Grindr And Dating/hookup Apps: Do You Ignore Messages When Not Interested?

[JayPR]

I'm curious about this topic because I was the kind of person that never ignored messages on dating apps, even if I was not interested. I used to respond, a short conversation, good manners, you can meet great people as friends. If the person started hitting on me, I would just say: “Thanks, but I’m not interested”. Simple. But lately, I've been ignoring messages of guys that I'm not attracted to.

In my experience, when I respond and start talking with someone, it is usually understood as "I'm interested". Then I have to be upfront and tell them that I'm not attracted or interested. I personally hate to tell someone that I’m not attracted to them, I feel bad. People tend to get hurt or offended, and then proceed to demand an explanation or just insult you. I've been ignored many times, and I get the hint, so I continue looking. I don't get mad.

What do you do? Do you ignore messages of guys that you're not interested in or attracted to? Do you at least say hi?

 

[thebiggulp]

I uninstalled all of the apps. People seem to forget that you have a job, ride public transport, enjoy things apart from your phone, sleep. It isn't always possible or responsible to whip your phone out for a bit of sexting. I had people trying to chat me up, and then abusing me for not answering straight away. Who needs the aggro. Delete!

 

[JasonPharae]

I'm that rare guy who actually doesn't hate the app scene. I'm not shallow or superficial and I like having a boyfriend, but I don't need one. And when I'm single, I feel weirdly lucky to be a gay guy, since we're able to take advantage of a whole app culture which just isn't as much an option for straight people (no offense, straights!). All that's to say that my thoughts on these questions come from a positive perspective—as opposed to so many dudes who are cynical and burned out and bitter about the whole app scene. Here's what comes to mind.

You don't need to send a message, the sole purpose of which is to decline someone's offer, unless you've already been chatting with them and it would be weird to ghost them. If it's a first-time message from somebody who wants something you're certain you wouldn't want, it's totally acceptable not to respond at all! It would be seriously unreasonable for a Grindr (or whatever) user to expect actual responses declining every first-time message they send. It's only for major, serious occasions—weddings, black-tie galas, office holiday parties—that you have to reply to an invitation either way (RSVP: yes/no). Online dating and hooking up shouldn't be like that.

As you suggested, it might even be needlessly hurtful to write somebody back, just to tell them you're not interested. There are days and weeks when I'm not interested in hooking up, simply because I'm really busy or out of town or sick with Covid-19 (j/k), and then I don't keep up with Grindr at all. Next time I open the app I usually have some old messages, and I like to think that all those guys found hot, passionate success with somebody else, who they messaged right after me. They're not sitting around grumpily, still wondering what my response is to that message from last week. My point is, it's better to let guys assume you were busy or sick—that's why you never responded—rather than explain to them that, actually, you're totally uninterested in them.

Also, if you can do it, I'd recommend ignoring notifications from Grindr (etc.) whenever you know you aren't in the mood to hook up. It's different with dating apps, like Tinder, where the point might be something more personal than sex (a BF?). Then I do pay attention to notifications and reply to guys when they message, if they seem nice. But there's a pretty clear difference between ltr-oriented dating apps (like Tinder) and hook-up apps (like Grindr). But even on more dating-oriented/LTR apps like Tinder, no response is totally reasonable if you're definitely not interested in a guy.

Sorry for rambling on and on—I'm so damn bored in quarantine!

 

[Tbprivate]

I try and compliment a guy and say “you look nice but unfortunately you’re not my type”, I often then get “what is your type?” or “what are you looking for?” and it’s then harder to block them. Once you reply it can open up a conversation you don’t want to have.

I’d like to be respectful to someone who’s reached out to me and paid me a compliment; I’d prefer to be treated the same way if someone isn’t interested in me but without a doubt it’s often easier just to block or ignore them and know they’ll move on to the next guy they’re interested in.

 

[Player_01]

I used to answer all of them. I do like to chat, I get lonely. But this one guy lost his mind when I didn't want to go out in the middle of the night in winter. It was late and cold, so no I just didn't want to even after he was offering to send me an Uber and everything. He accused me of having done that to him before (I didn't really remember him) claimed my pics were fake (they're not. I'd pik a better dick if I was faking) then said he would tell everyone he knew about me and report my profile to Grindr.

So now I often ignore them. Sometimes I'll answer if they just seem friendly but if it gets too much from someone I don't want, I will just stop replying. It's easier.

