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Guess My Size, or Why We Don't Work at Carnivals?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by D_Martin van Burden, May 27, 2010.

  1. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

    Oct 6, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Dear all:

    Excuse the rant. Someone woke me up with a text message a couple of hours ago and I wasn't able to nod back off.

    Today's query involves the increased appearance of ads, profiles, and threads (usually started from new members, but those of us who have been around aren't immune from it either) asking members to look at pictures and to guess one's size. Here's how it usually goes down. A member may get around to posting a pic or two, and then other members will usually screen that person a bit, asking how big they are. It happens. The OP claims for one reason or another that it's just too darned expensive or inconvenient or problematic to get a ruler or a tape measurer and give a legit bone-pressed measurement (with some forgiving reserved for curved members), and asks users to guess their size. This may or may not be accompanied by direct appeals to visit galleries and give feedback, yay or nay, about the cock in addition to the measurement guesses.

    Speaking as someone who routinely fooled the carnies when it came to guessing my age -- you know, if you make a deal with the Devil and all, it tends to work a bit -- I really don't get it. I don't get it at all.

    Myth: I've never measured my dick before.

    In all seriousness, dudes have historically spent so much time playing with our dicks that I'm surprised it doesn't rival the number of hours we have slept over the life course.

    Especially during puberty? MAN. I know I couldn't keep my hands off mine. I also happened to have a couple of friends who around that time were pretty competitive about dick size. Why on earth do you think most dudes have probably jacked off with another guy or more in their teenage years? It's because we make a fuckin' industry out of being bigger, fatter, hairier, cummier than the next guy and you can only talk shit for so long until dicks get whipped out. Proof meet pudding.

    Myth: My dick is ______ big.

    I know I'm not the only one that has chuckled in reading someone's post history and learning that their dick size has slowly crept up over time. Okay, so maybe you were super horny on a given day; it happens.

    Myth: To hell with external validation!

    Here's the kicker. All things considered, dudes' sizes here are pretty much cream of crop. We have discussed quite a bit over the years the recognition that in the real world, big dicked dudes don't cluster in the same way we do here. What are the odds of having 8" or more again? 1 in however many ten or hundred thousand, right?

    I suppose even us horse schlongs need to feel like our dicks are as big and fat and awe-inspiring within our community as compared to the reactions we get beyond it. Deep down, we're still probably the same guys who worried incessantly about being big enough. I knew I was above average in high school, but that didn't mean I was totally cocksure when it came to the all powerful gaze of a discerning woman who could just as easily shatter my penile self-esteem like cheap porcelain.

    Factoid: Once I got wind of it, I never looked back.

    My crowning moment of awesome was in college with the girlfriend who claimed to deep throat bananas for fun. If I could have sued and got anything for false advertising, I would've done it! I think I discovered LPSG that same year as a matter of fact.

    It's true. I measured it in college, and I was pretty much dumbstruck to find out that it grew a little bit more than when I last took a ruler to it. That's cool. It was a pleasant surprise. And yes, I do believe that as much as we play with our dicks, we don't really worry about the particulars all that much.

    I'm just saying to call a spade a spade. I think of dick size like, I don't know, a driver's license number. Some of you may know yours by heart; most don't, but it couldn't hurt to be able to recite it on command. And unlike something so closely tied to your identity and your bank account (unless you got it like that!), just being able to recite what you got, straight up, really saves a lot of BS.

    Guessing games amount to a really terrible case of false flirtation. Here's the thing. I'm all for mystique. That's why you show a boner in underwear. But once you haul it out, it's all out in the open. You can't hide what you have. You can play it up or down with camera angles, creative zooming, and God knows enough Photoshop. But that aura of non-revealing is gone. Your dick is up there, and there's no hiding it.

    So, asking people to measure your dick visually -- never mind how inaccurate that is even when the meat is in front of you -- is like asking for a do-over on the dick-out.

    You can't.

    Moral: I was told once that I must be 11" long.

    I just LOL'd and called it a day.
  2. petite

    petite Well-Known Member

    Mar 3, 2010
    Likes Received:
    That was an entertaining rant!

    Of course you can't guess by looking. TheBoyfriend can't even pick out his own cock in a line-up when he had to choose which one was the right size. I'm not surprised that you guys don't work at carnivals. :tongue:

    I asked TheBF to come to the toy store with me to pick out a dildo his size, so I could practice with it. At the toy store, I chose a dildo that I was sure was his size, but he insisted confidently that a smaller one was the size of his penis. I was skeptical, but I assumed that he'd know his penis better than me, so I bought it.

    I knew the instant that wrapped my hand around it that it was too small. I called him and told him but he didn't believe me. He was absolutely sure that he was right. It wasn't until he came home and we did the side by side comparison that he believed me. I ribbed him for a long time over that. I didn't think it was possible for a man to not know every detail of his own cock, or get the size wrong. :eek:

    Now he says that the reason why he made a mistake was because he had never seen his own penis that close to his face before and he should have stood up and held them at pelvis level. They were also packaged in clear plastic, so we couldn't wrap our hands around them, which would have been more accurate than looking at them. :rolleyes:
  3. nudeyorker

    nudeyorker Well-Known Member

    Nov 6, 2006
    Likes Received:
    *makes note to go buy a ruler*:tongue:
  4. luka82

    luka82 Well-Known Member

    Nov 1, 2007
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    Dee will you kill me if I laugh????
  5. crescendo69

    Gold Member

    Aug 27, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Knoxville (TN, US)
    So, how big are you?:biggrin1:
  6. SpeedoMike

    SpeedoMike Well-Known Member

    Nov 19, 2007
    Likes Received:
    San Francisco Bay Area
    but don't measure yourself with a ruler marked in 1/8" or 1/16" and then give your size in tenths (e.g. 8.6 inches). besides, any measurement smaller than 1/4" really isn't noticeable.
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