Gossip

[deleted3782]

There are many different kinds of gossip. Some harmful, some harmless.

"John has the flu today" could be considered gossip, maybe he does have the flu, maybe he doesn't, but its meant to inform people of his situation.

"John has herpes today" carries more baggage. Maybe John wouldn't want everyone to know he has herpes. Maybe John would like to control who knows this.

"John cheated on his wife today" ...well, perhaps John would want that broadcast, perhaps not. Who's benefitting from that information being broadcast? Should this be something we let John deal with/not deal with on his own?

"Betsy told me that Mike felt that perhaps Wendy was operating under the assumption that John was cheating on his wife" ...well what the fuck is that? Even if John was cheating on his wife...statements like that are insane, bizarre, and malicious.

Maybe all of the above are wrong. Maybe all of the above (with exception of the last) are right. Where I draw the line in determining if gossip related to me is offensive is to understand the intent. Some people are more real than others and speak truth more freely. I understand that and maybe they can learn diplomacy. Others will suppose and insinuate in order to make themselves appear more central...I tend to make myself scarse with such people.

 

[2322]

Oh yeah, Jason, great scene. Great musical.

I recognize the woman in the brown hat who says "Balzac"...she posts here on LPSG and makes wild and sundry accusations about people she claims to know. Silly bitch. :tongue:

Oh Yeah. I see it now. They think they know that guy pretty well, don't they?

Hermoine Gingold has been dead 11 years! I doubt she posts here.

 

[deleted3782]

Hermoine Gingold has been dead 11 years! I doubt she posts here.

Ok then, her soul remains here...

 

[prince_will]

I'll admit. I do gossip sometimes, but it's usually not my fault.

Anyways, i have two friends who rush to tell me any juicy news that they have heard. I have no idea why they choose to share it with me, but we usually talk about it. It's more of a minor guilty pleasure to me.

I do read DListed which is a celebrity gossip blog, but i read it because the dude who writes the posts is fucking hilarious. Plus, i do like blind vices, but only to really see if i can guess who they're talking about.

With friends, if they were to ever tell me a MAJOR secret about themselves or someone else, i woud never spread it around or gossip further about it. It just wouldn't feel right. In short, i occasionally gossip but i have my limits.

Stop judging me! :tongue:

OMG, did you know that jeff black moonlights as a private dancer? scandalous.

 

[B_Nick4444]

not quite

perhaps a review of basic definitions is in order

anyone claiming they don't gossip is either a liar, or totally lacking in self awareness.

You do it every time you open your mouth.

Gossip is POLITICS.
And human beings, being social, are political animals.

Even something as innocuous and as 'positive' as telling someone you think some girl you both know is pretty, is gossip. Whether you realize it or not, you are saying it in hopes that it will get back to her and raise your stock in her eyes. Or you are saying it in hopes that it will get back to someone else who will feel jealous... and maybe get you more attention from that person.
Or you are saying it so that your friend will have a certain understanding of what appeals to you... or to broadcast that you are not gay...

But there is ALWAYS a social purpose to ANYTHING you say about ANYTHING.

And, even more interestingly.... you are most likely saying it with several purposes, layered and nuanced in subtle complexity that you don't even consciously realize.

Some people are very good at using very nuanced and subtle gossip to move upward thru a social hierarchy... or to maintain whatever position they are comfortable in...

And some people are really awkward at it... the awkward ones are the one we CALL gossips, because their efforts and agenda are so transparent.


But we are ALL competing with each other in the social arena in every imaginable way.
We evolved to do it.

You may be able to exercise some intellectual control and try to be less damaging in your gossip...
But you can not communicate anything wihtout that communication being shaped by a deep understanding that what you say to one will be spread to others.

Part of the reason human beings evolved complex symbolic speech... was to deal with nuanced social relationships in precisely this way.

 

[D_Tintagel_Demondong]

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that there is a guy on this site--who seems to be quite popular--who claims to have a boyfriend who has seen many pro athletes (mostly football players) in the buff. He posts their cock sizes in a candid list, with names and measurements.

In order for these stats to be valid, this guy had to play in the AFL and NFL, on several teams, and for over 30 years. This just isn't possible. Besides, one look at this guy's fake gallery ruins his credibility immediately.