 

[brinzaulsschwul]

I used to be like you, and reply to all of the messages but now I just cant be bothered and press block. Some come back a few weeks later thinking I'm old and senile (I' neither - just picky) and have forgotten, they try again and I block again

I talk to all the underage that make contact (it's very obvious that they are too young because of their language and some put 15, 16, 17 in the profile) and then refer to the youthgroup, and then report the child to Grindr and wait to see if Grindr deletes the account - it can take ages or never happen which is disgusting leaving vulnerable kids at the hands of dirty old men. Sometimes I feel like referring to the police.

I also report all the criminals wanting the stupids to visit phishing websites and block

That block button is sooo fucking useful

 

[dichpig]

Ignore or block. If I'm not interested, I would rather not waste their time or mine giving them the impression I'm interested. If they reach out with a completely blank profile, I assume they are a pic collector and are immediately blocked. It's pointless to write back and reject them. That's worse in my book.

 

[Kingjay239]

Grindr is fucking annoying af, unfortunately in my area it’s nearly one of the only options we have to hook up or meet someone.

that being said, yes I mostly try to reply. And if I tell someone I’m not interested I don’t do it in a rude way, the only times I will not reply are when they send me Dick/hole pics right off the bat. Or when they have no picture and their first message is “pics, like really dude? You have no picture at all wtf. I’ve had people message me with like a pic taken from a potato and it’s just one, and I have like 5 pics which is what grindr allows I think, and they ask me for more pics. Like dude. You saw 5 of mine, and I’ve seen one grainy ass pic. I rather get a face pic over a dick pic any day. Also, I’ve been finding it really annoying when a person just sends me a message and all it says “hi” like really dude... you can’t even type out “hi how are you” or something with more substance and etc. idk. Some people are just really dumb on there. I get taps, and then I message them and sometimes they don’t reply, so I assume it was an accident idk. Another thing that annoys me the fucking most. Is these older men, the ones in their 60s, they’re soooo fucking picky and shallow, and god forbid if you turn them down. They get so angry, yet they feel entitled to pick and choose who they want to fuck. If you don’t look hot enough and etc... and meanwhile they’re all old and wrinkly with liver spots and etc. I have nothing against older men, but I can’t stand the shallow ones. Sorry not sorry. Makes me wonder if maybe that’s why they’re still single in their 60s which is my biggest fear lol, not really but man... I don’t want to be like so many older men that live on grindr. If I don’t reply right away, I get like 10-15 messages in a period of 30min or less.

 

[BigEric]

I usually answer, its wrong to at least not say hi. But then they begin asking waay too much personal questions, and that's when I begin to ignore or block. Same if they are too intense, 10 - 11 messages in less than 5 minutes, is simply a no.

 

[5307911]

I used to answer all of them. I do like to chat, I get lonely. But this one guy lost his mind when I didn't want to go out in the middle of the night in winter. It was late and cold, so no I just didn't want to even after he was offering to send me an Uber and everything. He accused me of having done that to him before (I didn't really remember him) claimed my pics were fake (they're not. I'd pik a better dick if I was faking) then said he would tell everyone he knew about me and report my profile to Grindr.

So now I often ignore them. Sometimes I'll answer if they just seem friendly but if it gets too much from someone I don't want, I will just stop replying. It's easier.

There really are some deviant personalities out there. Thankfully I've only bumped across a very small handful. Funny thing is, it can be difficult to tell unless something sets them off, then..WHOAH! I ran across someone like what you experienced a few years ago. He went from zero to hero in the matter of me saying something that for some reason just flicked that switch. It was alarming enough that it made me really be careful about who I was seriously planning to meet after an online chat. Lots of messages first, feel them out more, that sort of thing. Lessons learned, but I listened carefully to that lesson. I couldn't even imagine what it may have been like in person if he snapped then.

 

[windibundu]

I used to answer all of them. I do like to chat, I get lonely. But this one guy lost his mind when I didn't want to go out in the middle of the night in winter. It was late and cold, so no I just didn't want to even after he was offering to send me an Uber and everything. He accused me of having done that to him before (I didn't really remember him) claimed my pics were fake (they're not. I'd pik a better dick if I was faking) then said he would tell everyone he knew about me and report my profile to Grindr.

So now I often ignore them. Sometimes I'll answer if they just seem friendly but if it gets too much from someone I don't want, I will just stop replying. It's easier.

Yes, something like this happened to me- I was once accosted by a faceless profile offering to suck my dick at a gloryhole. I replied back with something like, "no thanks, but I hope you find what you're looking for". The stream of abuse, comments on my hair, my weight, personal insults about the appearance of my face, as well as physical threats that was this person's reply, was really, "something else". They must of been drunk, or on meth or something, I guess (hope?). Hate to admit it, but now I just block people I have no interest in.

