Guy with Guy Troubles

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by garcon_sauvage, Sep 29, 2009.

  1. garcon_sauvage

    garcon_sauvage New Member

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    Well I met this guy online who is 44, masculine, good looking, he's a competitive runner/swimmer and has a good job. He messaged me first through an iPhone app and we have been emailing back and forth for a week but he now wants to meet up for lunch. I'm feeling very hesitant and nervous about the whole thing. I'm 22 we share some common interests, I'm also into running/swimming not competitively though. I've never been involved with a guy. I don't consider myself to be crazy hot or unattractive either... we did exchange pictures and he's kept messaging me so I must have something going on. The age difference doesn't matter to me at all but I do feel that the age gap plus my inexperience with relationships might make it difficult to connect on some level. Then there's the whole stigma about meeting people online, I kinda have a few reservations about how safe it can be. In the first email he gave me his cell number so we could text but I still insist on emailing him because I feel it's safer but I'm beginning to feel rude and annoying doing that. So what should I do? Should I be upfront and ask for a little patience or will that turn him off? Am I just being paranoid and worrying too much? Help!
     
  2. matt121matt121

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    The main thing about meeting people online is to be safe and only do things that you feel comfortable with.

    I don't like when guys try to pressure me into meeting them, if its meant to happen it will happen...but at least he invited you to lunch rather than to meet at a bar late at night, or to meet at his place, those are two of my big red flags that just scream that the guy doesn't probably have the same intentions that I do.

    I have given people my number for texting purposes, and usually its ok as most numbers are hard to tract to find out your real address, but then again my wireless bill goes to my mailbox so that address doesn't have a link to my actual residence, as I definitely wouldn't want crazy people to find out where I live...even some of my friends don't officially know where I live since I alway go to them since I sorta live in the burbs of my area. I'm just always sure to set ground rules like saying its for texting...which most people will respect I have found as I think we all text more than we call these days anyways...but a few people will not, so its important to program in their number so you won't accidently answer it...I never answer the first time a guy from the internet calls anyways because i want them to leave a voicemail so I can get a sense about them...

    Email is fine, at least you are communicating, if you don't want to text, maybe you could try instant messaging together...that is a method I use alot since its alittle more user friendly than texting since your not limited to the number of characters, but is more real time interactive than email...If he really wants to get to know you he will understand your hesitations, and won't get annoyed by it..

    If you want more time to decide if you want to meet, I don't think there is anything wrong with that, as long as you don't like set up dates and then just not show up now that would be rude..though I think i've done that once or twice with guys that I knew I never wanted to meet after talking a few times but they just wouldn't leave me alone online...

    I believe there is a big difference between being cautious and safe vs being paranoid...if and when you decide to meet him, I recommend a public place this is only obvious, in my old city there was a mall, where I knew that I could see the person waiting for me in the food court from the third floor, so I could get a sense about them and see if they looked like their pics prior to them knowing if I even showed up, and if I decided to not meet them that way they had no idea what kind of car I was driving and I could just text and be like my car broke down or something and I wouldn't be able to make it...I'd normally only use this i cases where I had doubts about the person...normally a standard starbucks or somewhere was fine...I just learned from one experience to not drive straight home, since I once had a guy try to follow me home, but considering how many people I have meet, I'd say that is rare...

    You say the age thing doesn't bother you which can be good and bad...I just always try to be cautious about it, and I never call first meetings dates, since there sorta the test to find out if you want to go on a date or not, not saying that sometimes a first meeting can turn into a first date, also I like to go dutch on dates, so then I know the guy isn't going to be expecting other types of "payment" later in the evening if you get my drift.

    Just be careful, go at your own pace, and don't do anything until you feel comfortable..

    If you have any other questions feel free to send me a message and I'll help out as much as I can...
     
  3. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    If you dont feel safe meeting him yet, then don't. A week isn't a very long time to have spoken with someone - perhaps you should at least chat on the phone a few times to make sure you guys click when having a real time conversation. If you do meet up, try and make it somewhere public and if you don't feel its working just say your goodbyes and be on your way - you dont owe the guy anything.
     
  4. Viking_UK

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    Good advice, Flame Boy.
    A week isn't a very long time, but if you're meeting in a public place you should be OK. The thing is if you don't get on in real life, it saves you wasting time chatting and also the disappointment of that eventual meeting. If you do get on in real life, then it's all good.
    Enjoy and let us know how you get on.

    I've never met anyone with "romantic" intent on line, but I've made quite a few friends in various chat rooms whom I later met up with. The first time was really awkward and we were nervous, but we soon got over that and it was just like being in the chat room except that we were face to face. I've never met up with anyone after just a week unless it was at a room meet, which we used to do fairly often - usually in Comptons on a Saturday afternoon - and then there were quite a few regulars who all knew each other well.
     
  5. dolfette

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    i don't meet a guy from online until i've talked to him a lot longer than a week.
    i start off with email, then move to phone conversation if i'm pretty sure he's ok.
    i have an unregistered cell phone, so that i can't be traced if i decide he's a loony.
    i meet them in public places i know well for a couple dates before i go anywhere alone with them.

    any guy worth my time will understand my need to keep safe, and won't mind at all that we're taking things slow.

    any guy worth your time will feel the same way.
     
  6. oacliffbuddy

    oacliffbuddy New Member

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    My how things have changed from the old days of IMing or emailing or long ago, the lost art of calling:rolleyes:......and somehow it seems to get more impersonal as technology moves forward.....:cool:

    I'd have to add a cautionary note based upon my experience via the old fashioned methods.... The longer you wait to meet an anonymous admirer, the more time both of you have had to build up an unrealistic fantasy about who the other person really is and thus when you do meet, at least one of you (usually both) is inevitably disappointed because in real life you can't measure up to the fantasy.

    It's a tough call but there's a lot to be said about nipping that problem in the bud up front by not allowing that much time to pass before the first meet. If you keep it public, keep the meet and the location neutral, and pay close attention to what's going on when parting, you should be safe.

    Either way, it's ackward but one is less ackward than the other when expectations and unintended fantasies get in the way. Like I said, a tough call.
     
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