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Guy Saving His Virginity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_brettedwin, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. B_brettedwin

    B_brettedwin Banned

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    I was just wondering whether anyone finds it respectable or attractive for a guy to save his virginity for the right person. With women, many men seem to find her virginity as sacred, or a turn on, or creditable, or some other positive attribute. Though I am gay and it seems as though many gay men (or men in general) sleep around to get off, I want to save my virginity for someone worth it, even though like everyone else I get urges. I'm sure some will see this as childish, but that is how I feel. So I am just wondering if it is even respectable or just as respectable as a women saving her virginity?
     
  2. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    There's nothing with saving yourself for anyone - regardless of if you are gay, bi or straight.
     
  3. Principessa

    Principessa Expert Member

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    Depends on how old you are. In theory there is nothing wrong with saving yourself for the right one. The problem isn't being gay or male it's just...well, it's odd. I have always said after the age of 25 virginity is a burden not a blessing. It becomes your identity, and that is not a good thing. :redface:
     
  4. Xcuze

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    I agree with Nj. If you wait too long then it may also become a psychological barrier as well as putting people off. They may think you have issues about sex. As a gay man I dont really understand what you are saving yourself for. I cant help but feel like youre missing out. Its nice to get a bit of practise in also. You certainly dont have to be a slut but getting a little taste here & there aint gonna send you to hell. Just do it.

    Whats your definition of a gay virgin anyway? Do you mean youve not had anal sex or have you not had any sexual contact at all?
     
  5. B_ScaredLittleBoy

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    Is it how you feel? Or is it how your parents and your bible told you to feel?

    I think that with any luck you will get older, having saved your "virginity" and realise that its really nothing so special. You don't see dogs or even dolphins (intelligent creatures) procrastinating or waiting to offload their virginity. You will probably wish you had more sex when you were younger.

    Of course, if doing what your parents and the bible or whoever else (directly or indirectly) tells you to means that much to you then stay chaste.

    I just think that we are all animals on the most basic and most natural level. And we should embrace our sexual urges. It's like people who feel guilty about masturbating. There is no reason to feel that way. The ideas of virginity (and really, how virginal, how innocent are you after five minutes on the internet) and "self abuse" are man made constructs.

    There is probably a double standard where women are desired as virgins and men are expected to sleep around. But I think both sexes trying to hold onto the made up notion of virginity is equally ridiculous whether you are a male or a female. The ridiculousness increases with age and anyone who is a virgin past 22 or so...its just bizarre.
     
  6. Max Downs

    Max Downs Cherished Member

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    that's heaps true there's a bloke i work with he's 26 still a virgin and has some wierd ideas about sex. he is getting married next year. I think all for the wrong reasons, don't get me wrong I love a good fuck, but there's some bad sex out there and i hope he isn't marrying it
     
  7. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    Listen, brettedwin, if you have decided to wait, you have my total support and respect, for whatever that's worth. Not that my opinion should matter that much; but you don't even have to have a reason. You're the only one who lives in your body, so you get to make the decisions about what you do with it. That is completely your responsibility.

    You may have any one of a number of reasons to wait. Or, you may change your mind tomorrow for any one of a number of reasons. Whatever you decide, if YOU decide, you have my support and respect.
     
  8. craig_uk

    craig_uk Experimental Member

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    In my view it isn't right for a man or a women to preserve their virginity for marriage or 'the right person'. It probably leads to disapointment, incompatability and ignorance in the bedroom.

    You are placing a very high value on your first sex and it is most unlikely to live up to your very high expectations. Are you expecting 'Mr Right' to be as in the dark about how everything really works as you are?

    I think it is a strange aspiration for a man or a women to remain pure for the right man and don't know of many men who are not virgins who would see any value in your efforts at all.
     
  9. Ciurpi

    Ciurpi Lurker

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    I think virginity is an old thing that, nowadays, and with mentally adult people, is nothing special.
    I lost my virginity with a girl i didn't love. It was sex just for sex. Good but nothing special because it was just physical.
    The first time i had sex with someone i love was totally different. It was like a differente first time... or a new first time having sex.
    Some people have to learn to separate just physical sex from sex with feelings. Virginity has nothign to do with that if you make LOVE with the person you LOVE. Nothing else matters...
     
  10. killerb

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    Yes, I think saving yourself is to be respected. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it if it is truly your wish. I also do not believe that virginity is a burden that should be discarded.

    The bottom line here is, regardless of your orientation, have sex when YOU are ready for it and don't let anyone else influence that decision.
     
  11. Jovial

    Jovial Expert Member

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    It's respectable if you want to save sex for someone special as long as that's the real reason. But some people use that as an excuse to cover up some other reason why they are afraid to have sex. And if you are doing oral sex, then you are not really saving yourself even if you want to play that mental game with yourself. It's also good to think that sex is special, but it's not so special that it should take until your late 20's to lose your virginity. There must be some other reason you haven't lost it at that point.
     
