Got a real life situation.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Gbuen, Feb 24, 2011.

  1. Gbuen

    Gbuen New Member

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    Ok this is messin me up. and im trying to fight it. heres the thing. i live a straight life. same for my buddy. we've been hookin up since 8th grade. now in our last year of college. im kinda getting feelings for the guy and i dont think hes on the same page. but it fucks me up when we hook up. Yall are prob gonna say just stop hooking up with him. I think hes perfect and ild anything for the guy. ahhh i just needed to write that out. im sad cuz he came over tonight, butt was texting this chick the entire time and felt jealous... when i shouldnt be. think i was just expectng a hookup but we just watched a movie and i waned to do something more. man idunno. frustrated and confused.
     
  2. Pendlum

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    Well you can keep torturing yourself by hooking up with him still while hiding your feelings.

    Or you can cut off the hook ups and just make something up for why.

    Or you can just straight up admit your feelings to him.

    The first situation seems like the "nice" thing to do, but remember, it's okay to care about yourself too, and in the long run it's probably the most damaging, and it will be your own fault. The second option is probably the safest option overall, but requires a lie. The third option is probably the most liberating option, but has the biggest potential to seem catastrophic (note, seem), especially with the whole "straight life" bit mentioned. But there is always a chance that he reacts gracefully too it, and there isn't a problem. He is your friend, so you are going to have to make that determination.
     
  3. MisterSix

    MisterSix New Member

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    Why don't you have a talk with him? See where he stands on the relationship. Then you'll know whether it's worth continuing. If it's not going to work, end it now. It's always better to end it early before it becomes this huge emotional issue.
     
  4. Charles Finn

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    well to you it has become more than just a hook up to him it is a hook upi with a friend
    tread lightly you have been friends since the 8th grade
    talk to him but try to save the friendship
     
  5. D_Harry Erik Shun

    D_Harry Erik Shun New Member

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    To fall in love with a straight friend can be a bitter pill to swallow. I am going through that situation now. I have wrote my story here on LPSG.

    With the help and understanding of members of this site I have been able to come to terms with the heartache and misery. I struggle with my feelings for him, daily; as I still love him and I miss him.

    I would strongly suggest you focus your desires in another direction.
    Find solace and love in a relationship with someone that will love you back; as much as you love them.

    This friendship is bound for ruin and you will only receive heartache in return if you continue on this path of destruction.
     
    #5 D_Harry Erik Shun, Feb 24, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2011
  6. bwhip1011

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    I really feel for you as this has happened to me before. Sadly we’re no longer friends. I didn’t try to talk to him. I just ran. That was a long time ago, but if I had it to do over I would have told him how I felt and gone from there. I’m not sure how that would have changed things, but at least he would have known.

    Still, whatever you decide, I think Swaloe is right. It’s best to “focus your desires in another direction”. It doesn’t sound like he feels what you do and if that’s the case then you’re setting yourself up for a good deal of disappointment and sadness.
     
  7. hot-rod

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    been there and done that! Not a good thing! Save yourself lots of pain and move on.
     
  8. D_ro78tloij

    D_ro78tloij New Member

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    We neither know from where cupids arrow comes, or how deep it will penetrate our heart. This type of relationship will not last. As much as it sounds like a cliche there is some one waiting just for you.
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Talk to him. Get it out in the open that you felt so bad when he's texting somebody else when he's with you. Girl or guy, it makes you realize how different are your attitudes to your connection.

    Whether you two can stay friends, or whether you can stand to be only friends, will come out later. Don't just run; that isn't fair to either of you.
     
  10. hung

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    I would follow helga's recommendation. Open communication by you to him is the way to go. If he un-hooks from you, you will not have lost anything. You have the potential to move on without wondering what it could have been. Sure, it may hurt for a while, but this needs to either flourish or terminate. Only you can control the situation. Tell him how you feel about him.
     
  11. need2bsexy2

    need2bsexy2 Active Member

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    This is your problem and, obviously, not his at all. Things change and people change. Have you changed? It doesn't sound like it. We have all "hurt and bemoaned" the loss of a relationship. He has changed his orientation. Being Gay is not Gay for life for many people. For them being Gay is a matter of convenience and lack of opportunity of access to the opposite sex for a myriad of reasons.
     
  12. killerb

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    So let me see if I have this straight. You guys have been having sex for the last 9 yrs and you thought that it was gonna go down tonight, but instead he texted a girl the whole time he was with you. You now realize that what you feel for him is more than friendship & you don't know what to do with those feelings - Is that right?

    OK - a few questions:

    when you guys hook up, is he usually the one who initiates it?

    what happens if YOU initiate it?

    if you wanted something to happen tonight, why didn't you go for it?

    Here's the thing - this situation is very common, as you can see from the other responses...what you don't wanna do is pull a disappearing act on your friend...if you guys have been this close for that long, you should be able to talk to him about anything without him freaking out...here's what I suggest:

    invite him over..have a couple of drinks(enough to relax, but not enough to be drunk)...then just tell him that you're having some feelings that are confusing to you...say that your feelings for him are getting stronger and that you don't wanna screw up the friendship...but do NOT tell him that you're in love with him...leave it there & give him time to process & respond...

    best of luck to u...i know it's a tough spot to be in...
     
  13. Gbuen

    Gbuen New Member

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    Hi, Thanks for all the advice. i truly appreciate it.

    As for your questions.... He usually initiates it. When I initiate it it could go... we not going all the way. or it could end with "not tonite"

    And Lastly... When he came over. i got the vibe he wanted to do something. We got high then ended at my place. But he get caught up in texting this chick and the mood changed. so i just backed off.
     
  14. VernalTiger

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    If sex only definitely happens if he initiates, it sounds like you may only be a convenient way of him getting off. To me, it really sounds like he's using you. He wants the best of both worlds - a good mate that he can hang out with, and someone to get him off on demand. He may already be aware that you have feelings for him - I'm guessing you rarely, if ever, turn him down - and he's exploiting it.

    Talk to him about the situation. If he's not open to the idea of a more solid relationship, you need to cut the physical aspect of your relationships, otherwise you'll only end up more hurt as you go on in your lives, constantly coming off second best. Good luck.
     
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