Growing Up Around Infidelity

James0909

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Did anyone grow up around a cheating parent?

How does it affect your views on marriage and relationships now?

I grew up around my mother who was cheating on my dad for a few years when I was young. They’re still together because she only told him a fraction of the details (some of which I witnessed).

Completely ruined my view of marriage and relationships.
 

marriedasian

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my opinion is to not blame your childhood on who you are. you're an adult now and you can choose to be who or what you are.

yea, your mom wasn't the greatest person to your dad but that's on her. i'm sure it was devastating as a child but you're no longer a child so time to grow up mentally and make the choice to learn from her actions and be your own person.

i can tell you loads of crappy stories from my childhood but i figured out around my mid to late 20s that what happened to me as a kid doesn't define who i am or my outlook on life.
 

stustu

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Dear James - Sorry that your childhood was painful being a witness to your mothers indiscretions.
It might be a perspective that could serve you well. You might see a significant primarily relationship
something to work and strive to have in your life. Knowing how cheating can hurt participants you
will be able to avoid that behavior. I would encourage you to see a therapist and discuss your concerns.
I think you would be amazed and happy to be with a special partner who lights up your life.
Good luck - you seem to be a great man..
 

spaj8987

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I didn't grow up with a cheating parent (as far as i know) but living life as an adult has taught me that marriage and relationships are and can only be what the majority of people see them as. Which if you're the type of person looking for someone to respect marriage and relationships is not good news.

And insane amount of people do not view marriage and relationships as anything of value. They don't even view themselves as having any real amount of value. So while my parents (as far as i know) didn't cheat on each other, i don't need that to have a very bad view of marriage and relationships.

Take this site for instance. How many married men openly talk and brag about cheating on their wives? Many right? I would imagine that while the amount of husband who do cheat far out match the amount of women who cheat for various reasons only men will brag about doing so to such a much larger degree.

Even going so far as to try to make the case that cheating is normal based on biology. Of course though, we're talking the same types of guys who would probably try to murder their wives if they found out they were being cheated on.

All of that has got to have serious psychological and emotional effects on women in general. Those types of guys are usually the ones who just know they're getting away with it. Meaning odds are very good they aren't. Which would mean a massive amounts of issues for the women i could be potentially dating. Not just the ones who've been cheated on but the ones seeing the guy not only cheating but bragging about it while having it be almost completely obvious.

The moral aspect of that is clear. A person who can't even respect a marriage or a relationship will have a much higher chance of cheating in other areas. That's not what i'm talking about though. I'm talking the overall effect so many people doing it has on others. Causing a cycle in which people cheating causes other people to think less of the damages from cheating and them either cheating or not having the ability to trust people. And that lack of trust spreading into many other subjects and keeping them from being as logical as they could be without it.

At that point the odds of people being faithful drops drastically. Leading to my view of the possibility of people consistently having good marriages and relationships. It happens. Statistically speaking it has to. It's just that the numbers are not in their favor.