  12. Typicaltool

    Typicaltool Experimental Member

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    people saying that you will be disappointed or whatever and that you're being told to save yourself is idiotic. Just because they don't understand the value of the truly earned sexual experience where you and the other person are so close you are comfortable enough to unite in the most literal and emotional sense possible doesn't make you childish, it makes them weak or ambiguous.

    That's just my opinion anyway. Good luck on meeting someone you really care about and vice versa, because that's what it comes down to.
     
  13. B_brettedwin

    B_brettedwin Banned

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    I think the reason I'm so unwilling to have sex, which I've had none of up to this point including oral, is that fact that I'm sensitive and I don't want to feel used. Not because of religion or parents, just me. I guess since it is all over the place nowadays it makes me not want to submit so quickly and heartlessly. Also, living in Virginia it's kind of hard to find guys who are comfortable with their sexuality in order to do anything with that isn't demeaning. But don't get me wrong, I am a very sexual person and cannot wait to have sex, just don't see myself hooking up with random people for the experience at this point in my life.
     
  14. fak_et

    fak_et Experimental Member

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    Waited till 20, it was getting a bit late,im glad i waited till i found the perfect girl, but at the same time I do have a few regrets, oh well.
     
  15. D_Ivana Dickenside

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    saving your viriginity is not something to be embarrassed about, regardless of your sexuality. it's your life. live it according to your own rules. if you want to save yourself for someone special, other peoples opinions shouldn't matter.
     
  16. nitzaski

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    Hi

    I think you have answered yourself in your post - if you dont feel that if you dont see yourself hooking up with random people at this time of your life then I think you should feel perfectly comfortable about your decision. It is rather refreshing to hear that you want to keep yourself, but your fear of being used may be shared by guys in your area who also do not want to rush into bed. Only you know when it will be right and I wish you all the best and hope your first experience is truly wonderful.
     
  17. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    All good reasons to wait to have sex with other people. And in the meantime, you can still have great sex alone by yourself!!
     
  18. Corius

    Corius Experimental Member

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    My thought would be that you are right in going for the "gold' in your sexual relations. In my own life I was fortunate in and early start, my first sexual partner was the new guy in town; we became good friends, then more than just good friends, and when the sex happened it confirmed the bond of friendship and love that already existed. That lasted until we finished high school. In my long life I have had both male and female partners, all in long-term committed relationships. Though I have been a happy married man for many years, I count all my former partners as dear friends whom I loved and still love.
     
  19. Stephenmass

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    I think it's great you feel this way guy. Maybe I'm old fashioned myself, but I think if you find that right person, one of the things between the two of you, if he also saved himself (not holding my breath on that one!) is that the two of you have shared a part of yourselfs with none other than between the two of you and that is special in itself. I commend you for it.
     
  20. silvertriumph2

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    Hi brettedwin

    No there is nothing wrong with saving yourself for the right person, and that has
    nothing to do with religion or what others think is right. Sometimes I wish that I
    had done it myself, but it's too late now....way too late.

    First of all there is sex, and then there is sex within a loving relationship with aother,
    and the two sexual experiences are completely different from each other, so don't confuse them.

    However, that said, don't dream or hope too much that your "first sexual experience"
    with the "right person" will be all that awesome and that you will see stars, fireworks, hearts and cupids, and the two of your will go off into the future hand in hand. First times with "that" person are seldom all that you have expected or dreamed that they would be. You will more than likely be very anxious, scared, will worry about being able to keep an erection, are you doing it right, am I big enough or too small, do they really like me or is this just another bit of sex...etc,. etc. and all those things will probably be there. It has happend to others and it happened to me....and it will certainly happen
    to you at one time or another.

    Even though I was sexually active very early, when that "right person" finally came
    along, I was a complete basket case! It was anything but a rewarding and happy experience. All the things listed above happened....I was completely impotent and
    so miserable that I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. But, it was not the
    end of everything as I thought at the time. It did work out finally and life did go on
    and it got better with lots of patience and practice.

    So, it is your decission and only yours. Don't force yourself to do anything out of
    pressure from others. You will know when the right time comes. I checked out your
    site and gallery you are certainly a very handsome man and have all the prerequisites.

    Good Luck
     
  21. CALAMBO

    CALAMBO Sexy Member

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    different strokes for different folks...you will someday meet the right person...until then live life with out the rule or label of VIRGIN, which can scare the hell out of most people...including maybe you...save yourself, as long as you do not parade your sex life around, nobody cares but you...and when you do give it up..maybe keep the HOORAY, to yourself or that really special person..........but you should know you are missing out on GOD'S, gift to the human race...a real loving relationship with sexual involvement can be very life changing rewarding part of life.......GOOD LUCK
     
  22. Xcuze

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    All this talk of meeting the right person is all a bit fairytale. How do you know theyre the right person until youve had sex with them? Some people are just not sexually compatible no matter how close they are in other ways. Even when you find out someone can't kiss properly it can totally destroy any hopes you had of getting closer to them. Sex is not a sacred act. To be great at sex you need practise. Of course you have to do whats comfortable for you. Like, duh. But from what youve said it seems to be more about the lack of hot guys where you live than anything else. If a load of hot gay guys moved into your street I bet all these notions of waiting for the right one would go straight out of the window!
     
