1. If you had read the thread properly, then you would have noticed that things were going fine until somebody decided to make a snide comment along the lines of "you're obviously not too high up the evolutionary scale", in response to a silly throw-away remark I had made. I suppose I should be used to that by now, as forums do tend to act as asshole-magnets and so people who IRL wouldn't say boo to a goose and/or who need to feel some sort of personal validation by being a swaggering bigshot in cyberspace make remarks that are rude, aggressive and provocative. I actually think it is rather pathetic that people do that, especially when 99 times out of 100 they wouldn't dare do it if you were in the room with them, because they know they'd most likely end up picking their teeth up off the carpet.
Anyway, I digress - the comment that person made referred to a character in a book which happens to be one of my all-time favourites. So I responded in the idiosyncratic style of that fictional character (who is pompous, but farcically and hilariously so) - in fact, I think my responses were actually direct quotes from the book. If you didn't get the reference, and it seems that you didn't, then perhaps that is why you concluded erroneously that I am pompous.
Actually, I could level that same accusation (and a few other choice epithets) at some of the people who have responded to this thread, but I haven't, or my responses have been limited, because I generally prefer to ignore such people rather than giving them the oxygen of publicity.
Just to be clear, I read "A Confederacy of Dunces" when I was 15. I can't say that, after so much time, I remember every detail of it. But I have read it, and I did realize that you and Stretch were playing handball with quotes from it.
I won't bother with cherry-picking where in your posts I thought you may have come across as an asshole to some people. I'm simply telling you what I see--there are elements to your posts that could easily be misconstrued that way, and that's where the "hate" is coming from.
Also, I totally agree other people are being dicks here. No doubt. But unlike them, you're actually posting something of substance, so I addressed you and ignored them.
2. I think I only mentioned IQ once, and that was simply to rebut that person's claim that I was some sort of knuckle-dragger. So, when you say "I can't really fathom another reason [other than insecurity] you'd actually go so far as explaining how high your IQ is", what you mean is "I can't fathom another reason because (a) I haven't read the thread properly, or (b) it doesn't suit my argument to acknowledge that reason."
Well, don't. It's petty and meaningless. Oh, and I
can fathom another reason, but I didn't want to be overtly offensive. But here it is: You're unable or unwilling to demonstrate your intelligence and use quoting an IQ to defend yourself against attacks from other plebs. I hope that will change and you'll demonstrate your wit and intelligence rather than quoting a number in the future.
Also, you can leave the "you haven't read the thread properly" defense at the door. It serves no purpose than to mindlessly disqualify things I'm saying without actually weighing their substance. I've read the whole thing and understood it, and I'd appreciate if you gave me at least the modicum of respect I've showed you by taking your thread seriously.
Anyhoo - I could have made the same point by reeling off my academics and some highlights from my CV, but I didn't, because that would involve disclosing personal information from which, if someone who happens to know me read this thread, they could deduce my identity.
Again, that isn't necessary. I've never listed my CV here. I've never quoted my IQ. There's no point in doing so even if it weren't a risk of exposing personal information because it is, again, meaningless.
Anyway, it was an off-hand comment by you, and my off-hand remark is: Not impressed. If some nobody calls you a "knuckle-dragger", what difference does stating your IQ do besides making yourself feel better? None. (And that's why I said it reflects some sort of insecurity.)
It is others who have seemingly been so put out by me having the temerity to defend myself who have made a number of references to that remark, so again, you are in error when you accuse me of bringing it up "often".
If you say so. I read the whole thread, and what struck me is: 1) Your original story seemed to be pointless (actually, it struck me as fictitious, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because it doesn't really lose me anything to do so); 2) You were rubbing people the wrong way and eliciting trollish responses with trollish responses; 3) You were "defending yourself" from people who didn't even deserve responses in the first place.
Look, I'm not calling you an asshole. I said you're coming across as a pompous asshole. It happens. You can say I "didn't read the posts" or you can take it at face value and try to see what I'm seeing and how you might avoid it in the future if you care to. Doesn't really matter to me.
3. I am not sure where you get the idea that I "don't really care about this girl unless she's willing to put out".
Okay, then let me point out where that came from:
Yep. Exactly. When she phones I sometimes feel like picking the call up and yelling, "Stop calling me! I'm not your boyfriend, because, as you may have noticed, boyfriends usually get to have sex with their girlfriends!"
