Guys: Giving Up Control?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Fiona_Farvel, May 20, 2010.

  1. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    How easy is it for you to give up sexual control to your partner?
    Not necessarily in a D/s manner, but for your partner to introduce you to something you wouldn't normally take part in (butt play, tying you up), or, guide you to an orgasm (jerk off instruction, for example), or some other play where you follow their lead?

    Can you give in and go with the moment? Or, is there always something in the back of your mind that does not want to submit to their will?

    If you can give in, is it more your natural submissiveness or partner's talent?

    If you can't, is there just a preference for routine/tried and true or something else that stops you?


    Reason I ask:
    I have discussed this in previous posts, but I like to take control on occasion (ok, ok, a lot!) and open my partner to new sexual experiences. In doing so, I have noticed a 50/50 split between those totally open to it and others where it seems to go against their natures, and wonder what's stopping them from letting me have my way. *stomps foot* :08:
     
  2. TheBoyfriend

    TheBoyfriend New Member

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    Petite just sent me to this thread and I said I would be cool with anything as long as I didn't get tickled if she tied me up.. Unfortunately now I think that's what she wants to do most...
     
  3. petite

    petite New Member

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    Hilarious!

    TheBoyfriend, "I'm telling them that petite just sent me over to this thread."

    Me, "You mean you're taking a hint?"

    TheBoyfriend, "Huh?"

    Me, "Perfect."
     
  4. TheEqu

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    I would LOVE this personally, because then I know she's getting exactly what she wants, and learning new things is always good!
     
  5. invisibleman

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    You aren't gonna tie up many men. They want to touch you all over. Those beyotches are hands-on. :biggrin1:
     
  6. ArchKnight

    ArchKnight Member

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    Been lurking mostly. Seemed like a cool thread to join in finally.

    Thing is, I never really liked giving up control, not before. I always enjoyed being the dominant male. But... there's always a but (pun intended! :biggrin1:)... only until I met my current GF, soon to be wife...
    Everything changed for me since we started dating, sexually that is. I was far from inexperienced, but she turned by world upside down.
    Don't get me wrong, she likes me being dominant, or as she would put it - I like to know who fucks and who gets fucked - e.g. she loves positions where I can (more or less) do as I please, without her being able to do much about it.

    Anyway, as things got serious between us, we both opened up to new things. For example, now we really enjoy licking eachother's ass and her fingering me. Before, she wouldn't get anywhere near anyone's ass, she says it used to be totally gross. On the other hand I never let anyone get even close to my ass.

    I'm totally into her tying me to the bed... to a chair... and then ride me relentlessly, as if there's no tomorrow.
    I'm the first guy she ever let hold her hands together so she can't use them, as it used to freak her out before.

    I guess (in our case anyway) it has a lot to do with our emotional bond and trust.

    Now, we're both completely open to new things. And I enjoy sex more than I ever had.
     
  7. petite

    petite New Member

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    That's wonderful! It sounds like you have a beautiful trust in one another.
     
  8. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I've seen the pic of her arm holding the can in the gallery and am imagining all kinds of nasty stuff. :eek:

    So, what things have you done that involved giving up control to her - putting down the toilet seat doesn't count. :09:
     
  9. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Thanks, interesting! Would you describe yourself as sub or into pleasing?

    my men are handsy, but who said there would be no boobies in the face even when tied up? :biggrin1:


    "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their like, it's better than yours. damn right it's better than yours! I can teach you, but I'd have to charge" :boobies:
     
  10. TheEqu

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    I wouldn't call myself sub - i don't like being commanded around because then it feels like a chore.

    ie: bend over so i can ram this massive dildo up your ass - no
    you fancy trying something different tonight? id love to play with your ass - yes, that sounds like fun!

    If I get ASKED to try something, then I know she cares about what I think, and I know she wants to give it a try.

    I want to make sure BOTH parties have fun in the sack.

    Hope that's clear :D
     
  11. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Thank you for sharing, Arch!
    Like Petite, I agree, it sounds like there's a lot of trust in the relationship. But, more importantly, you have found a "kink-mate", someone whose sexual growth is matching yours and that's rare... and sexy!

    How did you too break through the initial barriers to experimentation?
    Booze or more of a natural progression - wanting to explore, feel, taste, consume each other totally?
     