Not only is this very catty and an awful violation of the privacy of these athletes, but it's downright dangerous:

Cruise Wins $10 Million in Gay Lawsuit - Tom Cruise : People.com

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Rec you keep saying saying "Oh Yeah".
Is there some nuanced meaning that you're keeping hidden behind that particular phrase?
In this curiously obvious thread?
cigarbabe:saevil:

 

[B_Nick8]

When idle gossip isn't blessed
With information that is best
Kept tightly held beneath the vest.
This message isn't clover.

Although the words are unexpressed,
Their quiet meaning's easil'y guessed.
Recipient's are oft' distressed;
It's much like shooting plover.

So, buried now at my behest,
I think that you should do the rest
By following this last suggest
And calling this game: Over.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

not quite

perhaps a review of basic definitions is in order

that is not argument.

And, sorry, but nearly ALL human communications about other human beings is some from of gossip.

And gossip is absolutely a political tool in social settings.


Humans beings act in what they believe to be their advantage- and they do so whether they are consciously aware they are doing it or not.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I can't help but be reminded, reading this thread, of my late countryman, Mr.Wilde, saying "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about".

People talk - if you feel there is harm in that, well, don't talk to people, or listen to them, for that matter :dunno:

 

[deleted3782]

I can't help but be reminded, reading this thread, of my late countryman, Mr.Wilde, saying "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about".

People talk - if you feel there is harm in that, well, don't talk to people, or listen to them, for that matter :dunno:

I can agree with that, except when there is mal intent. I guess there can be a difference between simple "gossip" and "slander"...or is there? How is the best way to combat someone who would gleefully spread lies about someone, just to rock the boat?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I don't think there is a best way, Ex - I think a person like that makes themselves evident eventually and, if you come across one, the only thing you can do is know not to believe them - and also remember not to tell them anything, even if it seems innocuous, as they are likely to twist your words when they pass it on to the next person. If you start telling everyone that that person is a slanderer then you risk sounding like the malicious gossip. It's lose / lose, unfortunately.

 

[2322]

I can agree with that, except when there is mal intent. I guess there can be a difference between simple "gossip" and "slander"...or is there? How is the best way to combat someone who would gleefully spread lies about someone, just to rock the boat?

Here's an expert's opinion and having a great deal of public relations experience, I endorse it:

Several principles can be employed to squelch false rumors — true rumors should be confirmed, by the way — or limit their impact.

First, respond quickly to the rumor; it becomes more difficult to counter after repeated circulation and wide dissemination.

Second, it is generally best to respond to the rumor rather than use a "no comment" policy; "no comment" tends to increase uncertainty, further fueling the rumor.

Third, diminish uncertainty by using a clear, point-by-point refutation with solid evidence.

Fourth, the refutation should also come from a trusted, neutral, third-party source.

Fifth, it is best to give context and explain what you are issuing a refutation to. [The statement], "Our food products are safe," offered without preamble or explanation, will make people wonder why you are making the statement.-Time

In other words, come clean. Repeat what you believe is being said and address each point one by one. Do it loudly, publicly, and try to foresee what the gossip source will say in response and address it. Be polite and be open, welcome questions, answer them publicly. If the gossip in question involves you and someone else, ask that person to endorse your refutation publicly as well.

Fighting gossip is painful because it demands you expose your private affairs to the public, however if you successfully counter the gossip, then things turn very bad for the gossip as people abhor seeing someone's good name unfairly sullied.

 

[deleted3782]

I don't think there is a best way, Ex - I think a person like that makes themselves evident eventually and, if you come across one, the only thing you can do is know not to believe them - and also remember not to tell them anything, even if it seems innocuous, as they are likely to twist your words when they pass it on to the next person. If you start telling everyone that that person is a slanderer then you risk sounding like the malicious gossip. It's lose / lose, unfortunately.

I agree with that. In my experience, those kinds of people end up looking like screaming banshees and begin to isolate themselves from their friends. As a wise friend of mine has said, the cream always rises to the top. :wink:

 

[deleted3782]

Here's an expert's opinion and having a great deal of public relations experience, I endorse it:



In other words, come clean. Repeat what you believe is being said and address each point one by one. Do it loudly, publicly, and try to foresee what the gossip source will say in response and address it. Be polite and be open, welcome questions, answer them publicly. If the gossip in question involves you and someone else, ask that person to endorse your refutation publicly as well.

