Guy At The Gym *swoon*

monel

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I have to say, Pink, if you come off in real life even half as charming as you do on here you will have no problems making friends and finding lovers. You truly seem like a very appealing guy.

With regard to your question, as to Mr. T, I would suggest you take it slowly and let the friendship develop naturally. You now know that you are both on different wavelengths, so to speak. So you should work on building a foundation upon which a friendship might grow. As to the other guy, you may wish to hold off on exploring that avenue especially if he is not exactly your type. They both work together and so you don't want them to think you're rebounding or worse, "trolling" for anyone. Now that you've conquered your fear why not see what exists beyond the gym doors.

Good luck. You'll do great.
 

B_Hung Jon

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Okay so, the next part of my life experience lol

Went to the gym today and talked him again, wanted to smooth out any possible awkwardness, and we're good. Said its happened before and that I have nothing to worry about.....Now that I've asked, let's call him "T", out and was "rejected"... is there a way to go about making a friendship without him thinking I want more? Because he's a great guy and I would like to maybe be friends? Just not sure how to strike up a friendship. I know it cant be forced, but how do you do that? I don't see him outside of the gym and it's usually a "hey, what's going on" kinda thing... I guess I could try to converse more with him, but don't want to interfere with his job?? BUT WHAT TO SAY/DO?!

Secondly, there is another guy that works at the gym, let's call him "N", he set up my account. I have a better idea of his sexuality, as it's more apparent. I think he's interested, more outside my "type" than "T" was, but he's really nice and I think it would be worth going for. Should I wait awhile before asking him, since I just asked "T"? What's the guideline/protocol on that? I don't want "N" to feel like a second choice, although I don't think he would cause I doubt "T" said anything. Just need feedback on the situation.

I rely on you guys! No gay friends, or anyone outside family soo...I have no one else for this, thanks! I really do appreciate the advice <3

Love, The Gay n00b! lol


There's been a lot of discussion on this board about love and infatuation whether with a girl or a guy. I think the primary way you can figure out if the other person is really interested in you is to see what they say to you and how they treat you. Otherwise I think that love is mutual while infatuation is more one-sided. If the other person is attracted to you, they'll most likely begin to express that in some way...maybe subtly at first. If it's mutual then you can both begin to follow where the energy is going. I've had both girls and guys be infatuated with me, and I make it a point to thank them for their interest in me and try to look at it from their POV. Instead of giving people a one word answer, I attempt to find out something about them and what they want from me or a relationship with me. I think it's my responsibility to respect and honor the other person's needs and emotions without leading them on. If you're a caring person, there's no other way.
 

Sklar

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I hate to be the lone ranger here with my opinion, but you go to the gym to work out, hitting on someone should be way low on the totem Pole.

So saying, if "N" is more your type and he's big/gay, then make him chase after you, don't go chasing after him.

Sklar
 

pinkpineapples

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... Don't settle for the first guy with a great smile..... relationship with every guy you meet. .

The bold points are me to a dime, unfortunately. I'm very guilty of that and it's because I don't meet a lot of guys. So I "cling" to the ones I meet. I don't know how to approach them, and I don't really engage with anyone outside of work. Between work, gym and sleeping...i have like 10mins lol. I am very eager to be with someone and it's because I've never had that connection and I want it. I just want to know...no, FEEL that i'm cared for.

Makes me emotional to type all this crap out. I'm working on my confidence (gym and body image, the start) and that's a big reason I was able to muster up every ounce of my being to ask him out. I feel better about myself. I think I know what I want out of it, what I can bring, but in a way I dont. I've never done this before. EVER. Aren't I suppose to make the stupid mistakes and learn? I didn't have the chance most kids do in high school. I just want to find someone to love, and to give it in return. Meh

I have to say, Pink, if you come off in real life even half as charming as you do on here you will have no problems making friends and finding lovers. You truly seem like a very appealing guy.

With regard to your question, as to Mr. T, I would suggest you take it slowly and let the friendship develop naturally. You now know that you are both on different wavelengths, so to speak. So you should work on building a foundation upon which a friendship might grow. As to the other guy, you may wish to hold off on exploring that avenue especially if he is not exactly your type. They both work together and so you don't want them to think you're rebounding or worse, "trolling" for anyone. Now that you've conquered your fear why not see what exists beyond the gym doors.

Good luck. You'll do great.

Thanks, that first comment is appreciated. I'm told that I have a good personality, its just... conversation-wise with new people, I lack skill lol. I never know what to say or talk about topic wise. It gets to that awkward silence and if I could just find that "close friend zone" it all falls away and its great. I haven't had that in so long. I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't work because as you say, we are on such different wave lengths. Gay-Straight, Single-Married, Okay-GORGEOUS lol. Not sure how it would work.