  12. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    :lmao: I think most women have tact, to some degree. haha.

    I think I understand, is it more of a consenting seduction? Where she asks you about it, but makes it sound enticing to explore the bum or whatever it may be that night?

    Could you go as far as denying yourself something? Like chastity play?
     
  13. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    And for you, Ms. Petite, if you don't mind - would you describe yourself as a dominant personality in the relationship or is there more of a give and take?
     
  14. TheEqu

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    sort of, yeah - but it could be anything, like me fucking her ass, or maybe a new toy/position. But the day I find a girl who wants to do some anal stuff id think id jizz right there, as im interested in trying it, but never had a willing partner :(

    I couldn't do denying myself, it would seem too much like torture. I dont mind being restrained lightly, but as long as there is contact its all good.

    Edit 69th post, giggidy! ;)
     
  15. ArchKnight

    ArchKnight Member

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    To tell you the truth, I have no idea! :biggrin1:
    So I guess it came naturally...:wink: Thank you, and yes, good point - "kink-mate" (I'll have to remember this!), and yes we're very much aware of the fact how blessed we've been to find each other. Not only sexually but on other levels as well.
     
  16. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Finding a willing non-judgmental partner is likely the key thing.
    Perhaps the reason some heterosexual men feel inhibited to give up control is fear of judgment from the partner? Or, her outright saying no I don't do/want to try ___.

    When you have one, do you express these desires with your partner?


    Can't beat a relationship that's meeting all of your needs. Wonderful to know that couples can grow at the same rate. :)
     
    #16 D_Fiona_Farvel, May 20, 2010
    Last edited: May 20, 2010
  17. TheEqu

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    I ask her if there is something she wants to try/likes to do - id rather grant her fantasy. I think this is because if she turns round and says yeah i wanna play with your ass with confidence, I know she likes it and probably has experience and can guide me into it (i have never done any sex acts involving anal)

    maybe im worried about being judged too, i wouldnt want to freak a girl out. if she told me she was into anal stuff, i wouldnt has a problem asking i dont think.
     
  18. petite

    petite New Member

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    I am definitely not the dominant person in the relationship! He has me wrapped around his finger and he knows it. :redface:

    I'm just lucky that he's very open-minded and adventurous. If he's not into it, but I wanted to do it, he'd do it just to please me. I'm the same way with him. Instead of compromising with one another, we just try our best to please one another as much as possible. It's not the same as compromise. With compromise you meet in the middle between your desires and mine, which moderates what you do. We try to meet the other's desires completely knowing that next time the other one will do the same. It's an equality that insures that desires are met completely.

    We played a sort of sexual 20 questions once and I asked him if he would let me fuck him in the ass with a strap-on. He said yes, if I wanted to. I don't actually have the desire to do that, but I was pleased that he's willing to try anything I'm willing to try! :biggrin1:

    Actually, his answer to every question was yes.

    I never had a desire to tie anyone up before I read Dolfette's thread about fantasizing about raping a man. Talking with Dolfette about it sort of morphed it into a fantasy that I kept thinking about. The past weekend I bought some of that bondage tape that only sticks to itself and we discussed the things that we could do with it. I haven't tried it yet on me or him and honestly I'm a little nervous.
     
    #18 petite, May 20, 2010
    Last edited: May 20, 2010
  19. D_Fiona_Farvel

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    Stop tempting me. :wink:
    Seriously, though, it seems a woman, in hetero relationships, stating she's open to experimenting gives the guy an opportunity to voice his desires.

    I wonder how much of a man's sexual life is hidden from their mates.

    Would love if anyone chimed in about male-male relationships.
    I know in for women it doesn't, the majority of my sexual awakening was with a woman and most in the community were very out.


    Oooh, open! My kind of guy!
    Now I expect updates when you two try new stuff. :biggrin1:

    I love that tape! Comes in great colors and just the slick feel of it is damn sexy. You should PM Psidom about bondage, he is very skilled. Ask about the paraffin bath as well. :08:
     
  20. ArchKnight

    ArchKnight Member

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    Oooohh... a lot! Most of it actually, apart from the standard - Oh yeah man, we did it! Hell yeah! Ha ha... bla bla...

    In fact, from my experience, guys prefer talking about their sexual life with their female friends.
     
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