Fighting gossip is painful because it demands you expose your private affairs to the public, however if you successfully counter the gossip, then things turn very bad for the gossip as people abhor seeing someone's good name unfairly sullied.

Wow, awesome Jason. Maybe I'm sensitive to all this because I had a friend years ago who was accused of saying something he did not say. He remained quiet on the topic, and his local issue quickly grew into a national issue (international, even). He literally had reporters camped out on his lawn. Within a short time after the story broke, he had a heart attack and died. The heart attack was attributed to stress from the controversy. The whole incident was later covered in a book called “Death by Journalism” and its sort of a textbook on how not to deal (and not deal) with negative journalism and...gossip.

It's startling how such conduct can quickly spin out of control for all involved.

 

[2322]

Wow, awesome Jason. Maybe I'm sensitive to all this because I had a friend years ago who was accused of saying something he did not say. He remained quiet on the topic, and his local issue quickly grew into a national issue (international, even). He literally had reporters camped out on his lawn. Within a short time after the story broke, he had a heart attack and died. The heart attack was attributed to stress from the controversy. The whole incident was later covered in a book called “Death by Journalism” and its sort of a textbook on how not to deal (and not deal) with negative journalism and...gossip.

It's startling how such conduct can quickly spin out of control for all involved.

Very tragic indeed. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. You've read the book then? Perhaps it will help. Small gossip or large gossip, in life or the LPSG, if you have a problem with gossip, you've got to address it. Like vampires, gossip only thrives in darkness. Allow it to go on too long and it will take on a life of its own that you won't be able to thwart.

 

[D_Tintagel_Demondong]

Rec you keep saying saying "Oh Yeah".
Is there some nuanced meaning that you're keeping hidden behind that particular phrase?
In this curiously obvious thread?
cigarbabe:saevil:

Oh yeah. I gotta stop saying that. It's going to make people wonder!

The thread isn't that obvious. I started it because of a rumor that I unfortunately seeded regarding two people who I care for. That situation has been resolved, but since then another situation has arisen that involves awful gossip--the worst kind (and not coming from me. I've learned my lesson!)

 

[D_Tintagel_Demondong]

Here's an expert's opinion and having a great deal of public relations experience, I endorse it:

In other words, come clean. Repeat what you believe is being said and address each point one by one. Do it loudly, publicly, and try to foresee what the gossip source will say in response and address it. Be polite and be open, welcome questions, answer them publicly. If the gossip in question involves you and someone else, ask that person to endorse your refutation publicly as well.

Fighting gossip is painful because it demands you expose your private affairs to the public, however if you successfully counter the gossip, then things turn very bad for the gossip as people abhor seeing someone's good name unfairly sullied.

This is quite different from Banly's approach. This is actually more my style. My main concern is involving my friends and family whose skin isn't as thick as mine.

I agree with that. In my experience, those kinds of people end up looking like screaming banshees and begin to isolate themselves from their friends. As a wise friend of mine has said, the cream always rises to the top. :wink:

I don't want to come across as a screaming banshee, but I think that some things need to be taken public--especially if the gossip has reached many people. I think that if you appear tactful and rational then you keep your credibility.

 

[deleted3782]

I don't want to come across as a screaming banshee, but ...

I meant the gossiper/slanderer looks like a screaming banshee as they discredit themselves amongst all involved.

 

[camper joe]

Wow, awesome Jason. Maybe I'm sensitive to all this because I had a friend years ago who was accused of saying something he did not say. He remained quiet on the topic, and his local issue quickly grew into a national issue (international, even). He literally had reporters camped out on his lawn. Within a short time after the story broke, he had a heart attack and died. The heart attack was attributed to stress from the controversy. The whole incident was later covered in a book called “Death by Journalism” and its sort of a textbook on how not to deal (and not deal) with negative journalism and...gossip.

It's startling how such conduct can quickly spin out of control for all involved.

I remember this Exwhysee. I never knew there was a book written on this. I must go find a copy.