Grindr On Boyfriends Phone

[21yearsyoung]

Boyfriend was swiping through his pages and Grindr and scruff popped up before he swiped away. I acted like I didn’t see and I don’t think he thought I did. We’ve been together 2 and a half years so not really expecting this

Any help on how I should approach this

 

[Rustyridge]

Sounds like he is getting some extra cock on the side.

 

[rsny845]

You should mention it, and your hesitance and embarrassment about broaching the subject. Give him some time to respond - you may be ready to talk, but it may surprise and embarrass him.

I often look at Grindr to see who else is from our "community", have made friends - non-sexual, and just the boost of seeing real guys - I like them alot.

 

[21yearsyoung]

You should mention it, and your hesitance and embarrassment about broaching the subject. Give him some time to respond - you may be ready to talk, but it may surprise and embarrass him.

I often look at Grindr to see who else is from our "community", have made friends - non-sexual, and just the boost of seeing real guys - I like them alot.

What are your thoughts on texting him about it? I’m very nervous about talking about this kind of stuff so do you think mentioning it in a text while I’m at work is a good idea?

 

[deleted1190861]

After being together a while, you are within your rights to talk about this stuff. Couples should come to an agreement as to what they are comfortable with. Can’t assume because you don’t go outside the relationship that the other person isn’t. Have to talk. Texting is ok to start the convo but finish face to face.

 

[21yearsyoung]

After being together a while, you are within your rights to talk about this stuff. Couples should come to an agreement as to what they are comfortable with. Can’t assume because you don’t go outside the relationship that the other person isn’t. Have to talk. Texting is ok to start the convo but finish face to face.

Usually I do finish face to face. Just bringing things up like this are my worst enemy. I’m thinking just as I leave today for work I’ll text and say stay off Grindr today or something like that and see his reaction

 

[Infernal]

You need to talk about it. Face to face. Be honest about your feelings. Ask him why, but don't make unfounded accusations. Maybe he's just chatting with friends, maybe there is more, maybe he's looking for insipration for some solo fun. You won't know unless you talk about it.

 

[purepilot73]

What’s the big deal? I have Grindr on my phone. But then again I’m on the dl and cheating on my wife with guys on the side.

 

[bkbll2010]

I know this isn’t quite the same thing, but does he know you are on here? Would he be ok with you being on here? I know everyone has different reasons for being on different apps. I was on Grindr when with my ex but he knew. He was in it as well. I did get a lot of friends from Grindr. One of my good friends I met on Grindr. I would ask him, just don’t assume his reasons.

 

[deleted1190861]

Usually I do finish face to face. Just bringing things up like this are my worst enemy. I’m thinking just as I leave today for work I’ll text and say stay off Grindr today or something like that and see his reaction

Might come off as a threat. How about, “I happened to see Grinder on your phone. Can we talk about that when I get home?”

 

[21yearsyoung]

What’s the big deal? I have Grindr on my phone. But then again I’m on the dl and cheating on my wife with guys on the side.

Oof

 

[MusicBear88]

Do not be confrontational with your language. "Stay off Grindr today" immediately begs the question "why?" and would make me defensive. Rather than dancing around it, I'd just tell the truth "I saw Grindr and Scruff on your phone while you were using it and I wondered what that was about." Have you agreed to be exclusive or is it only implied? Or is it not the issue at all? Just things to think about.

 

[chancesare]

I say talk in person. Nothing good comes of trying to talk through rough patches via text. Nothing. And, if he is cheating, you don't want to give him time to prepare a perfect answer and game face.

Have you talked about monogamy? I learned the hard way such things in the gay community can never be assumed.

 

[Hairylegs]

Curiosity doesn't really kill cats. His phone, his page, possibly harmless curiosity, and ultimately none of your business. Hey married guys, do you rummage through your wives pocket books? Do you want to ? If so, why? If he wants to bring up the subject, fine. If not, I would leave the sleeping dog lie. Unless you develop a drip or something, then all bets are off.

 

[chancesare]

He wasn't snooping. He happened to see it. If they are dating, it is his business. If his boyfriend is having sex with other men, the OP has a right to know and a right to protect his own health based upon his boyfriend's choices. Drip? What about Hepatitis or HIV?

Don't ask, don't tell was only meant for the military.

 

[hangingloww]

Catfish him...

 

[Carlosortegar]

What’s the big deal? I have Grindr on my phone. But then again I’m on the dl and cheating on my wife with guys on the side.

You're cheating, that's the big deal.

 

[Carlosortegar]

Curiosity doesn't really kill cats. His phone, his page, possibly harmless curiosity, and ultimately none of your business. Hey married guys, do you rummage through your wives pocket books? Do you want to ? If so, why? If he wants to bring up the subject, fine. If not, I would leave the sleeping dog lie. Unless you develop a drip or something, then all bets are off.

Of course it is his business, it's his boyfriend, so what he does IS his business too. Don't use the "privacy" excuse for doing stuff behind his partners back.

 

[Brian S]

Boyfriend was swiping through his pages and Grindr and scruff popped up before he swiped away. I acted like I didn’t see and I don’t think he thought I did. We’ve been together 2 and a half years so not really expecting this

Any help on how I should approach this

Just bring it up maturely and honestly. State what you saw and how you saw it, and ask him about it. I have both those apps simply because I'm...well, nosy. I just want to see who's around, basically, and what their bios are like. (I'm in a smaller area, so I literally know most of the men on there in a non-sexual setting.)

You could also download those apps and see what his profiles are like - if it seems like he's looking around for sex or if his profile is blank and seemingly unused. And you could also try to send him a message pretending to be someone else, but know that you'd be fighting deception with deception at that point, and there's a possibility you may not like what you find out. I would just ask.

 

[Brian S]

I say talk in person. Nothing good comes of trying to talk through rough patches via text. Nothing. And, if he is cheating, you don't want to give him time to prepare a perfect answer and game face.

Have you talked about monogamy? I learned the hard way such things in the gay community can never be assumed.

Ugh, not to derail the topic, but I found that out the hard way too. Way back in the day when I was 20. Silly me, I assumed that since my boyfriend moved in and we slept in the same bed every night, we were monogamous!