In regard to "N", I kind of had that same feeling. I don't want either of them to think I'm just hopping around from one to the next. I just...sigh. I just need something more in my life. Something else besides getting up, going to work, going to the gym, worrying about this bill, and where i'll get that dollar. I want to wake up to someone who's gonna say everything is okay and can make life just a little bit easier, happier, and more loving. Maybe i'm naive, or just young and stupid. Who knows. But I know I want more.

There's been a lot of discussion on this board about love and infatuation whether with a girl or a guy. I think the primary way you can figure out if the other person is really interested in you is to see what they say to you and how they treat you. Otherwise I think that love is mutual while infatuation is more one-sided. If the other person is attracted to you, they'll most likely begin to express that in some way...maybe subtly at first. If it's mutual then you can both begin to follow where the energy is going. I've had both girls and guys be infatuated with me, and I make it a point to thank them for their interest in me and try to look at it from their POV. Instead of giving people a one word answer, I attempt to find out something about them and what they want from me or a relationship with me. I think it's my responsibility to respect and honor the other person's needs and emotions without leading them on. If you're a caring person, there's no other way.

Yeah. I tend to have this issue. I can become entirely infatuated/obsessed, whichever you want to call it. Maybe I'll just strike up more conversation with "N" and see what comes of it, instead of just asking him out. I think its good to get over the infatuation of "T" first anyway. I'm still clinging to him. And its because I got my hopes up and got more involved with it, emotionally, than was necessary to just ask him out on a date. I pictured a hundred different scenarios and it messed with my head I guess.


I need to learn how to do this stuff better. I don't know how much of the emo-flood I can take lol.
 

pinkpineapples

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I hate to be the lone ranger here with my opinion, but you go to the gym to work out, hitting on someone should be way low on the totem Pole.

So saying, if "N" is more your type and he's big/gay, then make him chase after you, don't go chasing after him.

Sklar

Yes, you are correct. I go there to work out. I wasn't looking for anything out of it, but to better my body and self image. However... if you found someone there who you thought would be a good match, why not go for it? I've spent so many years waiting for someone to come after me and it NEVER happens. Unless you're online with a pic of your dick out, then people care, and that's only for the 30mins it takes for them to bust one and that's over.

I had to step out of my comfort zone and take that chance. I'm proud of myself for doing so, because a year or two ago, it never would have happened. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm defensively attacking, because it's not my intention. I'm just sick of waiting around for no one, and I had to try.. I hoped anyway. =/
 

B_Nick8

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I had to step out of my comfort zone and take that chance. I'm proud of myself for doing so, because a year or two ago, it never would have happened. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm defensively attacking, because it's not my intention. I'm just sick of waiting around for no one, and I had to try.. I hoped anyway. =/

This is the clearest thing you've said and the best one.You're learning, buddy; you're taking steps. Good on you. This is how you'll grow and this is how you'll find what you want.

Personally, I think you sound (and I know you look) attractive and adorable. Keep on doing what you're doing and don't worry about it. It's just a matter of time.
 

pinkpineapples

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This is the clearest thing you've said and the best one.You're learning, buddy; you're taking steps. Good on you. This is how you'll grow and this is how you'll find what you want.

Personally, I think you sound (and I know you look) attractive and adorable. Keep on doing what you're doing and don't worry about it. It's just a matter of time.

Thanks
 

yhtang

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Right now I'm kind of just, on the high from doing it? And I think tomorrow I'll be more =/. There's another guy there that I've also had my eye on, and he might me? (but as you can see, i tend to be hella wrong) So...maybe i'll try that now that I know I can! (after days of agonizing torture) lol

Along the lines of "better to have loved and lost than never having loved before", I think you did yourself a great favour.

Thinking that you might have something with this guy had been eating you for a while; had you not done it, and had he left suddenly, you would be left with a load of "could have, would have, should have." It might eat into you for ages!

Now you have closure. It was not to be. It could have been better, but at the very least you know you can now try somewhere/someone else.
 

AlteredEgo

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The more you ask out guys who say no, the easier it becomes to hear a polite rejection. The easier it gets to hear, the less scary any potential rejection is. When you get to the point where the idea of someone rejecting your overtures isn't the worst thing in the world, you will have an easier time just being yourself, and talking to people. The more you are out there just mixing it up with guys, the more likely you will approach someone who will either say yes when you ask him out, or beat you to it and ask you. Good luck! And have fun!
 

pinkpineapples

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Along the lines of "better to have loved and lost than never having loved before", I think you did yourself a great favour.

Thinking that you might have something with this guy had been eating you for a while; had you not done it, and had he left suddenly, you would be left with a load of "could have, would have, should have." It might eat into you for ages!

Now you have closure. It was not to be. It could have been better, but at the very least you know you can now try somewhere/someone else.