  23. D_William Howard Shaft

    D_William Howard Shaft Account Disabled

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    Both my wife and I were virgins before getting married (married 8 years now)... and to be honest I don't regret it. sure it was scary for both of us at first since we did not know if we would be sexually compatible, but in the end the risk paid off.
     
  24. matt121matt121

    matt121matt121 Expert Member

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    My opinion is have sex when your ready.

    I didn't lose mine under the best of circumstances, (with a one night stand after getting drunk at a bar in Australia, and the bar tender sorta rigged it), but even though that experience wasn't the best, I don't really regret it, as it taught me to watch my alcohol limits and I'm sure it has prevented lots of unwanted things from happening.

    Now I'm not a slut by any means nor do I want to be one, I just save sex for times when there is some type of connection, which means that it could be the first time I meet someone, or I could go out with someone ten times and it still won't happen. Its just all about how I feel about that particular situation.

    I think there is alot to be said about not wanting to be a whore or a slut, and not just getting drunk and having a one night stand with every guy/girl on the street, but I'm not sure about the practicality of saving yourself expecially your virginity for someone you truly care about, because I know that my first anal sex experience (in australia where I bottomed, ideally it would have been with someone I cared about but, since it was expecially painful and allittle bloody it definatly wasn't the most romatic at all, and then once I got back home and had my first boyfriend, sex with him while I was the bottom was also painful, now though that I've had alittle experience I can just relax and enjoy it and no that doesn't mean that I'm out fucking or getting fucked every night of the week with different guys.

    In several cases I've been glad that me and the other guy have had sex in the early stages of a relationship, because it hasn't been the best where they are boring in bed, not well equiped (i'm definatly not a size queen though, i mean big cock bad personality is going to loose always to average cock great personality, though baby size cock might pose a problem no matter what the personality), and also need to know how top/bttm compatible we are.

    I would never recommend marriage or a domestic partnership or anything without properly testing the merchandise.

    Would you buy a car without test driving it that your going to keep for 3-10 years? NO I DON"T THINK SO!! So why would you marry someone without test driving the sex life if your going to be stuck with them for 10,20, 30+ years? YOU WOULDN"T AND SHOULDN"T!!
     
  25. tal94

    tal94 Experimental Member

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    not trying to be nosey but is bloody common? How scary is that?
     
  26. B_brettedwin

    B_brettedwin Banned

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    Thanks everyone for your comments. I can take positive reinforcement from all your comments. :biggrin1:
     
  27. Steinweg9

    Steinweg9 Experimental Member

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    1. You do what you want to because that's what you want to do. Why do you seek validation on this website?
    2. I do not believe in anything like male virginity. A virgin is a female who has not experienced insertion. The male, who inserts, can not be a virgin to begin with. It's a bizarre idea, a matter of language. If you have not loved anyone and expressed it physically, these are better words.
    3. I have never screwed around. I do not give myself away. I've had my fair share of sex in my life, and one lover, to whom I was faithful for seven years. I loved him, and, while I knew beauty in other men while we were lovers, I didn't want other ones because I was in love. I am now 48 years old and have no regrets about these things. We broke up, but I love him still, we are fast and eternal friends. But I do not toss my body around at this one and that, chipping away at my own soul...I am precious, and my love is of great worth. And it is an endless fountain, so that the more I give away the more comes. I am aware that this sounds contradictory, I guess you would have to be me.
    4. That "right one" you are waiting for does not exist. That's youthful romanticizing. It's poetry, literature, advertising, songs, but not reality. And if you think he has arrived, it will not matter at all if you have done sexual things with other people before that. You will love only him then and, better, you may have learned some stuff before you meet him that might come in handy.
    5. When you meet Mr. Right, ask him no questions. Ever. Be in the moment with him always. Enjoy him exactly as you find him, exactly as he is then, each time. The minute you start demanding that he disclose, it's over. And no nicknames.
     
  28. Principessa

    Principessa Expert Member

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    What religion are you and how old were you when you got married?:confused:
     
  29. kingkhan

    kingkhan Experimental Member

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    I am kind of in the same situation as the op poster but, for me I am a shy person so I haven't met a women willing to have sex with. I also am unsure if I am still technically a virgin I had brief oral w/ one guy and have jerked off w/ two others and am still getting in touch with my sexuality. But, I don't see anything wrong in waiting until you are ready to have sex I don't see the reason for the rush.
     
  30. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 Banned

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    I was lucky enough to be very much in love with the first person I had sex with. I was also lucky enough to be 14.
     
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