is how do you feel about her?

 

[Bigbailey12]

I'm closer to ML and LaFemme... I say it more to my girlfriends than guyfriends until he's been around enough to see that I say it to people I'm not trying to bed. Had a few bad experiences where guys have taken it as sexual interest, so I reserve it until I feel confident that he'll understand my platonic intent.

My gut says it's either an acknowledgement of how much she values your being a confidant... OR she's the type that needs to be in a relationship, is considering ending her abusive relationship and is testing the waters to see if you could be next. The former is an awesome thing. The latter, um, not so much.

My question is how do you feel about her?

Still trying to figure it out, always been buds

 

[EllieP]

I think I have many more casual men friends than women, although my closest friends are women.

One of those men, a person that I truly call a friend that I respect and admire was giving a speech at a ceremony many years ago before I remarried. I began crying because it touched me so deeply, and it was so personal coming from him. After the ceremony I went and hugged him and told him I loved him and I loved his speech. He got choked up, and we hugged some more. And I thought that was that.

But less than a month later he found me in a coffee shop. I thought it was just a coincidence he was there, but he actually tracked me there and said had to talk to me. He had been thinking about what I said (I believe he said 'confessed'), and he had to tell me that he was truly sorry, but there was too much to give up to be with me.

Needless to say, I was dazed and confused, and I thought he was drunk at first. But apparently he misread my admission of love to him that evening, and he had been tossing scenarios over in his mind how we might be able to work things out. But there was no way he could do it without hurting a number of people, not the least of which was his wife and kids! And I would be hurting people as well.

I could have just agreed with him and said he was right and leave it at that, but that's not the Ellie way. Instead, I had to embarrass him and tell him that I did not mean it the way he received it. I love him as I would love a dear friend or family member.

I thought I had driven a stake through his heart, and he would slink away in a state of deep depression. Instead, he took a deep breath and said "Oh, thank god!" And we hugged again!

We're still friends, but I haven't seen him in ages.

I think this is the first time I've ever told this story to anyone, but the OP's post brought back memories, and I think I know where he might be coming from.

 

[Bigbailey12]

I think I have many more casual men friends than women, although my closest friends are women.

One of those men, a person that I truly call a friend that I respect and admire was giving a speech at a ceremony many years ago before I remarried. I began crying because it touched me so deeply, and it was so personal coming from him. After the ceremony I went and hugged him and told him I loved him and I loved his speech. He got choked up, and we hugged some more. And I thought that was that.

But less than a month later he found me in a coffee shop. I thought it was just a coincidence he was there, but he actually tracked me there and said had to talk to me. He had been thinking about what I said (I believe he said 'confessed'), and he had to tell me that he was truly sorry, but there was too much to give up to be with me.

Needless to say, I was dazed and confused, and I thought he was drunk at first. But apparently he misread my admission of love to him that evening, and he had been tossing scenarios over in his mind how we might be able to work things out. But there was no way he could do it without hurting a number of people, not the least of which was his wife and kids! And I would be hurting people as well.

I could have just agreed with him and said he was right and leave it at that, but that's not the Ellie way. Instead, I had to embarrass him and tell him that I did not mean it the way he received it. I love him as I would love a dear friend or family member.

I thought I had driven a stake through his heart, and he would slink away in a state of deep depression. Instead, he took a deep breath and said "Oh, thank god!" And we hugged again!

We're still friends, but I haven't seen him in ages.

I think this is the first time I've ever told this story to anyone, but the OP's post brought back memories, and I think I know where he might be coming from.

Why do you think you haven’t seen him in ages?

 

[EllieP]

Why do you think you haven’t seen him in ages?

Because he lives in Austin and I live in Florida.

 

[Bigbailey12]

Because he lives in Austin and I live in Florida.

I really don’t want to misinterpret it like that.

 

[EllieP]

I really don’t want to misinterpret it like that.

Sorry. That's the truth. My parents live outside of Austin, so when we visit I don't get a chance to make the rounds of all my old friends.

 

[Bigbailey12]

Sorry. That's the truth. My parents live outside of Austin, so when we visit I don't get a chance to make the rounds of all my old friends.

It will will be interesting as we are going out tommorow for happy hour with a group of friends. I haven’t seen her since she said it.

 

[286798]

It will will be interesting as we are going out tommorow for happy hour with a group of friends. I haven’t seen her since she said it.

I think you need to think about how you want to continue your relationship (friendship or otherwise) with her. Especially if you only want a friendship, you may want to be prepared to clarify things.

 

[Bigbailey12]

I think you need to think about how you want to continue your relationship (friendship or otherwise) with her. Especially if you only want a friendship, you may want to be prepared to clarify things.

I agree, she is usually very blunt to the point of embarrassment but it’s one of the things that makes her so different. A couple of years ago we talking and she says “ I ve had only one dick,” She got pregnant Sr year of high school and been together ever since although clearly not happy

 

[Enid]

They *probably* meant "I love you" in a different way than you think. Most likely just an affectionate expression of good, open friendship with warm feelings.

However if a romantic expression, then clarify that for sure.