 

[Beanie]

When I was younger I never would and it used irritate me! But as I got older it’s changed for me, sometimes guys just get the wrong message if you message back so they won’t leave you alone so I do now. Sends the same message.

 

[englad]

I ignore them, I think it's a bit weird to respond in that case. I think the old adage of "if you don't have anything nice to say, it's best not to say anything at all" applies. It's much ruder to respond with a "no thanks", than not responding at all. No answer is an answer.

 

[JackM]

The important thing is to make up your mind whether you want to meet somebody before you arrange a meeting. I think a lot of people forget there's a real person on the other end when they use these apps. There are some appalling manners.

More than once, someone has messaged me and, when I responded positively they then blocked me. I've had more than one person invite me to meet them and then withdraw the invitation just as I'm leaving to meet them (in one case, when I'd just spent several pounds on a bus ticket). I've had people say at the last minute "Sorry, I can't make it - something came up" and not even felt obliged to make up some detail for their excuse. I had someone "very keen" to meet me who invited me the next day, then strung me along all day because, he said "my mother has turned up unexpectedly". Surprise, surprise - she stayed the whole day and on the two occasions I suggested a date after that, he was busy and, of course, was never in touch again.

 

[deleted5493]

The point is at the end of the day you are rejecting someone. Whether you don’t respond, respond nicely for a bit, or block them, the end result is the same: you aren’t interested. Changing the avenue of how that message is delivered shouldn’t matter. And they have certainly rejected someone else before.

If someone is going to be dating - whether in real life or on an app - they (and us) are most likely going to get rejected and rejected repeatedly. Especially on apps like Grindr. Gotta have thick skin if you are gonna be in the game.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

What do you do if you have an acquaintance (at best - you just know him to see but have only engaged on the app) and he initiates a conversation occasionally which you respond to politely. Then you notice that he randomly views your profile? Like every 3 weeks just out of the blue. It means he has a crush, right?

What? No. It means he clicked your profile. Possibly to see if you were online to talk.

 

[bighosenow]

The point is at the end of the day you are rejecting someone. Whether you don’t respond, respond nicely for a bit, or block them, the end result is the same: you aren’t interested. Changing the avenue of how that message is delivered shouldn’t matter. And they have certainly rejected someone else before.

If someone is going to be dating - whether in real life or on an app - they (and us) are most likely going to get rejected and rejected repeatedly. Especially on apps like Grindr. Gotta have thick skin if you are gonna be in the game.

Before someone can sign up on Grindr they should be required to take a course on " handling rejection" both giving and getting.

 

[hypolimnas]

I have 2 profiles on Grindr. My main one is for my gloryhole. It used to be very specific about what I was looking for. I would always chat with the guys who messaged, most of them usually had questions and I tried to answer them. But I kept getting a lot guys who were looking for something different. A lot of them were wanting to meet without the gloryhole, the entire reason for that profile. I would have to tell them "No thanks, we are looking for different things." But after too many times, I got to the point I would just block them or ghost them.

Block immediately prevents any hassles that might ruin the night.

 

[cedarizzo]

Block immediately prevents any hassles that might ruin the night.

One time I was online early in the morning. I am pretty grumpy in the morning. But my profile said I was not looking at the time and it also mentions I prefer more masculine types. A bigger guy who was dressed as a woman in 1/2 his pictures kept sending me messages. I tried to ignore them, but he just kept sending more. I was chatting with a friend and I told him what was happening. He said he was getting messages from this guy too and he was also ignoring them. I told him I had enough, so I blocked the guy.

5 minutes later, I get a message from a blank profile. It is the guy I just blocked. He signed into another account just to bitch me out for blocking him. I told him he's an idiot. My profile said I wasn't looking, I politely (as politely as I could) ignored his messages because I was not interested and I was looking for masculine guys. He said he was masculine and I was rude. I told him I am not rude, I am just being realistic. And if he wants to say he is masculine, he should take down the pictures of him dressed as a woman. I then blocked that account. I never heard back from him.

 

[cedarizzo]

Does anyone have Grindr Extra? I'm curious how "read receipts" work. Do they just show you in the message string that the person read it, or do you get a notification that your message has been read?

I've had some people act like they knew I had read their message, and message again and again even without me replying so now I don't even open them if the face isn't one that's interesting to me.

When you send a message it will say Sent under the message. When it gets delivered to their phone, it changes to Delivered. And when they open the message, it changes to Read.