But I don't. I usually ignore the call and then text back a few mins later.
You literally say here that you're basically feeling like you don't want to be her boyfriend unless she puts out.
It's just the opposite in fact. I really like her, and I have made that pretty clear. She is just the sort of person I would want to have a relationship with, although at the moment I don't want a deep commitment (and neither, for that matter, does she).
And that is the frustrating thing. I like her, I am attracted to her both physically and intellectually and I enjoy our friendship, and she likes everything about me apart from my penis. I don't see it as an affront that she doesn't (to quote yet another of the nasty little jumped-up broadband bullies on this thread) "bow down and worship my cock" - I just find it incredibly frustrating that as a result of this issue, we seem to be stuck in a sort of hinterland where we are a bit more than friends, but a bit less than lovers.
Earlier you also said:
No, it's not going to lead to a serious relationship. She's gorgeous looking, she has an amazing body and I really like her company. I look forward to her texts, but less so her phone calls, cos Oh. My. God, can she talk, and I'm a typical guy who likes his phone calls short and functional ("who are you, what do you want, when are we meeting, ok see you later"). She's clever, funny and interesting, and it's a bonus that we can talk about the funnies and frustrations of our niche profession without the need for explanation, but neither of us are looking for love.
I've just come out of a very intense 2 year love affair that ended acrimoniously and there are bazillions of other things going on in my life that would make a deep commitment impossible, so I don't want and can't have a serious relationship right now. But most of all, I know I won't fall in love with her. Don't ask me why. I just know. The two women I've been in love with, I couldn't stop thinking about them almost from the moment I met them, but that's not happening with her.
Here you literally say you don't want a relationship with her. Sure, you like her well enough, but you're not interested in a relationship.
Nowhere here are you expressing that you really care about
her. You say that you like her, but that's about
you. That's kind of telling.
But if we assume you do care about her then the comments about how you "won't fall in love with her" are reflecting issues with you. Why won't you fall in love with her? (Oh right, "don't ask.") Well, you don't have to answer. But I mean, there's either more to it than the sex or there isn't. You're saying sex is a deal-breaker, but you're not acting on that.
You say she doesn't want a relationship, but she's treating you like you're in a relationship. In a sense, she may be using you to fill a void for herself. The real problem is that you're not really stuck in the same hinterland together. You're fulfilling a role she wants you to fulfill--a quasi-boyfriend with no strings or sexual issues. That's what she seems to want. But what you want is a fuck-buddy (somebody you like a lot who you also get to fuck but who you don't care about at a relationship level), which is contrary to what she wants.
4. There is nothing "up" with me per se because I have had two LTRs that broke down, which is what you seem to imply. That is an absolutely enormous and erroneous assumption to add to the other misinterpretations and mistakes of fact you have made in your post. Those LTRs did not break down because of any interpersonal problems with my exes, they broke down because of completely unrelated issues (the first one was because my ex was not able to get on with my children from another marriage and the second one was due to my ex being insanely and irrationally jealous).
Well, let's not get it twisted: I'm not saying those relationships broke down because of you. I'm also not trying to make you feel bad for it, so if I did, I'm sorry. Rather, that having a few LTRs break down can cause internal problems with relationships for anyone that may be why you're insisting you "won't fall in love with her." (And I'm sure you're immediately thinking, "No, that's not right!" and want to tell me exactly how I'm wrong. To that, I would preemptively answer: If you say so.)
What I'm trying to say is that I think this girl may be trying to take advantage of you (probably unconsciously). You want to be in a place where you can have casual sex with a girl you're really into without a serious relationship, but she's shoehorning you into a place where you're all that without the sex, which she doesn't want. Seriously, I don't think any of it has to do with the size of your dick. Regardless, that's fine for her to feel that way, but it's not fine to be stringing you along (whether it's intentional or not).
That's why I was advising you to either be willing to wait for the sex (because it seems like you basically have the other components of a relationship ready to go whether you like it or not) or to tell her to make a decision about being your g/f or not and that sex in some form has to be a part of that for you (if that's the case, which it seems to be). At this point, though, it seems like you are thinking more about yourself than her, and she's thinking more about herself than you. And at least one of you isn't getting what you want. And you're trying (albeit not overly successfully) not to give her what she wants all the time either (how you don't pick up the phone and such). It's not going to end well if it keeps going down that path, so the path has to change.