Guy to Guy Flirting... Do you know when your flirting or does it just "happen"?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by matt121matt121, Nov 14, 2010.

  1. matt121matt121

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    Guy to Guy Flirting... ie Gay Flirting

    Do you know when your flirting or does it just "happen"?

    Recently a prospective friendship with a couple was destroyed, because I heard from one of the guys that I was flirting on his boyfriend..

    Which is something that I really doubt I would do, at least not conciously anyways as I wouldn't want people doing that to my guy if I had one.. and I definitely didn't have those types of "feelings" for this guys bf..

    My only intention ever was to be friends and only friends, so I'm not exactly sure what I did that they misconstrued as flirting behavior..

    As the relationship with them is already pretty much destroyed, I just want to learn what I possibly did so I can be more careful in the future.
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    Oh this is one of my all time favorite subjects. I flirt with anyone if they are interesting or fun. I even flirt with the butcher at the market and it's all harmless and we both enjoy the interaction much more than if I say "I would like a pound of ground veal... thank you have a nice day!"... "How is your wife, are you two still enjoying the afterglow of your second honeymoon?... You are looking great you must be going to the gym... etc etc etc.
    When I go to a party I pour it on even a little heavier but respecting the the person or couples limitations or comfort level.
    There is an art to flirting because real flirting does not have any sexual undertones or overtones really. It is simply icing on a cake of everyday communication when done properly.
    To answer your question they are either very insecure with their relationship or you took it a step too far and left the *flirting cloud* and took it into the *sexual inuendo* arena.
    I wish there was a class or a book to read on how to flirt, I had a great teacher and it takes practice, practice, practice.
    Call your friends and tell them the truth you were flirting harmlessly and if you went too far or your intentions were misconstrued you are sorry. If they don't accept it... Fuck them and move on to people who are either more cosmopolitan or more secure with themselves.
    Give this a read...
    Flirting
     
    #2 nudeyorker, Nov 14, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2010
  3. Stretch

    Stretch New Member

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    First off...there is no difference between male/male, female/female or male/female flirting. Flirting is so ubiquitous, on so many levels and in so many ways that it's often not easy to separate from innocent friendly human interaction. There are obvious extremes that cross the boundaries of proper behavior, but even that is a fluid definition depending on the circumstances.

    Secondly...don't beat yourself up trying to figure out how you might have destroyed their relationship. If one of them is using your "flirting" as an excuse to blame for the breakup, that's all it is...an excuse, and a rather lame one. You have nothing to do with the relationship being destroyed...it was destroyed before you ever got there.
     
  4. Bbucko

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    As has been said above, you did nothing to damage their fragile and insecure little cling-fest, and you're much better off without such people involving their drama in your life.

    I've been accused of flirting when I was unaware of doing so: I guess it revolves around eye contact and paying "too close" attention. Where I'm from, that's what's called being an involved and engaged conversationalist.

    When I want to be flirty, I'm usually much more direct, though I'm not sure whether it's proper to call it flirting or cruising. Then there's that third thing that I do at work (I work in a gay bar), which I consider a playful and lighthearted way of confirming someone's desirability (even if I don't personally find him very desirable). It's a learned, professional skill, much like reassuring someone he's intelligent or amusing when he's really not.

    It's just flattery, but that's OK. No one really wants to hear what some bar employee really thinks about you anyway :wink:
     
  5. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I think the relationship that was damaged was his with the couple, not the couple's own relationship.
     
  6. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I wonder if something you said was misheard or completely misconstrued.
    Happens.
    Maybe you should take this up with them ... if you think it's worth your while.
    You haven't been treated all that well, it seems to me ... so if you find your own interest minimal now, I think that would be natural.
     
  7. matt121matt121

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    Thanks, yea sometimes I know I talk really fast and things, but i'm 99.5% sure i didn't do anything in the sexual induendo arena.. I mean I didn't touch him or sit on his lap or hug or anything of that nature at all, or get on sex topics or anything..

    I know we talked about the nude beach and speedos, but we did meet at the nude beach, so its not like that was an off limits topic..

    It was difficult to even find out why theyd stopped talking to me but once i did I immediately appologized, as I really was hopeful about the prospects of the friendship, but yea like you said if they don't accept it that they aren't really the type of people I want to hang with anyways.. they are a young couple 21/20.. so i think thats part of it since i'm 26, so not sure if that is part of it or not..

    The older one was also like, I saw the pics you sent.. when I didn't send any.. the only thing I did do was send a link to an online album that had two completely g rated speedo pictures, of a suit that me and the 20 year old had talked about.. and it was clearly labeled so he didn't have to click on it if he didn't want to.. yet somehow this makes me CREEPY.. his word not mine.. I sure hope I haven't reached the point of being creepy..



    this is so true as I'm finding out.. i'd just never been accused of flirting before...


    Agreed.. i really dont think i was being flirty.. but if I was i didn't intend to be, i was just being friendly...

    this is correct.. though this could be a sign that there is tension and jealosy in their relationship that I am unaware of.

    I tried to find out what I did wrong, and to appologize right from the get go, but that didn't go so well.. yea at this point I don't really care, as I've basically just discovered that they are too immature for me.. though would have been nice to at least be able to maintain an aquantaceship type relationship so we could go to the beach or whatever from time to time if we wanted.. or if they came to different events etc it wouldn't be awkward..
     
  8. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I know when women are flirting but not so clearly when guys are. It happens to me frequently that a guy will just talk to me at a party, and I'll get right into it because I may be interested in the topic of conversation. Then afterwards someone else will come up to me and tell me how outrageously the same guy was flirting with me. I don't even know it's happening, and usually just brush it off. I also think that with guys I'm happy that they're interacting with me at all because so many males seem socially inept.
     
  9. Stretch

    Stretch New Member

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    Yes...I stand corrected Hhuck. :redface:
     
  10. g_whiz

    g_whiz New Member

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    I've been told I'm flirting when I'm in fact (or I FEEL that I'm being) being very serious or not sending off any overtly sexual vibes. I suppose I'm a charismatic person, but in a situation like this, involving a couple and platonic friendships I usually just try to state and restate that my interests are in friendship and only friendship. And I agree with the other commenters who feel that their problems may have been within their relationship. If friction over this came up now, it seems likely it would have been a trust issue down the line...
     
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