Guy I've been seeing

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by madman411, Aug 26, 2011.

  1. madman411

    madman411 Member

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    I have a bit of a predicament at the moment. It’s nothing major, but it’s something that I’d feel better about once I got some feedback from you guys.

    I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now and I think he’s really great. He’s always telling me he wants to see me and that I’m really cute, yada yada. We both have Grindr profiles and I’ve noticed how much he’s online and I have kind of teased him that he’s a bit of a “Grindr whore”, never actually meaning anything by it. Last night I was teasing him again and mentioned that while he was getting ready to go out I was gonna see what all the hype was about and check out some of the guys he’s been talking to. He didn’t really object to it when he walked off, and I hesitated for a second before I grabbed his phone and took a look for myself. It was wrong of me, I know. Initially I was just looking to see who he had favorited, and I never had any intentions of reading his conversations with these boys. Well, curiosity killed the cat. I opened up the Recent section of the app and noticed some guys who had tried to hit me up in the past. I started glancing through what had been said between him and these random guys. In every single conversation I saw he had given them his phone number and address. The timestamps even indicated that he’d been sending them this information even when we were planning on going out and while we were in each other’s company. Talks of having sex, showering together, to name a few, were all on the itinerary. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. Not wanting to let on what I had just seen, I still went out with him for some drinks. For the first time I was lost for words and didn’t know what to say to him, so the night started out fairly awkward.

    After a few drinks I loosened up a bit and the rest of the night was ok, but all through today I’ve had a horrible knot in my stomach. Who else has he been sleeping with while I’ve been having sex with him? While I’m working, who’s he had over to his place? How many times has he lied to me when he’s told me he’s home alone watching TV? Is he just talk or is he actually following through with these boys? When I first met him he told me how nervous he was, so it seems unlikely he'd do this a lot if it made him nervous. The thought just makes me cringe. I don’t see why he would send them his address if he were just having a flirt with them online though…

    For the first time I have made no effort to contact him today, and I haven’t heard from him. I want to talk to him and put him on the spot, but at the same time I don’t even wanna look at him. I’m glad nothing ever really progressed out of our “relationship” because something like this would have probably sent me over the edge if I were in love with him. Glad I found this stuff out now rather than later on down the line. I just feel really gross right now.
     
  2. sinbad1

    sinbad1 Member

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    Since you weren't in a committed relationship, the information you've discovered shouldn't be eating you up as much as it appears to be doing. You need to decide if you want to make it a serious relationship or not and if so, then you need to discuss it with the guy.

    Just because someone flirts online doesn't mean it ever comes to anything - I am however concerned that he gives out his phone number and address, willy-nilly but that could just be age, I find the younger people are far more open to giving out their personal information these days to total strangers, it is all part of the facebook, twitter and social communication's revolution.

    If you like him and want it to go further then tell him and work through the issue. You will learn soon enough what he thinks of you and if he has similar feelings.
     
  3. madman411

    madman411 Member

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    Like I said, it's not a major issue, but I'm totally not down for having sex with someone who just appears to romp around with just any one. That's why I feel sick. It's how diseases spread. He's in his early 30's, which also surprises me that he's just giving out his details. I guess I feel that it's right to only be with one guy at a time, relationship or not. I'm not one for sleeping around, so I suppose having it off with several guys at the same time is just something I will never be able to get my head around.
     
  4. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Well your friend's behavior is pretty typical I think. I think you and him need to have a heart-to-heart about each of your expectations around your relationship. It's obvious he's not someone who only wants to be with one person. You too seem to have opposite POVs in terms of casual sex. This might also be a projection on my part, but it seems you are quite hurt by his behavior. Why? Maybe you care more for him that you realize. All the best.
     
  5. dude_007

    Gold Member

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    Ok, so first...the only way you would know he is a grindr whore is if you are also on all the time spying on him. Second...never spy on your guy. It will never go well and speaks more to your own insecurity than his promiscuity. His behavior sounds pretty normal to me. Yours, however, sounds rather suspicious and controlling. Be mindful of your intention and if you love someone you must let them be who they are. If they love you, they will do the same. If not, thank him and move on.
     
  6. D_CountVonBhigBohner

    D_CountVonBhigBohner Account Disabled

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    umm...whats his name on Grindr? J/K
     
  7. TheEnforcer

    TheEnforcer Member

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    Hate to sound like a sarcastic asshole, but what's the name of the application? Grindr! What do people do when they meet each other? Well, its implied that they would Grind on each other... clothes on or off... LoL... Maybe you should join a christian gay singles website? Then you could assure that you meet someone who'sa healthy wholesome individual that doesn't have sex with the first person that inboxes them... LoL jk
     
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