Yeah, it def would've killed me if I had never done it and he disappeared. I'm glad I did. Not the desired result, but I'll be okay.

The more you ask out guys who say no, the easier it becomes to hear a polite rejection. The easier it gets to hear, the less scary any potential rejection is. When you get to the point where the idea of someone rejecting your overtures isn't the worst thing in the world, you will have an easier time just being yourself, and talking to people. The more you are out there just mixing it up with guys, the more likely you will approach someone who will either say yes when you ask him out, or beat you to it and ask you. Good luck! And have fun!

lol thanks. Def a different way of looking at it. Although I hope I don't get THAT many rejections! Ahh x_X

----

So the question I posed earlier and didn't really see a definite response. How do I become his friend? Maybe it would be weird after asking him out? Like I said, I don't get much time w/ him except "hey how's it going?" and a few other minor sentences. Don't know if "wanna hang out sometime, in a strictly friend sort of way?" would work lol. Don't want him to feel like I am creeping on him. Nor would I know what to do as in "hanging out"?? Oi.

If you haven't noticed I have NO social skills lol. I had a very small group of friends when I was in school and they all approached me. After they left me, I just kinda went inward and yeah... I don't really know how to do this stuff? I mean, I had a straight friend in school and we were semi-close. I talked with him about a lot of his girl problems and whatnot. But I don't really remember how I got through that 'close friend' boundary. It just happened...

What do you guys talk about? or WHAT do guys talk about? I know i'm bothersome, and maybe slightly pathetic? Just maybe? But...HELP! ^_^
 

Pecker Check

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I've read through the comments waiting for something like what pierceplace said. You're not meeting this guy under completely neutral circumstances. He may be gay or may not. (That's one thing.) But he also may just be a drop-dead-gorgeous guy who takes his job seriously and knows he's "there" partially to be a host.

Probably the best way to get a better idea of which possibility is which would be to get your courage up and try to talk to him casually Try not to try too hard. Just get an idea of whether he's being personal or just professional. If it's the former, he might help you to get the ball rolling from there.
 

AlteredEgo

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----

So the question I posed earlier and didn't really see a definite response. How do I become his friend? Maybe it would be weird after asking him out? Like I said, I don't get much time w/ him except "hey how's it going?" and a few other minor sentences. Don't know if "wanna hang out sometime, in a strictly friend sort of way?" would work lol. Don't want him to feel like I am creeping on him. Nor would I know what to do as in "hanging out"?? Oi.

If you haven't noticed I have NO social skills lol. I had a very small group of friends when I was in school and they all approached me. After they left me, I just kinda went inward and yeah... I don't really know how to do this stuff? I mean, I had a straight friend in school and we were semi-close. I talked with him about a lot of his girl problems and whatnot. But I don't really remember how I got through that 'close friend' boundary. It just happened...

What do you guys talk about? or WHAT do guys talk about? I know i'm bothersome, and maybe slightly pathetic? Just maybe? But...HELP! ^_^
Why do you want to be his friend? Let him do his job, and other than the usual niceties, why not leave him be. Trying to be his friend now is weird.
 

pinkpineapples

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Why do you want to be his friend? Let him do his job, and other than the usual niceties, why not leave him be. Trying to be his friend now is weird.

Yeah, I thought it might seem that way. He's just a pretty awesome guy, and just the way he was about the entire situation just goes to show what kind of person he is. Thought, why not try friendship...but Yeah..i can see the weirdness. Guess I'll just drop it and be business-nice.
 

dragonmeister

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Probably the best way to get a better idea of which possibility is which would be to get your courage up and try to talk to him casually Try not to try too hard. Just get an idea of whether he's being personal or just professional. If it's the former, he might help you to get the ball rolling from there.

Before you go and make that decision, at least field this suggestion first!

If he is being friendly, follow on. If he is being professional, just roll with it. We can sit up here in cyberspace and advise all we want - but ultimately you really have to play it by ear. And you can do it, you were brave enough to ask him out in the first place, which you accomplished all by yourself; so you know you are capable of at least seeing if he is friendly or not.

Just go with the vibes you get. :biggrin1: (BTW, I agree with everyone who has said you sound adorable!)
 

pinkpineapples

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Just go with the vibes you get. :biggrin1: (BTW, I agree with everyone who has said you sound adorable!)

lol uhh thx, i think i might just leave him be for the most part? Maybe for awhile. Keep up the casual niceness. As much as I want to get to know him more, maybe my "friend" route is a facade? It'll probably just make me want him more. And some ppl I was talking to tonight brought it all up and its made me meh. SOooOOooOO I will be kind to him. Perhaps I will make a friend elsewhere one of these days and HOPEFULLY, I will get much more than a friend before I turn 30 =/

I think I could settle for a hug and a kiss. The first of each. Would be nice...