Great 'Put Down's/One Liners'..

[chicagosam]

That is a paraphrase of a Winston Churchill insult.

He'll have to take her to task.

 

[superbot]

Alan Jay Lerner to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Andrew "Why do people seem to take an instant dislike to me?"

Alan "To save time".

That one has been attributed to many different people..

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

"He called me a baboon; he thinks I'm his wife"
"Hey, great kid, wonderful kid. Now I know why tigers eat their young."
Rodney Dangerfield, Al Czervik, CADDYSHACK.

 

[950483]

Sometimes I say to my partner "look, I've got 99 other problems."

It's taken him two years to think of a comeback, but it's a good one; "I've got 99 problems and you're all of them."

 

[mako shark]

"I'm doing my best to see it from your point of view, but I just can't get my head that far up my ass!"

 

[Sam46]

I once said, "So you're the fabulous Christine that I've heard so little about.

 

[185248]

Is that it?

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

God man both a penis and a brain, but he didn't give enough blood to supply both when stimulated at the same time.

Robin Williams

 

[185248]

My cock is bigger than yours

 

[integritymatters]

Tallulah Bankhead had some awesome quotations especially for the mid twentieth century:

Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

Let's not quibble! I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right."

There is less in this than meets the eye.

I'm not at my best when I start to moralize or philosophize. Logic is elusive, especially to one who so rarely uses it.

I've been called many things, but never an intellectual.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it.

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

I have been absolutely hag-ridden with ambition. If I could wish to have anything in the world it would be to be free of ambition.

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

I did what I could to inflate the rumor I was on my way to stardom. What I was on my way to, by any mathematical standards known to man, was oblivion, by way of obscurity.

Acting is a form of confusion.

It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work -- the night watchman.

If you really want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling. Be an audience.

Don't be taken in by the guff that critics are killing the theater. Commonly they sin on the side of enthusiasm. Too often they give their blessing to trash.

Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late start without me.

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

Drink reacts on its practitioners in conflicting ways. One brave can knock off a quart of Scotch and look and act as sober as Herbert Hoover. Another, after three Martinis, makes two-cushion carroms off the chaise longue as he attempts to negotiate the bathroom.

My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.

Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know -- I've been using it for years

Tallulah was one of my idols growing up (I'm 27 now).
She's still underrated and an absolute legend.

 

[integritymatters]

Some great Lucille Ball one-liners, Part 1.
(I'm posting more later)

 

[integritymatters]

Desi Arnaz one-liners.